Corporate Crista

Your outlet for laughing at the corporate claptrap. Kafka has entered the chat. Got a corporate Kafkaesque moment? Drop it in the Ask box!

[guerrillatech]

[corporate-crista]

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Yes, I wanted to have the risk assessment done at the end of June but that was the month with *checks notes * 3 crises, a PSIF near miss, and an expiring contract…

[movementnudge]

Movement nudge, historical moment edition.

It's the 5 year anniversary of this video by fitness instructor Khing Hnin Wai.

[corporate-crista]

Nothing more 21st-century-coded than trying to do your job while incredibly dark, dismal, historic shit goes down around you.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i get so freaked out by like. pictures of really big rope

[clintwaffle]

I’d like to say that’s normal but I’m a frayed knot

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i’m so fucking annoyed at this, just for that you don’t get photos of the rope

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i changed my mind, this is just too horrifying not to share

it’s called a Hawser and is the thick cable or rope used for towing/mooring a ship

in conclusion, i have nightmares beyond description

[arithmeticanimaniac]

NO it would NOT be cool

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

well i fucken disagree

[goeswiththeflo]

@scumrunner do you have any cursed facts about hawsers to share ?

As a fiber nerd, i am personally very enthusiastic about them….

[scumrunner]

Ohhohohoho DO I EVER. Meet the “snapback zone,” not an area with cool hats, but instead the unintuitive range at which a hawser can kill you if it breaks under tension.

[cloud-and-proud]

What if we kissed in the snap-back zone? 😳 😳 😳

[talus-the-broken]

I don’t think you guys understand how much force this is, a tow rope used to move a 20 foot boat snaps under tension with enough force to dent metal, shatter glass and seriously injure anyone in its way. A Hawser on the other hand… Well I’ve seen a concrete pier with a chuck the size of a sedan ripped out of it by a line failure, and anecdotally, I’ve heard of a 2 ton heavy cargo forklift being skidded sideways, then knocked over. These lines snap with enough force to noticably dent the hull armor of navy ships.

This is a line designed to hold in place a moving object that can be easily in excess of 10000 tons. AND THEY CAN BREAK FROM THAT TENSION ALONE.

THESE THINGS ARE TERRIFYING RUBBER BANDS FROM HELL.

[butch-of-the-blades]

Nope Rope

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

NOPE ROPE

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

I’m once again reminded of its much smaller cousin, the haywire.

You’ve heard of the term, “Going haywire,” right? Ever spared a thought to why that term exists?

See, time was there was a prototype automatic hay-baler. But this was in that magic period juuust before we really got into standardized sizes. So calibration of the machine was handled manually - a mix of guessing and learning from the results of guessing. If you’ve read Raising Steam by Sir Terry Pratchett you know that many people don’t get to learn from the results of their own guesses, due to being dead.

A poorly calibrated hay-baler had the mechanical strength to smush the hay into a tight bundle, wrap the wire around it, and tie that wire off to maintain the bale’s form. But the pressure of the over-packed hay was a constant outward force. Each bale made by an over-tight baler was potential energy in physical form. We have a word for “potential energy in physical form” and that word is “bomb.”

So sometimes, a man would toss a hay bale and it would land with a twang and the man who’d been reaching down to pick it up where it landed was dead.

And that is what “haywire” means.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

oh nice. i knew hay bales occasionally spontaneously combust, didn’t know they used to have an explosion factor too

[marlynnofmany]

I am learning multiple things today

Normally I’d expect wet plant matter to be less likely to go up in flames, but not hay bales! Those pesky bacteria really like to party in damp conditions. And by party I mean “create heat.”

[corporate-crista]

That feeling when all your meetings are done by 10:30 AM.

[hornestoothgap]

T. Kingfisher - What Stalks the Deep

[corporate-crista]

Me as a safety professional, frequently.

[burgerdotcom]

reblogs were off

[dogpuppy]

[boymounter]

my dad bought a cnc and is going wild

[reapering]

out in public looking tortured

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

Found outside a McDonald's

[hazard-symbols-that-fuck-hard]

[prokopetz]

"The Ancients were capable of wondrous things, but they often made mistakes, and 'dungeons' are the outcome of those mistakes" is a common conceit in dungeon-crawling fantasy, but the Ancients' fuckups are typically framed as products of hubris or madness. I want to see a setting where they messed up for the same reason that real-world engineering and public works projects often come to horrifying ends. The safety reports were suppressed because the architect was somebody's cousin. The plans clearly called for unobtanium rods, but a malfeasant contractor swapped them for mudanium and pocketed the difference. Somebody got sick of having to re-summon the hellgate each dawn and propped it open with a shoe.

[prokopetz]

The warding sigils would have detected the problem, but they were so overtuned that they were constantly throwing false alarms, so eventually one of the assistant thaumaturges simply disconnected them and forgot to tell anyone they'd done so.

[foone]

I support this 100%, if only because I want to listen to the Well There's Your Problem OrbCast, starring Roz the Wizard, Liam the Rogue, and November the Sorceress.

[corporate-crista]

Super early meeting, so I grabbed some coffee at work. It tastes weird and has a weird oily sheen

Wtf.

What is this?!

Why is my coffee greasy?!!

[punishedsaints]

[anachronic-cobra]

I cannot emphasize enough how exactly accurate this is to working in production

[daughter-of-sapph0]

happy pride

[lindleland]

[yamada-ryo]

having lunch and someone's watching cnc videoes loud as fuck style so i'm just here chewing my food while there's sounds of water jetting and steel screeching in the back

[retroactivebakeries]

[deviantplum]

Me reading "CNC": Consensual non-consent

Me reading "water jetting and steel screeching": oh so it's really niche consensual non-consent

[gandalf-the-bean]

wait what else would it stand for

[phosphoenolpyruvat]

Computer numerical control - Wikipedia

[towerologia-sideblog]