[tinylilhollander]

Ilya's insomnia gets really bad and Shane is stressed because it's affecting his hockey. And okay he'd be lying if he said that that part didn't worry him – he wants that cup so fucking badly – but it's mostly because he knows Ilya gets worse if his hockey suffers because of his mental health stuff. It's a vicious cycle. So he needs to get Ilya to sleep.

He's really desperate one night. It's like 1am and Ilya hasn't been able to settle down. He suddenly remembers how his mom said the only thing that would get him to sleep as a baby was taking him for a drive so he tells Ilya to put on a hoodie and some shoes, they're going for a drive.

And Ilya is swooning because this is so romantic and spontaneous for Shane. A midnight drive – he's feeling so romanced. Shane puts on some soft music, not what either of them usually listen to, but nice, and they drive through the streets of Ottawa, Shane pointing out places from his childhood that he's already shown Ilya but that Ilya always loves hearing about.

It takes about half an hour, but before long Ilya is completely conked out, snoring softly in the passenger's seat. Shane drives them home, lifts Ilya out of the car, and carries him to bed, taking off his shoes and tucking him in.

Ilya is very confused when he wakes up what feels like minutes later (but is actually after 6 hours of sleep) for their morning workout. Shane is already awake, brushing curls out of his eyes.

"Morning, baby. Did you sleep okay?"

"Really good," he says. "Sorry, I think I fell asleep in the car. Did you carry me to bed?"

"Yeah." Shane shrugs like it was nothing, but Ilya can tell he's so pleased with himself.

"Hot," he says, pressing a kiss to Shane's chest. "So fucking hot."

Shane gets that look then. That one that Ilya means that they might be late to practice.

"If we go fix our morning breath quick, I've got a few ideas for our workout."

And even though Shane's ideas are very very good, so good Ilya doesn't really want to leave their bed, they even make it to practice on time.

[vesnuszki]

ilyas #hislingerie are the three inch inseam shorts commando because his dick is so large it peeks out through the bottom. hard times for shane hollander

[lavenderprose]

Do you ever think about Ilya charging to the back of the bus and throwing all of his and Shane's shit into that weird three seater row and making it very clear that it is The Hollanders' Space as he drags Shane into it with him and Shane rolls his eyes (But only because he's in on the joke--if Ilya stopped doing this, he'd be devastated) and the Cens (jokingly) are like, "Why do you get to sit there every time," and Ilya starts holding up fingers like, "First of all, I am the Captain. Secondly, this is married teammates privilege. When you are married to another NHL player, you come talk to me. Third, this row is for best players in the league, so when any of you motherfuckers get VIP trophy--" and that's when the throwing starts.

And it's often enough that Shane falls asleep with his head on Ilya's shoulder or lap, because Shane conks out on most forms of transportation. They've all been on a bus or plane or even in a car with Hollzy while he was snoozing by now. Ilya teases him about it constantly, something about a Pavlovian reaction, something about Shane being a colicky baby, and the Cens don't really ask because it seems like married people business.

It's also married people business that sometimes Hollander lays there in his usual slump in Ilya's lap with the addition of a blanket pulled up over his head. The assumption is that he's having a migraine or some sensory issue. And that's generally the case. If someone ventures back there and notices that Shane's under the blanket, Ilya rarely acknowledges whoever's wandered to the back of the bus, but he's usually sitting there on his phone or sometimes even staring out the window with his hand on the mound of Shane's head, and it's kind of cute, actually, the way he accommodates for his husband.

And nobody ever realizes that Shane is laying there with Ilya's cock in his mouth, letting the world narrow down to the weight of his husband on his tongue and the sensation of Ilya's fingers curling along the curve of his ear from overtop the blanket, the occasional twitches of Ilya's mostly soft cock against the roof of his mouth, the comfort of Ilya's breath sounds. The sweet surprise when Ilya, occasionally, when he's not too tired and his medication is cooperating, does get hard--and then the floaty, happy satisfaction when Ilya comes gently and softens again, nobody any the wiser, and Shane's stomach warm.

Anyway. Do you ever think about that?

[midnightssea]

it’s amazing how women are able to navigate crowded rooms without ever touching a palm to a man’s lower back

[escapedaudios]

When I was a little boy, girls used to just do random cartwheels for no reason. Then one day, they stopped. Now that I am a man, no women randomly do cartwheels. This is because society is evil and killed the cartwheel impulse in their soul. They don't even spin horizontally anymore. It's fucked up.

[hyzenthrae]

posting this on main is a risk but I want attention so it's calculated !! my strap shorts are just so so beautiful and suited to me 🌳🖤🌱🤎🥒

(welcome and encouraged to reblog! Black, intersex lesbian here; men don't make it weird pls 💅)

[butimaficwriter]

Thinking about how the 'riden hard and put away wet' brand of free use would be right up Shane The Shlut Hollander's alley. He would cook that up in his beautiful brain one day because Ilya accidentally fell asleep after coming.

Normally, he stays inside Shane for a bit after fucking while they cuddle. They love that, they're so needy and down bad for each other that it's just become a regular part of aftercare for them. And they often doze off a little before waking up and cleaning each other up, or showering, taking the dirty cover off the bed…, but this time they were tired and they really got into it. Ilya came so fucking hard, so he actually completely conks out without meaning to.

In his sleep, Ilya moves away a little and slips out of Shane, so he's kinda just left there, sweaty, cum running out of him. Usually he's so disgusted by it, but maybe just this one time the disgust has something else there. They'd played with degradation almost all week, and Ilya made him take it tonight too, called him his cockslut, his whore, made Shane beg for his cum... so Shane is exactly in the kind of headspace where feeling dirty, messy, discarded is doing something different to him, the kind of unpleasantness he wants to lean into.

Also Shane, like Ilya, is also exhausted, so letting himself relax in that moment and drift off to sleep is easy. And that's what he does.

He wakes up in the morning with Ilya being soooo concerned, because how careless was it to just cum and fall asleep, especially with the kind of play they did. "I didn't want to make you clean up by yourself, sweetheart, I'm sorry", and Shane answers in a low voice, not even being able to look Ilya in the eye, "I didn't".

Ilya looks so confused, and worried, Shane can see all the gears turning in his head trying to assess how Shane feels, how badly Ilya fucked up. Shane can't really bring himself to fully explain, so he just cups Ilya's cheek and strokes it with his thumb, pulling him in for a kiss (bEfOrE bRUsHinG??? 🤨 MY SHANE WAS KIDNAPED!! REPLACED BY LIZARD ALIENS!! 🚨🚨)

Shane takes Ilya's hand, guides it between his legs to reach back to his hole and Ilya can feel it, the mess from the lube and his cum still there, and when he presses in Shane gasps into his mouth. Ilya pulls back and this time Shane is looking at him, heavy lids and parted lips, "If you wanted you could just... if you wanted. If not, then you don't. However you want".

Ilya goes dizzy with how fast his dick gets hard. It's entirely possible the consistency with which Shane makes blood rush to Ilya's dick has caused more damage to his brain than any concussion ever could.

And this is how Shane stumbles into the idea that, yes, they can play with Ilya using him and making him a mess and do aftercare right after, wind down together. But sometimes, in the right conditions, Ilya could also just take what he wanted and leave Shane in whatever state he was, and come back whenever he felt like it, and Shane would just be there in the meantime, sitting with his humiliation and his arousal and his arousal over his humiliation and his humiliation over his arousal.

[luckyladylily]

So the thing is boobs really do be jiggling. If having breasts has taught me anything it is that the ladies frolic. I don't even have that large of boobs but every time I go down some stairs all I can think about is that stupid quote about boobing breastily down the stairs or whatever it is because God Damn.

But anime and video game boob jiggling is like. The most uncanny valley shit I've ever seen nine times out of ten. You would think people this horny about tits would have actually looked at some but I guess not.

What we really need is some pervert to compile the ultimate visual guide to boob bouncing physics that's just like 500 hours of meticulously organized videos of breasts of different size and shape and under different fabrics bouncing around from a wide variety of physical movements so horny game devs can finally get it right and I don't have to be creeped out by women who appear to have surgically implanted softballs in their chest under skin made of rubber bands.

[jackhawksmoor]

dammit, I can't find it now but there was a gif floating around years ago with an anime girl running, with absolutely peak ridiculous anime boob physics, literally one boob going up while the other was going down...and then she reaches in her shirt and pulls out a couple of cannonball bombs, suprise those weren't her boobs. It was a great visual joke but I can't find it anywhere

[luckyladylily]

That is from Samurai Champloo, and is one of the all time great anime boob jokes. Good taste.

[chubsette]

more fat lesbian vampirism

[bubunji]

learning to depend on you

[emesissy]

i'm such yayybait. i'm such yippee!bait. i love to become ensnared in delight

[unseenjinxwraith]

[smokingrozanov]

Ilya is all about the jiggle physics when it comes to sex and luckily Shane’s got bouncing ass + tits AND a dick that bobs like a buoy in the ocean

[argillaforma]

shane in the beginning of their official relationship being unsure of how to do casual intimacy because he’s used to only get it if it’s during sex or with the intent of turning into sex but now they’re boyfriends and he doesn’t always know how to navigate that so sometimes he will just 🧍🏻‍♂️ in the middle of the room because he wants a smooch but he’s unsure of how to progress and he feels weird asking for it before eventually realizing that ilya is more than happy to indulge

[justshadowchan]

[lesserfires-deactivated20210628]

[proustiansleep]

“I wrote a story called ‘The Intensive Care Unit’ about a world where people never meet. They simply make contact via TV. Marriage is conducted hundreds of miles apart. And in my story I visualise a man who actually decides to meet his wife and children in the flesh. Of course, it’s a disaster. They just cannot bear the sensory overload. On a mere neurological level, they can’t bear to be together - rather in the way that we can’t bear to be too close to strangers. So I can believe that, in the future, people won’t be able to bear to be in the same room as others. Or even on the same street.”

— J. G. Ballard, in interview, Extreme Metaphor : Selected Interviews 

[bloominflowers]

i guess i like these guys a lot 💆‍♀️