This is a reference list of ALL the Sixtended Verse OCs on Tumblr, mainly so that we don’t have two OCs based on the same historical figure like Hans Holbein again as well as to keep track on which historical figures have been done.
Amalia “Mali” of Cleves by @pandora-dusk
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Anne “Anya” Askew by @toasty-owl-arts
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Anne “Ann” Parr by @inquisitive-mess
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Arthur Tudor, Prince of Wales by @djts-arts
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Cathryn Carey and Henry Carey, 1st Baron Hunsdon by @weirdbutdecentart
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Christina of Denmark, Duchess of Milan and Lorraine, and Lady of Toronta by the now deactivated @the-fox-arts
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Dorothy “Roth” Seymour by @altairtalisman
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Elizabeth “EB” Barton, The Holy Maid of Kent by @spooner7308
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Elizabeth “Liz” Seymour by @vancsssa
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Elizabeth “Ellie” Tudor by @me-tizi
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Ferdinand II of Aragon and Isabella I of Castile by @weirdbutdecentart
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George Boleyn, 2nd Viscount Rochford by @ellielovesdrawing
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Hans Holbein the Younger by @podsn
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Hans Holbein the Younger by @redlover411
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Henry “Hal”, Duke of Cornwall by @blackdiamondwrites127
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Henry “Fitz” Fitzroy, Duke of Richmond and Somerset by @maths-is-my-religion
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Henry Percy, 6th Earl of Northumberland by @cheemken
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Isabella Trastámara, Queen of Portugal by @lexartsstuff
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Jane “Janey/JJ” Grey, Elisabeth “Sisi” of Valois, Guildford Dudley, Robert Dudley, 1st Earl of Leicester, and Edward VI “Teddy” Tudor, King of England and Ireland by @ratscraftz
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Jane “JP/Jane P” Parker, Viscountess Rochford by @altairtalisman
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John Astley by @yourdeepestfathoms
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Juan Trastámara, Prince of Asturias, Margaret “Maggie” of Austria, and Isabella “Izzi” Trastámara by @weirdbutdecentart
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Juana “Ju-Ju” de Castile by @ellielovesdrawing
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Katherine “Kat” Ashley by @yourdeepestfathoms
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Katherine “Kath” Tudor by @ellielovesdrawing
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Lillia “Lily” Trastámara by @ellielovesdrawing
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Margaret Beaufort by @redladydeath
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Margaret “Meg” Tudor, Queen of Scotland and Mary “Marie” Tudor, Queen of France by @me-tizi
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Maria “Mari” of Jülich-Berg, Duchess of Cleves by @blackdiamondwrites127
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Maria Trastámara, Queen of Portugal by @blackdiamondwrites127
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Marion Trastámara by @vancsssa
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Mark Smeaton by @ellielovesdrawing
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Mary “Mara” Boleyn by @mariegreythepoet
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Mary Fitzroy-Howard, Duchess of Richmond and Somerset by @maths-is-my-religion
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Mary “Mezza/Maren” Stuart, Queen of Scots by @to-the-world-we-dream-about
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Mary I “Mari” Tudor by @crimsonnight186
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Sibylle of Cleves, Electress Consort of Saxony by @blackdiamondwrites127
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Thomas More, High Chancellor of England by @spooner7308
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William of Jülich-Cleves-Berg by @lexartsstuff
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William “Will” Parr, 1st Marquess of Northampton by @weirdbutdecentart
What if supernatural creatures don’t exist anymore? What if they did once, but through the years, they slowly mixed in with humans?
You can see the blood of fairies in the way a ballet dancer hovers in mid air before he or she hits the ground. You can see it in the way that middle school girl never forgets when someone makes her a promise. You can see it in how that one little boy in the kindergarten class seems more comfortable in the forest on that field trip than the others.
You can see the blood of dryads in hikers who never trip over roots. You can see it in that suburban grandmother never lets any of her garden die. You can see it in that one kid who climbs a tree faster than his friends, barely looking at the branches as he goes.
You can see the blood of naiads in the way a professional swimmer seems to command the water to help them. You can see it in how a cross country runner needs a water break more often than his teammates. You can see it in the way that one girl in your class always has a water bottle on her desk.
You can see the blood of mermaids in a surfer who can be tossed around underwater for a long time without drowning. You can see it in a teenage boy who doesn’t have to pretend to be unbothered by the pressure when he races his friends to the bottom of a swimming pool. You can see it in the little girl who wades into every stream she sees on a hike without quite knowing why.
You can see the blood of sirens in people who never have a problem with getting people to date them. You can see it in that soprano who can hit notes most of her fellows can only dream of. You can see it in the camp counselor who all the straight girls have a crush on, who can play guitar and sing better than any of the others.
You can see the blood of shapeshifters in the way an actor adjusts their personality to become their character with scary accuracy. You can see it in the subconscious, barely noticeable changes a tween girl’s eyes make to match her outfit better. You can see it in the way you always lose that one friend in a crowd if you’re not careful, because he’s just too good at blending in.
People who carry the blood of werewolves don’t change with the full moon anymore, but you can still see it in the way your best friend always knows something is wrong, though even they don’t know they’re smelling the changes in your body chemistry. You can see it in the way that one guy always seems to eat more than the reasonable amount of red meat at an all-you-can-eat buffet. You can see it in the way that one werido never has a problem when the teacher turns off the lights before a PowerPoint presentation because her eyes adjust quicker and better than yours.
The blood of supernatural creatures may have mostly faded away. But if you look closely, you can still see it.
A masterpost for the intricate web of AUs co-created by @katkastrofa and yours truly, with linked art, fics and relevant posts for maximum convenience
(Compiled into one post mainly to help keep track of everything now that it's grown so big, but also specifically written out for @rokurookajima since she was interested. Will continue to be updated as things develop further)
Under the read more, because fair warning, this is LONG
MAIN VERSES:
We have many different AUs as part of our multiverse, but there are only two main ones, with the rest either being based on SotRL or a mix of it and FAtC:
Seeds of the Red Lotus – Suiren and Midori, my first OCs and Ming-Hua and Ghazan's children, grow up in Gaoling with their abusive paternal aunt, Haya (she wasn't abusive towards Ghazan, which is why he was inclined to trust her with his kids, but her grudge against him for abandoning her in favour of the RL + prejudice against the Swamp tribes, where Ming-Hua is from, because the illness that killed her parents started there, led her to taking out her anger on his daughters, particularly on Suiren, who is way too much like her mother). Their childhoods are awful in unique ways, and in an attempt to earn enough money to move out, Suiren, a waterbender, takes up a job as an assassin, which just further worsens her already nonexistent mental stability. In 174 AG, Team Avatar hires her as a last ditch effort to defeat Kuvira (and no, there is no giant mecha suit, because it's stupid and I hate it), and both sisters are taken to Air Temple Island. I never finished the fic itself, though I am slowly dabbling in a rewrite + continuation, but most of the discussions Kat and I have still take place in this verse, or more specifically, what we call post-SotRL
(Post-SotRL – After Suiren fails to kill Kuvira and sustains an injury to her leg, she and Midori leave ATI and by pure chance reunite with their parents and P'Li (all of whom survived the Book 3 finale and spent 3 years in hiding, because I said so). Of course, it's not all sunshine and rainbows – there are 16 years' worth of trauma, pain and guilt to work through, after all. That process is the central theme of Kat's Roots series. Some time later, Kuvira is defeated and sentenced to death, but Suiren (who's been high-key obsessed with her ever since the failed assassination) decides to break her out of jail and save her life, which leads to the start of their enemies to unwilling roommates/fuckbuddies to lovers arc. The event itself is detailed in Kat's WISH, and I myself have written this dynamic both in Astraphobia and my unfinished Avatar Sapphic Week contributions. At roughly the same time, Midori reconnects with Opal (who she met while at ATI) and they begin a relationship of their own (bc Bopal was comphet and you cannot convince me otherwise), a bit later Bolin joins the gang (gets semi-adopted by Ghazan and discovers that his mom and P’Li are actually cousins who never got to meet, so P’Li gets some family back too), and eventually this merry band of misfits break Zaheer out of jail, and what follows is some difficult political stuff that neither of us are too keen to get into, but the point is that in the end, the Red Lotus are allowed to peacefully exist and the world is slowly changing for the better)
Fate Amenable to Change – A set of fics exploring a Red Lotus Korra AU, canon to Kat's main backstory fic, Lost and Found (SotRL builds on the same events with the same backstories for P'Li and Zaheer, but with Ghazan being from Gaoling instead of Ba Sing Se, his sister's name being different, and him being childhood friends with Ming-Hua. Suiren and Midori are also not canon to FAtC). The main fic, Empty and Become Wind, differs from most other RL Korra fics because she wasn't kidnapped, rather the RL convinced her parents to run away with them, but unfortunately, both of them were killed when Korra was 11. After that, the RL took up residence in Zaofu right up until it was time for Korra to learn airbending, upon which they all relocate to Republic City. Kat's co-writer for this series quit writing, and since then we've basically adopted the two most prominent OCs from it – Nazra, P'heer's combustionbending daughter, and Tsomo, a blind airbender born to Lin and Tenzin before they broke up. The two of them feature in a few of our SotRL-based AUs (and yes, they're lesbians and in love, did you really expect anything else?). We don't really explore this verse because both of us are obsessed with Suiren and Midori, but it deserves a mention nonetheless.
SECONDARY VERSES:
Under the Oak's Shade – The first secondary AU ever created, a result of a passing idea of an AU where Zhi (P'Li's mentor and parental figure from Kat's LaF) and her partner Ikiaq (a bloodbending healer. Yes, these two are also lesbians) take in Suiren and Midori after their parents are imprisoned. Due to being unable to cope with her own grief, it takes Zhi six months to get to the girls, which was enough time for Haya's abuse to leave its mark. Both girls are nothing at all like the kids described in the letters P'Li used to send, and while Midori is quick to revert back and soak in all of Zhi's affection, Suiren is angry, skittish, terrified and resentful, reluctant to let Zhi anywhere near her. The series is still in progress, but the current plan is that Zhi will take them to the North Pole, where she lives with Ikiaq, and they shall help the girls heal from their trauma and grow up happy and healthy. One notable detail is that Suiren will train under Ikiaq and become a bloodbender, which will eventually enable her to enact a plan to break the RL out of prison early on. There have also been talks of a Red Lotus Korra element to this AU as well, but we'll have to discuss it in more detail
Ultimate AU – One of the mixes between SotRL and FAtC. This AU has existed pretty much forever, as I very quickly came up with a "hey, what if Suiren, Midori and Nazra all existed in the same verse?" concept. It is also the birthplace of Kuviren and Green Opal, both started as inside jokes, so remember kids, be careful with what you joke about, it might just become an important part of your story. It gained proper shape in May 2024 when I came up with an AU of LaF in which P'Li's little sister, Lien-Hua, gets to live and is also rescued from the warlord by Zaheer. Lien-Hua haunts the narrative of our multiverse (and actually, in SotRL-verse Midori is her reincarnation!!), she's really the central part of it all, and so it was decided that if she gets to live, everyone else does too. Xai Bau, the Red Lotus founder who died closer to the end of LaF, survives. The AU follows the storyline of FAtC with Korra's parents joining the RL, but they also get to live. In Zaofu, the kids get to grow up happily with their parents, the seeds for Kuviren and Green Opal are planted, and it's genuinely all very soft and fluffy up until Republic City and the Equalist conflict comes into the picture and things take on a darker turn. But before then, the worst thing that happens is Kuvira rejecting Suiren because she's convinced Renny (who's a massive flirt with a love for low cut dresses in this verse) is just playing with her and her feelings aren't genuine. But they sort it out soon enough, don't you worry. Essentially, this is the AU we turn to when the angst gets to be Too Much
Mud of Adversity – Another mix of SotRL and FAtC, this time a lot more angsty. Starts out the same as SotRL, with the exception of Nazra being left with Haya as well, meaning that Suiren's burden of being the protector has doubled. Haya knows who Nazra's mother is and thus is scared of her, so Naz doesn't get hit (Haya views her as a walking time bomb, essentially), but they're not given enough food to satisfy Nazra's increased appetite and she's made to feel like a freak for her height and abilities. Though in some ways, she's luckier than her sisters because she's allowed to firebend while earth- and waterbending are banned. The reason is the same, Haya being afraid that Nazra will spontaneously combust if her fire builds up for too long. Years later, when the girls are teens, Nazra gets angry at Haya for beating Suiren and accidentally kills her with her combustionbending. They dispose of the body, leave Gaoling and go into hiding, Suiren taking up her assassin job to keep them fed. When the RL escape from prison in Book 3, they go to check up on their daughters only to find an empty house, causing them all to imagine the worst. We never did finish figuring out how this AU develops, but this is the basic gist of it and maybe one day, we'll return to it
Sacrifice AU – The angstiest SotRL AU there is. As mentioned, people in the small corner of Gaoling Haya lives in are prejudiced towards the Swamp tribes, blaming them for the disease that killed so many, and Suiren as a swampbender becomes the subject of many rumours and superstitions. With time, the townspeople start to see her as a spirit (because it's easier to ignore the obvious abuse of a child if she's not a child at all, but a malevolent spirit and an omen of doom), and the rumours reach their peak when Suiren becomes an assassin and is now able to afford a slightly better life for herself and Midori, at which point it is decided that she must be the reason everyone else lives in poverty, because why else does she live better than them? Getting rid of her will be their salvation. So one night a few months after the Red Lotus allegedly die, on a new moon so Suiren is at her weakest, they attack, intending to sacrifice her as a way of securing prosperity, and kill Midori while they're at it. Kuvira, who at that point has already started her Great Uniter work, happens to be in Gaoling at the same time and saves them, taking them to Zaofu for their safety. Desperate to feel alive again, Suiren falls into bed with Kuvira on that very first night and regrets it a lot since now Kuvira keeps looking at her as if she expects something (Kuvira is just concerned, but try telling Suiren that). Traumatised, suffering from PTSD and paranoia, Suiren avoids people like the plague and stops waterbending, considering water to be a traitor since it didn't help her save herself and Midori, and instead learns bloodbending so she isn't completely helpless. And Kuvira, who keeps fretting over her, might just be the perfect test subject...
MoA Sacrifice AU – Somehow, even worse than the previous one. As the title suggests, a mix of Sacrifice AU and Mud of Adversity. Instead of Nazra killing Haya, things carry on as normal for a few more years until the night of the sacrifice. Nazra uses her combustionbending to try saving Suiren, but fails and all it results in is the townspeople deciding to sell her to a general looking for unique benders for his army. Suiren and Midori are saved by Kuvira and taken to Zaofu, while Nazra meets the same fate as her mother, being tattooed and forced to be a weapon against her will. Eventually, she is found and saved, but is so traumatised and scared of hurting people (her tattoo was done in a way that made her light chakra overactive, she literally cannot supress her combustionbending unless she's on qi blockers) that she can't stay in Zaofu and is sent to a sanctuary in the mountains to recover, where she meets and bonds with Tsomo. Meanwhile, rumours of a combustionbender spread and reach the Red Lotus, who are currently in hiding. Ghazan goes to investigate, is told by Haya about the failed sacrifice, comes across Bolin who by that point has made friends with Midori, and the reunion between the RL and their kids happens sooner than in normal SotRL. Still not too clear on where it goes from there
Avatar Suiren AU – Aang dies two years earlier and Suiren is born as the Avatar instead of Korra. The Red Lotus fundamentally believe that the Avatar shouldn't exist, and that belief was passed on to Suiren before they found out what she was. Suiren hates being the Avatar, both because she sees her parents constantly worrying about her being discovered and taken away, and because she, similar to Yangchen, is rather sensitive to memories of her past lives and it's very, very overwhelming for her. She often gets nightmares about traumatic things previous Avatars went though and.wakes up screaming names long forgotten by history, but that also allows her easier communication with them, so she's never quite alone. She remembers all the pain, all the efforts to fix the world that were ultimately useless, knows how it feels like to have your entire world upended as a child, and decides early on that she will not let this continue. The world cannot keep relying on one being to save them, and so she shall be the Last Avatar. She grows up, trains, at one point crosses paths with Kuvira in Zaofu who finds out her secret and becomes extremely devoted to her, and during Harmonic Convergence opens both Spirit Portals and fuses with Vaatu (much to Raava's dismay). She works hard to get the world ready for the lack of an Avatar, to change and establish as many things as she can, all the while bonding with and getting attached to her spirit kites, particularly Vaatu, though she spends a lot of time talking to both, and when things are as stable as can be, she lets both of them go, ending the cycle (something that would cause unfathomable outrage were it to actually happen in the show, but tbh, even this is 100x better than whatever those new leaks promise...)
Mermaid AU – An utterly niche, self indulgent AU not connected to any other verse, born out of my lifelong love for mermaids. No bending, no Avatar, just Kuvira as the best captain in Suyin Beifong's merchant fleet (and Bataar Jr's fiancee) and Suiren as a mermaid/siren/sea monster who she meets while stranded in a seaside town. Monsterfucking ensues 😁 I'm still not quite sure where I'll take this, the fic for it that I started for MerMay 2024 is still just a oneshot, but I do have some ideas I could explore, including how Suiren's parents and Midori feature in this AU (as a tiny hint.. anyone here ever seen Barbie in a Mermaid Tale? [they say, as if they don’t have several posts on their art blog spoiling the “grand reveal”…])
BONUS IMPORTANT STORYLINES:
Northern Water Tribe shenanigans – In March 2024 I made a shitpost about Malina, Unalaq's wife, Kat saw it and things spiralled from there. It came to be that there's no love in their marriage, they have not shared a bed since the twins were conceived, and Unalaq generally has no interest in Malina because he's rather.. preoccupied (🤮) with a certain spirit kite. And what's a lonely, touch starved, severely tocophobic beautiful bisexual noble woman to do in that situation? Well, start a harem made out of her guards and handmaidens, of course!! It's.. pretty much pure filth, yes 😔 That's just what happens when you let someone raised on harem dramas (a.k.a me) anywhere near noble characters. But anyway, we have two OCs Malina is close with so far – Ila, a useless disaster lesbian for whom no other woman but Malina exists, and Alasie, an aroace and touch repulsed maid who has her boundaries respected by Malina and becomes a friend to her. Ngl, those two are low-key based on Kat and me <3 And Suiren also becomes involved in all of this in the UtOS and Avatar Suiren verses, but I shall not be sharing details of that in public
Zaheer's fucked up family – Once upon a time, Kat wrote in LaF that at age 12, Zaheer ran away from his tyrant father, classist mother and two sisters, whom he didn’t have the best relationship with. One summer evening, I took that and ran with it. Semi-brief summary: Jusamah – Zaheer's father, angry, violent, barely tolerates his wife and kids, cares only for his fortune and continuing the family line, can, will and has severely punished and executed people for perceived transgressions; Sunat – Zaheer's mother, meek, anxious, secretly nearsighted, loves her children and would do anything to ensure their safety, but doesn't allow herself to show affection, focuses on social climbing to secure good matches for her daughters; Summiya – the eldest, perfect in every way down to the uncanny symmetry of her face. Married to Himman, the only son of an influential family who's rumoured to be a drunk and a brothel goer. Her two children, Liba and Abyan, were both born with visible birthmarks, thus not as perfect as her, and her perfectionism and constant criticism make Abyan resent her and Liba hate herself. As young teens, the two run away, leaving Summiya's life crumbling around her. Her kids are gone, her husband is a cheater, she's not perfect anymore, so she loses it and turns to sexual masochism to feel at least something. Her infidelity is discovered, she runs away, makes friends with a group of girls working at a local brothel (a few of whom are her husband's mistresses), heals, finds freedom in sex work, eventually reconnects with her sister, kids, mother and, many years later, Zaheer; Aiza/Emran – middle child, always failed to live up to both Summiya and Zaheer, scored a less than ideal match and couldn't stand the thought of marrying someone she had never met (my fic nobody’s son, nobody’s daughter goes into this in great detail), so disguised herself as a boy named Emran and ran away with the help of her maid. Ends up at an Air Temple, joins the acolytes, has a gender epiphany and now goes by both names, uses she/he/they pronouns, and is a genderfluid, pansexual, polyamorous ICON. Many years later, his niece and nephew arrive at the same temple and he takes them under his wing. Has many lovers all over the world, including the maid who helped them, Jia (who was tortured for information by Jusamah after Aiza left 😬) and after reuniting with Zaheer, Ghazan :D. Gains airbending after Harmonic Convergence. Over the last few months Kat and I have basically frothed at the mouth at any even slight mention of this family, and it's hard to tell why from a summary, but generational conflicts like this are fascinating so we intend to keep going with this until we literally can't anymore
Brothel girls – Summiya's friends!! Featuring: Shezan – bisexual, struggles with chronic pain, comes from a big family, loves her work but would rather do it independently; Roheen – lesbian, wanted to become a lawyer but didn't get into school despite her smarts, dislikes her job and wants to leave to pursue law school again; Gulalai – bisexual, has an identical twin sister she failed to compare to, in a relationship with Roheen, enjoys her work well enough but would leave if Roheen left; Phailin – asexual, half Fire Nation, erotic dancer who goes further for a higher price, loves dancing and having eyes on herself and dreams of returning to her ancestral homeland, the Fire Nation islands; Daneli – lesbian, youngest girl there, turned to brothel work when her dad (single father) got sick, has crushes on Shezan and Qader, doesn't enjoy her job much and will leave as soon as she can, ends up adopting the daughter of one of the other brothel girls, whom she names Kumisai (who, as a teenager, will be in a relationship with Jinora and friends with Kai); and Qader – some flavour of mspec, was bullied growing up for not being feminine enough so went full butch to spite them, picked her name herself, the most domineering at the brothel, likes her work and will keep at it regardless of circumstances, makes Kat's brain short-circuit 🤭. Honourable mention – Mekhali, non-binary, independent sex worker with an undecided dark past, Summiya's first friend who housed her after she ran away, introduced her to the girls and helped both her and Shezan start working independently too (no posted art or fics of these guys exist yet, but Kat and I have an extensive series of incorrect quotes posts featuring them)
Sweet baby Ehuang – We've had the headcanon for a while that Midori and Opal would work with kids a lot in the future, and as a result would adopt a bunch (no names, appearances or concrete backstories yet, but they adopted a boy who was born in 173 AG, a girl who was born in 175 AG, and one who'll end up nonbinary who was born in 181 AG), but after a while Midori decides that she wants to have a biological child as well. With one of Opal's brothers helping out as a sperm donor, Midori conceives and nine months later, in 186 AG, gives birth to a girl they name Ehuang (her name comes from the same legend as Ming-Hua's mom's name, Nuying, so it's all very symbolic). Ehuang grows up to be a wild and carefree child, beloved by her entire family – her moms, siblings, grandparents, uncles on Opal's side, Auntie Renny and Auntie 'Vira (Suiren and Kuvira, in case that wasn't obvious), etc etc. She's an earthbender on the road to becoming a lavabender, takes after great grandma Toph in her refusal to wear shoes, has a rock collection, and is literally the manifestation of everything good and pure in this world. We don't have much of a storyline for her yet, but that will hopefully change at some point since I already have a few ideas
EXTRA OC INFODUMPS AND RELEVANT POSTS:
Brief summaries of Haya, Summiya, Aiza, Ehuang, and Ila & Alasie
Meifeng, Ming-Hua’s cousin
Nonbinary OCs (incomplete list)
Eldest daughters
And, as one final piece of information, the SotRL-verse family tree:
Would you believe there's something more angsty than both Sacrifice AUs? Yes!
Swamp Demon Sacrifice AU - a darker spin on the original Sacrifice AU where Suiren is near fatally wounded by the Gaoling people and Kuvira helps to save her. But that's about as far as their interactions go. Suiren survives but full on loses it - she believes that she's truly dead and only the swamp demon the people always saw in her remains. She goes into hiding, barely eats and the sole purpose of her life is to take revenge. Every full moon, she stalks and eventually kills one of the people who were there for her sacrifice - the one that tied her down, the one that spat on her face, the one who held the knife, the one who called her a filthy demon when she started to bleed. It's not neat and quick like her assassination kills were. It's ugly, messy, hands on, visceral, she makes them suffer before she tears their throat apart by her bare hands, not minding the fact that the smell of blood makes her deeply sick. She intends to keep going until the very last person who started it all dies as painfully as possible - Haya. Meanwhile, Midori knows that it's actually Suiren, not a demon, but doesn't know how to reach her. News quickly spread but Suiren evades every attempt to capture her... until they even reach a particularly isolated cell suspended above a volcano...
let me explain myself, suyin giving her the scars is ham fisted as hell
Suyin didnt exist until Book 3, even Kya was on the family tree even though we dont see her at all the first book, It FEELS like they were like “Oh shit its season 3 and we havent even touched on why Lin has those scars”
ALSO it doesnt seem very well thought out because every possible character building or lin dealing with that Trauma is summed up in Korra calling her a Lonely Bitter old woman, then its just dropped!
Suyin scarred Lin’s face for LIFE and LIN was the one who was branded a bad guy for not letting it go
Listen i have little sisters, and if one of them scarred my face so bad that in a world with Magic healing that it still looks that bad i wouldnt talk to them for 30 years either! maybe if the scars was Zolt or a previous Triad leader and the fall out with Suyin was just the argument and the fight with Toph then MAYBE i would be on Korra’s side of ‘yeah 30 years is a bit much lin’ but NO
Suyin destroyed her sisters face and never ONCE apologized or showed true remorse. because guess what! right after the “apology scene” she went behind lins back several more times and lied to her face!
Also if they had made it a past case, or fight, I would have loved to see a history between Lin and Lightning Bolt Zolt, if he gave her those scars then it would have made Amon getting to him all the more powerful because he wasnt a random bad guy this guy almost took down Lin so if Amon can take him down… could he get lin!?
#lin deserved better and suyin is like the Worst in the series#i also adore the idea that lin really does not give a fuck about the aesthetic appearance of the scars not really#physically they hurt and that’s annoying#physically she can’t feel much beyond pain and her mouth doesn’t work quite like it used to and that’s infuriating#but lin is the most mad that suyin isn’t sorry for the entire situation#she’s mad that su doesn’t care she hurt lin (even if Lin doesn’t#she’s mad that su isn’t remorseful for consorting with criminals#she’s mad that su never apologized for being a hellion as a kid#because lin recognizes that it was an accident she can admit that much#but would it kill su to show some humility and admit she’s sorry for it#honestly the au where su never realized lin was scarred was so appealing to me#like totally implausible since i also think that su has a lin shrine full of newspaper clippings#but she never realized she caused that much damage to lin’s face since su was gone by the time to healed and the bandages were removed#she thought there was a cut but nothing that DEEP and just thought lin would be that unlucky to get hit twice#and when lin snarls at her ‘are you admiring your handiwork?’ su is appropriately ashamed and horrified#because she should be
@lilyliv3rs
was anyone going to tell me that there was a HC were Suyin DIDNT KNOW she scarred lins face that badly and let me tell you I can imagine the shock when lin turns around on that airship and Suyin sees the damage after 30 years and is thrown back to that moment of Lin bleeding all over the street screaming in pain but there are people to impressTM and so she recovers and doubles down on lin being to blame because she didnt accept suyin reaching out for 30 years.
Okay, @dont-blame-it-on-the-kids , so when I think of this AU, Su lives in, like, willful ignorance times 1000. Lin’s not Chief of Police for years following the incident and what photos ARE taken of her aren’t that good of quality. It’s not until Lin’s in her 30s that Su sees photos of her that are recognizable. And, wow, someone had to have gotten Lin good because that mark on her face looks pretty gnarly— Lin must have given them hell.
Su keeps her little shrine to Lin. In reality all it is is newspaper clippings and photos in an ornate metal box in Su’s office, but Su is happy for Lin, really, that she got what she wanted after all, and even if Lin never responded to the RSVP for her wedding, or the pictures of her niblings, it’s fine. Lin can still be angry and bitter if she wants that Su didn’t listen to her when she was a kid, that’s no skin off Su’s nose.
Then Lin shows up in Zaofu and holy Kyoshi the scars are worse than Su thought. They’re clearly decades old, and that criminal must have been pretty powerful to get the drop on Lin like that. Su might suggest a cosmetic surgeon that lives in her city part time, since it’s that bad, if Lin’s interested.
It doesn’t get brought up, not in the fight after Lin goes to the acupuncturist. Not when they’re fighting the Red Lotus. Not when they’re running to Ba Sing Se to help Korra. Not when they’re almost reconciled. Not when Lin starts responding to Su’s calls and letters in the three years between B3 & B4. Not when Kuvira starts harassing Republic City. Not when Kuvira blows them all up.
It’s not brought up until Kuvira’s arrested and sometime down the line, Lin jokingly tells her how she did an even worse job than Mom raising Kuvira, because at least Su just left a scar on Lin’s face instead of a scar on an entire continent and Su just. shuts. down.
Su’s in denial that she created this monstrosity on Lin’s face, someone would have told her in the three fucking decades since that she did this. Mom would have mentioned it. Her grandparents would have mentioned it. Lin would have mentioned it, because it’s not like she ever hesitated to tell Su all her faults. There’s no way she did this and didn’t know for so long.
Lin’s just stunned because how the fuck is Su that goddamn oblivious all the time.
Soulmate AU where Harmonic Convergence gave everyone the first words their soulmate says to them, and Ghazan is a little bummed because he now has “I never thought I’d be so happy to see your ugly mugs again” ruining his tattoos. When Zaheer explains what they are, he immediately knows it’s Ming-Hua, and if their guards told them what the words meant, Ming-Hua 100% would use the opportunity to insult him.
Ghazan resolves to be nicer to them back, just to be spiteful. Not only has Ming-Hua ruined his arm piece, they’ve also insulted him for life.
From my other post, I think the RL members had serious physical/psychological issues directly stemming from their confinement:
Before, Ming-Hua was relatively private and bit back many barbed retorts because these were her friends, but after prison, 13 years of resentment & humiliation meant that she stopped holding back when they did something that irritated her, because she put up with it for so long from the White Lotus.
Zaheer makes an offhand comment about how she’s obsessive with keeping water nearby, and how their camp needs rearranged, and Ming-Hua almost does the Avatar’s job for her and seriously considers stabbing him. Ghazan just silently makes a bowl to hold her arms while she sleeps.
P’li buttons Ming-Hua’s jacket because she knows Ming-Hua finds it difficult to manipulate buttons, and Ming-Hua is furious and won’t talk to her for the rest of the day because they could have done it and they don’t need to be dressed like a child.
Ghazan gets some random sweet from a cart in Republic City and tries to be romantic and hand feed it to her and Ming-Hua snarls at him and stalks away because she cannot be expected to put up with indignities like that. They are perfectly capable of feeding themself and don’t need to be fed like an animal.
Ming-Hua won’t eat soup because that’s all she was able to eat in prison and finds it difficult to sleep because she wants a blanket but then she gets overheated and miserable. They smelled Ghazan after a fight and told him he reeked and needed to bathe and it still wasn’t enough to erase the sulphur smell, which put Ming-Hua off eating and made them physically ill. Fighting with him and his lava was difficult, even knowing he had it all under control just because the sight of it reminds her of how helpless she was for so long.
Similarly, P’li won’t sleep alone. Zaheer is always with her and she has three blankets so she’s entirely covered, and even the barest chill sets her to shivering. She sleeps with socks on despite thinking it’s a little gross so her toes don’t get cold. Ming-Hua gave her an iced drink and P’li almost flash boiled it.
Ghazan grabbed P’li’s wrist to get her attention and she almost broke his nose because she was so startled. Zaheer is more observant than most, but he once tangled her in their blankets and P’li almost burned down the tent because she thought she couldn’t move.
Zaheer’s new light sensitivity gives him painful migraines and Ming-Hua can only do so much healing. Zaheer is ridiculously clingy towards P’li to the point even he’s embarrassed by it, but it’s been 13 years since he’s seen her and he can’t handle being apart again.
Zaheer is scared of the dark, and Ghazan keeps small quantities of lava for light during the new moon, especially when they can’t risk a fire for being caught. Ghazan tapped Zaheer’s shoulder to show him something and found himself pinned to the ground before he could even blink.
Ghazan hates the wind, especially when it whips through and constructs earth tents to hide from it because cloth tents aren’t air tight. He says it’s because it ruins his hair, but the reality is the near constant breeze was maddening on that boat.
Ghazan won’t eat water tribe food with Ming-Hua anymore because that was almost all they ate on the boat and he’s sick of it. He feels horrible because part of him says he shouldn’t be so upset about his stint in prison considering the other three had it so much worse, he knows. The other part of him remembers the crushing isolation when no one would talk to him for weeks or when he felt like he couldn’t be bothered to get up off the floor because what was the point. He keeps silent, even though he’s still plagued by intense loneliness. Ghazan absentmindedly asked Zaheer to go piss when they were on the way to get Ming-Hua and neither of them mentioned it or otherwise acknowledged the mortified expression on Ghazan’s face (he asked his friend for permission) or the oppressively sad expression on Zaheer’s face that his friend thought he had to ask.
All of them have compromised immune systems from the near isolation, and get sick immediately in Republic City. Ming-Hua, Zaheer, and P’li all have varying degrees of respiratory issues. Ming-Hua has mild chemical burns in her throat and lungs, P’li has inflammation in her chest nearly always, and Zaheer has persistent cough whenever he’s not practicing breathing techniques. Ghazan found it difficult to walk right for days because he finally adjusted to being on the boat, only to be sick on the earth.
I really don’t think the Red Lotus was out of line for brutally murdering (in the case of Ming-Hua’s guards) or otherwise injuring the White Lotus members who kept them captive.
Zaheer’s guards were a bunch of earthbenders/firebenders/metalbenders. His rock prison would have been cake to escape from, even if he made an offhand comment about no shift changes for two weeks. Ghazan’s guards, again, were waterbenders/firebenders who could be fished out of the ocean on a calm day. P’li’s were waterbenders and stunned, but it wasn’t like Ming-Hua killed them by landing on them.
The only guards that I think legitimately might have died/been maimed beyond recognition were Ming-Hua’s because she threw them into a volcano and at the time Ghazan was really the only known lavabender.
I’ve seen a few fics where The Gaang is transported into the future and sees Korra’s time but has anyone ever done a fic where Tenzin, Kya, Bumi, Izumi, Lin, and Suyin are transported into the past during the Hundred Year War?
Thinking more about this because it refuses to leave my mind and I’m bored.
- The Gaang’s kids land in the Fire Nation (during season 3). They find their parents pretty easily and are able to follow them because they know where they’ll go next. Toph senses them though and the Gaang trap them (thinking they’re weirdly dressed Fire Nation soldiers).
- Since they don’t want to mess up the timeline or make it so they aren’t born, they don’t say who they are. Which means no airbending and no metalbending (Tenzin, Lin and Suyin are not having fun). Despite this, it’s pretty clear to the Gaang that they’re hiding something. The six ask to join their group and help take down the Fire Lord (because it beats wondering around the Fire Nation doing nothing and if anyone is going to know how to get them back to their proper time it’s Aang). “No offense but our group typically only accepts teens and teenagers….you guys are kinda old.” The Gaang does accept them though.
- By the time the six join the Gaang it’s right before The Runaway. Suyin gets a kick out of seeing her mother scam people and starts participating in them (even using a little metalbending because she can’t help herself). When Katara and Toph blow up at each other, Tenzin tries to mediate between them and is instantly thrown to the side by waterbending and earthbending. Suyin and Lin also try to take out Combustion Man the same way they took out P’Li but are stopped by Kya and Izumi.
- The Puppetmaster would just be the six trying to keep their mouths shut because they know who Hama is and what is going to happen. Lin and Tenzin, who have some trauma when it comes to bloodbenders, stay with Toph in the cave and help free the villagers while the others go to help Katara.
- Nightmares and Daydreams would show Tenzin, Kya and Bumi trying to help their 12 year old father relax. Kya and Tenzin would meditate with him but Aang becomes suspicious when they know a lot of airbending meditation techniques so they quickly abandons the idea. Bumi tries to take him down to the water so he can unwind and it works for a few minutes before Aang starts remembering Ozai and slams into the water. During the hallucination sequence, the six are just staring at each other.
- The six know exactly how the DOBS is supposed to turn out and they don’t trust themselves not to get involved or use the wrong kind of bending during the big battle. They head over to the Western Air Temple and wait for their parents to return. When they do though, Sokka demands to know how the six knew they’d be going to the Western Air Temple. The six are at a loss until Zuko shows up. Lin and Suyin get to kill Combustion Man like they killed P’Li which also exposes their metalbending.
- The six are forced to give some kind of explanation to the Gaang about who they are so they tell them the truth about being from the future and being their children. Of course the Gaang freaks out but, at the same time, they don’t have the time to let this stop them. Aang tries to mediate with Kya and Tenzin to get into the spirit world.
- While they’re doing that, the other four talk with the Gaang but they know they can’t say a lot because it could change things more than they already have. Aang, Kya and Tenzin’s attempts to get into the spirit world fail.
- Zuko’s bending would still be weak (the six refuse to tell them why and how to fix it), so he and Aang still go to Sun Warrior island, but this time with Izumi and Kya. Father daughter trip. Izumi is pretty neutral about the whole thing (she knows who the Sun Warriors are and has met Ran and Shaw a hundred times so this isn't anything new) but Kya is loving the time she gets to spend with her family (mainly because she never really had that when she was younger). (Side note but Lin and Suyin are a little concerned that their 4/5 year old mother ran off into a cave alone).
- Bumi and Lin come to the Boiling Rock with Sokka and Zuko. It helps having two actual adults to pose as guards as well and Bumi and Lin are very good at interacting with the guards. Lin and Zuko get captured (Lin because she earthbent trying to protect Zuko and forgot that him getting discovered was supposed to happen). Sokka doesn’t tell Hakoda who Lin and Bumi are but he does tell Suki (who’s kinda sad she and Sokka don’t have a kid). Lin’s metalbending is revealed when they escape on the gondola.
- Tenzin and Suyin accompany Zuko and Katara on their field trip. Tenzin because he believes he can help keep Katara from killing and Suyin because everyone else has gotten a turn and she is all for killing the guy. Katara does snap at Tenzin while they’re on the mission because he keeps trying to persuade her away from killing. She does apologize for it later.
- The six are not in the Ember Island play. They do get a kick out of seeing it though, even if they know it’s all lies. (They’ve never seen this play in person because by the time they were born their parents made sure the Boy in the Iceberg was never shown again). They also take this time to talk about how they’ll get back to their own time. The Gaang decide to spend a little time with their kids. (Aang isn’t as jealous here because Tenzin, Kya and Bumi are walking around so he knows he and Katara end up together).
Katara’s digging for info and one of them lets slip she gets pushed to the side and isn’t taken seriously in the future, leading to her forcing zuko to teach her how to do the politics (and maybe getting the two to bond along the way)
The kids are horrified for the possible consequences of this but historically the gaang hasn’t given consequences much consideration.
Also Toph overhears about her future (no one expects the blind girl to stealth) and decides, yes, she probably built a police force for a reason, but there is no way in hell she isn’t forming at least *one* mafia to balance things out
The 6 don’t get their memories rewritten but when they get back they remember their history and the new history (and Katara immediately kicks down the door to get onto them for being idiots and screwing with the timeline)
Katara is beyond angry when she finds out she’s just living in the South Pole and has no statue in Republic City. She demands that when they go back they make sure she has a statue.
Tenzin: We can’t just-
Katara: I will remember this and you three will be grounded.
Bumi, laughing: Sure.
[ Later. ]
Korra: Guys. Katara wants to see you. She seems mad.
Kya, glaring at Bumi and Tenzin: You couldn’t get her a statue????
Toph finds out she’s a cop in the future and starts laughing. Then she realizes Lin and Suyin aren’t joking.
Toph: How did I become the law?!?
Izumi: It’s a job where you get to fight people with metalbending.
Toph: Okay. That makes more sense.
That being said, she does make sure to live her criminal years to the fullest knowing that she’ll have to become a cop at some point.
Katara, Zuko and Toph arrive in Republic City a week after the six return to their proper time. Everyone else thinks they’re here just to visit but Izumi, Bumi, Tenzin, Kya, Lin, and Suyin know the truth. They know they’re about to grounded, scolded, everything Katara, Zuko and Toph can think of.
Zuko: I don’t even know how we’re supposed to punish you for almost screwing up the timeline!!
Suyin: I mean we’re all adults and some of us have kids. You can’t really-
Toph: You are never too old to get in trouble with your parents.
So I was rereading Harry Potter, when I came across this and thought- what if instead of Cedric Diggory, Cassius Warrington had been chosen to compete in the Triwizard Tournament?
Imagine Dumbledore calling out the name of the Hogwarts champion and it isn’t a Gryffindor, or a Ravenclaw, or even a Hufflepuff, but it’s a Slytherin. A student from a House most people hate.
Imagine Cassius Warrington getting up, and three out of four Houses are booing at him and shouting things like “NO!” or, “We can’t have a Slytherin champion!” or demanding a retry. But he’s a Slytherin- he’s been dealing with this shit since he got sorted, so he keeps his head high and joins the other champions.
Imagine Harry trying to catch Warrington alone because he doesn’t really want to associate with Slytherins (plus Malfoy has this tendency of being around the guy ALL THE TIME since he got chosen), but at the same time he’s also fair enough not to want him to walk into the first task unprepared.
Imagine Warrington walking over to Harry a few months later, and Ron and Hermione both jump into a protective stance, wands out, but instead of attacking Harry he just tells him to stick the egg underwater. (Because Slytherins don’t forget those who helped them out).
Imagine Warrington and Harry helping each other out in the labyrinth.
Imagine Harry being devastated when Peter kills Warrington- because Voldemort doesn’t care what house they’re form, a spare is a spare.
Imagine the uproar that causes among the Slytherins, because some of their parents really are Death Eaters and they know what really happened.
Imagine Slytherins fighting in the Battle of Hogwarts and shouting “This is for Cassius!”
Imagine Harry returning with Warrington’s body, and the crowd realizes what’s happened, but Warrington’s parents don’t show up. There’s no one to mourn him, to cradle him in their arms and cry for their son. The Slytherins know why. His parents were Death Eaters, too.
Imagine Slytherins reaching out, asking for help from classmates from other houses. They’re terrified, truly terrified because the being their parents claimed would never hurt them because they’re pureblood, they realize that he does not care.
Imagine Slytherins in the 5th book sneaking off to join Dumbledore’s Army, to learn more about who Voldemort is without their parents acting as a filter.
Imagine the shock when they’re told what he’s really done.
Imagine that a few talented Slytherins went with Harry and the others into the Ministry of Magic. The others are a bit wary but they prove themselves as friends.
Imagine them being confronted by Lucius Malfoy in the the Hall of Prophecy, and when the Death Eaters descend, they know that any one of them could be their parents.
Imagine the shocked gasp of a Death Eater as they realize their own child, a pureblood, is standing defiantly with Harry Potter. They choke back a cry. They can’t let their child know that they were about to duel to the death.
Imagine a DA Slytherin facing off against their own Death Eater parent. That they make the decision to let their child defeat them, because in that moment, they realize that they love their child more than they fear Voldemort. They go down, mask unveiled, and the Slytherin kid has to be dragged from the fight before he gets killed.
Imagine Book 6 Slytherins getting more friendly and cooperative with the other houses. Two years of Voldemort terrorizing the muggle and Wizarding world, two years where their parents just up and leave some days, cringing from the pain in their arm, two years after the death of the first Slytherin pureblood, Cassius Warrington, killed by Voldemort’s right-hand man, and they’re slowly hitting the breaking point.
Imagine Slytherin kids keeping tabs on their parents, sending the information to Harry, who shares it with the Order of the Phoenix, and hoping that their parents won’t be killed.
Imagine Book 7 Slytherins low-key rebelling against the new oppressive Hogwarts staff.
Imagine the final siege on Hogwarts, where Slytherins stand proudly by their fellow houses, knowing full-well they could be fighting their own parents. Some Slytherins know their parents were in the fighting. They hope to find them first and sneak them away. Their fellow students understand. Professor McGonagall allows 7th Year Slytherin, Pansy Parkinson, to duel a death eater in her stead; her father is under that veil. She knows it.
Imagine the aftermath of the battle; every house suffered loses. Slytherin students crying over the deaths of friends they made in every house.
Imagine a Cassius Warrington statue made in his honor, the first Slytherin to fight and die nobly with Harry Potter, the boy who lived, in the face of ultimate evil. He was a true Slytherin, and it’s in his name that Slytherin children and their families have cut all ties with the Death Eaters, denounced Voldemort, and are finally living in peace.
Imagine a story in which Harry wasn’t in love with his fellow champion’s girlfriend, but after her boyfriend’s death just hugs her so long, so hard, and says “he wanted to win for you. You should know–you should know he won, he did it for you” and gives her the best hug and shoulder he knows how to be because her parents aren’t there either and she must know why.
Imagine Harry staring over her head at everyone else until Hermione steps up–it doesn’t take long, but it takes long enough that when she does all eyes are on her as a source of motion–and says “we’re never going to forget this. They’re not going to get away with it” and the girlfriend just latches onto Hermione and everyone is in wands-out stance convinced she’s about to attack the shit out of Hermione, and then the girlfriend stares into her eyes and says “do you promise me” and Hermione just gives her this super-firm nod and says “I promise” and the girlfriend just collapses on her, sobbing.
Imagine Dumbledore trying to give some flowery speech about inter-wizard solidarity while glossing over why, because Slytherins have always been a touchy subject, and Ron gets to his feet and says “Professor, I need to say something important” and Dumbledore is so surprised he just cedes the floor, and Ron–after that awkward moment when he realizes everyone is staring at him–says he didn’t know Warrington particularly, but he knows how Warrington and Harry played. That each was always cheering on the other. Both wanted to win, but neither was willing to undercut the other by underhanded means. He finishes up saying “I think–I think it’s important everyone should know he died being what a champion should be. Because he could have abandoned Harry and instead he stood up with him to play the game the honest way, and he died for it. And–and Slytherin House should be proud, and we should all be proud, because Warrington was a good bloke.” He sits back down all flustered because he didn’t actually stand up meaning to make a speech. And then Pansy Parkinson stands up before Dumbledore can take back control of the room and says “I want to tell Weasley thank you.” And all of Slytherin House raises a glass–to Warrington, to Weasley, to Potter–and the other houses follow suit. Many years later, Wizarding scholars will say that was the moment Voldemort truly lost.
Imagine later that summer. Harry gets several owls on his birthday, all unsigned. The birds are plump and pretentious and well-cared-for. He will never know which Slytherins sent him their treasures: parchments with hexes developed by the Death Eaters; a strange locket that will only open if he whispers a special spell but that always shows him the picture he most needs to see; a page torn from a potions book that, brewed properly, will allow him extra time to summon a Patronus by giving him a few crucial seconds not just of happiness but of bliss. It doesn’t matter. Harry knows these gifts not as birthday gifts but for what they really are, and he treasures the locket and copies out the potion to send to Hermione and Mrs. Weasley, and when first summoned by the Order of the Phoenix he marches straight up to Dumbledore with the hexes and says “I can’t tell you where I got these, Professor. But they’re in use by the Death Eaters and I think you should have them.” Months later, Sirius will recognize the spell Bellatrix shoots at him, and will dive out of the way just in the nick of time.
The final battle. Everyone is there. Sirius somehow ends up herding a group of Slytherins. They all stare at him and he at them, across a centuries-old divide Voldemort has only succeeded in deepening. Then he remembers the hexes. Harry’s locket, now tucked under Sirius’ shirt because Harry’s friends are with him in this battle but most of Sirius’ are dead. The moment that happiness potion saved Remus’ life, his very soul. Snape’s final words to Harry, finally seen not as mockery but real true advice. What Harry said Voldemort said–his first words in his new form. They are kids, and they are sharing the same kind of hurt he once wouldn’t admit to, watching his mother burn his name off the family tree. “When we go in there, it’s going to be hell,” he tells the Slytherins. “Some of you are probably going to die. I might go down too, and if I do I want your best curser in the front. But I want you all to remember one thing. There are no spares.” Later retellings of the battle never fail to mention the moment a group of angry, screaming teens burst into the Great Hall, wearing their green and silver as the badge of honor it should be, shouting NO SPARES, NO SPARES at the tops of their voices in between hexes and curses and the occasional physical punch. When Hermione is present, she always interrupts the storyteller to be sure everyone knows about the moment Blaise Zabini shoved her to the floor, dropped on top of her, fired off three curses in rapid succession and said “stay alive, Granger, we need you” before jumping back to his feet and vanishing into the melee–how, for all anyone knows, those may have been his last words, and she will not let his sacrifice go unnoted.
The aftermath. Malfoy holds out a hand to Sirius, badly injured on the floor. Sirius asks how Malfoy is willing to trust him. Malfoy nods at his chest. “You’ve got my godfather’s locket,” he says, and when Sirius and Harry finally speak after the battle Harry gives his full agreement to the very first thing out of Sirius’ mouth. They give the locket to Malfoy. Sirius grits his teeth and closes his eyes and opens them and says “He probably saved my life, giving Harry that.” He doesn’t say thank you. Malfoy hears it anyway.
The school reopens under a single banner: the four Houses united. The House rivalry is reduced to just that–a competition in fun–with those deep divides slowly healing to scars, and eventually away to nothing at all.
And then there would be no hope for any uprising of evil, no users of the dark arts would dare to attack. There would be no neglected Slytherins turning to a darker cause. The unity Cassius Warrington’s death caused would come to save the world, time and time again, as would-be-Voldemorts find no followers. No children will ever have to fight their parents, or family. There would always be peace.
This. This post here is why I don’t bother with the books anymore. This is a better, more fulfilling outcome than the books could ever be (haven’t read the last one yet, probably now never will).
The 7th book ends as Draco, Harry, and all of the other living 7th years are standing at their graduation, listening to Nevil (who was elected to give an end of year speech) thank every one and end his speech by saying “and remember, there are no spares.” Hats fly up and some sobs are heard throughout the crowd. In the midst of it all, Harry and Draco bump into each other one last time and smile. They talk about their future aspirations and jokingly, Malfoy smiles and says “Scared, Potter?” And the book ends with a smile from Harry and the words “You wish.” There is no 8th book, no random tweets, but an open ending. A happy one.
@elgringo300 I showed this to my sister, who has read the entire series more times than she can probably count. She loves Harry Potter. Even she admitted this was better.
Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
“I still believe you are far too worried over nothing at all, Minerva.” Mr. Crouch had a way of saying things, a hint of supercilious dismissal that tended to make people want to hex him, and his shoes clicked against the flagstone floor in little, precise staccato taps that seemed to reinforce the impression as they walked along the halls.
“Perhaps,” allowed Professor McGonagall, who was beginning to develop a headache. “Still, you cannot imagine in truth half the things that children might get up to until you’ve had some experience with them.”
Mr. Crouch glowered at her. “I have raised a child and watched him dash every hope I had for him, Professor, I do have some idea of what they’re capable of. But this notion of wasting extra resources guarding the Goblet of Fire is ridiculous. The Age Line is sufficient.”
“An excellent point, Mr. Crouch,” said Percy Weasley, and Professor McGonagall gave him an arch look for the (admittedly unworthy) pleasure of seeing him look uncomfortable. “Not to say that your experiences with schoolchildren don’t make you an expert on the subject, Professor, but I have to agree with Mr. Crouch. No one younger than seventeen can get past that age line. I don’t agree with everything D—Professor Dumbledore’s done but he is a truly talented magician.”
Drat the boy. Not a year out of school, all but licking Mr. Crouch’s boots, and parroting the words of the blood-superiority element of the Ministry, even down to the delicate understatement meant to cast the speaker’s position as studied and reasonable. On septegenarian pureblood Heads of Department, it sounded disingenuous to Minerva. Coming from Percy Weasley, it cast him as a complete prat, and his former Head of House would have been embarrassed for him if she could have summoned the energy to do so.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” Minerva quoted, trusting that either Mr. Crouch’s strong international background or his long-ago NEWT in Muggle Studies would mean he knew what that type of pound was. “Durmstrang and Beauxbatons only brought eligible students with them, whereas Hogwarts students of all ages are close to the Goblet of Fire. Imagine the effects if someone did manage, and they were selected! After all, the Goblet’s very purpose is to choose the student best able to overcome challenges, so overcoming the seemingly impossible challenge of getting at the Goblet over an Age Line is likely to be very impressive to it!”
Mr. Crouch stopped cold at that, then shook his head and resolutely stepped forward. “It will never happen,” he said. “It just—it’s an age line, Minerva, they can’t get across it.”
“Another student could carry it across,” she pointed out.
“And reduce his own chances? Who would do that?”
Someone whose fair-mindedness or generosity outweighs their sense of personal gain, thought Minerva, and I am deeply saddened that you can barely conceive of such a person existing.
“Friends,” she spoke aloud. “Someone bribed. Someone believing they face no threat from the person whose name they are carrying, and thus find it unharmful to indulge a younger classmate. Someone who is certain they won’t be chosen regardless. Someone who would find it amusing for a younger student to win. A Beauxbatons or Durmstrang student looking to give themselves a chance for less experienced competition.”
Once again, he slowed and actually thought about it. Once again, she watched him work through it and dismiss it. He opened his mouth, no doubt to restate his assurances that it would still never happen, but the Entrance Hall came into view and all three of them stopped.
Students, mostly Hogwarts students and mostly young but cheered on by older figures in Beauxbatons blue and Durmstrang red, clustered around the Age line. A regular hail of pieces of paper, some crumpled up into balls and some folded into odd shapes that soared like tiny kites, assailed the Goblet from all directions. Students leaned on the bannisters, levitated themselves, even sat on brooms, and Minerva could see three of them perched halfway up the walls, having apparently climbed up the portrait-frames.
As she watched, a small figure in Hufflepuff robes whose face she couldn’t see leaned over the bannister rail with a muggle fishing rod, slip of paper neatly attached to the hook, and swung it gently until the paper moved over the Goblet’s rim and caught fire. Cheers erupted, both from there and from the far side as somebody’s paper airplane scored a direct hit, and the person with the fishing pole reeled the empty hook in and handed it to another clamoring student.
Crouch and Weasley were standing next to her, dumbfounded. Professor McGonagall took a moment to savor their expressions and her own sense of vindication, then drew breath in preparation to address the students.
A cylindrical chunk of ceiling plaster detached itself from the ceiling and dropped, directly toward the Goblet.
Minerva, like everyone else in the room, flinched in shock. Then the plaster’s trajectory adjusted; it hit the floor with a dull thunk and rolled. Every student in the room turned to watch it as it traveled over the Age Line, across the floor, and came to a sedate stop at Professor McGonagall’s feet.
All eyes were on her, and she drew out the silence by looking down to study it, and realized that it was not only ceiling plaster but contained as well a perfect cross section of the stone floor just above it. She looked up, past the students to the round hole in the ceiling, and watched as, in quick sequence, five small stones with five pieces of paper tied to them were dropped neatly into the Goblet of Fire, which flared up brightly to receive them.
She stepped forward at the second stone, broke into a run at the third, and after the fifth one leaned over the goblet, wand at the ready, and locked gazes with a very familiar pair of eyes, which gratifyingly widened at the sight of her. She distinctly heard an “Oh, shit,” come down the hole at her, and snapped out loud, “Fred and George Weasley!” Suspicion and long acquaintance made her add, “And Lee Jordan! Stay right there!”
The students on the nearer bannister parted before her like the Red Sea. Behind her, Crouch’s footsteps had taken on a very satisfying frantic quality. Behind that, there was a rustle of movement and the sound of fire, as the Goblet blazed to receive another entry.
Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.
(OP here) Oh man, you are all my favorite people. But that animal thing is totally technically possible, because Barty Confunded the Goblet of Fire, right? It would take an exceptionally powerful and talented witch or wizard to enchant such an ancient magical artifact, right? But seriously, what if Barty had fucked up? That thing is ancient, there’s no way anyone in modern day really knows how the fuck it works.
Frankly, I am completely convinced that the Goblet of Fire is a horrible hodgepodge of experimental magic as some random witch tries to create some way to choose Champions. I have henceforth named her Gonilda and she is the magical computer programmer of 1294, and the creation process of the Goblet was a fucking disaster.
Like, “Shit, I’ve got this super ugly pot that my kid made me in his pottery class the other day, will that do?” “Okay, okay, how do I make the Goblet have only three schools?” “Fuck, Fredreich, made a note to make sure that it won’t explode if more than 13 students are entered because apparently this stubborn piece of ceramics can’t count for shit.” “HOW THE FUCK IS THIS JUDGING PROCESS SUPPOSED TO WORK? IF THIS SON OF A PITCH DOESN’T COOPERATE, I’M MAKING THIS SHIT RANDOM.” (’Gonilda, no.” “GONILDA, YES, DAMN IT!”) “Okay, okay, I think it works now. But also, I have no idea how to reset it. Can we only hold this shitty tournament once?” (”Gonilda, no.” “Fuck you, Fredreich.”) “OKAY, NOW IT WORKS! Just one more tiny detail an- Shit, it’s on fire now. …Can I just leave it on fire? I’m leaving it on fire.” (”Gonilda, no.” “I’m done, I’m out. It’s on fire and I’m not going to do shit about it.”)
Person in charge of running the Triwizard Tournament: “Ah, Fredreich, wonderful! And you met our deadline! Please give ours thanks to Mistress Gonilda for her exceptional wo- … Why is it on fire?”
Gonilda (in the distance): “BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.”
So basically, the Goblet of Fire works because nobody fucking touch it. It’s on fire, we don’t need to make it explode, folks. Just nobody do anything weird to it and we all collectively pray it keeps working.
And then along comes Barty Crouch Junior and he’s like, “I’mma Confund this cup for this Evil Plot by the Dark Lord Voldemort so it chooses Harry Potter.” Except the Goblet of Fire is a disaster and Barty’s Confundus works for maybe five minutes before something in it breaks, and it’s magical programming is basically just flipping through magical error messages.
Error 400: Bad Request - What the Fuck Are You Doing, Dipshit?!?
Error 403: Forbidden - Dear Fredreich, Stop Doing Shit, You Don’t Know Crap. With Much Love, Mistress Gonilda.
Error 405: Method Not Allowed - Seriously, Dipshit, What the Fuck?
Error 409: Conflict - With Literally Everything. Great Going, Assface.
Barty, why? Why would you try and poke an ancient disaster like this? You were so preoccupied with whether you could do it that you didn’t stop to think if you should. You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it. See, here I am now by myself, talking to myself. That’s Chaos Theory.
Anyway…
Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”
Cue second small, adorable, innocent first-year voice: “Is it supposed to be making that tea-kettle sound? Why is it screaming?”
Then the Goblet just starts spitting out Champions like it’s freakin’ Oprah or something. Set fire to the fucking rain. YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION!
(Errol Weasley, Trevor Longbottom, every female Durmstrang student, Professor Trelawny, the Weasley twins twice, a Hogwarts seventh-year from every house, Fleur Delacour and a group of Beauxbatons boys that looks like a boy-band in disguise, Harry Potter five times over, that one kid’s Kneazle, etc. The list goes on.)
Cassius Warrington looks beside him to his boyfriend, who is currently trying to slide underneath a table and maybe phase himself out of existence by sheer willpower, muttering about how he’s now going to die at the hands of Minerva McGonagall and running away to Barbados.
“Phil,” Cassius says seriously, “What the fuck did you do.”
Okay so this made me laugh so hard but moving back to the original post, in this scenario it would take maybe a day or two for several things to circulate regarding Harry’s choosing:
There has been someone putting the names of underage students, anyone who knows Phil knows he wouldn’t put someone’s name in without their permission, and he swears he didn’t see Potter. But it is possible. So someone else could’ve done it.
The whole reason Dementors were here last school year was because there’s a mass murderer after Harry Potter. There’s a 63% turn-around rate for dead contestants and hasn’t Harry Potter already had nine deliberate attempts made on his life in the last three years?
Some of the kids from old families would mention the fact the Potters are rich and everyone knows he’s already famous… what would be his motive anyway? Death?
The school just collectively gets everyone up to speed with the rumour mill and by the end of things Viktor and Fleur are sweating a little because there’s a basilisk involved and Harry Potter apparently killed it when he was twelve with the Sorting Hat and a songbird, which can’t be real but these Weasley kids are swearing up and down that Harry would take them to see the corpse in the basement if asked so???
Like they ask Cedric about their chances of winning and he just shrugs, not all that bothered himself:
C: I wouldn’t rule him out as a competitor, he did murder our defense professor in his first year - though I can’t say how he never talked about it.
V: And he didn’t get arrested for it?
C: Nah, it didn’t even go on his permanent record? The guy was possessed according to Dumbledore, reckons he’d’ve died anyway. No, the faculty helped cover it up and gave him house points for it.
F: He was rewarded for killing someone?
C: Well it doesn’t sound great when you phrase it like that but, yeah? It was awarded at the Leaving Feast, Slytherin was going to win - Snape’s been fixing the points for years. I think everyone was glad Gryffindor won that year whatever happened.
C: Of course Gryffindor’s win wouldn’t’ve needed that push if he and some others didn’t lose 150 points for dragon smuggling a few months before…
Gryffindor would be collectively tutoring him so he doesn’t die but there would be groups investigating things on their own too. Like? If his name was just put in then that’s fine but as a fourth contestant? Hm. Probably from other houses that want to support Cedric for the win but also kind of like Harry, or at least having nothing against him.
Barty Crouch might’ve stood a chance of hiding from just the teaching staff but a school full of kids who’ve proven to be more competent then the adults? Well it’s not like there’s no prize for figuring it out, the prize is doing so before the Golden Trio: it’s a matter of pride and the challenge is fun.
So, Phil might be in some trouble but oh holy hell is school morale at an all time high and it’s not like the House Cup is going on that year anyway so his Housemates aren’t mad even if some would’ve preferred it if it didn’t help Potter in the long run.
Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.
(OP here) Oh man, you are all my favorite people. But that animal thing is totally technically possible, because Barty Confunded the Goblet of Fire, right? It would take an exceptionally powerful and talented witch or wizard to enchant such an ancient magical artifact, right? But seriously, what if Barty had fucked up? That thing is ancient, there’s no way anyone in modern day really knows how the fuck it works.
Frankly, I am completely convinced that the Goblet of Fire is a horrible hodgepodge of experimental magic as some random witch tries to create some way to choose Champions. I have henceforth named her Gonilda and she is the magical computer programmer of 1294, and the creation process of the Goblet was a fucking disaster.
Like, “Shit, I’ve got this super ugly pot that my kid made me in his pottery class the other day, will that do?” “Okay, okay, how do I make the Goblet have only three schools?” “Fuck, Fredreich, made a note to make sure that it won’t explode if more than 13 students are entered because apparently this stubborn piece of ceramics can’t count for shit.” “HOW THE FUCK IS THIS JUDGING PROCESS SUPPOSED TO WORK? IF THIS SON OF A PITCH DOESN’T COOPERATE, I’M MAKING THIS SHIT RANDOM.” (’Gonilda, no.” “GONILDA, YES, DAMN IT!”) “Okay, okay, I think it works now. But also, I have no idea how to reset it. Can we only hold this shitty tournament once?” (”Gonilda, no.” “Fuck you, Fredreich.”) “OKAY, NOW IT WORKS! Just one more tiny detail an- Shit, it’s on fire now. …Can I just leave it on fire? I’m leaving it on fire.” (”Gonilda, no.” “I’m done, I’m out. It’s on fire and I’m not going to do shit about it.”)
Person in charge of running the Triwizard Tournament: “Ah, Fredreich, wonderful! And you met our deadline! Please give ours thanks to Mistress Gonilda for her exceptional wo- … Why is it on fire?”
Gonilda (in the distance): “BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.”
So basically, the Goblet of Fire works because nobody fucking touch it. It’s on fire, we don’t need to make it explode, folks. Just nobody do anything weird to it and we all collectively pray it keeps working.
And then along comes Barty Crouch Junior and he’s like, “I’mma Confund this cup for this Evil Plot by the Dark Lord Voldemort so it chooses Harry Potter.” Except the Goblet of Fire is a disaster and Barty’s Confundus works for maybe five minutes before something in it breaks, and it’s magical programming is basically just flipping through magical error messages.
Error 400: Bad Request - What the Fuck Are You Doing, Dipshit?!?
Error 403: Forbidden - Dear Fredreich, Stop Doing Shit, You Don’t Know Crap. With Much Love, Mistress Gonilda.
Error 405: Method Not Allowed - Seriously, Dipshit, What the Fuck?
Error 409: Conflict - With Literally Everything. Great Going, Assface.
Barty, why? Why would you try and poke an ancient disaster like this? You were so preoccupied with whether you could do it that you didn’t stop to think if you should. You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it. See, here I am now by myself, talking to myself. That’s Chaos Theory.
Anyway…
Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”
Cue second small, adorable, innocent first-year voice: “Is it supposed to be making that tea-kettle sound? Why is it screaming?”
Then the Goblet just starts spitting out Champions like it’s freakin’ Oprah or something. Set fire to the fucking rain. YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION!
(Errol Weasley, Trevor Longbottom, every female Durmstrang student, Professor Trelawny, the Weasley twins twice, a Hogwarts seventh-year from every house, Fleur Delacour and a group of Beauxbatons boys that looks like a boy-band in disguise, Harry Potter five times over, that one kid’s Kneazle, etc. The list goes on.)
Cassius Warrington looks beside him to his boyfriend, who is currently trying to slide underneath a table and maybe phase himself out of existence by sheer willpower, muttering about how he’s now going to die at the hands of Minerva McGonagall and running away to Barbados.
“Phil,” Cassius says seriously, “What the fuck did you do.”
Albus Dumbledore’s name is fired out twenty-three thousand seven hundred fifty-nine times. Cassius thought it was Phil. It was actually a bunch of of-age students and teachers that thought it was funny. Dumbledore himself thought it was a grand joke. McGonagall was not amused. (Snape hid his amusement by pretending to take a sip of pumpkin juice. “Moody” didn’t know what to think, do, or feel.)
Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.
(OP here) Oh man, you are all my favorite people. But that animal thing is totally technically possible, because Barty Confunded the Goblet of Fire, right? It would take an exceptionally powerful and talented witch or wizard to enchant such an ancient magical artifact, right? But seriously, what if Barty had fucked up? That thing is ancient, there’s no way anyone in modern day really knows how the fuck it works.
Frankly, I am completely convinced that the Goblet of Fire is a horrible hodgepodge of experimental magic as some random witch tries to create some way to choose Champions. I have henceforth named her Gonilda and she is the magical computer programmer of 1294, and the creation process of the Goblet was a fucking disaster.
Like, “Shit, I’ve got this super ugly pot that my kid made me in his pottery class the other day, will that do?” “Okay, okay, how do I make the Goblet have only three schools?” “Fuck, Fredreich, made a note to make sure that it won’t explode if more than 13 students are entered because apparently this stubborn piece of ceramics can’t count for shit.” “HOW THE FUCK IS THIS JUDGING PROCESS SUPPOSED TO WORK? IF THIS SON OF A PITCH DOESN’T COOPERATE, I’M MAKING THIS SHIT RANDOM.” (’Gonilda, no.” “GONILDA, YES, DAMN IT!”) “Okay, okay, I think it works now. But also, I have no idea how to reset it. Can we only hold this shitty tournament once?” (”Gonilda, no.” “Fuck you, Fredreich.”) “OKAY, NOW IT WORKS! Just one more tiny detail an- Shit, it’s on fire now. …Can I just leave it on fire? I’m leaving it on fire.” (”Gonilda, no.” “I’m done, I’m out. It’s on fire and I’m not going to do shit about it.”)
Person in charge of running the Triwizard Tournament: “Ah, Fredreich, wonderful! And you met our deadline! Please give ours thanks to Mistress Gonilda for her exceptional wo- … Why is it on fire?”
Gonilda (in the distance): “BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.”
So basically, the Goblet of Fire works because nobody fucking touch it. It’s on fire, we don’t need to make it explode, folks. Just nobody do anything weird to it and we all collectively pray it keeps working.
And then along comes Barty Crouch Junior and he’s like, “I’mma Confund this cup for this Evil Plot by the Dark Lord Voldemort so it chooses Harry Potter.” Except the Goblet of Fire is a disaster and Barty’s Confundus works for maybe five minutes before something in it breaks, and it’s magical programming is basically just flipping through magical error messages.
Error 400: Bad Request - What the Fuck Are You Doing, Dipshit?!?
Error 403: Forbidden - Dear Fredreich, Stop Doing Shit, You Don’t Know Crap. With Much Love, Mistress Gonilda.
Error 405: Method Not Allowed - Seriously, Dipshit, What the Fuck?
Error 409: Conflict - With Literally Everything. Great Going, Assface.
Barty, why? Why would you try and poke an ancient disaster like this? You were so preoccupied with whether you could do it that you didn’t stop to think if you should. You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it. See, here I am now by myself, talking to myself. That’s Chaos Theory.
Anyway…
Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”
Cue second small, adorable, innocent first-year voice: “Is it supposed to be making that tea-kettle sound? Why is it screaming?”
Then the Goblet just starts spitting out Champions like it’s freakin’ Oprah or something. Set fire to the fucking rain. YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION!
(Errol Weasley, Trevor Longbottom, every female Durmstrang student, Professor Trelawny, the Weasley twins twice, a Hogwarts seventh-year from every house, Fleur Delacour and a group of Beauxbatons boys that looks like a boy-band in disguise, Harry Potter five times over, that one kid’s Kneazle, etc. The list goes on.)
Cassius Warrington looks beside him to his boyfriend, who is currently trying to slide underneath a table and maybe phase himself out of existence by sheer willpower, muttering about how he’s now going to die at the hands of Minerva McGonagall and running away to Barbados.
“Phil,” Cassius says seriously, “What the fuck did you do.”
He probably would have been able to get around undetected by the dragon and the creatures in the maze and boy he would ahve excelled at the second task!
For one, he probably would have put the egg underwater first, but even if he didn’t, he clearly has a way of finding Neville, so even if he wouldn’ know he ahd to go to the lake he would have (because obviously Neville would have been the one he needed to save) and he would have had no issue staying underwater for an hour.
He would have been taken to the graveyard, but Peter (expecting Harry) probably wouldn’t see him, and he would just portkey back to the front of the maze. Now Trevor is a big enemy of Voldy, but he wouldn’t have been seen so his blood wouldn’t have been harvested. Trevor wins the tournament, everybody lives and Voldy has to wait and act out another ridiculously complex plan to get Harry’s blood by the end of the next school year.
Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.
(OP here) Oh man, you are all my favorite people. But that animal thing is totally technically possible, because Barty Confunded the Goblet of Fire, right? It would take an exceptionally powerful and talented witch or wizard to enchant such an ancient magical artifact, right? But seriously, what if Barty had fucked up? That thing is ancient, there’s no way anyone in modern day really knows how the fuck it works.
Frankly, I am completely convinced that the Goblet of Fire is a horrible hodgepodge of experimental magic as some random witch tries to create some way to choose Champions. I have henceforth named her Gonilda and she is the magical computer programmer of 1294, and the creation process of the Goblet was a fucking disaster.
Like, “Shit, I’ve got this super ugly pot that my kid made me in his pottery class the other day, will that do?” “Okay, okay, how do I make the Goblet have only three schools?” “Fuck, Fredreich, made a note to make sure that it won’t explode if more than 13 students are entered because apparently this stubborn piece of ceramics can’t count for shit.” “HOW THE FUCK IS THIS JUDGING PROCESS SUPPOSED TO WORK? IF THIS SON OF A PITCH DOESN’T COOPERATE, I’M MAKING THIS SHIT RANDOM.” (’Gonilda, no.” “GONILDA, YES, DAMN IT!”) “Okay, okay, I think it works now. But also, I have no idea how to reset it. Can we only hold this shitty tournament once?” (”Gonilda, no.” “Fuck you, Fredreich.”) “OKAY, NOW IT WORKS! Just one more tiny detail an- Shit, it’s on fire now. …Can I just leave it on fire? I’m leaving it on fire.” (”Gonilda, no.” “I’m done, I’m out. It’s on fire and I’m not going to do shit about it.”)
Person in charge of running the Triwizard Tournament: “Ah, Fredreich, wonderful! And you met our deadline! Please give ours thanks to Mistress Gonilda for her exceptional wo- … Why is it on fire?”
Gonilda (in the distance): “BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY.”
So basically, the Goblet of Fire works because nobody fucking touch it. It’s on fire, we don’t need to make it explode, folks. Just nobody do anything weird to it and we all collectively pray it keeps working.
And then along comes Barty Crouch Junior and he’s like, “I’mma Confund this cup for this Evil Plot by the Dark Lord Voldemort so it chooses Harry Potter.” Except the Goblet of Fire is a disaster and Barty’s Confundus works for maybe five minutes before something in it breaks, and it’s magical programming is basically just flipping through magical error messages.
Error 400: Bad Request - What the Fuck Are You Doing, Dipshit?!?
Error 403: Forbidden - Dear Fredreich, Stop Doing Shit, You Don’t Know Crap. With Much Love, Mistress Gonilda.
Error 405: Method Not Allowed - Seriously, Dipshit, What the Fuck?
Error 409: Conflict - With Literally Everything. Great Going, Assface.
Barty, why? Why would you try and poke an ancient disaster like this? You were so preoccupied with whether you could do it that you didn’t stop to think if you should. You did it, you crazy son of a bitch, you did it. See, here I am now by myself, talking to myself. That’s Chaos Theory.
Anyway…
Cue small, adorable, innocent first-year voice rising out of the crowd at the Champion Selection Ceremony: “Headmaster Dumbledore? Why is there black smoke coming out of it?”
Cue second small, adorable, innocent first-year voice: “Is it supposed to be making that tea-kettle sound? Why is it screaming?”
Then the Goblet just starts spitting out Champions like it’s freakin’ Oprah or something. Set fire to the fucking rain. YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! YOU GET TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION! EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A TRIWIZARD CHAMPION!
(Errol Weasley, Trevor Longbottom, every female Durmstrang student, Professor Trelawny, the Weasley twins twice, a Hogwarts seventh-year from every house, Fleur Delacour and a group of Beauxbatons boys that looks like a boy-band in disguise, Harry Potter five times over, that one kid’s Kneazle, etc. The list goes on.)
Cassius Warrington looks beside him to his boyfriend, who is currently trying to slide underneath a table and maybe phase himself out of existence by sheer willpower, muttering about how he’s now going to die at the hands of Minerva McGonagall and running away to Barbados.
“Phil,” Cassius says seriously, “What the fuck did you do.”
Wait, so, after being chosen as the fourth TriWizard Champion, Harry was immediately asked if he had an older student put his name in for him. So, like, was it actually that easy? Because if it was, you can’t tell me that some broke-ass Slytherin seventh-year didn’t immediately realize this and start raking in the cash. Like damn, they don’t want to be a part of this Insane Danger Stunt Show themselves, but they’ll put basically any scrap of paper you want into that stupid cup for a sickle.
You’re a first-year who can’t cast Wingardium Leviosa yet? Whatever, sure, just pay up. There’s no way you’re going to be chosen against Angelina “Can Probably Crush You With Her Thighs” Johnson, but at least you can tell all your eleven-year-old buddies that you Did A Cool Thing.
You wanna forcibly enter your friend without their consent? Hell no, get that shit out of here. I’m a Slytherin, not a complete bastard. If I’ve hear about you trying this shit again, I’mma curse your butt into the Lake and report you to Flitwick. You might think that’s funny because he’s short, but you will learn, young padawan. You will fear the Flitwick.
You’re a third-year who thinks that becoming the Hogwarts Champion will impress your crush? Okay, into the fiery cup. But also lmfao, have you even seen Cedric “Hottie McDreamy the Hufflepuff” Diggory? Like, hot damn.
You wanna enter your owl? Your cat? Your toad? Go for it, man, that’d be effing hilarious. I would actually pay to see that Tournament.
You’re a fifth-year who genuinely wants to enter the Tournament? Well, okay, but man, I am roomies with Cassius “Wake Up Before Noon At Your Own Risk” Warrington and he’d be grinding you into the floor under the heel of his handmade, Italian, dragon-hide shoes before you even knew what hit you.
You wanna enter… McGonagall? No, no, nonononono. That’s how people effing die, man. Like, she would destroy the competition and it would be glorious to behold and I would cry tears of awe at the sheer beauty of her wrath… but also, I am too young and beautiful to die. She would find us and we would die. Best scenario is she keeps us as pet mice forever.
So after the Weasley twins get their Age Potion issues fixed, a tiny Slytherin first-year girl sidles up to them in the halls and whispers, “You wanna enter the Tournament? Phil can hook you up. But you didn’t hear it from me!” And so the Weasley twins go find Phil, and Phil tells them straight up, “One slip for a sickle, three for two, five for three, and ten for four.”
Fred’s like, “Does entering your name more than once actually do anything?”
Phil, “Don’t know, don’t care.” (It doesn’t, Phil’s checked. He’d charge more if it did.)
And how does Phil get away with entering all these names? He tells all the supervising professors that he’s entering his own name - again and again and again - for a better chance at being selected. Professor Sprout informs him gently that this won’t make a difference and Phil tells her with the wide-eyed innocence of someone running a major scam operation that “Might as well try, Professor! Maybe diligence with pay off in the long run!”
Sprout’s heart melts, and everyone in the know facepalms. Everyone not in the know looks at him with “cheating Slytherin!” expressions and Phil dgaf because he’s got a giant pile of money now, suckers. [Snape noticed something was up, but didn’t care enough to stop it. Moody also noticed, but didn’t do anything. (Barty approves.)]
Entering more names doesn’t help because it’s not a lottery, the Goblet actually chooses, so a person can only really be entered once. It’s probably actually a good thing that Cedric “Tried to have a won Quidditch match made invalid out of fairness” Diggory and Harry “I am confused and I don’t want to be here” Potter were chosen. Because if fourth-year Ravenclaw Travis Collins had been chosen, the Goblet would have spat out all one-hundred and eighty-three scraps of paper with his name on it.
“Kids these days have too much pocket-money,” Phil comments as he comforts his boyfriend, Cassius Warrington, for being passed over in favor of Cedric “Made of Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice” Diggory, and counts the massive pile of money he’s collected. “Kinda wish the fiery cup had picked that kid’s Kneazle, though. That would’ve been awesome.”
OK, but I read the part about entering your pets and all I can think about is the name ‘Trevor Longbottom’ coming out of the cup and the teachers are all confused because “did we somehow miss or forget that Neville has an older brother? Did Frank and Alice have a secret hidden love child during their Hogwarts years?” Meanwhile, half the Gryffindors are groaning and face palming because who doesn’t know about Trevor ‘constantly lost but probably actually trying to escape this insane asylum of a school’ Longbottom? and poor little nervous Neville, who certainly had nothing to do with Trevor’s name being entered, slowly makes his way too the front of the room and Dumbledore just looks at him curiously and Neville gulps and extends his hands, which Trevor is sitting in and as realisation dawns on the various professor’s faces, everyone collectively looses their shit.
Wait. The timelines don’t quite work out, but imagine this:
There is some sort of loophole in the restrictions, so everyone is busy entering their pets as a joke. And there are several quite heated arguments about which pets would win in a fight, but it’s all in good fun.
Because the Cup has some pretty odd logic as to who makes the ‘best’ Champions, but one thing that is quite clear: the Champion must be, not necessarily human (because what is human in a world with veela and werewolves and goblins), but certainly sapient.
Which is why everyone loses their shit when Scabbers gets chosen as Hogwarts Champion.
Cue everyone fussing over the Cup, trying to work out what went wrong for it to choose a rat as Champion. But they can’t find anything. Then someone turns the question around, as asks why a rat was chosen by the Cup.
And that’s how Peter Pettigrew is discovered to be still alive.
Emma: Okay so like. The most fridge horror thing about the triwizard tournament is that they’re like “we added an age restriction!”
Emma: Not “we raised it!” Just “we added one!”
Emma: Which implies that previously, 11 YEAR OLDS COULD ENTER
Emma: Like I doubt they were ever chosen bc someone whose magical repotoir consists solely of “swish and flick” is not the best candidate for their school but what the FUCK
Meghan: AU where the Tournament happens 1st year, the other Champions are the same (17) and throw the whole competition making sure Harry doesn’t fucking die. They even let him take the Cup bc he’s so tiny and adorably earnest…
Meghan: Obviously that backfires, but Cedric isn’t dead at least.
Oh, no, TINY HARRY in the Triwizard Tournament. That’s AWFUL.
I love it.
AU where the Tournament happens in 1st year? I suppose Quirrell is still the DADA prof, but you could actually have him as the Muggle Studies professor still if you wanted Fake!Moody as the DADA prof. I think Scabbers ran away before Percy could give him to Ron as a pet, if you wanted to have Peter also helping Voldemort. (Oh, man, this is a nightmare. It’s great.)
You could only make this work in fanfiction, but I would LOVE to try and combine books 1, 3, and 4. (I don’t think Lucius would have thrown the Diary into the mix of this, so we thankfully don’t have a basilisk slithering around too, and I don’t think Dumbledore would bring the Philosopher’s Stone into this. Although you could add those for the ULTIMATE nightmare scenario.)
I’m thinking like, “Harry, you’re going to wizard school! And you’ve been tossed into a death game where all your competition is 17! And since your photo was in the paper, your mass-murderer godfather escaped prison! And now the dementors have been stationed around the school to keep this Tournament from going even more horribly, horribly wrong!”
I’d love to combine this with the Veela!Viktor & Werewolf!Fleur AU (obvs if Viktor takes Hermione to the Yule Ball, it’s purely so Harry can have friends there). Throw Remus Lupin into the mix as another DADA prof? With Fake!Moody? If you wanted to pull a “give Hogwarts more staff” AU just to add to the chaos, so you can have both (evil!)Quirrell and Burbage as Muggle Studies professors.
Oh man, your readers would be screaming at you the entire time, because tiny Harry would be surrounded by so many danger elements and they would have no idea how everything combined would unfold. Cedric, Viktor, and Fleur would probably be mild audience!inserts for this fic, doing everything they can to keep the littlest Champion safe (because clearly this is a plot to kill the BWL) even though he’s insisting that he can do this himself and doesn’t need help.
“GET THE BABY BOY OUT OF THE NIGHTMARE SCENARIO NOW, PLEASE,” says the audience. “Lol, no,” says the author.
Knell you have an evil, evil mind, and I’m dying. (I am laughing over the idea of Victor Krum, international Quidditch star with magical love powers, taking an eleven year old girl who doesn’t care about sports as his date to the Yule ball, as a favor to the tiny eleven year old champion who does care about quidditch. Ron called first dibs as Harry’s date and regrets it.)
Throwing in Sirius is such a terrible awful move. Everyone is talking about the mass murderer who broke out of jail and the sinister omen of death spotted during all the tasks and tongues are waggling like crazy.
Prof, that is absolutely the picture I am going for here. Viktor Krum is the ultimate gentleman to his date (a twelve-year-old girl who has no idea who he is) and is having a great time listening to her chatter about her first-year classes. Veela!Viktor and little!Hermione dancing together is melting my heart.
#HP tag #fic ideas #I love this#I also want to know how the HECK do we get Harry out of the graveyard alive?#does it involve Sirius? I think it involves Sirius#I can see his efforts to protect Harry landing him there too#smash up Voldie’s return with the Truth Of Who Betrayed The Potters#but this time it’s told gloatingly#Voldie doesn’t kill Sirius asap because ‘aw Bella would have more fun’#‘don’t you agree Wormtail?’ #yeesh I gave myself the creeps (tags via @mzminola)
Min, I love you.
Can you imagine, Cedric and tiny Harry in front of the Triwizard Cup in the center of the maze, and Sirius Black shows up? (After people have been gossiping like mad, egged on by Skeeter, over the terrible death omens looming over the Boy-Who-Lived.) Let’s say that the Cup was always intended to be a Portkey back to the beginning of the maze, so Sirius overhears this piece of information and realizes that the Cup is the perfect opportunity for something to go terribly wrong. But Harry is obviously not going to listen to “Mass-Murderer Sirius Black” desperately telling him not to take the Cup.
Sirius tries to tackle Harry, but they both end up in the graveyard. (Cedric is panicking back in the maze.) Peter and Sirius recognize each other immediately. Harry has no idea what’s going on.
Then you have to choose how you want the rest of this AU to go. (Voldemort obviously gets to give the Classic HP Final Confrontation Explanation of what’s been going down behind-the-scenes all year.) Does Voldemort get resurrected in Harry’s first year? Or is Voldemort’s resurrection foiled by Harry and Sirius somehow and put off for some future plot?
Either way, I think it’s highly necessary that Sirius punches someone in the face. If Voldemort is resurrected, then it’s definitely Voldemort. If Voldemort isn’t resurrected, then it’s probably Peter. These fists were made for punching and that’s just what they’ll do. “STAY AWAY FROM MY GODSON.” *CRACK*
If Voldemort is resurrected, then Sirius probably gets to witness Harry’s Priori Incantatum with Voldemort! (Would a Priori Incantatum work with Peter if Harry doesn’t get to duel Voldemort? Since Peter used Voldemort’s wand to kill Cedric?) OH MAN, THE DELICIOUS, DELICIOUS PAIN OF SIRIUS BLACK GETTING TO SEE A REMNANT OF JAMES AND LILY POTTER. I WOULD DIE. I would be FACE-DOWN on the FLOOR. People would be poking me like, “LK, are you okay?” And I’d be like, “Absolutely not.”
In either scenario, I think everyone escapes. Peter and Voldemort escape. Sirius picks up Harry and just books it. (Maybe Sirius has Harry’s Firebolt for some reason? Would Sirius still send Harry the Firebolt? I know the Firebolt didn’t come out until 1994, but the idea of an 11-year-old getting a Firebolt is so funny. Hermione has no idea why everyone at the Yule Ball is freaking out over Harry’s new broomstick; it can’t be that good, surely.)
Harry ends up stranded out in the countryside with the godfather who never actually betrayed his parents, getting to know Sirius, and is probably actually really relieved to have an adult handling the situation (Sirius is… not the best adult, but Harry is eleven here) and to get some family. Voldemort might be back and that’s awful, but Harry’s actually kind of having an alright time? He’s away from all the stress of Hogwarts and the Tournament for once.
Meanwhile, Cedric Diggory has alerted everyone back at Hogwarts that Sirius Black has kidnapped Harry Potter and they are LOSING THEIR MINDS.
#snape starting drinking heavily early on in this au and he probably doesn’t stop #2nd year of this au is probably like: #harry potter & all of hogwarts at the first sign that another evil plot is coming for harry: #*ben_affleck_smoking.png* #harry is frankly done with everything by year two #oh man gilderoy lockhart in yr 2 would be… harry would have no shit from him #hermione would be like my ex-bf is hotter and more famous than you #ron is snarking too but mostly watching their snarking with a shit-eating grin (@lullabyknell‘s tags)
they don’t do quidditch because of the tournament and oliver wood is losing. his. mind. because this was supposed to be his chance, after charlie so heartlessly abandoned them to be slaughtered, to win the cup, but they CANT. and charlie’s back to help wrangle the dragons, so wood is just being very LOUDLY BETRAYED whenever he gets near him, and 100% blames charlie not only for them losing last year, but for the entire tournament happening and keeping them from even getting to play this year. charlie tries telling him that an intern at a dragon reserve in romania does not have the level of political sway needed to organize a massive international competition between france, england, and bulgaria, a year after graduating, but wood is not convinced. mcgonagall is of absolutely no help in reeling wood in, and there’s just behind-the-scenes on-going hijinks of charlie desperately attempting to avoid the both of them, with both percy and the twins alternating between helping him and helping wood depending on how petty they’re feeling.
harry doesn’t get on the quidditch team in his first year because they don’t play, but he does get straight up tackled by wood after the first task when he still winds up flying against the dragon because by god wood doesn’t care that he’s tiny and eleven and probably gonna die between the death omens and sirius black and the tournament, he’s being enlisted to join the gryffindor quidditch team next year. wood immediately launches into tactics for next year and tries campaigning to let them do training. harry, meanwhile, still isn’t entirely sure what quidditch even is, and further has no idea who tf this guy is beyond a random older gryffindor who is maybe friends with ron’s older brothers, because no one in the books managed to adequately explain quidditch to him until he was already on the team, and wood’s more focused on ranting about the injustice of not getting to play than he is explaining anything to their newest player. (which makes ron’s massive celebrity crush on krum all the funnier, because neither harry nor hermione really get what the big deal is, they just both think he seems nice and are vaguely aware he’s a sports star? i guess? harry might get more excited about it after his flying lessons and going up against the dragon, but i can’t see him really getting into quidditch until he actually gets to play it. pickup weekend games maybe?)
gilderoy lockhart as one of the judges. gilderoy lockhart’s a fame sleaze, if the tri-wizard tournament happened at any point before he’d lost his memories, you just know he’d be there to ham it up, especially since viktor krum (young quidditch prodigy extraordinaire) and harry potter (only barely returned to the wizarding world) are both gonna be there. plus I mean, he’s an expert in defense against the dark arts, award-winning author, winner of witch weekly’s most charming smile award, he’d be the celebrity guest judge. Oh god, gilderoy lockhart meets rita skeeter. you know there’s a history there, and I honestly don’t know what’s better, them getting along because they both love attention and are fame hogs and anytime they do anything together they get loads of press, or them hating each other because rita knows there’s a scandal there, she just doesn’t know what and has spent years trying to expose him for something. Or both, let’s just go with both.
ron and hermione getting annoyed with each other’s respective celebrity crushes, like i don’t even know where to go with that, just hermione arguing about gilderoy lockhart being better than viktor krum because krum just plays some dumb sport, gilderoy lockhart’s written so many books and is just sooo talented, i bet he’d be willing to give harry some really helpful advice about the tournament! ron is deeply offended
