A Cauldron of Despair

We all make mistakes, and mine is accepting that vampire's curse all those centuries ago

[terra-nightgale]

OMG I CAN HAZ TUMBLR

so yea, i made a blog and now i need to post stuff XD

[flareonfloof]

omg finally

[terra-nightgale]

i’m going to blow up everything forever.

[slimetony]

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

[slimetony]

Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

[voltaspistol]

I feel like Emma and I would have gotten along just fine.

[screenshotsofdespair]

[the-quasar-hero]

We all got that one mutual that be going through the most treacherous situations a person could endure and then posting a few minutes later about why such and such should get fucked through a concrete wall.

[the-quasar-hero]

Mutual: my situationship partner just got caught in a tornado at a broken glass factory where they were cheating on me with my landlord who just increased my rent by 6000% and my pet marmot has a disease so rare they’re naming it after him and all my bones are becoming apricot jelly which I’m allergic to.

Same mutual 16 minutes later: Do you think Ronald McDonald and the Burger King ever explored each other’s bodies?

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hey so that was a great date, yeah, but I don't think it's going to work out. Nono you didn't do anything wrong, and I have indeed had a crush on you since we started high school, it's just... well, I didn't want to bring it up at the time but we kinda got sucked into a portal fantasy midway through. We saved the kingdom over and over, relying on our knowledge of and trust in each other every time, throwing ourselves into the firing line to protect each other and using each others' conviction as a rock. We got married and lived a happy life together until the portal sucked us back mid-battle and you gave up all your memories of our journey in order to save my life right when we ended up back in the coffee shop. Yeah that was when I got a bit weird and went to the bathroom.

Anyway I thought we could push on and make the date work but I have all of these memories of secrets that this you never chose to share, decisions that this you never made, and intimacies that this you never experienced. And it's kind of screwing with the vibe yeah. Also on the date it was really, blatantly clear that you're sixteen whereas I have memories of ruling a fantasy kingdom for thirty years so like... that's a problem all on its own. Anyway this you just feels more like a daughter to me. A daughter with the woman I gave my heart and soul to over and over and received like in return, only to lose her forever on the journey home. On the plus side I can definitely help you with your math homework now.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#what the fuck#this one was actually really very short why is it still like that what

The shorter it is, the more concentrated the what the fuck can be.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I can help you with your math homework because the fantasy world's magic system was based on calculus and I was a gifted mage, stop nitpicking.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this world's magic system is also based in calculus

[zangoonse]

a party of adventurers that are all equally convinced that they are in completely different forms of media

[zangoonse]

the mage keeps giving smug glances in the direction they assume a camera is in. the fighter keeps getting indignant about missing attacks because of "bad dice rolls." the rogue is doubtful that a villain is gone for good because "nobody ever stays dead in comics." the paladin attributes fortune to "good rng." none of them have even considered that "tumblr post" was an option

[ladycreep-deactivated20201127]

[talkshows-deactivated20150818]

the anniversary of library paste man’s death is in four days.

[basketghost]

One hundred and ten years ago to the day. Amazing. Incredible.

[1dietcokeinacan]

RIP😔🙏📚🍯

[its-not-a-pen]

previously on: stuff i did today

so a few days ago I accidentally spilled some hot chocolate on my copy of Durrant’s the cloudy mirror, (which critically evaluates the strengths and biases of the historian Sima Qian) and i was in the uni gym for 1 hour painstakingly drying the pages with a hairdryer

today: i thought it would be funny to officially make an offering of some hot chocy to the Grandaddy of East Asian History himself, Sima Qian.

I brought a bar of whittaker’s just for this lol. no expenses spared.

Sima Qian’s Special Hot Chocy has 3 squares of dark chocolate, 1 tsp of sesame paste, 1 tsp of decaf coffee, a pinch of cinnamon, 2 marshmallows, a wafer stick and 1 cup or hot milk. now, i cant be sure that i am the first person in history to offer Sima Qian a cup of hot chocy, but i can be sure that this cup is the most unique, delicious and decadent!

Sima Qian was not present in person so I drank it on his behalf

[its-not-a-pen]

Almost forgot, underneath it are a pile of history books from the zhou-han dynasties, the majority of which would not have been written had not been for the works of Sima Qian + “sexual life in ancient china” by RHV Gulik for laughs.

[its-not-a-pen]

INCREDIBLE COINCIDENCE URL !!!!!

[dragon-in-a-fez]

today's reason I fucking love the open source community: Ageless Linux, a brand new Debian-based operating system specifically designed to break the law by giving children access to computers that explicitly refuse to track their age.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

reblog this post to help a child break the law

[0x5742]

oh goddamn this whole page goes so hard actually, please go read it. what an impressive, visceral takedown of this dumb law

[ralfmaximus]

As of June 29, 2026 the law discussed here is a recently passed California state law (AB 1043) that requires age validation before using a computer connected to the internet. This is expected to happen at the operating system level, when you login to Windows, MacOS, Linux, etc.

Ageless Linux intends to force the issue before the California state supreme court, then ultimately (probably) the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS). It's a stupid, dangerous law, voted into place by legislators who either don't understand the core issue OR knowingly voted for it because they're assholes.

California is an influential state in the US. Many laws & regulations passed there eventually trickle out to most states. That's why it's worrisome to see this kind of thing rammed through, and why it's important to fight it.

Also, it doesn't matter if you use Linux or not. Or whether you live in California or not. Visit their site, read the text, learn what's going on with access to computing in this hellscape timeline.

[universeleads]

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

[universeleads]

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

[overwhelmedfernfrond]

I explained the “x before gta6” meme to my immigrant father and he, in turn, explained to me how back in his day in Romania, they had the same type of joke, except instead of it being gta6, it was about the imminent death of a singer named Gică Petrescu, who everyone was continuously shocked by because he refused to die. Every time a momentous event happened people would say, in essence: “This happened and Gică Petrescu hasn’t even died yet?!?”

So. He understood the gta6 meme immediately because they apparently had the same thing in Romania when he was young, except way, way more morbid

[venort]

OP are you telling me we got the death of Gică Petrescu before we got gta6

[homunculus-argument]

What even is cave diving?

You find a cave that's underwater, don scuba gear, and then dive in the cave. If you get stuck, injured, lost, break your gear, run out of oxygen, encounter a gas bubble that makes you temporarily insane, the guideline to the cave opening breaks or comes loose, or anything unexpected that you didn't account for happens, you get to spend your final moments with an absolute certainty that you are going to die.

[supergrinch]

gas bubbles that make you temporarily insane don't exist, and properly trained cave divers are prepared for pretty much whatever

cave diving perfectly safe! cave diving safe and fun! cave so pretty! look at pretty cave! awaaaaaw! get in cave! wet!

[homunculus-argument]

Cave Mouth perfec t size for put monkey in to p\lay! inside very Soft and Comfort monkey play fun put monkey in Cave Mouth. Put monkey in Cave Mouth. no problems ever in ccave mouth because good Shape and Wet adventure for big monkey brain of need fun and adventure. Cave Mouth yes a place for a monkey put monkey in cave mouth can trust cave for giveing good fun for monkey. friend cave

[harlanellisonsghost]

Drew this really stupid thing because I was bored. Recreation of this meme (flash warning)

[almondarcade]

when people use “you messed with the wrong fandom” as a threat

[twin-gemiinii]

It’s funnier because we all know there’s only one fandom that does that but if we mention it specifically, they’ll do just that.

[unorthodoxchronicles]

we better keep this like SUPER LOCKED down we don’t know WHO could react to this one, EH? EH?

[neclipsis]

If you’re aiming at SuperWhoLocks, ITS NOT FUNNY.

They’ve arrived

[ackleholics-anonymoose-blog]

Originally posted by dean-winchester-crush

[ruined-by-destiel]

Originally posted by stuffyase

Originally posted by myownobessionthatcannotstop

[almondarcade]

are you people trying to threaten me with gifs of Bendytoots Lizardman and friends

[sweet-hedonist]

Pffff we’re so scared

[high-functioning-fallen-angel]

You should be.

Originally posted by findreactions

[almondarcade]

I Am Unironically Being Threatened With Gif Of Generic White Man With Gun™

[mccoys-killer-queen-deactivated]

You better be thankful that it was just a “Generic White Man With Gun™”

it could’ve been Sam Fucking Winchester

[almondarcade]

Generic White Man 2™: This Time Nakey

[thecrazyalaskan]

[senchromelove]

oh my god it’s 2016 i thought this nightmare was over

[patienc]

This is the worst post on this website

[mentally-unstable-bagel]

This is the best post on this website

[lilliankillthisman]

what are you talking about

[weaselandfriends]

Asking the mech designer to come up with the plot is like asking Ringo to write the song

[mizuthe-dog]

There’s a gimmick blog right behind me with a gun to my head

[typo-spotter]

This post does not contain typos!

Of course, it is still incorrect, so how about I fix the error!

"There's a gimmick blog right behind me…"

Should be:

"There are gimmick blogs right behind me…"

[mizuthe-dog]

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[ominous-signs]

Calling all gimmick blogs

[prokopetz]

They say that sudden, intense cravings for very specific foods are usually a sign of a vitamin deficiency. If so, that I'm presently making myself french toast, scrambled eggs, and a bacon and cheese sandwich at 11:45 PM must mean the vitamin I'm missing is grease.

[prokopetz]

I cross-posted this to Bluesky and got followed by a bunch of folks with blog headers clarifying which exact flavour of Christianity they adhere to because they thought I was making a hashtag-relatable post about cheating on your diet. Now we get find out how many of them are also comfortable with posts about werewolf cock.