A Cauldron of Despair

We all make mistakes, and mine is accepting that vampire's curse all those centuries ago

[mlarayoukai-archive]

idk what 25-30+ year olds need to hear this but 10 years ago was 2016, not 2006. the switch almost 10 years old. the ds is over 20 years old

[a-ramen-fiend]

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[trucywright]

When the actual academic scholarly book makes the tumblr meme post a reality.

[imsobadatnicknames2]

Things that will never make me think less of someone: Enjoying media, entertainment, or aesthetics with ideologically reactionary elements

Things that will IMMEDIATELY make me think less of someone: Insisting that the ideologically reactionary media, entertainment, or aesthetics they enjoy are actually Le Hecking Epic Wholesome Leftist Praxis

[imsobadatnicknames2]

To draw upon a semi-recent Discourse topic, if you encounter a claim along the lines that, idk, for example, the imagery and cultural idea of Knights as it exists in pop culture is entrenched with a long history of islamophonia (due to how much of this cultural imaginary comes directly from the narrative of the Crusades) and your response is "I still think knight imagery is cool, I don't enjoy things based on how ideologically correct they are" I'll respect you infinitely more than if your response was "Actually liking knights is leftist because there's nothing more leftist than protecting those weaker than you"

[imsobadatnicknames2]

"I don't engage with this thing to have my politics parroted back at me" will always be 1000x more graceful and productive than trying to argue that everything you like is Fundamentally Leftist, Actually.

[imsobadatnicknames2]

Extremely correct tags via @mc-cookies

[japhers]

Y’ALL I CAN’T GET OVER THIS DRESS

[is-this-post-creepy-or-wet]

This post is Creepy

[coolyo294]

[bunniope]

[charlesoberonn]

It took me 3 watches to realize the door is cardboard and this man is not just freakishly strong.

[memory-thought]

I assure you this is a standard interior door, usually only exterior doors are solid.

[charlesoberonn]

You can see the inside of the cardboard though.

This isn’t a real door, it’s a prop from a movie or TV set.

[notaboyscout]

it has a paper honeycomb for rigidity, and that’s how interior doors are made for modern construction in the USA.

[charlesoberonn]

[queen-of-dirt]

y'all have never kicked a hole in your bedroom door in a flurry of teenage hormonal rage and it shows

[charlesoberonn]

If I kicked my bedroom door I’d more likely break my foot than the door.

[charlesoberonn]

I always thought people punching through doors or shoving people through doors was just from the movies. Doors in my country are generally solid planks of wood, a polymer of sorts, or metal.

[morphimus]

American homes are made extremely cheaply and aren’t built to last.

Steam from hot showers seeps into wall which are not treated to handle moisture, and mold grows in the walls.

Almost every wall or floor is made out of plywood.

Flimsy roofing that can withstand a run of the mill heavy storm, but not much more than that.

Weak foundations that wouldn’t hold up at all if it weren’t for how light and plywood-y the overall house is.

Not every American house is this shitty in all of these ways, but the vast majority of them are, and almost all of them have at least one of these problems. Even rich people’s homes.

Read this article.

https://dengarden.com/misc/American-Houses-and-Bad-Quality

Then watch this video.

[the-pump-king-deactivated202206]

Are we just ignoring this original post was about the OP looking for Elf Pussy or are we just totally past that?

[ryderdai]

It’s already been answered that there is no elf pussy here, so why dwell? 🤷🏾‍♂️

[dericbindel]

Heaven help you if you are an american living in a home built before proper building codes were enacted, cause you will find that they are host to even MORE kinds of cut corners and sloppy, rushed work.

This unit has been helping reno the housemate’s home (redoing the outside insulation, sheathing, and siding), and DAMN this house from the 70’s has all sorts of bad decisions being made.

[mcgravin]

I used to work in construction. Basically, there are two kinds of construction companies in the United States:

The kind that builds as many houses as they can, as fast as they can, and as cheaply as they can. This type of company is responsible for those housing developments you see with dozens upon dozens of houses, all identical, with no trees to be seen anywhere. And they’ll use the least expensive materials they can get, that might look nice but in reality are bottom-shelf quality and will fall apart as soon as you breathe on them. Materials such as hollow-core doors.

Then there are the companies that take their time and maybe cost a little bit more, but they build houses using good quality materials. These houses are built to last.

Sadly, the first type of construction company makes more money and just plain out-paces the second type, so our housing stock has a much higher proportion of cheap crap than real houses.

[homunculus-argument]

The Odyssey but retold as a low-stakes modern adventure of one guy out with his girlfriend leaving the bar with his buddies to do just one (1) simple thing real quick, it'll take like 15 minutes tops, he'll be right back, but then some bullshit happens and the trip keeps getting more complicated as more bullshit keeps happening while he just tries to get back to the bar because he promised his girlfriend that he'd get back and he knows that she's still there because she told him she'd wait there.

And by the time he finally gets back it's almost 3 am and the bar is about to close while she's sitting there stone cold sober, surrounded by 5 drunk guys unsuccessfully trying to convince her to give up on waiting for him and go home with one of them instead. And the guy shows up to proceed to beat the shit out of them before explaining himself to her like hey sorry bullshit kept happening, my phone fell into a storm drain and my wallet got stolen when I was trying to find someone who'd borrow me a phone so I could call and

[lolipop1920art]

So this is something I found

twitter but for skaven

[shut-the-burrow-door-pls]

I mean… i kinda feel like this thing exist when ikit claw appear on my timeline or retweet my post💀 or damn it warlord queek like my post… bit unhinged

[nightbringer117]

ROBERT RATH MY BELOVED

[transmechanicus]

YES-YES MAN THING, FALL FOR SKAVEN PLAN-SCHEME AND PURCHASE SKITTER.COM FOR LOW LOW PRICE OF BILLION WARP COIN!! POST-BLOG LIKE DUMBASS TO SHIT-RUIN MAN THING SOCIETY!!

[fzzzp]

a baby at work the other day gave me the meanest look i've ever seen as it got lifted out of a cesarean. 1 second old and already hating. you can't teach that.

[argumate]

I appreciate the way hitting the word "cesarean" forces me to go back and reevaluate the earlier phrase "at work"

[sorreleater]

where is that post that’s like “*HR guy who’s made of hands skittering in* no touching”

[sorreleater]

[witchdisk]

proud owner of a sonos 5500 ultrasound machine

[existennialmemes]

Gay Month Approaches

Anyone caught not being gay in June will be fed to The Frogs. Thanks for your cooperation.

[existennialmemes]

The Frogs, having already picked Alex Jones's skeleton clean, now hunger for their next meal.

[johannestevans]

Do you have a 'take' on who wrote the works of Shakespeare? I've gone down a youtube rabbit hole about all the theories and it seems like it's mostly speculation and not much in the way of evidence.

I think Shakespeare wrote most of them, and probably collaborated on a few here and there where his name was foremost because it was most marketable.

Shakespeare was an actor and a poet, and these are not especially reputable professions, and he was also a bit of a slag.

Basically all the people who wank over the idea that he was secretly a posher more educated noble person who was only pretending to be sexy or only wrote his plays in common English as a marketing ruse are the same sort of insane people who genuinely believe posh people and aristocrats are genetically and inherently superior to normal people and specifically to the working classes.

Not only are these conspiracy theorists largely like, absurd, their conspiracies aren't meaningfully different to other conspiracies that involve rewriting history to remove other underclasses or take away power from lesser enfranchised people, like people who think aliens built the pyramids or that Jews are secretly lizard people.

They are stupid, but they're also like, shitty people, and their terrible "research" is generally indicative of even worse ideologies.

[witchdisk]

please god it would be so funny

[witchdisk]

holy shit lets fucking go

[karvina]

the xbox is a Machine. the playstation is a Device. the switch is a Toy. the personal computer is also a Machine. what the world needs, is a way to play video games on a Contraption

[freezedriedrose]

you fool. that's pinball

[transcyberism]

@shit-kim-kitsuragi-would-say

[shit-kim-kitsuragi-would-say]

Kim Kitsuragi would say this.

[the-big-mood]

[what-even-is-thiss]

You know it is kind of fascinating to me watching professionals do what they do even if it’s presented a bit weirdly. You can in fact go to school for this sort of thing.

[prokopetz]

The choice of music and the patterned wall art directly behind his head make it feel like I should be fighting this guy in EarthBound.

[mylittleredgirl]

thinking about how threshold would have gone on other star treks. just spitballing here i’m taking suggestions:

original trek: would fit right in here honestly, no change

the animated series: it’s even weirder somehow. the evolved human salamanders are hot pink.

tng: we actually know what they’d do because they’ve had two episodes in this genre already, but with some key differences: a) the character who transmogrifies into a glowy gecko (geordi) is the only character on the show with no daddy issues whatsoever, and b) “genesis” hinges on the fact that even if you turn into a lizard, your babies will be born normal. of course if those babies were humans and not cats, by the end credits they’d have somehow winked out of existence or never been born at all or something. the j/p babyfic fans just can’t win.

deep space nine: they definitely aren’t abandoning those babies!!! instead the babies die and it’s the saddest thing you’ve ever seen

enterprise: in only four seasons this show somehow had TWO precedents for “we will care for these accidental weird babies in a cringefunny way until we find them a home with more appropriate caregivers” AND a “crewmembers evolved into something stupid but we fixed it” episode

discovery: this is the one show where i feel confident that they keep the lizard babies forever. unsure if the parents leave the show for a while to care for them or if they just have an off-screen salamander daycare on the ship now, but they reappear out of nowhere in the last two episodes of the season to save the universe

short treks: it’s an entire civilization of human salamanders now

star trek picard: those babies are getting fucking dismembered right in front of you

strange new worlds: those babies are getting fucking dismembered right in front of you (by the good guys this time)

prodigy: ah heck i forgot this one before i posted and now i’m on time constraint. umm. the babies (still abandoned by parents) are main characters now

lower decks: janeway and paris just stay that way and continue their starfleet careers with only minor interruption. the pepperoni pizza caused it.

[darksideofthecoffeebean]

I love it ❤️