Ring Ring It's Satan

Hi! I post random stuff that I like because I'm not that creative. I'm aro/ace and use she/her pronouns.

[deathtofun]

I told a guy his total was 13.21 and he said “wish it were that year, could actually get some good music on the radio”

[regularlesbian]

breaking news from the AP, our boys on the front have just sacked constantinople. take that, heretics. coming up next are the soothing lute dirges of bing crosby

[villainessbian]

*screams of a witch burning at the stake*

THOU ART CURRENTLY LISTENING TO

*Gregorian chanting*

13.21

*leper bell ringing*

HIGH MEDIAEVAL FM

*recording of John Lackland sobbing as he signs the Magna Carta*

WHENCE COMETH NAUGHT BUT LITURGIES

LITURGIES

AND MORE LITURGIES

*Templar knights praying out loud*

THIS ISN’T THY GRANDMOTHERES STATION

*Imagine Dragons - Radioactive starts playing*

[pride-knightess]

just remembered i have a degree in sound engineering and can voice act

[villainessbian]

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

[sufjansjoy]

does anybody know how to get out of bed. or be a better person

[sufjansjoy]

wow

[slimegargoyle]

guys you gotta stop thinking of women in their 30s as elderly it’s just misogyny

[courtesyname]

you also gotta stop thinking about actual elderly women as lesser human beings. Youth is not a measure of one’s worth.

[triviallytrue]

in retrospect it's pretty funny that the most used computer port for many years just completely sucked shit to the point of there being normie memes about it

[triviallytrue]

we as a society lived like this for years and years

[phaeton-flier]

I mean when your biggest tech issue is "takes an extra 10 seconds (at most) to plug in if you're not paying attention" that's pretty good! Imagine if you had a printer and the printer's biggest problem was that the paper took a few tries to insert into the tray. You'd want to fuck that printer.

[triviallytrue]

I'd want to fuck that printer.

[pangur-and-grim]

my house is scary at night

[storyweavingspider]

Interpreted this initially not as shelves, but as your cat having erected defensive fortifications

[daffidilly]

Things I’ve made in pottery classes :)

[daffidilly]

My first mug!!! (Coil method :) )

[kimpossibooty]

MY WIFE IS SO COOL

[plaguedocboi]

So every year, my aquarium does a captive lobster hatchery project (hence all the loblings). The reason we’re doing it is because in the wild, loblings only have a 1 in 25,000 chance of surviving their larval phase. They’re plankton as babies and everything eats them. Additionally, as the Gulf of Maine warms, they are having even lower survival rates because the blooms of copepods they feed on as babies are happening earlier in the year, and they’re missing it.

Obviously, the goal of this experiment is to grow the lobsters until they’re big enough to settle to the seabed and then release them, because they have a much higher likelihood of surviving to adulthood when they’re able to hide. Ideally, captive lobster hatcheries can boost the wild population and keep things stable, so we don’t have a major crash in a decade or two.

The first year we tried this was pretty bad. We had a lot of eggs, but very few babies. It turned out that the CO2 levels in the building spiked as more guests visited throughout the summer, and that settled into the water and threw off the pH and caused a chemical reaction that prevented a lot of the eggs from hatching. I think we ended up releasing three baby lobsters (which is still better than their wild survival rate but not great).

The second year was a little better. We added a de-gasser to the aquarium and got a ton of larval lobsters, but right as they were settling to the bottom we had a disease outbreak that killed most of them. We ended up releasing four babies at the end of the season.

But this year? Oh boy. We have so many lobsters that we had to release the first round early (usually we wait till September or October so guests can see them). We just released a total of FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE baby lobsters, and we still have over a hundred who haven’t settled to the bottom yet. I genuinely don’t even have words to explain how cool this is. OVER FIVE HUNDRED. We just added hundreds of lobsters to the wild population that wouldn’t have been there otherwise.

Conservation is so fucken sick

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

do i hate myself enough to try going on the bus and walking around the city a bus ride away for a couple hours just to see if i could. this is the quest we must ask ourselves

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

i realise now i forgot a whole ass sentence.

heels.

do i hate myself enough to try and going on the bus and walking around the city a bus ride away for a couple hours *in my high heels* just to see if i could.

i make the journey and gallivant around time. like regularly.

[loveridden1999]

when england lose, women bruise

[osmanthusoolong]

Seen in downtown Toronto as well

[stephexmachina]

proposing a new genre of fiction called an anti-romance where u r presented w a couple at the start & the story is about their emotional journey towards a catastrophic break up

[stephexmachina]

will they won't they (end this farce). there's only one bed (but for some reason they don't really want to share it). out of context eavesdropping (that paints the relationship in a better light than it deserves). chasing after them to stop them getting on that plane (and stopping them from finally being free)

[stephexmachina]

nobody understands my vision i don't mean any old story where a relationship fails and it's tragic or w/e i mean a story where the intention is for the audience to root for it failing the same way u root for it succeeding in a romance. & when the relationship finally implodes at the climax of the story it's all very cathartic & everybody cheers.

[stephexmachina]

like have u never wanted a fictional couple to break up so badly it hurt?

[luminouslumity]

[allykatsart]

Oh god he's doing a dragon

Oh fuck off- BALOONS?????

Yeah no that's a dragon

we get it its a dragon-WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MADE THE WALL OUT OF CHOCOLATE????!!?!!

[soulerflaire]

Not just any dragon. That's the head of Onyxia, a raid boss from World of Warcraft!

[alien-slushie]

Imagine Danny and Damian have been dating for a little while, and Damian is finally comfortable introducing Danny to Titus. Titus means a lot to Damian so this is a big thing.

They go to the dog park and the minute Damian let's Danny pet Titus, Danny turns into a pile of goo. He fawns over him, petting his ears and his shoulders and his belly, all while praising him loudly, and you can just tell Danny is completely smitten with him. He even pulls out a bag be brought with him for this meeting, its full of high quality toys, and treats, and he spends a full three hours playing fetch and running around with Titus while spoiling him with treats.

Damian takes a picture of Danny kissing Titus on the nose, and sends it to the family chat with the caption: "My Dog Stole My Boyfriend."

[alien-slushie]

Damian: Brown, will you stop being an b*tch for two seconds and help me?

Steph: Crazy way to start a conversation.

Damian: I think I just went on a date with Daniel.

Steph: Oh! Crap, really?!

Damian: Yes.

Steph: Okay, yeah! I'm invested, shoot!

Damian: He said we should have dinner together-

Steph: Vibes.

Damian: -but when I said 'yes' he punched me in the arm and said 'its a date'.

Steph: Was he serious or did he say it like an idiot?

Damian: He says everything like an idiot.

Steph: Right, point. Did you want it to be a date?

Damian: I don't know, I'm not aromantic but how can I handle someone else's emotions, I can barely handle my own.

Steph: What emotions?

Damian: B*tch alert.

Steph: Noted, continue.

Damian: I just need to know how to feel.

Steph: Okay, what was the dinner like?

Damian: Magical; there was astring quartet, we had chocolate covered strawberries-

Steph: There is a non-zero chance he just had a coupon.

Damian: Yeah, he did call me 'dude' the whole time.

Steph: Unfortunately that doesn't mean anything, I'm convinced hes crap with people's names. He's called me Adora like eight times!

Damian: Well he held my hand on the walk there, does that mean anything?

Steph: No, inconclusive.

Damian: How though?

Steph: He do just be holding people's hands. I saw him interlock fingers with Nightwing once; it was the cutest goddamn thing I've ever seen in my freaking life!

Damian: What about the kiss he gave me on the cheek when we parted ways?

Steph: Bros normalized kissing the homies.

Damian: Curses! This is why we shouldn't!

[alien-slushie]

Danny who has really bad PTSD and Paranoia brought on by Vlad bugging his house. So when Danny and Jason move in together, and Jason insists on a security system, he gives Danny full control. He lets Danny pick where all the cameras go, and he links them up to Danny's phone so Danny can shut them off to feel safe if he needs to.

Everything goes fine for a while. Danny shuts the cameras down when hes having a bad day, but usually he leaves them and even seems less paranoid about them as time goes on.

But then, Danny finally convinces Jason to let them get a dog. Jason agreed so long as it was small to medium size, so of course that ment they brought home some sort of massive breed that Jason pretty sure is part wolf. Or demon. But Danny insists its a small dog, and won't grow any bigger than 36inches tall, and he looked so happy and in love with the dog that Jason just couldn't say no. At least it was well behaved-

-But after a week or so of having the dog, it started acting weird one morning. Standing the middle of the living room, they barked at the corner of the house repeatedly, not coming for food or water or to play. Finally, Danny checked out what they were looking at, and as he dug around and searched, his body started shaking in fear.

It was a camera. Not one of their, it was more high tech, smaller, and not at all where Danny placed them. Danny threw the camera on the ground, breaking it, before frantically tearing the house apart in search of more, the dog more than happy to help him search. Danny looked and relooked and checked for four hours before finally collapsing in the closet and having a panic attack.

When Jason came home to the house torn apart he freaked out and was relieved to find Danny in the closet with the dog. Though, he was worried that Danny was completely despondent and that his face was stained with tears.

When he finally got him to talk, and tell him about the cameras, Jason was pissed. He had a good idea who planted them, and he was so angry that they caused such a setback.

Jason took Danny and the dog to a hotel, watching with a tense jaw as Danny did a sweep of their room 6 times before laying on the bed and passing out.

Filled with righteous fury, Jason went back to the house, gathered up all the smashed cameras and drove straight to Wayne Manor. It was a shame, Jason hadn't been feeling the pit rage as strongly as of late, and now suddenly it was bubbling all up to a surface, and just when Jason was thinking of trying to reconnect and mabe introducing them to Danny. But now, now he kind of just wanted them all dead for setting Danny back in his healing.

[alien-slushie]

Steph: Listen up cucks-

Bruce: Don't call us cucks-

Steph: Shut up! Listen, because the government is sexist and horrible, and there is a law in place that says all Omega's have to live with an Alpha, I'm taking in my cousin.

Tim: What?

Steph, sighing: He used to be fine because both his mom and older sister were Alphas, but there was an accident and both his parents and sister died.

Dick: Oh kiddo.

Damian: Can no one else take him?

Steph: His godfather tried, but hes a Beta, and Danny apparently threatened to "embrace death" if placed with him.

Dick: That's not a red flag at all.

Tim: Right?

Steph: His Aunt is deeply off grid right now and I'm his only Alpha cousin, so he's coming here. I just want you guys to be aware that I might be a bit lax with my bat work, at least until we both adjust to the change.

Bruce: It's nice you're stepping up even though you shouldn't have to. Let me know if he or you needs anything.

Steph: Thanks B.

--------2 Weeks Later--------

Steph: Guys, this is Danny. Danny, these are the Wayne's, I'm good friends with them.

Bruce: Nice to meet you chum-

Danny, bundled up in one of Jazz's sweaters: Batman.

Bruce: what?

Danny: Robin, Red Robin, Nightwing, Back Bat- Signal and Red Hood are not here.

Steph, smirking: He clocked me immediately too.

Danny: Death clings to you, is how I know. Also, there are dogs here.

Damian: I will introduce, you'll be quite impressed by their temperments I'm sure.

Dick: Well, he's interesting?

Tim: What does "death clings to us" even mean?

Cass: Like him. Sad, needs hugs.

Bruce: Hmn.

[alien-slushie]

Damian: Father, doesn't Ace look a bit scruffy? Perhaps I should take him to-

Bruce: We took Ace to the groomers two days ago.

Damian, scowling: Then maybe-

Alfred: Titus and Alfred were also taken last week.

Damian: Richard-

Dick: I'm not letting you take Haley to the groomers so you can oggle the new guy. She went last week.

Duke: Why don't you just go up to him and have a normal conversation?

Tim: Because Daniel is so "pretty" Damian looses all ability to speak- Ack! Hey you almost hit me!

Damian: Tsk I missed.

Dick: Yet you didn't deny it.

Damian: *glares down at his hands*

Tim, sighing: Fine, I'll help you out this one time. You and I both have friends that happen to have a certain white kind of canine in common.

Damian: *perks up*

----2 Hours Later----

Damian: *walks into the grooming Salon with a tight grip on a wagging Krypto. he looks around the salon and watches Danny through the window where hes finishing up a groom*

Danny, covered in fluff as he talks to a Husky: Look how much better you look now! Such a handsome boy huh?

Husky, wagging: Awooo!

Coworker, smirking: Danny, your new regular is here.

Danny: *perks up and looks out the window before waving at Damian. After putting the Husky up, he walks out* Hey Damian, another referral?

Damina: Uuh yeah- Yes! This is Krypto, he is owned by my friend's cousin, but no groomers around them will accept Krypto.

Danny: Why not? He's seems like such a sweet dog! *crouched down and Krypto happily pounces on him, sending them to the floor* Bit stronger than most other Labrador, huh?

Damian: Ah, yes he's a Meta Animal so..

Danny: Say no more! We'll give it a shot! *easily pushes Krypto off of him and stands up* You gonna stick around to watch?

Damian, instantly: Yes! *clears throat* Please.

Danny, laughing as he takes Krypto's leash: With how enthusiastic you are, you should come here to apprentice as a groomer. I would be happy to show you the ropes myself. *pulls Krypto away from another dog effortlessly*

Damian, swallowing: yes please...

----3 hours later----

Bruce: So, how was Daniel~

Damian: He handled Krypto with ease, and offered to train me.

Bruce, looking up: You are a medical student?

Damian: I am aware, so instead, on weekends I shall double as a dog grooming assistant.

Bruce: ...You can't be serious?

Damian: Daniel Fenton is really pretty, and really, really strong.

Alfred, sighing: Every generation. *takes a drink of something that definitely isn't tea*

[alien-slushie]

Batman, over coms: Alright, let's bring it in for the night.

Nightwings: Hold on, there's a civilian running around. Early twenties, black hair, super pale and kind of sickly lookin. He looks panicked, like hes looking for something or someone, I'm going to check in, in case its a child.

Nightwing: Excuse me sir, are you alright?

Danny, pressing a hand to his chest in pain: So-Someone broke into my-my appartment when I was at work and-and they left the door open, and now I can't find Mittens!

Red Robin, over comms: Seriously? All this drama over a cat?

Red Hood, over comms: Who actually names their cat "Mittens"?

Oracle, over comms: You two are so stupid.

Robin, over comms: I agree, shut up. This is serious, that poor animal could be injured.

Nightwing, helps Danny sit on a nearby bench: Hey its alright man. I'll have the others keep an eye out for her okay? What does your kitten look like.

Danny, releived: Mittens isn't a kitten, shes a puppy, really tiny girl. She's a Bully Kutta, and she's mostly white but has black unclipped ears and some black splotches- here I have a-a picture. *pulls out his phone with shakey hands and shows Nightwing a picture of Danny and Mittens in their new appartment, Mittens goes up past his hips*

Nightwing, stunned into silence: . . .

Red Robin, over comms: That is "tiny" to him?!

Robin, over comms: Stunning.

Oracle: Found him. Daniel Fenton moved to Gotham with his Service Dog in Training, Mittens, two months ago. He works at Gotham's Space Museum, and writes Parnormal Fiction stories on the side, and he apprentantly visits Middle schools to do presentations. Mittens is 15months old and is set to graduate very soon. She has high praise from all her trainers, but it seems Danny's employers at the Museum are pushing against him bringing her to work once she graduates, Danny seems to be fighting with them about it a lot. Jerks.

Batman, over comms: What does he need her for?

Oracle, over comms: Heart problems, and mobility issues caused by an accident when he was a teenager, as well as Anxiety, and PTSD. A lot of his file is sealed because he was a minor when it happened, I can snoop more?

Batman, over comms: No, that amount is fine.

Nightwing: Well, the others know, and will keep an eye out for her. You're still shaking pretty bad, how about I see you home.

Danny: I appreciate it. I'm sorry for keeping you back, being a hero is- seems like an exhausting job.

Nightwing, joking: You speak from experience?

Danny, eyes distant: No, I was never a hero.

Robin, over comms: Mittens spotted near the Museum!

Nightwing: Hey, Robin said he spotted Mittens near the Museum.

Danny: She went looking for me, of course she did. If she won't go to Robin by name, have him call her "Vöttr", I'm the only one that ever calls her that, so it will catch her attention.

Nightwing, nodding: Robin call her Votter.

Red Robin, over comms: Old Norse?

Nightwing, eyebrow raised: Old Norse?

Danny, shrugging: Its a hobby.

Robin, over comms and sounding very excited: Target secure. . . . May I pet her?

Nightwing, snorts: Robin wants to know if he can pet her.

Danny, amused: As much as they want, as long as I get her back.

Robin, over comms: Understood, we will reconvene at Fenton's appartment.

Nightwing: Hah that kid. He said he'll meet us at your place if thats okay.

Danny: Sounds good, I'm just happy that I didn't loose her.

Blackbat, over comms: Sad, remorse, upset.

Red Robin, over comms: He does seem interesting.

Batman, over comms: Hmm.

Red Hood, over comms: I still can't get over the fact that he named that monster dog "Mittens".