Punintentional humor

33 year old guy from Colorado. Big ol' nerd..

[bewbin]

Why do you want to be a comedian?

the free stool with a glass of water on it 

[homoaquaticus]

this really is exactly what this past week has felt like

[cool-dad-deactivated20240526-de]

god she gets it

[cowboy]

I would let a racoon do surgery on me

[cowboy]

Have you seen their little hands? Those motherfuckers would give me a great heart transplant for the low low cost of a cold pizza slice

[quinintheclouds]

you do realize where racoons' little hands have been right

[headspace-hotel]

is that the...only reason you wouldn’t let a raccoon give you a heart transplant?

[ankewehner]

Come on! They are so well known for washing their hands that they’s called “washing bears” in German! You don’t have to worry about where their hands have been!

[headspace-hotel]

Well! you heard it folks, getting a heart transplant from a raccoon is perfectly safe!

[day-time-dream]

where is the raccoon getting the heart

[cowboy]

don't worry about it

[the-memedaddy]

[sourcefieldmix-deactivated20161]

good idea: marry a blacksmith so you can get free swords whenever 

[steelplatedhearts]

[omgweatherunderground]

Better idea; become a miner and then marry a blacksmith so he can have the required materials for you to get free swords whenever. 

[ranma-official]

Make a harem and marry a full production chain

[sunspotpony]

Monopolygamy.

[dangerousnotbroken]

I mean, if your harem is full of blacksmiths would that make it a polyhammerous relationship?

[saltwasteland]

You could make a whole polyarmory

[invaderxan]

“Samantha thinks that the walk-in is soundproof.”

[muffled screaming]

“And we just… haven’t told her that it’s not.”

[zetrystan]

I want a house.

[dispatchesfromtheclasswar]

[https-graces]

Japanese legend: you have the face of who you loved most in a past life

[loveable-korrasami]

THE NEXT AVATAR ABOUT TO LOOK FINE AFFFFFF

[cupofsorrows]

Oh, so YOU guys can just see a face and be like “I like that face, I’m gonna make it my face” and everyone’s just COOL with that. But when I, Koh the Face Stealer,

[catchymemes]

[jacobgalapagos]

i flex bc i care

[datasoong47]

“A collection of common glyphs of the poorly understood Memeorite civilization of the Second Silicon Age. Memeorite glyphs possess multiple conflicting interpretations and a complexity of meaning impossible to capture in a few short words. These are rough translations only.”

Source: https://twitter.com/beach_fox/status/1325668490431246336 (which include more “memeorite glyphs”

[lazorsandparadox]

[cheshireelims]

I need this movie in my life now.

[ashleybenlove]

This would make an amazing ask game, y’all. Someone put a movie/show into your ask and you play keep the human and cast the Muppets. 

[thyladestiel]

[drtrinitysantos]

[bellybuttonblue-deactivated2021]

[everythingfox]

Was not expecting that

(via)

[whitepeopletwitter]

[muddlemore]