the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself
the longer i think about terrorbeaks in dst, the funnier they are to me. fucked up looking birds and i'm using this term lightly because birds aren't supposed to have teeth but whatever. why do they look like a parrot's sleep paralysis demon? i bet they look really stupid if you looked at them face first (and this is also under the assumption that their maw full of sharp teeth was closed i suppose)
Vent that may or may not get post - in the case it does. Here's some content warning, it's likely not all of em but whatever; transphobia, internalized transphobia, child abuse & neglect, medical mismanagement, power abuse, honestly... Just a whole shitty ass situation with shitty ass adults.
.... Sometimes I do not know what to do with myself. It often feels like I am fighting with myself. Between the quiet, well behaved, polite, brilliant, out together, good "girl" that my mum, dad, older brother, neighborhood, school - society believes me to be. And then... The chaotic, messy, sleep deprived me that enjoys gay fanfic & loves Persona that is well... A guy... That very few people get to know or see.
Since I was young... I knew I was a guy. Hell I think even as little kid before I was even in fucking kindergarten yet, I kewn, I fucking kewn.... But back then I didn't fucking care. I had nothing to lose, I didn't know I could lose anything or what would happen to me. I loved lightning McQueen, wore boyboxers, refused to dress up as a disney princess, I refuse to be the flower girl at my mum's wedding because I quote and I quote; "Wasn't a girl & didn't want to be one." According to my mum... If somebody tried to correct me for behaving unlike a lady I would say something about not being a lady and being confused what was wrong with what I was doing.
But... The doctor told my mum I couldn't wear Boxers anymore, that if she didn't put more effort in correcting my behaviour then I would become a "freak" RIGHT in fucking front of me to, acting like I COULDN'T hear them or known what was going on. Yet I still fucking remember that moment I remember feeling my heart drop, being so confused, that I was doing something wrong. I wasn't even in fucking PRESCHOOL yet... I never fucking forgot that and I never, NEVER, fucking will forget that moment. That GODDAMN AWFUL FEELING.
I had to wear cute lil dresses that I despised to every occasion that could be considered special. Christmas assembly? Dress. School concert? Dress. Parent teacher conferences in schools? Dress. Rewards assembly? Dress. Graduation? Dress. Dress, dress, dress, dress, dress, DRESS. It was always with the fucking dresses, dispute my discomfort, dispute my complaints, I could never escape dresses. ... Ofc if I didn't bitch about the dress I had to wear, I would be given praise, reward for being a "good girl".
.... I think that was when I started to become or pretend to be that quiet, well behaved, polite, brilliant, out together, good "girl" .... My folks for as much as I love them, taught me intentionally that my wants, desires, comfort, even to a point - needs didn't matter. It didn't matter that I wasn't comfortable in dresses, it was expected of me. It didn't matter I could no longer wear the style of underwear I wanted, it was a childish thing for me to be upset about so I was expected it to let go. It didn't matter if I wanted to go by a different name then my birth name because it made me uncomfortable, it was expected of me to use it anyways. It didn't matter I wanted to play baseball with boys in school grounds after school, an up and coming lady wouldn't do that... That was expected of me. It didn't matter if I didn't understand a subject in class, it was expected of me to understand. Being quiet, not speaking out when something made me uncomfortable and/or I didn't like, being smart meant I was a good girl. And good girls get showered with praise, headpats, a "good job.", a "proud of you", take to McDonald's so you could have happy meal with a burger AND chicken nuggets.
And yet... I still giggly whenever someone calls me a guy, bro, man, ect. Dispute everything... I am still me. I am still a dude. I want to hate, scream at, despise my younger self for not fighting back. Take him by shoulder, shake him repeatedly screaming; "FIGHT BACK. SPEAK UP. PLEASE, PLEASE SPEAK UP FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING." I want to fucking hate Charlotte, stab em repeatedly multiple times if given the opportunity. But I can't, I simply can't.... Charlotte is a victim, somebody forced to become they're not. Someone that was wrong, hurt, betrayed by the people that was supposed to protect and guide him. Charlotte.... Is me.
I can't hate the actions and behaviours that past me took to appease the adults in my life, Can't hate past me for believing the lies and bullshit I was told since I was little. I simply... Can't. I tried forcing myself to hate that part of me, forcing myself to hate that part of me being trans. But I can't, it only leads to more pain, more stuffering, more tears, more break downs.
.... I'm still very much in a bad situation to come out of the closet. It's not safe in the slightest and still am forced clothing / situations I don't want to be in. The worlds... A really scary place for queer folk, epecially living in America. But... One day. One fucking day. I will have the short messy hair out of my dreams, I will have my own place, I will be able to wear whatever style of clothing I want. I will be safe to be, myself. Not the lie.
The road before that can happen is.... Long. Very, very long. But I'll make sure it happens. Eventually it will. Eventually I'll find another name away from Charlotte or my given that's much closer to who I am - who I want to be. But for now... Hi I'm Charlotte, I'm a guy, maybe a bit of a disaster of one but one none the less. I like Persona, silly lil gay fanfic. I got some issues but that's okay, I'm gonna try swearing less not because I want to be a proper lady but a gentleman.
And penguins lack large terrestrial predators, so their reaction to humans tends to be, “HELLO STRANGE GIANT PENGUINS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU HAVE ANY FISH?”
There is an international treaty that says we’re supposed to stay 6m away from penguins, and it’s really difficult because no one told the penguins, and they all desperately want to wander up and say hi.
- Out of commission for drawing / art stuff due hand injury & class. Occasionally will still post.
✎.. Hello & Welcome to LighterFire's Blog
This post is going to be quite the doozy. As it's going to be an introductory, master post, commission information & an all in general guide to my blog all in this one massive massive post. As I will admittedly lazy & quickly discovered it's just easier for me to keep track of everything if it's all just in one single post. Due to this post being fairly long, more information can be found under the cut for quality of life of myself & anyone that doesn't want to scroll through everything.
You can find me in different places under these handles;
Tumblr (art) - @lighterfire9000
Tumblr (Main?) - @dumpster-lighterfire
YouTube - @/LighterFire9000
ToyHouse - @/LighterFire
.... One day I'll throw everything together in a carrd, .... eventually.
✎.. General
Let's start with the basics and the general information you likely could have figured out on your own. My name is LighterFire but Light and/or Fire also works, you may also call me Charlotte. I am an autistic artist, writer, youtuber & witch. The content I make usually evolves around whatever is my current strongest special interest and hyperfixation. The two strongest ones are normally Don't Starve Together or Persona. However it is know to be all over the place everything from books, games, art, anime, podcasts, cats, the rings of Saturn (not Saturn it's self just it's rings) and other random things. I am with my special interest and hypefixation like a... Bouncy ball. A bouncy ball that a higher being picks up, drops it and that ball bounces everywhere before landing inside a cup labelled with the special interest and hypefixation is going to be.
But when everything is boiled down to it's most simplest form and the chaos of life is put to the aside at heart I am a storyteller, a ponder, a dreamer. Sometimes when I read lore or lines from something, I can't help but wonder what's the story behind this? What were the people like who experience this? What is the impact they had on others? And sometimes I take those questions to create a story to answer them. Reading, sharing, wondering, and dreaming about stories is what I do, it's in my blood. So no matter what the current special interest or hyperfixation is, you will always find stories here. But not every story is suitable for all audiences and the same can be said about my blog and content. It may be inappropriate for younger audiences to see, some may find it dark, disturbing, uncomfortable, or upsetting. If you fall into that boat, please to do not continue.
I'm also trying to put myself out there more. Become more social and put out the story, art, creative little things I've made. Not because of attention or money but because I want to get better at socializing, I want to get better at being well... Myself. I want to share who I am and what I love with the world. It's a journey, one that I hope to share with others so somebody else may find the courage to be, well themselves and share the things they love and cherish as well.
✎.. Repost, Usage & Translation, Permissions
✎.. Tags Navigation
I am totally fine and chill with it if you want to repost my work on another platform that I may not be on, translation to another language, and/or even personal / private usage (like useing one of my drawings as your pfp or a face claim for a character). However if you do this, put credit & do NOT remove my signature / watermark.
If my work inspires you to go do or create something of your own, neat! Go ahead and do it, make that thing! No need to ask for permission if you can. Tag me too, I'd like to see anything that I help inspire to be made. However.... With that said, I don't condone the usage of plagiarism, cleaning my art to be yours, & it being fed to ai. Seriously don't, just don't do any of those things. If you do then... Welp you just have given me permission to send you to the shadow realm and/or steal your heart~~
I will admit, I live my life in half organized chaos. With different variations of effort into organising and maintaining it.
Caught all / who knows what you will find are - 'Too lazy to tag', 'Light's silly lil posts', 'Light silly lil reblogs', 'Text posts'
Art & creative project tags should hopefully be the most simple, self explanatory - 'art', 'illustration', 'artist on trumblr', 'fanart', 'traditional art', 'my art', 'not my art', 'fanart', 'writing', 'poetry'
Original Characters & my D&D characters are definitely more of the neglected tags. I haven't bothered to really organise em, so just like on ToyHouse ... It's a god damn mess. However looking the name of the character and/or their fandom might help... - 'oc' '(insert name)', '(insert fandom) oc', 'D&D character' 'DnD Character'
Miscellaneous tags, the truly random russian roulette of my tags... I have no idea what you will find. You might laugh, or you might be horrified, it's up to you to decide - 'sleep deprived', '4am rambles', 'witchy shit' 'unintelligible screaming'
Fandom related posts should be tagged with the name / abbreviation of the content. Such as if you were looking for things about Don't Starve or Persona then the tags would be - 'Don't Starve', 'dst', 'Persona' 'P5R' ⤵
ㅤㅤㅤAlso Fandom specific related things like character names, ships, builds, ect will have it somewhere in the tag. Idk where or how consistent, it's honestly up to you to furiger it out & know how Trumblrs tagging system works lol ⤵
ㅤㅤㅤㅤSome of the of the fandom / topics you can find me rambling to different extents include but are the limited to; The Persona Series, P5 & P5R especially, Don't Starve, Welcome to Nightvale, D&D, Star Wars, Undertale / Deltarune, Hollow Knight / Silksong, Destiny, Cult of the Lamb, Stardew Valley, Bloodborne, Bladur's Gate 3, Shoulder a Coffin Kuro, Sailor Moon, Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun, The Owl House, Gravity Falls, Pasmophobia, .... I know that I'm missing some.
✎.. Commissions & Requests
..... I will admit commissions are something I would like to set up eventually. But that will happen, when it happens. In the meantime however, you are always free to request I draw something.
✎.. Special Thanks & Credit
Thanks to...
My big brother - For always being there for me. Picking on me, sending me random ass shit, letting me ramble about whatever has my attention, making me laugh, helping me with ideas, reading me stories. You are truly the best big brother I could ask for. <3
Credit...
My two adorable lil cats Puffin & Maple - They can be such little brats sometimes but I love them so much and they both can be super adorable. Sometimes all it takes is seeing these 2 cuddling together, or cuddling me to make my day instantly better. <3
None so far, as I haven't used anybody else's work yet.
ㅤ *The version of this post on the dumpster lighter fire account may be outdated. If that seems to be the case, please let me / remind me to update it. Otherwise it likely won't until I randomly remember / notice. Thank you.
I've been reading one of the tales about Arséne as I need to read for a class project & Arséne the persona from p5r that I'm the most curious about the origins of. And this... THIS has made me hysterical.
IMAGINE being this fucking lady on the train. It's 1900 whatever the hell, you're on a train sitting next to your husband, the train cart is empty except for you and your hubby. And this odd lookin guy with a tophat, overcoat that I've been imagining as bright red comes it and sees you. Concerned, annoyed, whatever have you, you tell your husband and he just stora shrug tell you not to worry about the guy - you assume is a weirdo. And the guy is just standing there with his silly lil top hat and overcoat monologuing in his head. You don't even know that he's Arséne Lupin, just some weird guy on the train standing there monologuing in his head with a silly lil top hat and over coat.
*Still a work in progress... Since like February 2024... Lmao
✎.. Hello & Welcome to LighterFire's Blog
This post is going to be quite the doozy. As it's going to be an introductory, master post, commission information & an all in general guide to my blog all in this one massive massive post. As I will admittedly lazy & quickly discovered it's just easier for me to keep track of everything if it's all just in one single post. Due to this post being fairly long, more information can be found under the cut for quality of life of myself & anyone that doesn't want to scroll through everything.
You can find me in different places under these handles;
Tumblr (art) - @lighterfire9000
Tumblr (Main?) - @dumpster-lighterfire
YouTube - @/LighterFire9000
ToyHouse - @/LighterFire
.... One day I'll throw everything together in a carrd, .... eventually.
✎.. General
Let's start with the basics and the general information you likely could have figured out on your own. My name is LighterFire but Light and/or Fire also works, you may also call me Charlotte. I am an autistic artist, writer, youtuber & witch. The content I make usually evolves around whatever is my current strongest special interest and hyperfixation. The two strongest ones are normally Don't Starve Together or Persona. However it is know to be all over the place everything from books, games, art, anime, podcasts, cats, the rings of Saturn (not Saturn it's self just it's rings) and other random things. I am with my special interest and hypefixation like a... Bouncy ball. A bouncy ball that a higher being picks up, drops it and that ball bounces everywhere before landing inside a cup labelled with the special interest and hypefixation is going to be.
But when everything is boiled down to it's most simplest form and the chaos of life is put to the aside at heart I am a storyteller, a ponder, a dreamer. Sometimes when I read lore or lines from something, I can't help but wonder what's the story behind this? What were the people like who experience this? What is the impact they had on others? And sometimes I take those questions to create a story to answer them. Reading, sharing, wondering, and dreaming about stories is what I do, it's in my blood. So no matter what the current special interest or hyperfixation is, you will always find stories here. But not every story is suitable for all audiences and the same can be said about my blog and content. It may be inappropriate for younger audiences to see, some may find it dark, disturbing, uncomfortable, or upsetting. If you fall into that boat, please to do not continue.
I'm also trying to put myself out there more. Become more social and put out the story, art, creative little things I've made. Not because of attention or money but because I want to get better at socializing, I want to get better at being well... Myself. I want to share who I am and what I love with the world. It's a journey, one that I hope to share with others so somebody else may find the courage to be, well themselves and share the things they love and cherish as well.
✎.. Tags Navigation
I will admit, I live my life in half organized chaos. With different variations of effort into organising and maintaining it.
Caught all / who knows what you will find are - 'Too lazy to tag', 'Light's silly lil posts', 'Light silly lil reblogs', 'Text posts'
Art & creative project tags should hopefully be the most simple, self explanatory - 'art', 'illustration', 'artist on trumblr', 'fanart', 'traditional art', 'my art', 'not my art', 'fanart', 'writing', 'poetry'
..... I will admit commissions are something I would like to set up eventually. But that will happen, when it happens. In the meantime however, you are always free to request I draw something.
Original Characters & my D&D characters are definitely more of the neglected tags. I haven't bothered to really organise em, so just like on ToyHouse ... It's a god damn mess. However looking the name of the character and/or their fandom might help... - 'oc' '(insert name)', '(insert fandom) oc', 'D&D character' 'DnD Character'
Miscellaneous tags, the truly random russian roulette of my tags... I have no idea what you will find. You might laugh, or you might be horrified, it's up to you to decide - 'sleep deprived', '4am rambles', 'witchy shit' 'unintelligible screaming'
Fandom related posts should be tagged with the name / abbreviation of the content. Such as if you were looking for things about Don't Starve or Persona then the tags would be - 'Don't Starve', 'dst', 'Persona' 'P5R' ⤵
ㅤㅤㅤAlso Fandom specific related things like character names, ships, builds, ect will have it somewhere in the tag. Idk where or how consistent, it's honestly up to you to furiger it out & know how Trumblrs tagging system works lol ⤵
ㅤㅤㅤㅤSome of the of the fandom / topics you can find me rambling to different extents include but are the limited to; The Persona Series, P5 & P5R especially, Don't Starve, Welcome to Nightvale, D&D, Star Wars, Undertale / Deltarune, Hollow Knight / Silksong, Destiny, Cult of the Lamb, Stardew Valley, Bloodborne, Bladur's Gate 3, Shoulder a Coffin Kuro, Sailor Moon, Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun, The Owl House, Gravity Falls, Pasmophobia, .... I know that I'm missing some.
✎.. Commissions & Requests
✎.. Special Thanks & Credit
Thanks to...
My big brother - For always being there for me. Picking on me, sending me random ass shit, letting me ramble about whatever has my attention, making me laugh, helping me with ideas, reading me stories. You are truly the best big brother I could ask for. <3
Credit...
None so far, as I haven't used anybody else's work yet.
ㅤ *The version of this post on the dumpster lighter fire account may be outdated. If that seems to be the case, please let me / remind me to update it. Otherwise it likely won't until I randomly remember / notice. Thank you.
blakekathryn
kianamaiart
gummygunk
tangentwithtanner
snowghoul
jbbartram-illu
ellievsbear
