i have no life @evilsausageflavouredpretzel - Tumblr Blog

hello hello and welcome to my blog! my name’s lei / eddie (take your pick), my pronouns are they/them, and i have too many fandoms :)

currently obsessed with hermitcraft and just minecraft in general, which can both be found on digstraightdown. also various crime shows such as bbc father brown and midsomer murders, which can be found on allthemurders

also heads up that i am so so so so bad at replying to dms. like,, i very likely will just fully forget to ever read your message / reply to you. i am so sorry. pls send an ask or hmu on discord (gcldensunlight) if you’d like a reply!! <3

list of sideblogs

carrd (links to other social medias, playlists, fics, etc. i forget this exists a lot so it’s probably horrifically out of date)

#lowest effort pinned post ever but anyways #lei has a physical form

cbk1000

So, I lurk in some writer subreddits, and a frequent topic of discussion is prose: what constitutes good prose, how do you write it, how do you improve it, etc. And yesterday I stumbled across one topic about the difference between good descriptive prose, and purple prose. OP asks people to share some of their favourite authors who they think write beautiful prose without tipping into purple. No problem; people are happy to oblige.

One person says that Steinbeck is one of their favourite authors for prose, and then they share an example of what they would consider purple prose. It is so violetly awful that I think the poster must have written it themselves as a kind of parody of purple prose. Other people assumed the same.

But as it turns out, they are quoting from a book written by a YouTuber whose channel ia dedicated to talking about writing (namely, their own writing, which is genius, but often not comprehensible to the drooling plebs).

Naturally, I read the free sample of their book in awe and horror, and I'd like to share some screenshots with you. If you also have trouble defining or understanding what purple prose is, it's this.

Yes, every single fucking page is written like this.

#good news everyone i read this and my impostor syndrome immediately fucked off

klapollo

if youre in the US (especially the northeast + michigan) i would avoid bagged salads/greens and generally wash your produce very thoroughly unless you want the diarrhea parasite

klapollo

Michigan is experiencing its largest outbreak of a parasitic infection that causes severe diarrhea. Nearly 1,000 people have been diagnosed

this is not life-threatening, but also who wants weeks of diarrhea and a fucking parasite in them lol. if you suspect you've already had this and it's passed, i would see a doctor. you might need an antiparasitic anyway. if you're actively sick, see a doctor and they might be able to prescribe medication to help you get over it faster.

try to avoid eating raw vegetables, scrub fruit with a produce brush and rinse thoroughly with water. again, don't bother with premade greens or bagged salads. if you buy lettuce, remove the outer 2-3 layers of leaves.

there are UNVERIFIED rumors that the greens have been linked to a company that sources to taco bell. some locations have been actively pulling fresh ingredients like lettuce, avocado, and pico de gallo to mitigate the threat, so i would avoid any products from them just in case. considering how vast supply chains are, i'd be wary of any fast food greens in general for now.

wiselwisel

Las leyes de la física son inquebrantables.

detrout

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

heard someone say "who even owns a rolling pin anymore" and my brain froze trying to process it. what does that mean. are u implying rolling pins are outdated technology? did we come up with a shiny new 21st century method of flattening dough of which i remain uninformed? is there now an app on the app store people are using instead??? im losing my mind "who even owns a rolling pin" people who BAKE

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

#kneadless comment

pukicho

I got whatever ADHD is called

ineedtestosterone2763

ADHD is called ADHD.

pukicho

That’s the one

omtai

Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

gramarye

feminism has backslid so hard in recent years people don't even know what free the nipple means anymore

briwhosaysni

To clarify for those who don't know, "free the nipple" isn't about going braless, it's about going topless

No shirt, no bra, completely bare torso, just like cis men are allowed to

It's about desexualizing breasts and "female presenting nipples" and not being criminalized for our bodies if we want to go topless because it's a million damn degrees out. This was a popular growing movement that was still widely known a decade ago!

And the fact that not wearing a bra is so discouraged and stigmatized that people think the movement was about being able to go braless under your shirt in public rather than about being able to not wear a shirt at all says a lot about how far we've backslid in the past decade

strawberry-crocodile

for real tho it feels exhausting that ive seen this whole "woman should be allowed to abstain from X beauty standard" -> "i perform X beauty standard, am i evil? do you think im evil? please forgive me i came up with a dozen excuses 🥺" since like 2015 (and i know its been going on longer than that) like girl thats not the poiiiiint

strawberry-crocodile

look me in the eyes. repeat after me. "i face societal pressure to perform this beauty standard. i should not face that pressure. i conform to this standard. i am rewarded for performing to this standard. i need to respect women who do not perform this standard. this is not about whether or not i am a sinner for wearing makeup."

zombies-sold-cheap

edit I made for the real ones

partywithponies

I love you strange autistic people in my phone 💖

theunsubtleknife

Sleeping poorly is so embarrassing... sorry im grumpy I stayed up past my bedtime. Like a toddler

transheadcrab

why do they always show cranberries in thos big pits n its implied its wet and possibly swimmable. do cranberries really grow like that. wh

khamingbird-blog

You’ve never heard of The Bog?

transheadcrab

th

the what

transheadcrab

EACH ADDITION TO THIS POST MAKES MY BLOOD RUN COLD

punkrorschach

This is a cranberry bog (unflooded) it’s how cranberries grow. Once they’re ripe, the blog is flooded and the cranberries harvested.

Basically by using big floaty things to round them all up and then scooping them out of the water.

transheadcrab

thank u. i hate it a little less but the horrible little man in my head is still screaming “BOG BODY BOG BODY BOG BODY”, but i appreciate the education,

bomberqueen17

oh here is a fun lil perspective on cranberry harvesting i never heard about anywhere else. the guy who owns the restaurant right down the road from the farm, who fries our chickens sometimes, is from Boston, with the strongest Boston accent ever, and in a former life before he started slinging reasonably priced barbeque and occasional organic chicken, he was a cranberry farmer.

His farm was on the leading edge of kinda using organic/sustainable pest control methods, and one of the things that they did to keep insect damage down was that they encouraged wolf spiders to live in the cranberry field, to eat the bugs.

This was all fine and good until they flooded the bog. Now, you don’t just like flood the bog and then go around it in a boat or whatever. No, you use hip waders to get in there and put the big floaty things where they go and get all the berries and such.

Well when you’re in the bog in hip waders, that makes you the tallest thing. Wolf spiders can swim a bit, but they don’t like it, so they’re, quite understandably, looking to climb out of the water onto a tall thing.

So yeah the first interview question he always asked potential cranberry bog harvester hires was “are you cool with spiders?”

“You’d be amazed,” he said to us, shaking his head a little, “how many guys would just straight lie. Like, you think I’m asking you that question to be cute? Nah man you’re gonna have like a hundred wolf spiders trying to climb your eyebrows, you gotta be chill, those wolf spiders are fellow employees. You really gotta be chill with spiders if you’re gonna work a cranberry harvest.”

antiocheanism

happy international workers day to the cranberry bog spiders

massachusetts-official

Official Post of Massachusetts

vrabia

today i learned that the finnish word for ‘hazardous waste’ is ongelmajäte, which can also translate as ‘problematic garbage’ and my roommate and i immediately agreed this is a word that belongs on tumblr.

callmebliss

Your fave is ongelmajäte

you-had-me-at-e-flat-major

in german it’s Sondermüll which means special trash and that too belongs on tumblr

pyrebomb

One man’s ongelmajäte is another man’s sondermüll.

json-derulo

for sale: Baby Shoes Stylish Infant Boy Girl Unisex First Walker Shoes Toddler Walking Crib Shoes Lightweight Non-Slip Sneakers For 6 9 12 18 24 Months Baby Shoes New With Tags New In Box Excellent Condition Never Worn

stimman3000

we’re really at that point in the year where no one cares about anything huh

krishnadewme

lionkins

wallpatterns-deactivated2019120

My psych professor mentioned swaddling in lecture so I emailed him a picture of me being swaddled in my dorm room and asked if I could get extra credit because it was really hot in there and I got really sweaty and he was like “fabulous, sure”