Little Women (1994), dir. Gillian Armstrong.

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@feminist-hufflepuff
Little Women (1994), dir. Gillian Armstrong.
[ID: a twitter thread by Gon with the wind….like Ging @Satirony:
Marriage betweeen a man and woman was built in a way that benefits men far more than women. This is well studied.
If you’re a man marrying a woman, you need to be cognizant of this and make sure you *overcompensate* in order to make things as egalitarian as possible.
I emphasize overcompensating because there are aspects of relationships between men and women that far more often than not result in women doing more, because we live in a patriarchal and misogynistic society.
So you need to make sure you’re consciously doing more to compensate for the unseen things that she will most likely be doing.
And this is especially true in societies in which women also work outside of the home (so the past several decades in most Western societies).
And I refuse to have a dynamic that my parents, like a lot of late Baby Boomers, had.
One in which both the man and woman work outside the house, but the woman still does most of the child rearing and cleaning at home.
I know somebody is eventually gonna assume I’m saying this with ulterior motives and ask something stupid like “did she pick you?”
The answer is yes, she did. I’m married. Now go reflect on your inadequacies as a partner.
below is a shared gif of a woman taking a sip from a martini glass. end ID.]
What are your thoughts on cultural appropriation?
I think it’s often exaggerated to hell as I’ve seen it on tumblr. That’s not to say it doesn’t exist, though.
A white person wearing a kimono won’t singlehandedly kill the Japanese population, and is in fact often seen (with good reason) to be respectful. A lot of Japanese people like foreigners wearing their clothing - they’ll give them as gifts, help them put them on and be delighted that someone is embracing this little part of their culture.
You know what’s cultural appropriation? Taking something of historical or religious significance and making fun of it or outright desecrating it (looking at YOU, j-law in hawaii), simplifying something to an outright offensive portrayal of what it actually is instead of looking into the significance of it (see: geisha, who have slowly become to be associated with ‘comfort women’ or courtesans because of how ‘exotic’ they were perceived to be), racism (wearing a sombrero hat is all in good fun, but when it accompanies blackface / racist remarks, stereotypes + accents, not so much ), and lumping cultures with a common signifier (native american reservations, asian countries, african countries) and heavily misattributing things to them based on assumptions and rumors, which are often racist, especially things that might be practiced or be more common than your average American state, but absolutely do not represent them in any way and sometimes aren’t even a cultural thing at all. (China and eating dog; Indians being scam callers and/or inherently misogynistic, etc)
There is no reason for culture not to be shared and embraced in a respectful way – even ignorant, if the person is willing to listen and learn – and there is nothing inherently wrong, in my opinion, if culture just happens to be a tourist attraction, sometimes. Take pictures to your delight, so long as you’re not banned from doing so. Do yoga and find inner peace or whatever. Participate in tradition and be amazed, amused, poke a little fun because culture is bound to be different from what you’re used to and it’s not always considered good, it’s not always awe-inspiring, sometimes it’ll be a little silly and you’re not obligated to fully immerse yourself into appreciating it - sometimes you just experience it and move on with your life.
We are what we are because of the way culture has evolved, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to take some random user’s icy take on gatekeeping at face value.
As an anthropologist: fucking thank you!
I also want to make a quick note on the term “cultural appropriation” itself: It is not by definition a bad thing.
Cultural appropriation is, simply, doing something that is common to another culture but not your own. Human beings have been appropriating each others’ cultures since one Neanderthal looked over at what another Neanderthal was doing and said, “Nifty.”
A Swede learning to cook stir-fry is cultural appropriation. A Korean eating pizza is cultural appropriation. An American wearing a kimono to a festival in Japan is cultural appropriation. But that’s fine! There’s nothing wrong with sharing ways of doing things, there’s nothing wrong with participating, especially when the sharing of knowledge/methodology improves people’s lives!
What isn’t fine is, as OP said, being disrespectful. Treating sacred objects as decoration is not okay. Misusing terminology is not okay. Forcing a group into a debt to you specifically to the point where they have to make and sell you cultural objects for a pittance, and then turning around and selling those objects to tourists and making bank is not okay.
What also isn’t fine is seeing a picture of someone whom you assume to be white wearing a sari and bitching her out because you don’t know that she’s half American and half Indian and that’s her fucking sari. What isn’t fine is seeing an American at a festival in Japan and bitching him out because you don’t know that his Japanese friends dressed him up for the festival because Western clothes would be totally out of place. What isn’t fine is speaking over minorities as you try to “defend” them from what you deem to be bad behaviour when your judgement is based in your own ethnocentrism.
Human beings are curious creatures. We’re always going to want to see what the other guy’s doing. There’s nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is taking advantage of the other guy or spitting on the things that are important to him. And that’s equally true when someone is saying “Stop abusing our culture” and when someone is saying “Please participate in our culture.”
Why does being a woman put you at greater risk of having anxiety? Part biology, part what we teach our kids about their place in the world.
So we’re teaching girls to be anxious wrecks and boys to disregard the possibility of consequences for incautious behavior. This explains a lot of things. Like… why women are anxious wrecks and men are frequently surprised when it turns out their actions do in fact have consequences. And why men don’t bother asking for help even when they really need it, and thus more frequently die from treatable health conditions (including depression), while women end up getting a broad stereotype of being hypochondriacs (and then having a hard time getting treatment for legitimate health concerns).
https://www.ted.com/talks/caroline_paul_to_raise_brave_girls_encourage_adventure/transcript
Great example of how feminism serves not just women but people of all genders, including men.
A woman's fear is a negated reality. Women aren't afraid, they're paranoid. They watched too much CSI. They hate men and now think it's unsafe to be near a group of strangers. They had one bad experience, so what? They're hysterical. They're just high strung. They have nothing to worry about.
I am watching a bad movie, laughing over popcorn when the woman screams and the man stays calm and tells her she's imagining things. I am watching a good movie, and the woman is afraid while the man tells her to get herself together. I am watching, and the woman tells people: "this man is violent, and I am not safe", and people roll their eyes behind her, snickering in her wake. I am watching, and the woman gets a restraining order that does nothing and saves no one. I am watching, and I am afraid.
My coworker tells me he used to just walk around at night in random cities talking to random people, joining random parties. I said I could never. He asks - what is there to be afraid of?
What is there to be afraid of? If we started listening to women, the world isn't a safe one. It's easier, isn't it? To dismiss us all as being just messed up, making up stories in our head. Why bother? You know how women are. Always going to the bathroom with their friends. Always carrying their drink with them. Always making knuckled spikes out of car keys. Always checking the back seat. Always making something from nothing.
Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now?
This post is the very essence of “No ethical consumption under capitalism.” It reminds me of a poem I once read by Robert Pinsky called The Shirt, wherein the poet examines the shirt he’s wearing and discovers between its fibers the whole history of human suffering that brought it to him.
Robert Pinsky - The Shirt
The back, the yoke, the yardage. Lapped seams, The nearly invisible stitches along the collar Turned in a sweatshop by Koreans or Malaysians Gossiping over tea and noodles on their break Or talking money or politics while one fitted This armpiece with its overseam to the band Of cuff I button at my wrist. The presser, the cutter, The wringer, the mangle. The needle, the union, The treadle, the bobbin. The code. The infamous blaze At the Triangle Factory in nineteen-eleven. One hundred and forty-six died in the flames On the ninth floor, no hydrants, no fire escapes— The witness in a building across the street Who watched how a young man helped a girl to step Up to the windowsill, then held her out Away from the masonry wall and let her drop. And then another. As if he were helping them up To enter a streetcar, and not eternity. A third before he dropped her put her arms Around his neck and kissed him. Then he held Her into space, and dropped her. Almost at once He stepped to the sill himself, his jacket flared And fluttered up from his shirt as he came down, Air filling up the legs of his gray trousers— Like Hart Crane’s Bedlamite, “shrill shirt ballooning.” Wonderful how the pattern matches perfectly Across the placket and over the twin bar-tacked Corners of both pockets, like a strict rhyme Or a major chord. Prints, plaids, checks, Houndstooth, Tattersall, Madras. The clan tartans Invented by mill-owners inspired by the hoax of Ossian, To control their savage Scottish workers, tamed By a fabricated heraldry: MacGregor, Bailey, MacMartin. The kilt, devised for workers To wear among the dusty clattering looms. Weavers, carders, spinners. The loader, The docker, the navvy. The planter, the picker, the sorter Sweating at her machine in a litter of cotton As slaves in calico headrags sweated in fields: George Herbert, your descendant is a Black Lady in South Carolina, her name is Irma And she inspected my shirt. Its color and fit And feel and its clean smell have satisfied Both her and me. We have culled its cost and quality Down to the buttons of simulated bone, The buttonholes, the sizing, the facing, the characters Printed in black on neckband and tail. The shape, The label, the labor, the color, the shade. The shirt.
HI LET’S SHARE NICOLE’S WORDS ON THE SUBJECT!
It has been literal years but every time I see Martin’s tweets posted somewhere and his word is shared as truth while her post is not shared it sort of reiterates the fact that we trust men to speak about feminism more than we believe women who experience it.
Interesting, innit? https://medium.com/@nickyknacks/working-while-female-59a5de3ad266
Reading her account of how their boss treated her blows me away. Men are so emboldened that they will literally admit to illegal discrimination casually and face no consequences.
In all the years of seeing this post I’ve never seen a link to her side. Didn’t even know she’d written one.
Adding screenshots of her post. His whole post is there without needing a link. Hers should be, too.
Also, she posted this is 2017! It’s fucking 2020 and I’ve seen his side of this for years, but it took 3 years for her side to make its way to my dash…
I’ve reblogged his story at least twice; it’s time for Nicole’s.
One of the most healing things I’ve strove (striven?) to do in my life is viewing sex as just another thing people do, among a host of other things like eating and pooping and playing with cats.
Our entire society, feminists and puritans alike, pushes the idea that sex is uniquely powerful and dangerous, capable of inflicting The Worst Trauma or the Highest Fulfillment, and that’s…just flat out untrue. Other experiences can cause similar trauma: violence, disasters, war, instability. Other experiences can result in transcendent pleasure: trance states, live music, non-sexual intimacy, tattoos.
I think this is where the disconnect in perception about sex positivity comes from, because the phrase itself makes people who already view sex as being uniquely powerful think sex positivity means viewing sex as uniquely good, when actually…it’s mostly about taking sex off that pedestal. Normalizing sex. Making it into just another thing people do. Because that’s the first step in making sure people can engage with sex on their own terms in a healthy way.
Taking sex off its cultural pedestal was the thing that allowed me to overcome the deeply-instilled shame I developed from being raised within Christian purity culture, and from being queer, and from existing as a woman. I think a failure to do that, in feminist circles, often leads to an overblowing of the (very real) harm that sex has the potential to do at the exclusion of other problems facing women and other marginalized groups, which often leads to more shaming rhetoric - just rhetoric that shames different people for different reasons.
Sex is not the enemy and it’s not our savior. It’s just one more thing people can do with their bodies.
Conceptualising sex in this way greatly helps to break down the sex negative attitudes that feed into the aromisia and sex shaming found in the harassment and abuse directed at alloaros.
i said yes to him, maybe more than i should have. yes was easier than arguing about it. this was a quiet sorrow. our relationship wasn’t that bad. but i would close my eyes and leave my body and say to my bones: turn over. you don’t need to like it, you just need to do it.
i think about this a lot. where i learned it from. i have the same mantra at the gym. i have the same mantra over salad. i have the same mantra at 3 AM while doing homework: it doesn’t have to feel good, but it does have to happen.
where did i learn it from, that life is a thing to be endured and not celebrated. that each moment is either a bad space or bracing for the next wound. to hop from catcall to grope to spiked drink without batting an eye - this is just something to live through, turn over. to minimize my space in trains, to maximize his needs, his desires, all without complaining. to say yes when it is unearned.
my keychain has a whistle on it. this is not uncommon. most of us have been prepared for The Emergency since we were old enough to be told what to wear. did i think that the emergency had to look and act a certain way for it to actually be an emergency. did i think that, under the threat of something worse, the silver of this violence was something smoother. this isn’t The Emergency. this is the yes, and i did say yes.
worse things happened to me. they deserved a loud whistle and a bright red light. this is not worse. i don’t have to like it, because what i do like, i will be mocked for. i just have to deal with it, and i must do so prettily, without pouting, without complaint. how do i phrase this to my therapist. at the time it was just easier. at the time it was just how things worked between us. i have been a good girl all my life. i have always been quiet and thoughtful and ready to drop my own needs at a moment’s notice. this was just another version of being good. i was keeping us together. i was helping out. i was just doing what was expected of me, and i can’t regret that now.
but what do i get? at the end of all this, what happens to me? why does asking that feel selfish and nasty?
hot take: ‘chivalry’ is fine as long as it’s adapted to 21st century values. if you are a male, you SHOULD be aware that your female friends face certain issues that you as a male dont. acting on that awareness in a way that keeps your female friends safe, isn’t a bad thing.
like… opening doors isn’t rly chivalrous when it’s just a thing you ought to do for everyone. but real 21st century chivalry might be, like, standing between your female friend and the guy that’s trying to get her drunk, or offering to walk her home when it’s late.
if the ‘chivalry’ inconveniences everyone involved and you’re just doing it for your over-inflated male ego — ie, “no you’re the girl here, you HAVE to let me hold this door for you and do all these things for you even when you can do it yourself and im just slowing you down” — then it’s just outdated misogyny.
Chivalry was literally designed to make nobles aware of their power and influence so they don’t unintentionally harm people when trying to do their job of leading and protecting people. Modern chivalry should carry on that sentiment of men and white people becoming aware of their own power of privilege and influence to help and protect the lives of their peers.
*Not to inflate their egos, but because it’s the good thing to do and makes the world a better place to be.
Chivalry, at its core, involves being helpful to people who don’t have your advantages.
It involved generosity and protecting those weaker than oneself: including opening doors when doors were made of badly fit heavy wood and often got stuck,and women, especially undernourished exhausted-from-childcare women, had a harder time opening them. It involved not lying, and following through on your promises. (A guy who is consistently late with the accounting reports, which delays the whole team, is not dedicated to chivalry, no matter how polite he is on a date.)
Chivalry is a code of ethics that involves dedicating one’s strength and skills in service to others; it’s not based on gender roles.
Chivalry is a code of ethics that involves dedicating one’s strength and skills in service to others; it’s not based on gender roles.
@wearepaladin
men will watch the most trash shit ever released but when it comes to a girl squad movie it needs to meet the highest bar to be considered watchable and worthy of their oh so valuable time lol i have to laugh
i was thinking abt that earlier bc my coworker said "so birds of prey doesn't look very good" and i said "i don't care if it's the most trash ass movie ever made, i'm excited and i'm GONNA watch it!" he said "what, just because they're women" and i said "uh. yeah."
especially in genres, women are held to a weirdly high standard. there are like eight fucking movies where tom cruise plays himself in ridiculous high-stakes spy settings and no one bitches that they're unrealistic or stupid or whatever but margot robbie does it once and suddenly it's all about the integrity of the art.
women exist in a whole universe in and of themselves
I honestly think relationships in general would be healthier, in general, if we didn’t believe they should always, by default, last forever.
When the default is “forever” and shorter relationships are seen as a failure, we miss out on a lot. We stay in relationships that don’t work because they’re not “bad enough” to leave, as though not wanting the relationship anymore isn’t a good enough reason. We deny ourselves happy memories, saying “If it doesn’t work now, our love then wasn’t real.” We pass on relationships we know would be short, because if it doesn’t last forever, what’s the point in joy in the moment?
An ending isn’t a failure. It’s an ending. Most relationships have them. What would our relationships be like if we stopped focusing on our fear of endings and started focusing on what we - and our friends, partners, and families - need and want right now?
fuck it uppppppp
the fact that women were angry at their rapists being expressed through art, just goes to show that this is and was, a big issue for women throughout time. nothing changed and men keep trying to silence us in ANY WAY. feminism was ALWAYS an issue.
take this seriously, men will do anything to silence us. don’t be quiet, raise your voice.
please raise your children to wash their hands after they use the restroom I’ve watched too many men walk straight out of the bathroom from the stall without a second thought and it’s keeping me up at night
I mean if you taking a piss who cares if you don’t wash your hands, unless you just like go full power and spray yourself like a out of control fire hose
stay the fuck away from me
people who wash their hands after peeing are weak and must be culled
The only excuse for not washing your hands after you piss is mastering the art of pissing without touching your genitals.
You wash your hands every time you touch your dick? How grimy is your dick?
I’m literally never shaking a man’s hand ever again in my life y'all need jesus
remember how i told y'all?
(they don’t wash their hands after shitting either)
What I’m learning is that men are the reason for “employees must wash their hands” signs and why I never put 2 and 2 together is beyond me
Just out of curiosity, do yall wash your hands every time you touch your arm or the back of your hand or any other part if your body?
wash your fucking hands, dickfingers mcgee
what the fuck is wrong with these dudes bruh
I want to spray this post with Lysol
AHEM.
“According to epidemiologist Richard T. Ellison III, it doesn’t matter what you do in the bathroom when it comes to keeping your hands clean. ‘The rationale is that when toileting, it’s possible to have fecal material and fecal bacteria get onto your hands … So it’s wisest to always wash with soap and water even after urinating. Neither plain water nor alcohol hand sanitizers are effective at removing fecal material or killing bacteria in fecal material.’
“According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, handwashing can prevent various illnesses and infections. Ellison added that it can also keep us from coming in contact with E. Coli and hepatitis.This is especially important for men to bear in mind because of perianal sweat. This type of sweat forms around the perianal area, which is the patch of skin outside the rectum. It can then spread to one’s underwear and to other parts of the body like the penis. Biology professor Pat Fidopiastis explained, ‘The point is that simply touching the penis in an effort to direct your urine flow can be more than enough to transfer harmful microbes to your hands, and then on to the pretzels sitting in bowl on the bar.’“
WASH.
YOUR.
HANDS.
One of the many stupid feelings humans are capable of having is the private, repulsive rage of seeing someone getting support and sympathy for a problem no one helped you with when you were having it, either because you didn’t have anyone or because it never occurred to you that you could ask for help. Suddenly the world seems to split into two – the realm that contains people like them, the connected and loved – and the realm that contains you, the miserable and the alone, who must suffer in solitude. This is sufficiently horrible that you grasp for reasons or world-understandings to make this reality acceptable, and a mentally available one is that it is superior to be in the miserable solitude realm, that the problem is one that should be solved with self sufficiency and dignity. That this other person is pathetic for being aided and loved when you were not. Scorn is more palatable than confronting the notion that you could have received aid (if you had made different choices or been luckier), that you desperately wish you could have been aided but were not. Scorn is more palatable than the howling hunger for things to have been different for you. So your mind chooses scorn.
It is also a bad place to be. Human existence is full of such traps.
# human existence is full of mental traps but also a mental trap is berating oneself for having these knee-jerk responses # like i spend so much time brutally dissecting every bad feeling or thought i have and going “this is stupid stop doing this” # and like… that doesn’t help??? i feel like this for a reason # i feel like this because /i’m still wounded/ # and beating up on someone who’s already bleeding is just fucking cruel # i don’t know what else to do but i know i can’t keep beating myself up for being in pain # and for expressing that pain in awful ways because i was never taught any better (x)
Study shows Millennial Men do not think of women as their equals
A majority of millennial men failed to see women as equals, according to the study, which looked at how college biology students viewed their classmates’ intelligence and achievements, the Harvard Business Review reported.
Among the findings:
In every biology class surveyed, a man was seen as the most celebrated student, even in instances where women earned significantly better grades.
Men were also found to overestimate the intelligence of their male classmates over that of female ones.
Men continued exaggerating their assessments of the male peers, despite unequivocal evidence that their female peers were performing better.
Women, conversely, weren’t found to display a bias: Their assessments of fellow classmates tended to be spot-on.
The National Institutes of Health researchers pointed out that female STEM (science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) majors drop out at significantly higher rates than their male counterparts.
“The reasons for this difference are complex, and one possible contributing factor is the social environment women experience in the classroom,” they wrote.
Still, scores of men are under the impression that they’ve become the target of reverse sexism. Conservative columnist John Hawkins ranted in Town Hall last year:
“Men have it rougher in America than most people realize. In part, that’s because they’re one of the few groups (along with white people, conservatives, and Christians) it’s cool to crap on at every opportunity. In case you haven’t noticed, there’s a nonstop assault on masculinity in America.”
But research has confirmed the reality of gender bias against women. A staggering 90 percent of women reported experiencing gender harassment in the workplace, a 2010 University of Michigan study found. The results suggest that such harassment had the purpose of driving women out of jobs and not the generally assumed motivation of trying to draw women into relationships.
“One could argue that, in these instances, ‘sexual harassment is used both to police and discipline the gender outlaw: the woman who dares to do a man’s job is made to pay,’” the researchers wrote, quoting an article by Katherine M. Franke, an associate professor of law at the University of Arizona College of Law.
As for millennial men specifically, they have been less accepting of female leaders than their older male counterparts, according to a 2014 survey of more than 2,000 adults residing in the United States, the Harvard Business Review reports.
Half of Millenial men said their careers would take priority over their partners’.
Three-fourths of women, on the other hand, said their careers would be at least as important as their husbands’.
oh look its the shit women have been saying all the damn time and antifeminists stamp their feet and cry about
Water is wet
Studies like this are so important. Especially since it’s apparently super easy and fun to discount actual women’s lived experiences.