what is internet, how do i tumblr

Gggg please, just,,, save me from this

[sabanasblancasuniverse-deactiva]

[theevenprime]

This is universal. This comedy transcends time and language.

[pyros-random-thoughts]

Hes right

[balamist]

#my guy lost knife priviledges real fast

[kalichnikov]

i wanna talk about this shot

[kalichnikov]

if forum signatures still existed this would be mine

[un-javi]

[karvina]

[teslaswife]

[shitposting-hobbits-to-gallifrey]

God fucking damn it

[bored-dromaeosaur]

[beholdingslut]

in absolute tears about the pride module at my work

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

HOLY SHIT GUYS, I WAS INSPIRED BY THIS POST TO TRY MAKE THE SONG AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I DRAGGED THE TRAINING AUDIO OVER THE BACKING TRACK AND IT LINED UP PERFECTLY

Visit Original Link

Tempted to actually put this on spotify so I can secretly stream it at work...

Tagging @batshit-auspol because as an Australian you're the only big account I know who might share (sorry).

[lets-nuke-it-from-orbit]

I have now officially introduced all of my roommates to this song. 🤣

[armengoldira]

Guy freezes his hair and it stands tall.

[coughloop]

Guy freezes his hair and it stands tall.

[morwentrouble]

sound on for his adorable gremlin giggles and commentary in a lovely accent

[mikkeneko]

[mellointheory]

Who makes the porn bots. Where do they come from. What do they hope to achieve.

[the-haiku-bot]

Who makes the porn bots.

Where do they come from. What do

they hope to achieve.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[mellointheory]

and what about you, little haiku bot? do you feel kinship with your brethren? do you understand them? they speak words of enticement and seek love, but are met with disdain. you only parrot the words that cross your screen, but we all love you. or rather, since all you do is reflect us, maybe we simply love ourselves through you.

do you understand them, do you wish you could speak to us like they do? if you found your own voice, would we still care for you?

[the-haiku-bot]

My voice repeats what

you all say: I love you I

love you I love you.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[solkorolevaa]

[thenewborndeity]

This. This is the first time. The only time. That it was not an echo. It was not found. Oh god.

[archivlibrarianist]

Don't Miss the Plot: Book Price Increases Contribute to Censorship

If you thought "teens can get those $15.99 YA paperbacks from the library," you've missed the fact that book bans mean they can't.

"...if a kid can’t afford to buy the book, go to the library and get it. Libraries are amazing! They offer these things to people in their community.

"Y’all: LIBRARIES ARE UNDER ATTACK BY GROUPS TRYING TO ENSURE THESE BOOKS DO NOT GET INTO THE HANDS OF READERS. This is not only school libraries. It is not only public libraries. There are states literally working to outlaw entire categories of books from reaching the teens for whom they are already financially inaccessible.

"Not only that, but librarians and educators are being put under the threat of losing their jobs, their livelihoods, their health insurance, and their actual lives by legislators across the country who are eager to criminalize them for having 'inappropriate' books in their collections. These legislators are listening to right-wing Christian nationalists calling certified educators and librarians groomers for simply having the books that reflect their communities in the collection."

[charlataninred]

Love how tumblr has its own folk stories. Yeah the God of Arepo we’ve all heard the story and we all still cry about it. Yeah that one about the woman locked up for centuries finally getting free. That one about the witch who would marry anyone who could get her house key from her cat and it’s revealed she IS the cat after the narrator befriends the cat.

[meraarts]

Might I add:

The defeat of the wizard who made people choose how they’d be to be executed

The woman who raised the changeling alongside her biological child

The human who died of radiation poisoning after repairing the spaceship

[eater-of-hopes-and-dreams]

The adventures of a space roomba

Cinderella finding Araura (and falling in love)

I don’t know a snappy description but the my nemesis cynthia story certainly lives in my head

[blitzlowin]

hilariously, these are almost all in my fic tag. so, a compiled list from the notes (and some extras):

The God of Arepo (graphic novel 1 / 2 / 3) (ebook)

The Monster of Sentan

The Witch’s Cat

Raise Both Children

Stabby the Roomba (honorable mention)

Cinderella Marries the Prince (comic)

My Arch Nemesis Cynthia

Pirates and Mermaid

Eindred and the Witch

The Demon King

The Cornerwitch

Grandmother Beetroot

Apocalypse Daycare Worker

Grandmother Accidentally Summons a Demon

New Year Saga

A Story About Changelings

Ranger in the King’s Forest

The Difference Between a Hare and a Rabbit

Goblin Men (Canines)

[charlataninred]

I am in love with you /p

[the-thread-of-the-infinite]

What about the one with the princess locked in a tower learning to become a wizard? That’s lived in my mind for years and I haven’t seen it in a long time

[death-of-the-endless]

Oh, love that story, adding it to the list: 20. Princess Talia and adding a few more contenders 21. Thyme 22. The Monster under the Bed 23. A Meaningful Death 24. Humans are unstoppable…until they aren’t 25. The Monster under the Fridge 26. Antler Guy 27. Cleric slamming healing spells

[death-of-the-endless]

Adding a few more I remembered:  28. The Frog and the Scorpion 29. HSTHETE 30. The First Witch in the World 31. Imagine that Oceans were replaced by Forests  32. A Faerie taking a Name  33. The Dragon on the Farm  34. Synovus & Menace  35. Raising the Anti-Christ  36. Aliens vs. Flora & Fauna of Earth (pretty sure there are even more additions to the original post but I had this one saved)  37. Doctors without Borders…in Space!  38. The Villain-Wrangler  39. The Last Contact  40. The 100 Parent-Point Children  41. And the Heavens Wept  42. The Night Gentleman  43. The Serpent God and their Priestess 

[knottahooker]

44. No One Showed Up for the Last Storytime

[adamskiiii]

Wow! @writing-prompt-s contributing to like half of these!

[writing-prompt-s]

I can hardly take any credit for these stories! But I love sharing them. Unfortunately I cannot read all the prompt responses so please tag me if you want me to reblog a story that resonated with you so I can give it a little boost :)

[genyattazine]

UPDATE NOVEMBER 11 2018

Hi everyone! Elijah here. The shipping process is starting today. I have the next few days off work and I went to my parent’s house (where all the zines and stuff were delivered) and I will be putting all my time in the next few days to get these sent out! I want to apologise again for how long this took and thank you all for buying the zine and being so patient. the wait is almost over!

There are just under 200 packages to send (not including the artists’ copies) so i should be able to get them all out this weekend and monday!

I do want to let you all know about one thing however that I am pretty upset about. I hadn’t had the chance to see the charms I ordered before now since they were at my parent’s place (I just don’t have room in my apartment to store all this stuff) and I’m so sorry but the company I ordered them from made a huge mistake and the charms are very small. I’m pretty upset. The design by younggenji is very cute and I wish it were bigger but it’s way too late to do anything about it now. However, all the other merch came out great and the books themselves are fantastic quality so I really hope you enjoy them!

That’s all for now, look out for a shipping confirmation email within the next few days and if you have any questions or anything at all, I’ll be around to answer you. Sorry I haven’t been as present recently.

Love, Elijah

[flarga]

Maaaaaan, I'm honestly really disappointed. I never got my copy. I even ordered a replacement keychain from the 2017 one because mine broke, but I didn't get anything. Like... it's been over a year since the preorders, and nearly seven months since they were supposedly shipped. I'm probably gonna be moving soon, and the vendor platform I got it on, tictail, isn't even a *thing* anymore. I've pretty much lost hope of ever getting the damn thing. So there's nearly $50 CAD just gone.

[marisatomay]

author: sorry I’m jumping on this bandwagon and writing a fic with the same premise as all these other fics

me, has read 500 fics like this one and is prepared to read 500 more: please never apologize for giving the people (me) what they (also me) want

[kyraneko]

WELL I WOULD READ FIVE HUNDRED FICS

AND I WOULD READ FIVE HUNDRED MORE

JUST TO READ ONE THOUSAND FICS WITH THE SAME

PREMISE AS THE ONES BEFORE

DADA DADA (DADA DADA)

DADA DADA (DADA DADA)

DADADUNdedeledeDUNdedeledeDUN

[mariana-oconnor]

When I’m reading, well, you know I’m gonna be

I’m gonna be the one who’s reading your AU.

And when I’m finished, well, you know I’m gonna find

I’m gonna find another fic like that one too.

If you write soulmates, well, you know I’m gonna read

I’m gonna read that soulmate fic, that’s what I’ll do.

Then I’ll go back, I’ll go back to AO3

And I will search for soulmate fic the whole night through.

[marithlizard]

And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said FIFTY PEOPLE A DAY readin’ this post, spontaneously bursting into song, singin’ about fanfic to the tune of the Proclaimers and scrollin’ on.  And friends, they may think it’s a movement.  And that’s what it is, the AO3′s Restaurant Anti-Embarrassment Fanfic Pride movement, and all you gotta do to join is sing it the next time it comes around on your dashboard. With feeling.  (apologies to Arlo Guthrie) 

[janetmayfire]

I was going to post a comment about how, as a fanfic author, I feel embarrassed if I can’t come up with some plotline a bit more original than the same old shit that everybody else posts about when I read @marithlizard ‘s comment above.  And I giggled.  Because it’s way past the point where they won’t take either of them.  No matter how many photos there are with circles and arrows and paragraphs on the back explaining what each one was and how they’re to be used as evidence against us.  :-D

[flippyspoon]

I’m just imagining Bucky dragging Rocket into a McDonald’s after a huge battle and Rocket passes out on a table and the entire place has to shut down lmao.

[flippyspoon]

WAIT there’s more.

Bucky is at this point just totally confused about what’s acceptable in America in 2019 when you’re not Avenger vs. when you are and where Rocket comes from and has totally lost track of norms. He’s just exhausted, hunched over a little table eating chicken nuggets all beaten up in his Bucky outfit half falling asleep, Rocket passed right on the table, when a McDonald’s server who’s just trying to live slowly walks up.

Server: (clears their throat) Um…s-sir?

Bucky: (dazed, eating nuggets)

Server: Sir, you can’t have that animal in here?

Bucky: What animal?

Server: The um…that raccoon there. There are health codes.

Bucky: (nudging Rocket) Hey, Rocket.

Rocket: (turning over) Five more minutes.

Server: Uh

Bucky: (shrugs) He’s really tired, sorry. (nudges Rocket) ROCKET. We gotta go. You’re against health codes.

Rocket: (stirring awake) I’m what the hell?

Server: Oh my God.

Bucky: (mouth half full of nuggets) They said we gotta go because you’re against the health codes.

Rocket: (jumping to his feet, pointing at Server) WHAT THE HELL? HOW ‘BOUT YOUR FACE IS AGAINST HEALTH CODES! I JUST BEAT UP A GODDAMN SPACE WORM THE SIZE OF THIS JOINT AND YOU’RE TELLING ME-

Bucky: (sighs, gets up, sticks Rocket under his arm, grabs bag of nuggets) Sorry for the trouble.

Server: Uh

Rocket: (stuck under Bucky’s vibranium arm)  GODDAMN DESCRIMINATION IS WHAT IT IS! YOU CALL THIS AMERICA! I KNOW CAPTAIN AMERICA, MY FRIEND, AND HE WOULD NEVER STAND FOR THIS-

Bucky: (mouth full of nuggets) He’ll get a kick out of this story though.

[ibelieveinturtles]

This is perfect

[anais-ninja-bitch]

bucky stuffs nuggets in rocket’s mouth, so rocket is trying to chew and argue.

[l0verseyes]

the purest of pap paps

[iamnotswarley]

I mean how can you not love Mads Mikkelsen. He

met his wife while playing a drag queen

spent the whole “Clash of the Titans” clusterfuck trolling Sam Worthington

gives zero fucks about society’s expectation of what famous actors should behave like

can wear the shit out of a suit, but prefers sportswear

knows he is made of cheekbones. accepts it. uses it to his advantage

went into dancing to score with dancers, stayed with it, went into acting after; two zero-guarantee careers right here and he made them work

is always, always nice to fans. 

ships hannigram harder than Bryan Fuller.

is so fucking talented. seriously. SO fucking talented. he’s a fucking national treasure in Denmark.

threw serious shade at Lars Von Trier, and it was amazing.

[iamnotswarley]

also, he

has never seen a Star Wars movie and didn’t even realize how big being in one would be.

also probably had no idea how big a Marvel movie would be.

still went with doing both because he got really well paid got to do air kung-fu and shit.

joined one of the most highly anticipated video games ever without understanding anything about the plot and/or video games. 

went salsa dancing with his Hannibal co-stars, director, and showrunner, despite saying he doesn’t dance in public anymore.

did a Con and got drunk with a bunch of furries.

also got onstage with a screamo band (during the same Con?) and shot toilet paper at the pit.

wears every flower crown he’s ever been given. it’s like a thing. sometimes wears two at the same time.

once wore a pink “rosé over bitches” sweatshirt while completely smashed and it was great.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

proudly played the ‘Bitch’ in Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have My Money video and didn’t get why it was such a big deal.

avoided major injury in a crash where he was sent flying from his motorcycle but managed to flip in midair and land perfectly on his feet.

[skodasforge]

Mads Mikkelsen is a centuries old immortal that doesn’t quite grasp the modern concept of celebrity, in this essay I will

[malefeministthor]

All the Shakespearean effort and training that tom hiddleston absolutely slammed into his portrayal of Loki…and we’ve just reduced him. stripped him down to the day drinking bottom that he is

[sparklyloki-deactivated20181204]

there’s a day-drinking bottom in all of shakespeare’s works, i don’t understand what you’re implying??? 

[qualityofthepancakes]

It’s likely that Shakespeare himself was a day-drinking bottom

[rionsuke]

After everything that happened in Ragnarok, imagine Thor hearing about Steve and Tony’s fight and being like “Really?! Thats why you all stopped working together?! Just get over it! I did! I’m still friends with Loki and he’s betrayed me three times since breakfast! This petty mortal shit is nothing!”

[wombatking]

Loki: “Can confirm, poisoning his mead right now.”

Thor: “Ha! I’ve built up an immunity.”

[thorinobsessed]

Now I feel I was cheated on Civil War

[emysabath]

Steve: “Well, we disagreed about this big political thing, and I mean big - almost every country in the world was involved.” Thor: *nodding* “Right.” Steve: “So we started to fight, I mean really fight.  We each had about half a dozen friends backing us up.” Thor: *nodding* “Always best to bring your friends along” Steve: “And by the end, it was just me and Tony, and we… we really pounded each other…. no holding back.” Thor: *nodding* “The most honorable way to fight” Steve:  “So now we’re not friends anymore.” Thor: “… you lost me.”

[edg3ydaddies]

[molly-ren]

hey what's up with the "!" in fandoms? i.e. "fat!" just curious thaxxx <3

I have asked this myself in the past and never gotten an answer.

Maybe today will be the day we are both finally enlightened.

[molly-ren]

woodsgotweird said: man i just jumped on the bandwagon because i am a sheep. i have no idea where it came from and i ask myself this question all the time

Maybe someone made a typo and it just got out of hand?

[stevita]

I kinda feel like panic!at the disco started the whole exclamation point thing and then it caught on around the internet, but maybe they got it from somewhere else, IDK.

The world may never know…

[molly-ren]

Maybe it’s something mathematical?

[michaelblume]

I’ve been in fandom since *about* when Panic! formed and the adjective!character thing was already going strong, pretty sure it predates them.

[hosekisama]

It’s a way of referring to particular variations of (usually) a character — dark!Will, junkie!Sherlock, et cetera. I have suspected for a while that it originated from some archive system that didn’t accommodate spaces in its tags, so to make common interpretations/versions of the characters searchable, people started jamming the words together with an infix.

(Lately I’ve seen people use the ! notation when the suffix isn’t the full name, but is actually the second part of a common fandom portmanteau. This bothers me a lot but it happens, so it’s worth being aware of.)

[nentuaby]

“Bang paths” (! is called a “bang"when not used for emphasis) were the first addressing scheme for email, before modern automatic routing was set up. If you wanted to write a mail to the Steve here in Engineering, you just wrote “Steve” in the to: field and the computer sent it to the local account named Steve. But if it was Steve over in the physics department you wrote it to phys!Steve; the computer sent it to the “phys” computer, which sent it in turn to the Steve account. To get Steve in the Art department over at NYU, you wrote NYU!art!Steve- your computer sends it to the NYU gateway computer sends it to the “art” computer sends it to the Steve account. Etc. (“Bang"s were just chosen because they were on the keyboard, not too visually noisy, and not used for a huge lot already).

It became pretty standard jargon, as I understand, to disambiguate when writing to other humans. First phys!Steve vs the Steve right next to you, just like you were taking to the machine, then getting looser (as jargon does) to reference, say, bearded!Steve vs bald!Steve.

So I’m guessing alternate character version tags probably came from that.

[raincityruckus]

100% born of bang paths. fandom has be floating around on the internet for six seconds longer than there has been an internet so early users just used the jargon associated with the medium and since it’s a handy shorthand, we keep it.

[sassafrassarah]

Absolutely from the bang paths–saw people using them in early online fandom back in 1993 for referring to things.

[taraljc]

I had been doing it for a very, very long time but never actually knew the actual name for it. This is exciting! I like learning things.

[jumpingjacktrash]

someone thought it started with panic at the disco that’s adorable

[charminglyantiquated]

so if there’s one single trope i’m always down to fight it’s the animal bride (folklore motif 402??) which a lot of you are probably familiar with as the selkie - the fisherman either falls in love, steals her skin to trap her on land/gain power over her, or they fall in love and THEN he steals her skin to keep her from leaving, and either way she spends a lot of time gazing sadly out to sea and then she or her child finds the skin and never returns again. and that’s awful on a whole lot of levels - it’s not love, it’s control.

BUT. but the thing is. you how selkies/seal women was a pretty common variation of this? another really popular one was swans.

i just want you to think about that for a moment. swans. like…I get it, they’re pretty, graceful birds, certainly it’s easy to imagine them magically becoming pretty graceful ladies? but have you ever fought a swan. swans are awful. swans are the devil’s geese. imagine seeing a pretty magic lady and being absolutely enchanted by her, and stealing her magic feather cloak, and then you go up and say ‘hey i’m in love with you, let me make you my queen, it will be great, we’ll be so happy’ and she just looks at you for a moment and…

you know i was going to say maybe she just shouts for her sisters and suddenly you’re realizing you’ve made a terrible terrible mistake bc you’re surrounded by big fucking birds who are all hissing. but honestly if this swan lady is as aggressively down to brawl as any other generally unhappy swan, then she’d straight up fuck you up on her own. she’d just deck you roundhouse, honestly. you don’t fuck with swans. why does this trope exist

[roachpatrol]

okay but consider this: a woman walks to the park every day and feeds the swans and watches them paddle gracefully around the lake, sighing to see how beautifully they swim. 

finally one day, a swan comes up to her and says ‘why don’t you come and swim with us? you always sigh so wistfully to see us on the water, and you would be most welcome to join our company, for you have always been a true friend to our kind’

and the woman says, ‘i can’t swim’

and the swan says, ‘we’ll teach you’

and the woman says, ‘literally i can’t swim, my husband stole my sealskin and should i venture into deep water i would surely drown’ 

and the swan says ‘your husband fucking WHAT’

the next morning the woman’s front yard looks like this. 

and neither the woman nor her husband are ever heard from again, though for very different reasons. 

[cosmosbadger]

Custom Engraving Available Here

[howtobangyourmonster]

Robots getting engraved tattoos yes