FreakOfNerdsher

I’ve procrastinated making a tumblr since 2010 and the posts I’ve missed since then haunt me — She/Her

[seafoampuddings]

Oh, what I would pay to know what was going on in the heads of Interpol agents in the Frame Up Job, like imagine being in their shoes: you come to an estate sale because a never-before-seen painting of a famous artist got stolen, probably a standard affair in their business. But then you watch your boss, the infamous James Sterling, completely spiral over the course of one afternoon because a couple has him absolutely wrapped around their fingers.

One second, he pins them as prime suspects on sight; the next, he's working alongside them to solve the case. The man (who faked being an undercover Interpol agent, by the way) says the guy whose estate is being solved was actually murdered? Well, in that case, it's got to be murder!

Quickly, you concluded that the butler did it; all is well and good. You recovered the mystery stolen painting (with the help of a couple you're growing surer by the second are some flavour of criminals, but Sterling seems to be chill with that fact, so it's probably fine). Now all that's left to do is to tag it as evidence and wrap this whole thing up - oh, what did you say? Your boss's rival(?)-turned-suspect-turned-partner-turned-general-pain-in-the-ass vaguely implied that something about their procedure might be a little bit iffy? Apparently, that alone is enough to send Sterling into an absolute frenzy, demanding that everything be double-checked twice over.

No, wait, 5 minutes later, the couple is back, confessing to stealing not one but two paintings, but only for like, a little bit, so they could do some backyard vodka-paint test. And they're claiming all of the paintings in the collection are fake. That's got to be the breaking point, right? We're arresting them! Never mind, we're back on their side, working with them to figure out what the hell is going on.

After a too-long day, you figure it all out (well, not you, the criminal duo does, but you're just so fed up with the case, you don't even particularly care). The curator did it and then accidentally died in pursuit, but at least you got an answer. You need a drink. You need to return to England, away from this circus, so your boss can start acting semi-normally again.

And then comes the next morning, and Sterling is trotting right back to the estate to arrest a 3rd person in the case, because even though he says he hates their guts, apparently, the second the criminal couple calls, he will come right back to them like a trained dog.

[beautifulscreaminglady]

This is from The Zoo Job. Parker is playing a character here, but considering that we do know this foster father was abusive and that she blew up a house, it's possible that her foster mother was an addict as well.

Parker: Medicine? What are you talking about? Dr. Frank: Well, you've been diagnosed with kleptomania, and in addition to talk therapy, there's a drug protocol. Parker: No, I don't, I-I don't do drugs. Dr. Frank (laughs): It's not doing drugs, Rose. Antidepressants are taken by 20 million Americans every day to treat a variety of behavioral disorders. It's perfectly safe.

"The 12 Step Job"

[batsandbirdbrains]

I have no time to currently expand on this idea but I thought abt it on my commute to work this morning:

Stuntman Dick Grayson.

Easy way to get his fix as an adrenaline junkie and also get paid. He’d have fun. He has loads of training to do it well. He performed in a circus when he was little, so he’s not afraid of the spotlight. Would give him a way to be in showbiz without actually being an actor. He can total cars for a living and jump out of helicopters and fall from buildings and drive boats through rings of fire.

And he’d look hot doing all of it.

I love this idea actually I love it.

[neon-in-the-night-time]

television comedy peaked at "get ready for a large file transfer" *pushes filing cabinet out a fourth story window*

[imaginarygirltnt]

One of the funniest things in Leverage is where they go through a whole bunch of plans to ensure the item is deemed a fake and then it turned out that none of it mattered because the bad guy had already paid off the appraiser to say the item was real 😆

[garashir]

hey friends where is that picture of boromir with the gondor flag except its a pride flag?

[lesbiansforboromir]

Couldn’t find it so I made another because you’re right that it’s a crime and it’s definitely my duty to remedy it

[copperbadge]

I was innocently buying a soda and a Kit Kat bar from a snack shop recently when the cashier said, "Oh, a Kit Kat! That's what I named my cat!" and then launched into An Monologue.

Nobody was behind me in line, which seemed to be a good reason for her to treat me to a five minute retelling of the identification, rescue, and argument over initial custody of Kit Kat, who was so small they thought when they first heard him crying for help that he was a bird and not a kitten in a tree, and is now fifteen pounds of "pure, sculpted lardass".

And I didn't mind, precisely, I wasn't bored or anything, but around the time she was bringing me up to speed on Kit Kat's current status it occurred to me that this woman is a cashier in a store that primarily sells candy bars and beverages. People must buy Kit Kat bars from her multiple times a day. Does she do this every time there's nobody in line behind the purchaser? Did I just have that I Own Several Cats And Will Enjoy Your Cat Stories look about me? Was it the first time it occurred to her that she sold the brand of candy bar she named her cat after? Was she new to the job of selling Kit Kat bars?

The idea that every time she sees a Kit Kat bar she is gripped by the urge, Manchurian Candidate style, to retell the story of Kit Kat the Cat, elevates her from a friendly cashier to a deep enigma. Truly there is no knowing the mind of another.

[copperbadge]

IT GETS FUNNIER

I was in the same snack shop, which I'm in, like, once a month, recently. I only recognized her because I spent five minutes listening to this monologue in sincere wonder. But I did recognize her, so as I was buying a soda and a Milky Way bar (this time) I said, without thinking about how this would come across, "Hey, how's Kit Kat?"

She looked genuinely horrified and said, "What...how?"

"Oh fuck!" I blurted. "Sorry! You told me about him last time!"

This is still quite cryptic as responses go but she gave me a frankly frantic look of sudden recognition and said, "He's fine! You bought a Kit Kat! I was unmedicated!"

I did not inform her she is small town famous on Tumblr and instead just said, "Glad you're both doing well!" and we parted as confused and mortified friends.

Gosh she's fun. I hope she's there next time. I want to reenact the Spiderman Pointing meme with her.

[calsvoid]

me and the moots

[sonicemp3]

ok also adjacent to parker finally getting the hugs she needs and also this post that always makes me so aaaaAAAHHHH to see it, i think parker really really likes being touched. like truly. not at first, because it takes her a while to get used to it and to not constantly be surprised/overwhelmed by it (she went so long without, after all), and i think it’s also gotta be the right people, can’t just be anyone, but seriously, once she’s been with hardison long enough and has had enough practice and experience she just can’t get enough of being close to him. and then after eliot’s in the mix too it’s full send 1000/10 please don’t stop touching her please don’t take your hand away please please please???? please

and while she loves the bigger stuff—cuddling, snuggling, long hugs, making out—she also LOVES the smaller, more incidental stuff too: hardison squeezing her shoulder as he walks by her at the kitchen table on the way to his office, eliot’s hand brushing over the small of her back when he walks past in a small space, hardison’s arm pressed against hers when they’re sitting next to each other on the couch, eliot holding her hand when they go down the street (or even just her pinky if she doesn’t feel like the whole hand). and i think she loves the smaller incidental kisses best of all. kisses to her cheek, her forehead, her temple, her jaw, the tip of her nose or the shell of her ear, the corner of her mouth or the edge of her eye, her knuckles or the center of her palm or the inside of her wrist. she just loves those sweet little moments of connection. they’re calming, they’re soothing, they’re grounding, they’re reassuring; they’re a perfect reminder that she’s here and the boys are here too, and that as long as they’re together they want to be close to her. no one’s ever been close to her before; she’s always been so alone, and so lonely. no one’s ever craved her presence. but the boys do, so much so that they can’t be in her orbit without physically acknowledging her. and that just knocks her flat. and of course she does all the same things for/to them: she touches and brushes and squeezes and presses and kisses and kisses and kisses them. after all what else is she gonna do with all the love that’s all full-up inside her?? she’s gotta do something with it, and this is without a doubt her favorite way to let it out. she’s velcroed and superglued and stapled to them, and as long as they’re within arms reach she must be touching at least one or preferably both of them, and the boys absolutely wouldn’t have it any other way—that’s their parker, and if she needs them, they’re gonna give her every bit of them that they’ve got.

[perksofbeingahalfie]

btw the book Blanche is reading in the beginning of the bucket job is a memoir by our favorite Dtc Bonanno! the title looks like it says 'Motion To Strike'?

[sonicemp3]

hey do you think that maybe one night parker goes over to nate and sophie’s to have dinner and to watch some reality tv with sophie (sophie likes it for the drama and the emotions and the stories, parker considers it a fascinating psychology experiment), and as it gets later in the night parker starts getting sleepy bc maybe she had a long day of scuttling around in the vents and she’s soooooo so tired from it, so she keeps yawning and yawning. and sophie keeps asking her if she wants to call it a night and parker says not yet because she wants to see how the newest fight between some of the contestants ends, but really she just wants to keep hanging out with sophie. and sophie secretly doesn’t mind because she wants to keep hanging out with parker. so they keep watching and parker gets sleepier and sleepier until she’s like hmm maybe i’ll just close my eyes for a second, and then she decides to lay down and her brain goes ooh sophie lap, and so she lays down on sophie’s lap

and sophie just. she’s shocked and amazed and she’s also trying not to cry because she still remembers how skittish parker used to be and how much she used to keep to herself. she used to keep herself so separate. and even if parker hasn’t been like that anymore for a long long time, it still consistently floors sophie to see how much her girl has grown and changed. for a few minutes she’s scared to move too much lest she wake parker up… but then when parker stays asleep and also starts snoring softly she figures she’s alright, so she tugs a blanket over and lays it across parker, and then she starts petting parker’s hair. and parker still stays asleep and maybe also makes a happy sound and tucks her face a little further into sophie’s lap, and sophie has to take her eyes off the tv for several seconds to look up at the ceiling and attempt to blink away her tears because that’s… that’s her girl. that’s her girl, that’s her parker. that’s her parker being so so sweet and clearly feeling so comfortable and safe and at home. when she finally looks back down the tears fall anyway so she figures oh what the hell and just wipes at her cheeks with almost the same rhythm that shes stroking parker’s hair

eventually nate passes by the living room and glances fondly at his girls and then he double takes and takes a few steps backward because hold on, is— is sophie crying???? and he frowns and furrows his brow and opens his mouth to ask her if she’s alright, but before he can say a word sophie’s gesturing frantically at him to be quiet, stay quiet, don’t say anything, parker is sleeping, and nate holds his hands up like alright alright i get it, i’ll leave you two alone, and he does—he was gonna ask sophie if she was coming to bed (and also if parker was staying because the guest room was made up and everything, she was more than welcome), but in lieu of that he just goes to get himself ready for bed and figures she’ll be on her way eventually

and yes, sophie does eventually figure she should probably call it a night—she’s starting to yawn herself, and this rerun that’s started playing now is one she’s seen recently and she doesn’t feel like watching it again, so maybe it’s time to turn in. so she turns the tv off, and then she looks down at parker in her lap… parker who’s still asleep and snoring softly and who looks so lovely, so at peace. so much so that she can’t bear the thought of waking her up to get her to the guest room. so instead she very carefully slips out from beneath parker’s head and replaces her thighs with one of the couch pillows, and she tugs the blanket up higher to tuck it beneath parker’s chin, and then she takes a moment to admire this sweet woman who’s become her dearest family, as close to a daughter as she’s ever known. a decade ago she wouldn’t even have been able to imagine parker coming to her house, and now parker’s asleep under her favorite afghan. it’s amazing how things can change, isn’t it? she’s the luckiest woman in the world. she takes a few more seconds to appreciate the sight of her sweet girl, and then she tucks a lock of hair behind parker’s ear, brushes her knuckles over parker’s cheek, and kisses parker’s forehead, and then she heads off to bed herself

she texts the boys as she’s brushing her teeth, of course: Parker ended up staying here—she fell asleep on the couch and I couldn’t bear to wake her up. the responses are immediate: a Thanks for letting us know. Maybe we can come pick y’all up tomorrow and go out for breakfast. from eliot, followed by a WOOOOO BOYS NIGHT and a lol jk, thanks Soph, and good thinkin cowboy let’s do breakfast from hardison. she agrees that it’s a date, and hardison sends her a Sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite!!!! and eliot just sends her a single red heart. affection wells up in her chest so fast and big that it hurts. already she’s counting down the hours until she can see her boys and give them both big hugs. just as much as parker’s her girl, they’re her kiddos too (yes, even eliot, who’s much closer to her age than he is far. they’re all her little ducklings—there’s really just no two ways about it). once she’s done she slips into bed beside nate, and she curls around him and thinks about waking parker up tomorrow with a fresh cup of coffee. maybe parker will even let her fix her hair or something. braids, perhaps. parker always looks so pretty in braids. with that thought on her mind and a smile on her face, she finally drifts off, content as can be

meanwhile, downstairs parker bobs ever so gently to the surface of her consciousness; she’d been out cold for the last while, but for whatever reason she’s just barely awake now. immediately she knows where she is: nate and sophie’s, still. she recognizes the softness of their couch’s cushions, the gentle tick tick tick of the clock on the mantelpiece. her head rests on something soft, and tucked around her is something even softer that smells like roses and orange blossom. sophie. sophie. she’d fallen asleep on sophie earlier. there’d been fingers in her hair… then sophie must’ve tucked her in. and now, upstairs, in her and nate’s bedroom, after petting her hair and tucking her in for bed, sophie is sleeping. her sophie. her sophie who took such nice care of her. something in parker’s chest both tightens and wobbles. yknow, for so long she’d never had a mother, and she’d figured she never would either. and what did it matter, really? who needs moms. if you have one, great. if you don’t, fine. it’s not a big deal.

except it does feel like a big deal. now it does, at least. now that she has one. isn’t that funny? she has a mother. she has family. and the very best at that. there’s almost a temptation to wander upstairs and join sophie under her blankets like she used to wish she could do sometimes when she was little and scared and spending yet another first night in an unfamiliar house, but honestly, she’s too comfy right where she is; sophie did a great job tucking her in. plus this isn’t an unfamiliar house—this is her home, her home away from her home with the boys. she couldn’t feel scared here if she tried. nah, she’s warm and safe and comfortable, and she’s… mm… yeah, she’s… ooh, big yawn. she’s just… just about back to s… back to sleep…

her last thought is that she’d like sophie to play with her hair again tomorrow. maybe sophie could put it up somehow. braids, perhaps... yeah, braids. she’s always liked wearing braids. tomorrow, she’ll ask sophie to give her some braids. it’ll be perfect.

[dykeofthedirt]

Hardison and Eliot are such different flavors of emotionally intelligent it's so delicious

[lets-go-steal-a-gimmick]

Let's steal ourselves some pride.

[dumnslut]

[freakofnerdsher]

Happy birthdae gay people!

[uss-edsall]

At 1 PM on a Friday I get an email from my boss. I'm busy as hell so I don't check it immediately. Then I get a phone call from my boss, which has almost never happened before. I'm a white collar worker, a historian. There's never a 'historical emergency' requiring a phone call to kick me in the ass and get to work.

The request is so urgent my boss needs it by the end of the work week. Which, y'know, is 5 PM on a Friday. So I have four hours to do it.

It's a forwarded request. Somebody contacted a member of the donation team asking for help, "I need a map from the Vietnam War to use for a presentation." It's somebody she's trying to coax into giving a five figure donation to the museum.

The request was asked to the donation team member, who then emailed my boss, who then emailed and called me urgently.

This map required:

North and South Vietnam in it

All four areas that South Vietnam was divided into for military purposes ('Corps') clearly delineated

Four cities, all of them horrifically misspelled, and only identifiable because I know what battle the requester is asking about (it’s in III Corps on the border with Cambodia) (the requester danced around the battle but I’m knowledgeable enough to identify it)

Has Laos and Cambodia in it

Has the Ho Chi Minh Trail in it

So. I was mad about the 'you have literally four hours to find a map with a lot of requirements.'

I was then mad at myself about finding a copyright free map from Texas Tech University within half an hour, proving her right for asking me to do it.

Then, after I found a map that perfectly met the requirements, I was equally amazed, baffled, and horrified when I read further into the forwarded email chain.

The donation team team member they were speaking to used AI to generate a map.

The above put half of North Vietnam in South Vietnam, made the Ho Chi Minh Trail a country, made 60% of Cambodia part of South Vietnam, put the DMZ extremely high up in North Vietnam, completely disconnected the southern tip of Vietnam, misplaced all of the Corps zones, etc etc

At the very last second the donation team member had a moment of divine clarity, remembering there's three historians on payroll to ask for this kind of thing from. So she contacted my boss while saying, "I had fun with this, but I decided I should check for accuracy before I send it to the donor! I need a fact check by the end of the day, then I send it"

My boss, while not the most knowledgeable on the Vietnam War, does know her geography. She took one look, and knew it was so off she called me to tell me how urgent it is that I look at the email and respond

good fucking god, jesus tap dancing goddamn christ, I'm glad I was asked to look at it and then find a real map

[the-murmuration-project]

My fear has never been that AI would replace human intelligence. My fear has been that the people who Know Things and the people who Make The Decisions are almost never the same people.

We’re throwing real intelligence out on the street to starve while worshipping the shambling Frankenstein-ed corpse of knowledge puppeteered by those who see us as disposable assets.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

[p4ge-of-sp4ce]

No hate to op, but I felt this way for a long time until I learned about scientists leading theory for *why* humans menstruate

First off, several species of primates also menstruate, but it is not limited only to primates, beyond that it is seen in bats, and elephant shrews. Yes, those that don’t do just reabsorb the uterine lining.

So why don’t we?

Many will say its because we don’t go into heat, which is true to some extent, many animals that don’t menstruate experience heat, but thats an oversimplification.

The actual physical reason why we, and all other animals that menstruate, don’t just reabsorb the uterine lining is because in other animals the lining only thickens and solidifies *after* a fertilized egg has implanted. This process is called decidualization, and it happens every cycle in humans whether a fertilized egg is present or not. This is why it can’t be reabsorbed.

So why undergo decidualization? Why treat every single cycle as a potential pregnancy, and waste these bodily resources?

Because, this has been linked to a higher level of maternal control in the development of the fetus. There is an evolutionary advantage to catching issues and terminating a pregnancy early on rather than investing energy in growing a fetus that will not develop into a viable offspring.

This failsafe isn’t possible without early decidualization.

This might not comfort everyone, but knowing exactly *why* my body does the things it does, to a larger extent than just “its trying to make a baby :)” gave me a certain sense of peace and understanding with my biology

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

how could I have possibly interpreted this as hate towards me

anyway lmao who needs decidualization, any pregnancy is getting terminated early in my uterus am I right ladies 🛹 🔥 😎

[did-you-know]

The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named “Prometheus.” It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source

[aclockworknick]

he was actually a forestry graduate student who was doing research on bristlecone pines (Pinus langaevea) and got his increment borer stuck in the tree. this tool costs almost $800, so he asked the forest service if he could cut down the tree to recover the tool. after cutting it down, it became apparent that the tree was actually the oldest living organism. ever. (around 8,000 years old). so, not just some asshole. the guy feels extremely guilty and has even broken down in tears during an interview about the accident

[wellshitcaitlin]

OH MY GOD SO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

So after the grad student cut down the tree and discovered it was the oldest tree in the world he quit studying forestry and went to study salt flats (can’t cut down the oldest trees in the world on salt flats no siree none of that happening) and he was being interviewed about his research, but in the middle of the interview the reporter just stops and says “wait aren’t the guy that…”

And he just takes off running. Literally. Turns around and runs across the salt flats away from the interview and I feel so bad for him but I can’t help but start crying I’m laughing so hard about it imagine a guy high tailing it across salt flats away from a dude with a recorder

[thoughtsofadame]

its so different to know it was an accident and that NO ONE was aware until after. its not like this was one ignorant guy cutting down a fucking relic.