some lady called the toad that we have at work “ugly and disgusting” and i am SO fucking mad rn
HE’S A GOOD BOY, HELEN!!!!
YOU ARE THE REASON
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@gavout
some lady called the toad that we have at work “ugly and disgusting” and i am SO fucking mad rn
HE’S A GOOD BOY, HELEN!!!!
The year is 2040, and you are the last smoker alive. The “Quit Smoking” ads get personal.
You walk into Times Square. A giant billboard lights up reading,
“THE HOT BARISTA YOU FACEBOOK STALKED DOESN’T LIKE SMOKERS.”
You walk back into the subway and go home.
world heritage post
the DELIVERY
Shakespeare would write this
several years ago I threw my sister an engagement party and wanted to make it special
It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.
Don’t fuck me up like this
A group of rough looking boys walked past me today and all I heard of their conversation was “he’s got that anxiety disorder bro so I went with him so he’d be more comfortable” and it made me realise the world isn’t all that bad
#this is team skull
The pet store I worked at had a pen with rabbits near the front door. On every side of the pen were huge signs saying “You can pet me, but don’t pick me up!” One day two absolutely huge guys came in and one immediately reaches into the pen to grab a rabbit. Before i could say anything his friend grabbed his arm and asked him “did you see the sign?” He said “yeah! it says that you can pick them up but don’t pet them!” Then he went quiet for a moment and softly said “I didn’t read it right did I?” And his friend just puts his arm on his shoulder and said “its ok, i know you’ve got that thing where words get mixed up. Let just pet these cute lil shits” And I still haven’t gotten over that interaction.
I was walking my dog through Boston bc he likes the likes car rides. He’s a little thing tbh we call him short and long. So this huge scary man with a full beard approaches me like “hey can my buddy and I pet your dog? He gets nervous around dogs but your’s is so small I think it’s a good place to start.” Ofc I was like “yes he’s very friendly!” So this guy brings his equally big friend over and they sit on the floor while this man looks terrified of my tiny dog so big man number one asks “can I pick him up?” And i say yes so he picks him up and puts him on man number two’s lap and man number two is abt to freak out and his friend straight up just goes “hey man, it’s okay just relax I’d never let anything hurt you. He’s a good boy.” I’ll never forget it ever bc I know that man looked at me (5'3 , glasses, probably wearing a sweater vest) and my dog (kinda goofy looking little thing) and was like ‘ah yes the two least intimidating living things I’ve seen in Boston all day he’ll feel relaxed around them’ and went out of his way to help his friend. It makes me so happy
My husband had this Dungeons and Dragons group ages ago, and one of the guys was TERRIFIED of cats. The moment he sees one he freezes up and can barely breathe. Said guy is almost seven feet tall and solid wall of muscle. Whenever he came over I’d put the cats in the bedroom and chill out with a book because my cats don’t like being shut away without one of us.
One of my cats was pawing at the door and meowing loudly, an indication she REALLY needs to use the litter box. I let her out and decide, hey, I’m hungry, and decide to the kitchen. I forgot to shut the bedroom door.
Next thing I hear is the group going completely silent. My husband very calmly asks me to come over and help him gather our two cats up. I go over to where the group is and my black cat, Cacoa, is rubbing up against the guy’s leg, purring, and doing her “let me on your lap” meow. The other cat, Jasper, is sitting at the window, chilling out. I go over and pick up Cacoa and tell the big dude she’s harmless, loves laps, and would be thrilled if he pet her. Very slowly he touches my cat’s face, and she leans right into his hand. He then pets her back and sighs because she’s really soft and purring like mad. After a few minutes he asks how to pick her up and if it’s okay if she sits on his lap.
He spent the next six hours spoiling my cat. The next week he showed up with cat treats and toys because he fell in love with the cats. He told me he was doing some research on house cats, and even talked to a vet about them. A couple months later he adopted two cats and was as thrilled and excited as a new parent.
Oh no a new one!!!
Blessed post.
I used to work at this stable for icelandic horses and every now and then this man would turn up by the field to just watch the horses. One time I walked by him as I was going to get the horses inside, and he went ”I always wanted to learn how to ride but I’m afraid of horses because they’re so huge. If I could ride ponies like this, maybe I’d dare but now I’m too big and heavy for them.” You should have seen his face when I told them that actually they’re not ponies, just small horses and they could totally carry him. His face just lit up. Next thing I’m helping him to get on back. Today he knows how to ride.
A few years ago my sister and I were in Daytona Beach, and we saw this huge, burly biker. Looked like the stereotypical biker: big black beard, the goggles, leather, and a bandana. He also had a baby carrier, and in that baby carrier was a tiny little orange Pomeranian. We complimented his dog and he said, in one of the deepest voices I’ve ever heard, “thanks, his name’s Little Bear!” And he told us about how he’d take Little Bear out on his motorcycle everyday and how much the dog loved it.
Such a lovely post.
I get so happy when i see this post on my tl
these are their stories
Hedonism as a concept is so dope and yall gotta unbrainwash your religious upbringing nostalgia and realize that life IS about kicking back and eating grapes around a fire in nothing but a swim suit and drinking margaritas. A little hedonism never hurt nobody
Millennials who splurging be like
How to tell if you’re Bi:
You have an atomic number of 83
You’re pentavalent
You crystallize into repeating cube shapes
When your surface is exposed to oxygen it oxidizes into a rainbow
You are mildly radioactive with a half life longer than the age of the universe
why are we here? just to suffer? every 5 minutes i have to clean my glasses
RIP to that 14-month-old 18th century French infant but I’m different
If Tarrare came into my room and tried to eat me I just wouldn’t die
What the fuck, seriously what, I’ve never heard of this man before seeing a tumblr post about him earlier today and now another one from a different person. Did Tarrare suddenly enter the collective conscience of this site
(x)
“Whut deh fuhk? Is he using duh bät room?”
“Yeh, he’s üsing teh bätroom”
*man in the video opens stall only to find that the monster is, in fact, using the bathroom*
Why are people working allowed to take random ass smoke breaks??? Imagine taking a break during work time to drink wine or some shit. I'm not even allowed to drink water behind the cash register, but you're allowed to leave and smoke? Bitch ass
Wow I just realized work often accommodates people who smoke but not people with disabilities or medical conditions
Picked up cigarettes for a while for the smoke breaks while I worked as a server at a steakhouse
I knew a server who would take a cigarette with her to work and sit at the smoker’s table holding it when she needed a break. She didn’t light it or pretend to puff, she just sat there with it between her fingers. Most of the managers never noticed. The one who did told her to get back to work and she replied “I’m taking a smoke break” and stared him down. He realized that if he denied her a smoke break he’d have to do it to everyone else, so he walked away