We Doth Not Purchase It, Slick Willy

I'm Kian | | 27 queer something or another | I like horror movies, music, and weed |

[seraymerichateblog]

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[seraymerichateblog]

make a wish kid who demands that all the doctors in the hospital run a train on his mom

[transfemininomenon]

the phrase really should be "eat your cake and have it too" im with the unabomber on this one

[segamascott]

[omtai]

Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

[gramarye]

feminism has backslid so hard in recent years people don't even know what free the nipple means anymore

[crap-userrname16]

[not-available-for-comment]

Haven’t had a chance to watch the tutorial yet, but I’m seriously considering making this for my gf’s niece

[hotvampireadjacent]

[slimetony]

What was that noise outside just now

[slimetony]

Is everyone ok

[slimetony]

Oh my god something exploded

[powerbottombrucespringsteen]

I think movies need more sex and i also think that actors need to be uglier and less in shape

[thisisdaddyspage]

Show daddy that nice picture again

[filthinfatuated]

[alphacrone]

i don't really want to weight in on the "using big words in your writing is ableist" discourse happening on tiktok because i'm like 90% certain it's an anti-intellectual psyop to stir up drama in online circles to promote the use of ai to summarize literally everything and thus feeding the LLMs and lowering the populace's mistrust of such tools but i also have to say: dictionaries and thesauruses are the most accessible they've ever been. if you use an e-reader of any kind you can look up a word without leaving the page. there's a plethora of online dictionaries and if you just type a word + "meaning" into google it'll usually give you a definition. we used to have pocket dictionaries we used when reading in class. i have two on my shelf right now that i used in high school. stop letting the fascists purposefully misuse anti-ableism rhetoric to trick you into never thinking again.

[skull-bearer]

Also, if Anthony Burgess could write a novel using about 25% made up language and expect people to piece it together, you can manage the odd big word.

[pochowek]

Visit Original Link

[apollos-boyfriend]

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

[sherbertilluminated]

Promethean task: opposite of a Cassandraean task. You have the right information, and SOMEONE has to share it. But it's all in the delivery and if you're the person to identify the problem you WILL be hated forever.

[thearrogantemu]

Oedipal Task: (1) Attempting to avoid an unspeakably awful outcome and in doing so creating the circumstances that will bring it about. (2) Trying to solve an problem and discovering that you are in fact the problem you are trying to solve.

[theoppositeofprofound]

Odyssean task: you’ll complete it but it’ll take 20 times longer than it should and involve multiple side quests and mini-adventures

[goblinindenial]

Ah feel 'sif an Odyssian task is basically a poor sod mid ADHD

[haarlow]

A Pandorean task - just the act of starting it unleashes all manner of disasters.

[cyranope]

damoclean task: the thing you've been putting off long enough that it becomes a constantly hanging doom over your head

pyrrhic task: you can get it done but it's going to cost you

medean task: you can get it done and you don't care what it costs you

dionysian task: task that might not be -better- if you do it drunk, but -will- definitely be more fun

hegelochic task: it was a simple job, but your name will be recorded in the annals of history for how impressively you fucked it up

task of theseus: a project for which the parameters have changed so many times that you're not sure it IS still the same task

gordian task: ok technically there Is a Right Way to do this but it's going to be fiddly and awful and take forever and what if. what if you just said fuck it. and started slicing

[gel-s-d]

WHAT IS THAT PFP LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO im. Crying

Lmao I’ve had it for like 6 years I’m never changing it

[mothric]

thinking about the time a former housemate said to me "hey I put these box fans in the living room because it's hot" while gesturing to the fans that I was actively sitting in front of because it was hot. and I said "okay thanks." and she kept standing there like she was waiting for something else so I said "am I blocking the airflow? do you need me to move?" and she said no I'm just letting you know they're here, in the living room, for circulation. and I said well yes, I did put that together. I am enjoying them. thank you. and she looked confused. so I asked "am I meant to do something with this information or are you just informing me?" and she said no I'm letting you know they're here because It's Hot In Here. she seemed a bit aggravated, and her emphasis seemed deliberate.

it took me asking three more times before she finally told me she wanted me to leave the fans where they are instead of moving them to my room or something. and I said oh! I had no intention of doing so but thank you for letting me know what the expectation is.

about a month later she brought up that conversation as the moment it actually clicked for her that I Am Autistic And Will Not Magically Intuit The Unspoken Request You Didn't Ask Me.

[mothric]

I have observed enough allistic communication to know that generally, if somebody points something out to you that you can already see or are already clearly interacting with, they are making an indirect request. but as I don't know what the request is, the only way forward is for me to guess (and likely get it wrong), or prompt the allistic to tell me clearly what they need.

however, allistics don't realize they do this, so asking them to say the unspoken surprises and confuses them. this is not their fault. allistics can be quite emotionally fragile and perceive directness as confrontation, so they habitually rely on indirect speech and coded language to preserve others' feelings. this is why they may find it difficult to be direct, even when asked. I have found that with enough gentle encouragement and reassurance that they are actually helping you, you too can achieve successful communication with your allistic friend or loved one. :)

[mothric]

I've seen more than a few replies saying "I'm not autistic and I wouldn't have gotten that either / your roommate's an outlier / nobody could have gotten that." fair enough, it was a pretty specific situation and it seems she genuinely didn't communicate well. as I often run into issues with indirectness, it scanned to me like all the other times I haven't been able to read between the lines. so let me give a few more examples of this phenomenon that may be more common:

"You left your dish in the sink." > the hidden request is "please clean your dish, preferably right now." since it's phrased as an observation, I don't immediately intuit the request and instead think my housemate thinks I forgot about it. so I reply "oh, I know." housemate thinks i'm sassing her and gets annoyed with me. only then do I realize she was asking me to do something about the dish in the sink.

"There's hot soup on the stove." > said to me while I was preparing a sandwich. the hidden request is "please eat the soup." since it's phrased as a statement of fact, I don't immediately intuit the request and instead think my mom thinks I didn't see the soup. I did see it, but I wanted a sandwich instead. so I reply, "I saw it, thank you." mother thinks I'm being rude and gets annoyed with me. only then do I realize she was asking me to do something about the soup (and furthermore is offended I am eating a sandwich instead).

"Your bread is on the counter." > the hidden request is "please remove your sliced bread from the counter and store it elsewhere." since it's phrased as an observation, I don't immediately intuit the request and think my roommate thinks I meant to store the bread elsewhere and forgot. when I reassure her I know it's there, she gets annoyed. only then do I realize she wants me to do something about the bread on the counter.

"You can turn up the heat, you know." > said to me while I was scrambling eggs slowly over low heat. this one really confused me because of course I knew I could turn up the heat, but I had no reason to as I was only cooking for myself. when I ignored the statement because I was focused on my task and had nothing to say, my mother added, "the eggs will cook faster if you do." sure, I'm aware of this too, but I don't want to cook them faster. I won't get the texture I want. when I reply, "I don't want to, though," mom thinks I'm being rude and gets irritated, then asks me how long I'm going to take. only then do I realize she was telling me to cook faster (because she wanted the stove), instead of simply informing me I could.

"There are donuts in the break room." > a more benign example, but similar outcome. once again I hear this as a piece of information being given to me, and thank my coworker for telling me. when I don't immediately leave my desk to get donuts because I'm finishing a task, my coworker hovers and says, "well? aren't you getting some?" only then do I realize there was actually a hidden invitation, and I was supposed to respond to the hidden part and say, "I'll come get them in a minute," or "no thank you I don't want any."

as I said, I've learned over time this is something many allistic (non-autistic) people do (as well as high masking autistic folks who have learned the social rules and wear themselves out following them rigidly). despite what I've learned, my default autistic response is pretty much always to take the words at face value (especially when I'm distracted or multitasking), before remembering I have to translate them. and while I can make a decent educated guess in most cases, sometimes I just cannot and simply ask, "what are you asking me?"

unfortunately, many allistic people suffer from an inability to take words literally just as much as they struggle to speak literally, which can further obfuscate communication. this is why I emphasize gentle reassurance that you are not criticizing them, but asking them to help you, a person in need, by clarifying their intent. people generally like to be helpful and I have had moderate success with this approach.

ONE MORE THING: I have a bias! this is very US-centric, as that's where I live. some cultures around the world are extremely direct, so autistic people in those cultures may not have the specific issue I describe here. however, every culture has its own set of social norms that include a complex combination of nonverbal visual cues, body language, tone/emphasis, and countless other unspoken expectations for what's considered polite or "normal." the double empathy problem doesn't evaporate in cultures that value direct speech. autistic people just face different problems. thank you and be good to each other

[mothric]

Even More examples of statements that allists in indirect cultures think are direct, pulled from the comments and my own experience (and in my case, missed until well after the fact):

"I'm putting the kettle on." (not just announcing what they're doing, they're expecting you to affirm whether you want tea or not.)

"Boy the trash is full." (not just voicing an observation, they're expecting you to take the trash out.)

"If you leave your window open, bugs will get in." (not just giving you information to decide what to do with, they're expecting you to close the window.)

Any variation of "do you want to do [unpleasant task]?" (you aren't actually supposed to say yes or no, they aren't asking your opinion, they're telling you to do it and saying you don't want to is rude.)

"Let me show you how to do something." (they want you to do it this way, they aren't just sharing an insight that you can choose to incorporate into your habits or not)

"Mm that food smells good." (might be complimenting your cooking, might be hoping you'll offer them some.)

"What are you watching/playing?" (might be curious about your interests, but might also want you to invite them to join.)

"Company's arriving in 15 minutes." (this one was from a mom to her kids and she wasn't just giving them a heads up, she was telling them to clean up.)

"Sorry my desk is such a mess." (APPARENTLY this was NOT a comment on her own desk but implying her COWORKER'S desk was messy and she wanted them to clean it??? sorry to the commenter who shared this one but that sounds genuinely deranged and you can't convince me this is common even for the most indirect allists out there)

to everyone saying this is simply a direct vs indirect culture issue, yes you can have communication breakdowns between people with differing degrees of directness, regardless of their neurodiversity status. what I am trying to illustrate is that autistic people in indirect cultures will miss these indirect cues at much higher rates than others, because we do not pick up on social norms at the same rate or proficiency as everyone else, because of our autism. essentially making us "direct-culture" people by default. some autistic folks do learn and practice those norms (some of us are literally traumatized into doing so), but it's something we often must remind ourselves to do, manually, and it can take a lot of extra effort. this is why high maskers end up in burn-out if they cannot learn to unmask btw.

(thank you also to everyone weighing in from around the world! I do hear Germany and Finland are more direct cultures so "taking things too literally" may not be as much of an issue there. this highlights the inherent bias of the DSM-V which assumes US cultural norms when evaluating for autism. another post for another day.)

[duran-duran-less-official]

A lot of this seems very intuitively easy to interpret as passive-aggressive.

Like, telling someone to cook on a higher heat will obviously change the outcome of cooking it! You don't simply get things faster by doing that, you also get different textures, different flavours, different problems with time management depending on what you're cooking. Like, the way I interpret that is "please fuck up your meal to some degree so that I can have mine sooner." That comes across to me as incredibly rude. And not to drag your mother too much, but requiring you to eat soup when what you really want is a sandwich is also pretty rude. It's soup. It'll keep. Don't force it upon people who don't want it!

"Sorry my desk is such a mess" reads to me like an incredibly backhanded way of trying to invite comparison, as in by prompting someone the relative cleanliness of her desk, she is also hoping that this will trigger a comparison judgement between her desk and any other desk in the vicinity. If she said it directly to the coworker whose desk she wanted to be cleaner, for example, the intended effect would be for that coworker to look at the desk, and think "oh shit, my desk is way messier than this, I should clean it." That comes across to me as insulting.

The reason the thing about the box fans is weird is because she can clearly see you enjoying them in the living room, where they are meant to be. It's hard to intuit what her desired response is here. Like if I told someone I left a tower fan in the living room for air circulation, and they said, "thank you, I am absolutely not thinking of moving it anywhere else", I would be like "that just sounds like you WERE considering it and wanted to cover yourself with what TV Tropes calls Suspiciously Specific Denial." Even something more neutral, like "thank you, I intend to keep them here" is a strange response, and I think what this all points to is an underlying assumption on her part that you are going to screw her over and need to be talked out of it pre-emptively. That comes across to me as rude and mistrustful.

I think part of the reason that people communicate like this is not just that they have an intuitive grasp of social conventions, but also that they want a plausibly deniable way to be rude to other people and are leveraging said social conventions to do so. That's probably part of why they get annoyed when the person they're talking to requires them to spell out what they meant, because maintaining the plausible denaibility is sometimes the whole point.

[gel-s-d]

Omg yes this.

I have such a hard time actually being willing to adjust to this even if I do hear the underlying implication. Even if they want me to do the dishes right now, it’s RUDE to actually tell me that so it’s up to me to take the initiative to offer up the thing they secretly want.

I understand the need to soften things on the occasion and I think there’s legitimate reasons to speak like this sometimes, but it requires so much assuming. With the soup example, I can think of a few things that it could have implied. Maybe she was warning about a hot pot so no one touched it. Maybe she was saying hey I’m using the kitchen right now so don’t go mess that up. Maybe even possibly a hey put this soup away for me because it’s still on the stove.

I saw an argument about an employee getting written up for insubordination when their boss said “hey you can clock out if you want we don’t need you anymore” and they responded “no thanks!”. One half of the argument was adamant that you should be expected to know that means “we want you to be off the clock because labor cost is too high for volume” but just ‘saying it nicely’. The last job I had that made cuts actually did mean this phrase literally, they would sometimes follow it up with “you can stay if you need hours” if we were hesitant. There it WASNT an indirect order. They actually told us to get the hell out of there if they actually needed us out. I can’t help but feel like that’s extremely unfair to be punished for not following instructions you were never given because the person giving them to you was too afraid to be clear.

I feel like this gets projected back onto people who do not communicate like this. Like I’ll notice that if I just want to make a comment or observation, or express my feelings about something, people will take that as some sort of request or demand. I felt really embarrassed once because during a conversation about romantic relationships in general I had expressed missing being in one and the other person went into a “oh I’m not really looking for anything right now”. I wasn’t asking!!

Sometimes I seriously think this style is half being genuinely terrible at communicating and half passive aggression and projection and I’m getting tired of it. I had a coworker that I would deliberately ignore these bids and would wait for her to ask me directly. I was driving her home once and she kept saying “god I really need like 10 dollars today” 2 or 3 times and she eventually asked me directly to let her borrow 10 bucks. I did actually give that to her because I was hoping to positively reinforce this reaction lmao.

[qi-mera]

More of you need to learn about these ☝️

[jadenebula]

[miscellaneous-marios]

[bloop-doop-woople-deactivated20]

Repairing with gold, kintsugi

[horbse]

H

[auberylis]

O

[horsefigureoftheday]

R

[fabledgalaxies]

S

[the-arcade-doctor]

E

[circus-mcgurkus]

!

[horsefigureoftheday]