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Today's Document
JBB: An Artblog!
YOU ARE THE REASON
⁂
taylor price
styofa doing anything
sheepfilms
Claire Keane
Not today Justin
if i look back, i am lost
Kiana Khansmith
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Keni
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
#extradirty
NASA
RMH
Sade Olutola
Kaledo Art
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Poland
seen from Malaysia
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Bolivia
seen from Bolivia
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@heathenarcher
AI-generated Valentine cards
Tired of generic greetings?
Confuse your friends with AI-generated Valentine cards!
GPT-3 generated the messages and descriptions, and then I followed its instructions to create the cards. More explanation here!
How this abomination came to be (and bonus content)
You can get these on real cards - confuse your human friends!
Babylonian era problems. (photo via tbc34)
old school hate mail
Imagine how pissed you have to be to engrave a rock
Ok but there was this guy called Ea-nasir who was a total crook and would actually cheat people ought of good copper and sell them shit instead. The amount of correspondences complaining to and about this guy are HILARIOUS.
Are you telling me we know about a specific guy who lived 5000 years ago, by name, because he was a huge asshole
More like 4000 years ago but yes. Ea-nasir and his dodgy business deals.
And we haven’t even touched on the true hilarity of the situation yet. Consider two additional facts:
He wasn’t just into copper trading. There are letters complaining about Ea-nasir’s business practices with respect to everything from kitchenwares to real estate speculation to second-hand clothing. The guy was everywhere.
The majority of the surviving correspondences regarding Ea-nasir were recovered from one particular room in a building that is believed to have been Ea-nasir’s own house.
Like, these are clay tablets. They’re bulky, fragile, and difficult to store. They typically weren’t kept long-term unless they contained financial records or other vital information (which is why we have huge reams of financial data about ancient Babylon in spite of how little we know about the actual culture: most of the surviving tablets are commercial inventories, bills of sale, etc.).
But this guy, this Ea-nasir, he kept all of his angry letters - hundreds of them - and meticulously filed and preserved them in a dedicated room in his house. What kind of guy does that?
[ source ]
Okay, but imagine from the other guy’s point of view. You send angry letters about how Ea-nasir shipped you half a ton of subpar copper, and then 3800 years later—
History: you are without a doubt the worst business man ive ever heard of
Ea-nasir:
Is…is that Ea-nasir FANFIC?!
tonight’s aesthetic: Cookie Monster philosophizing in an art museum
thought you might like this
Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts and Animal Crossing???
Simpsons animal crossing 🤣
Pokemon: Evangelion
Well there will certainly be a few legendaries….
i hate this thread.
famously afraid–that pokemon photography game??
The Witcher and Stardew Valley. Which I guess works out to Medieval Polish Peasant Simulator?
The Night Manager and Animal Crossing.
So basically Tom Nook is an arms dealer and you’re there to infiltrate him his circle while making this island livable. Sounds legit.
People aren’t out protesting to be waitresses and hairdressers again. People are out demanding that their waitresses and hairdressers go back to work. The idea is to force the service industry to serve them despite the risk to the servers.
If you have ever wondered what modern white america would think about slavery today consider the white women yelling and screaming because no one will die to do their frosted bangs. They feel every bit as entitled to own the lives of others as they did 150 years ago.
Hello! Sorry if stupid question, but what non-alchoholic drinks do people generally think Loki likes? I usually use my own intuition but was looking for other people’s opinions :)
Obviously, this is all personal gnosis, so feel free to disregard if it doesn’t resonate.
Coffee is a really common offering. It’s a strong, somewhat bitter flavor, but it can be sweetened, which are both elements that many people in the community tends to believe he likes. Also, it’s caffeinated, and personally he strikes me as the sort of person who could at least metaphorically use the boost.
Hot chocolate is another one. Again, sweetness with bitter undertones.
You can supposedly make non-alcoholic mead. I’ve never tried it, but if you wanted something close to an attested offering that would be a good one.
If you want to lean really hard into the sweet tooth thing, there’s soda. Personally, I’ve rarely gotten that request from him despite having it around for myself, but if someone told me they offered it to him regularly it wouldn’t strike me as out of line with his tastes or anything.
Any of the above could be flavored with spices you associate with him. A lot of people associate him with cinnamon, for example. I also get the impression he’s into cardamom and allspice, but I will reiterate that that’s only my own personal experience.
Finally, there’s water. I feel like water is an underrated offering. Water is life-giving. Plus, if you’re chained to some rocks with a snake venom shower, water is probably going to be really welcome.
Does anyone else have a non-alcoholic beverage they like to offer Loki?
- Mod E
I’ve offered apple cider, chocolate milk, drinks from coffee shops, such as chai lattes. Milkshakes. I haven’t tried this, but slushies? That’s what they’re called right? The frozen ice drink things from like 7/11. I get the vibe that he’d probably like those.
Thinking abt immortality and how meticulously you’d have to keep track of all of your shit so some nosy historian didnt spot your old journal or coat or copy of a book and call an infuriating time-based finders keepers
“It’s two hundred years old” they say. “It’s essentially public property” they say. It’s a letter you sent to your friend and it’s in a museum now and you’re screaming
Why are vampire stories always I Want To Drink The Sexy Neck Milkshake and never two vampires texting about the passionate letter one wrote to the other in 1863 but never sent that the other just saw in the Smithsonian’s fall exhibition on Love Through the Ages and what the fuck, Claude, why didn’t you say anything
THANK YOU!!! asking the REAL questions
Thanks for this. I’ll... just toss this in the plot bunny pile.
We’re only finding out recently that a lot of animals have colors and patterns that we cannot see because they’re outside of our visual range. It calls to attention how much of the world we can’t experience because our senses are limited. When we shine UV lights on them, they glow pink or blue, but these are the colors that we CAN see…. they could be a bunch of different colors, which we SEE as all pink. It’s also interesting to consider that most of these animals are not aware of having glowing patches on their bodies…. isn’t it also possible that we have skin or hair patterns that were not aware of? . . (There is actually some research out there to support the idea that our own skin fluoresces as well and that there are gender differences in the pattern and glow.) Other places to see my posts: INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER
Humans do have invisible stripes! They’re called Blaschko’s Lines, formed as skin cells divide at the embryonic stage. Normally we can’t see them at all, though certain skin conditions follow those same lines.
Apparently this is roughly what we’d look like, if our eyes could see in a different spectrum:
Dunno about you, but I want to use this in a story someday. Aliens can see our stripes and we can’t! Magical transformations follow Blaschko’s Lines! A subtle sign of lycanthropy is darker hair there! Wizards are bald with that cool spiral on their heads!
Speculative fiction is so much more fun when you can speculate about something strange but true.
Unknown, Illustrations of demons from a Persian book on magic and astrology, 1921
Princeton University Library
Persian sword mounted with a mace like long handle but having a sword blade, the blade is engraved with mirror floral pattern and gold koftgari of great quality. The engravings are high quality showing a good age and of typical Persian origin. Possibly a dervish sword.
i am silently rooting for all of you, all the time. even if we have not spoken, even if we barely know each other, know that i see you, i hear you, and i am rooting for you. it’s so easy to go about life feeling isolated and alone, but know that i am always rooting for you and the things that you hold dear to you. i do not mean it in a shallow or facetious way, clearly, i can’t ever know all your good days and bad days, but know that i am sending a silent wish to whoever is listening that things go well. there is always someone rooting for you, on the good and bad days and everything in between.
to my lovelies
i just love them so much
my favorite thing about humans is our taste for defensive chemicals
Plant: “I roll for poison defense.”
DM: “Nice. Okay, human—“
Human: “I eat the poison.”
DM: “What? Uh. Sure. You eat the poison. You eat it right up. Num num num. Constitution saving throw.”
Human: “16.”
DM: “Shit, okay, the poison poisons you, but only a little. You love it.”
Plant: “I want to make a DIFFERENT kind of poison. Or maybe I should just make the first poison more int—”
Human: “I EAT THE POISON.”
Plant: “You can’t eat this poison!”
Human: “I WILL EAT ALL THE POISONS AND I WILL LIKE IT.”
DM: “Some. Some of the—”
Human: “OM NOM NOM HUARGH NOM NOM NOM”
Human: “I begin farming the poisonous plant so I have a steady supply of delicious poison.”
DM: “What?”
Plant: “Wait, isn’t that good for me?”
Human: “DELICIOUS POISON!”
Plant: “Ha-HA! Now HERE is a poison you certainly won’t like, you pervert!”
Human: “Do that again.”
Plant: “What?”
Human: “Do that again. Harder.”
Plant: “Y...you mean—”
Human: “I̷̯̩̦̫̹͖̠̓̿̎̄̽̓ ̵̱̫̬̝̹̋̐̿͘c̵̢̖̺͎͔̳̄̄̌͋̈́̕a̶̛̦͗͋͆͘͝ň̸̡̊̕͜ ̵̫̪͉̰͈̾͊̒s̷͎̲̦͚͑͒̃̽̈́͘͝ę̷̲̥͉̿̓e̵̻͕͊̆̃ ̵̲̻̰̤̻̣̏t̴̝̭͇̂͂i̸̡͈͉̱̩̬̊ṁ̶̢̜͉̳͕̐͛̔͝ę̸͍̪̰̜̞̍̀.̸̞̀͌ͅ.̷̧̛͇̲̰͎̓̈́͐̓͝.̵̛̜̭̲̞̲͉͉̉̈͝͠”
Plant: “Hello??? Hello??? What is happening?”
Human: “Oh, you and I are going to have a long and beautiful relationship. I will plant you and cherish you and raise your children with love and care for a thousand generations and protect you from insects and beasts forever and ever and ever.”
Plant: “...I’m listening. I see now how this arrangement could be beneficial. What do I need to do?”
Human: “Just keep making that funny bone-wiggling compound you make ever so well.”
I don't know if this is talking about drugs or caffeine
Caffeine, menthol, and capsaicin I think
Ahh, coffee, mint and spice: the three regularly consumed poisons of the human taste
Coffee... chocolate... mint... capsaicin... THC... garlic... onions... tobacco... cocaine... mustard... wasabi... basically most herbs and spices and half of drugs. Delicious.
personally i don't like coffee, mustard or mint
ha! ha!
you are like an little insect...
now whenever my friends tease me for not liking coffee, mint, or spicy foods, I can just tell them that I'm not foolish enough to ENJOY eating poison
because you too are like an little insect....
but little insects like a little plant poison sometimes
they can have little a poison. as a treat.
Wait. Coffee is a poison???
Caffeine (like cocaine and theobromine in chocolate) is an alkaloid created by plants as a poison to deter pests from eating them. Humans crave that alkaloid.
Faig Ahmed’s Glitch Rugs
By rearticulating traditional Azerbaijani rug design, Faig Ahmed creates sculptural textiles that look like digital glitches, patterns flatlining halfway through a tapestry or gradually morphing into a digital mosaic.
Apparently my director went to see a production of West Side Story a few years ago, and the guy playing Chino forgot his gun before coming out for his final scene. Once it got to the big scene where he is supposed to shoot Tony, he screeched “Poison Boots” and kicked the actor playing Tony until he went down. The girl playing Maria then had to jerk the shoe off of Chino’s foot, and had to do the gunshot scene asking “How many kicks Chino? How many kicks, and one kick left for me”.
There should be a blog dedicated to theatrical urban legends. Like that opening weekend of Dracula where Dracula (still hungover) vomited all over the audience during the first stage direction that everyone has a friend of a friend that worked on the show and was there.
or the one where the bridge never came out for Javert’s suicide and so he just pretended to stab himself and then lay there until the lights went out
best story i heard was when a friend of mine saw a show where juliet forgot to bring the dagger out on stage so she just ripped the squib out of her chest and blood squirted everywhere
During a passion play a friend of my brother was supposedly in, one of the roman soldiers who was supposed to stab jesus on the cross and accidentally grabbed the wrong spear- he was supposed to grab one with a fake tip, but instead he grabbed one with an actual metal tip and, well
Jesus screamed “JESUS CHRIST YOU STABBED ME”.
Since that Jesus had to be taken down due to a bad case of stab-itis, the backup Jesus came in, but he weighed significantly less than the original Jesus- which would have been fine, except that at the end the cross was supposed to ascend upwards with Jesus on it, and the weights hadn’t been adjusted.
So Jesus, instead, ROCKETED UP into heaven (or, just, above the stage).
This is wild from start to finish
I was in Peter Pan once and one night at a performance, the adhesive holding our Hook’s mustache on was wearing off. It was near the end with a big fight scene and when he got attacked, he let his mustache fall and went “YOU RIPPED MY MUSTACHE OFF!” in a scandalized tone and it added a new note of hilarity to the whole scene (which was supposed to be funny anyway)
In my seventh grade play, which was a midsummer night’s dream, Thisbe didn’t have a sword so she stabbed herself with a coathanger
My junior year we were doing Romeo and Juliet and after Juliet poisons herself it was supposed to go dark and she’d get off the stage. well the light crew accidentally turned them back on and Juliet who was sitting up slammed back down on the wooden bed with a loud bang. To which my theater teacher says into the com “zombie Juliet” and everyone who heard that had to keep as quiet as possible while our eyes were filling with tears.
i attended my county’s performing arts high school majoring in vocal studies, (mostly geared towards musical theater and opera styles) and once a year we got a field trip to new york (we were in jersey, so it’s not exactly far). we would do one touristy thing, an actor’s workshop with friends of our teachers working in various performing industries in nyc, and then see a show.
my first year doing this, our industry contacts were 1 actor, 1 casting director, and 1 producer to get different aspects of the business, and they all gave us amazing advice and told fantastic stories. the actor in question was Zazu on Broadway’s The Lion King for several years, and told the best story by far.
in The Lion King, there are only two pieces of pre-recorded noise in the whole show. one, when Pumbaa does a MASSIVE fart while fighting the hyenas, and the other being Mufasa saying REMEMBERRRRRR as Simba climbs Pride Rock. the actor told us while struggling not to laugh that, during one night’s performance, someone forgot to flip the tape of these pre-recorded noises.
so, at the end of the show, the great climax where Simba finally accepts his place in the Circle of Life, the heavens parted and-
PFFFFFFFFFRRRRRBTFTBTBFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
everyone froze. and then all ran off stage positively HOWLING with laughter.
the lesson: sometimes there are fuck ups you just can’t recover from.
During a high school production of Beauty and the Beast, where I was assistant costumer and assistant prop master, our director decided that we needed to spice up Gaston’s introduction. You know: in the movie, when Lefou runs in trying to catch the duck/goose that Gaston has just shot out of the sky?
Originally, the actors were going to stroll on stage with our Lefou hauling in the really neat (and real!) taxidermied deer head that we had found in a local thrift store. Now, two days before opening night, our director wants Lefou to run in from off stage and catch a stuffed duck that Gaston has just shot. This, of course, requires two things to work properly as a scene: a gunshot noise, and a stuffed duck.
The gunshot noise, we had covered. Blue-collar, redneck school? Guns a plenty to record. The stuffed duck? Harder than you might have thought to obtain.
Three hunting stores, two taxidermists, and one Pet Supply Store ™, I’d finally found a semi-realistic pheasant squeaky toy. What follows is an account of the ways this dog toy managed to be the nightmare prop of the six show run.
Opening Night: The stagehand, who was supposed to drop the bird from the ceiling catwalk, missed his cue and didn’t drop the it. Lefou’s actor rolls with it and does an excellent job of looking around foolishly before getting cuffed upside the head by Gaston. The stagehand then drops the bird squarely on Gaston’s head. Cue laughter.
Saturday Matinee: Different stagehand throws the bird instead of dropping it and beans Lefou directly in the face with the prop. Lefou falls over. Cue laughter.
Saturday Night: Bird is missing during curtain call. Director hauls the deer head down from it’s place on the tavern wall and tells Gaston and Lefou to revert to the old blocking i.e. no gunshot, no bird, just walk in with trophy. During Gaston and Lefou’s conversation, gun shot sound goes off and a stagehand throws the bird onto the stage…from the wrong side of the stage. Lefou and Gaston stare at it in awkward silence for a solid thirty seconds before Lefou makes off-script, subtle joke about Gaston’s gun going off late instead of early. Cue adults in the audience laughing.
Sunday Matinee: Director begs the stagehands to get the cue right at least once. Gunshot and bird prop go off without a hitch. Lefou accidentally catches the prop when it falls from the catwalk. He’s so startled that he caught it that Gaston runs right in to him. They drop both the gun and the bird props, and grab the wrong prop in their scramble. Gaston spends the rest of the scene gesturing dramatically with a stuffed pheasant, instead of a gun.
Sunday Night: Director is fed up with bird prop, decides that Lefou should just carry bird prop in after gunshot happens off stage. Lefou accidentally squeezes the prop during the intro conversation, startling both actors into silence with the squeaky toy noise - apparently, neither of them realized it was a dog toy.
Monday Elementary School Show: Lefou walks on stage with the bird. Accidentally drops the prop during conversation with Gaston. Gaston doesn’t notice the dropped prop and steps on it. Cue depressingly sad squeaky toy noise. Cue ten years olds laughing.
I was in Twelfth Night during high school and we were lucky enough to have identical twin girls playing Viola and Sebastian. Due to the blocking in the first half of the play, their characters didn’t appear on stage together but rather almost consecutively one after the other for a majority of the first act.
It was awesome because when people saw the play and didn’t know the girls were identical twins, it literally looked like it was one actor doing multiple, uber fast costume changes.
One of our first performances was for our peers and it was a big school so lots of people didn’t know the twins. This - for some reason - was also the performance they chose to record.
Listening to the confusion of the audience during the playback was fantastic and completely topped by the moment Viola walked off stage left just as Sebastian walked on stage right and someone right beside the camera goes “OH WHAT THE FUCK” so loudly it drowned out everything else.
The best thing? That was the copy of the play that was made available for purchase by family and parents. Haha.
Oh my god. I went to one of the Spiderman shows where he flew out above the audience and then got stuck and had to awkwardly hang there for about 10 minutes, but these stories are brilliant.
okay so, my senior year of high school and I’m part of the stage crew for Peter Pan. There’s a scene where Hook and Smee are searching for Peter and the Lost Boys. Now the theater department at my high school isn’t very well funded (in the southern USA, football is king), so the sets we managed to make were pretty kickass for the money we had. We had a structure painted like a big tree stump for the entrance to the Lost Boys’ hideout. You could climb to the top of it, but also go inside it through a trap door that we kept locked up during most of the play.
It’s like our third show and everything has been going surprisingly well. Hook and Smee climb to the top of the “tree trunk”, supposedly looking for Peter and not knowing they’re standing above his hiding spot the whole time.
Turns out someone didn’t close the trapdoor properly, because the second Hook steps on it, he plunges through the thing. He’s able to catch himself, but he’s got his ass and one leg dangling through this hole where it’s like a ten foot drop to the ground. All of us stage crew are literally two feet away from him offstage, just gaping at him because???? Y'all this fall looked BAD. Looked like my dude did the splits in mid air. The whiplash caused his fucking wig to come off. The audience is dead silent, all of us backstage are dead silent, the director is like already looking up how to treat a broken groin.
The kid who was playing Hook was like a fuckin sophomore and he KILLED it. He gave himself a second to catch his breath, never broke character, just looked up at his castmate and growled “Smee, you fool, help me up!”. He ended up playing off the wig thing as an embarrassing comedic bit for Hook, and the play went on. He was completely fine. It was the best thing I’d ever seen.
There was an infamous performance of the opera Don Giovanni where in the last act Giovanni was suppose to be dragged into hell via trapdoor but the overweight actor got stuck, leading someone from the audience to shout: “Hey everyone, Hell’s full!!”
I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged this before but the Lefou story has me in tears every time.
As someone who did Tech stuff in High school for 4 years, Lefou!
I was a costumer on a stage version of Titanic, and in the scene where the women and children are getting in the lifeboats, one of the men (who was supposed to be saying goodbye to his wife he knows he will never see again because his is about to die), realized his fake mustache was falling off and instead of playing it cool… he rips it off his face, and hands it to his wife with the line “Something to remember me by”…it was the funniest thing that I have ever seen in my 8 years in theatre, the entire cast lost their shit laughing at the most dramatic moment possible
I am laughing so hard I’ve been crying for ten minutes. Thank you
Oh, Lord!
