I should be doing a lot of things... but here I am

He/They / Chilean / Sagittarius / Part Psychologist Part Distracted dummy /

[urparty]

being in my 20s is like I understand more of my mother and less than i ever have. My childhood friends are strangers to me and there’s no one i know better. i want to drink wine. i never stopped wanting to climb trees. i know more than I’ve ever known before. I don’t know anything at all. i’m seven years old and sixteen and twenty nine and seventy. I can’t tell when i'm happy. I think the only thing that will make me happy is to be little again. i want to be really old. i go to the ocean and feel like nothing matters more than that. in my bedroom everything matters so much. I go to the grocery store every day. i know how to cook a lot of things but the only thing i know how to eat is fried eggs. I can take care of myself but i want to be taken care of. i want to go home and I don't know where that is. i think it may be somewhere inside of me but i’m not sure

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

I think if I put aside like, the poltical and hateful aspect of it, part of the reason people react so strongly and are so frightened of me when I’m in public is because of horror. Like. Their immediete association with a faceless human shaped figure draped in all black is more like

like straight up im pretty sure if you asked people on campus they would have a “ghost story” of their experience seeing a terrifying ghost but in reality it was just me like, getting some mail or working at night. its interesting how peoples brains in my experience jump to “holy fuck a ghost” and start screaming as being the most logical interpretation of seeing me instead of “hey maybe its a muslim woman”.

Anyways this is all to say if I saw a shadow demon or grim reaper i would probably be psyched and say “Assalam alaikum” and then go about my day.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

I wanna expand a lil on this cuz its interesting and important, sorry to get a bit more heavy.

I had work today, here’s what I look like often when I go to work, sleeved black jilbab, black niqab, closed toed shoes, exam gloves, headphones.

And here’s also a picture of me, now just at a distance walking down the hallway

And a lot of people’s initial gut reactions to seeing me is fear (including screaming or backing away/turning around) and thinking I’m something scary or  a ghost or monster, because I guess their more familiar and ready to believe in ghosts than realize I’m just like. A regular person. In that photo I’m literally just walking and listening to music while working as a custodian.

And like, you might say “well thats an understandable reaction, its not good but its not hurting anyone”. Straight up, in my 3 years living and working on campus, I haven’t made a single friend, no one talks to me because they’re so put off or frightened by my niqab. And each photo of me here is a photo of an exact recreation of what I was doing prior to hatecrimes I’ve experienced. Standing? Suspicious and scary. Walking by myself? Suspicious and scary. Cleaning tables? Suspicious and scary, worthy of confrontation and considering calling the police.

This is all to say like, I think people should look at how they react to seeing an all-black figure. Because if you do, it’s highly unlikely its a ghost, and more likely a normal person.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

I made another post about this but I thought I should include it here so people see it.

I’ve gotten messages and tags along the lines of “I might be startled/scared at first but when I realize you’re just a person I would talk and befriend you!” which is very sweet, honestly, and many many steps ahead of how most people treat me. However, part of the post is about that, about how when people see me their immediate reaction is fear and not seeing me as a human being.

Like I said in the inital post, people’s main association with someone looking like me is horror (shadow demons, wraiths, ghosts), all black figures in media are spooky or evil otherworldly monsters. Most people’s only other exposure is islamaphobic news that again frames someone who looks like me as a scary oppressed other. When people talk about hijab bans or “burka bans” the image that has been pushed is people that look like me. There’s no big mainstream media with someone who looks like me, hell Momtaz from We Are Lady Parts is the first niqabi I’ve seen in the main cast of any media. Otherwise the only exposure to someone that looks like me is horror at best and Islamaphobic politics at worst.

The main issue that makes day to day life in America hell for me is that when people look at me, even if its just for a few seconds, they don’t see me as human. Whether people jump to thinking I’m an actual ghost, a spooky decoration (I’ve quite literally been mistaken for being part of a Halloween display), or see me as a caricature of oppression, or a terrorist, or a criminal (tons of people think I’m dressed in all black to avoid being noticed while I commit a crime, and plenty of people think my niqab makes it so I can get away with crimes) the one common thread is people do not recognize my humanity.

Sure, for some people that only lasts a few moments, but for most it lasts longer or forever. If people talk to me, they’ll likely come to realize I’m just a person, but most people don’t, and countless people only see me in passing in public, and for as long as I exist in their mind, I am never a full person. And too often I’m pressure to talk to people purely just to prove my humanity and that I‘m not some tragically oppressed person who needs saving.

[delphinidin4]

[balkansoul-deactivated20220924]

tumblr is a website where you can see posts like “gender roles are a social construct and they’re not real” and “the stock market is just astrology for men” followed by “he is my boy girlfriend” reblogged by the same person in a span of two minutes. like how do you not see the irony of it all 

[roach-works]

OP it’s actually very simple. gender isn’t real except for when it’s funny.

[hlwim]

ugh how the fuck do you cover letter

[elf-trash]

Greetings, Exalted One. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight and friend to Captain Solo.

I know that you are powerful, mighty Jabba, and that your anger with Solo must be equally powerful. I seek an audience with Your Greatness to bargain for Solo’s life.

With your wisdom, I’m sure that we can work out an arrangement which will be mutually beneficial and enable us to avoid any unpleasant confrontation.

As a token of my goodwill, I present to you a gift: these two droids. Both are hardworking and will serve you well.

[siderealsandman]

Polite greeting (Greetings, Exalted One)

Self-Introduction (I am Luke Skywalker) 

Establish Credentials (Jedi Knight) 

Explain how you learned of this opportunity (Friend to Captain Solo) 

Establish Purpose (I seek an audience with Your Greatness to bargain for Solo’s life.)

Show what you can bring to the organization ( I present to you a gift: these two droids. Both are hardworking and will serve you well.)

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

This actually maps really well.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

The problem with being ADHD and having trouble reading long, rambling sentences and paragraphs that go on and on is that having ADHD makes you more likely to write in long, rambling sentences and paragraphs that go on and on do you see the problem I am encountering

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I feel like this post would be more popular if people with adhd could actually read it

[peggyrose19]

ADHD: makes it hard to read long, rambling sentences

also ADHD: makes you write in long, rambling sentences

do you see the problem here

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

did u just rewrite my post you gorgeous brilliant little paperclip

[oysters-aint-for-me]

i’m obsessed with this

and then, two months later....

🥺

[missbeth47]

This person is living the dream

[soupwife]

*something minimally embarrassing happens on a light hearted tv show*

me to myself, covering my eyes with a blanket: “don’t worry baby it’s not real, it’s only actors. In real life embarrassing things don’t actually happen”

[aridante]

we don’t have the heart to tell him, rachel hall // the infinite blacktop, sara gran // a ghost story, dir. david lowery (2017) // life after death, damien echols // untitled, valentin gallet // metaphor & memory, cynthia ozick // untitled, jim carroll.

[jakegyllenhaal]

[everythingfox]

“Now this is a dogpile I would love.”

(Source)

[fuckyeah-nerdery]

[tiktoksnow]

The amount of serotonin it gave me to watch this grandma react to her new galaxy light 🥺

It’s dark in here- *gasps in excitement* OHH SARAH!

OHH SARAH! *giggles like a little kid* OHhHhH!!

My ceiling is filled with blue lights… and stars and everything!!

OH Sarah! I can go to bed at night looking at this. OHHHH it’s beautiful!

[ittybittytittydiaries]

ppl forget the innocence of the elderly… if there was ever a glimpse of them as a child, this is it

[jung-hooked]

“I can go to bed at night looking at this!” 🥺✨

I love grandmothers. I miss mine every single day. This is beautiful.

[haileyhurts]

I have one! I’ll deadass be in my room with it on listening to music and disassociating for hours 😂

It has a buncha colors but these are my faves

Purple bc insanely gorgeous 100/10 just beautiful

Then the light blue/green makes me feel like I’m underwater, 11/10 love to imagine I’m drowning

And then dark blue bc it feels like I’m in space, 10/10 would love to go there and stop breathing

[yanderrre]

@haileyhurts where did you get it?

I would love to cry my eyes out in a room this pretty

[haileyhurts]

@yanderrre you can just go to galaxylight.com or if you dont feel like typing: shorturl.link/galaxy

[bassbabe]

My cat trips balls when I use mine 😂 the stars are lasers so she goes nuts thinking it’s a 1000 laser light toys!! Still cracks me up every time

[baguettegazette]

Same energy

[just-shower-thoughts]

Saying “Fuck it” actually motivates me more than “You can do this”.

[catasters]

[butterflikisses]

[astargatelover]

For those who have trouble reading that:

Imagine being a black, gay drag queen in the 1800s after being born into enslavement AND having the style and cachè to throw soirées that the girls had to come to! That’s why I don’t want to hear this “we’re not our ancestors stuff.” You’re right!

From The Very Black Project Page- William Dorsey Swann was a gay liberation activist. Born into slavery in 1858, he was the first person in the United States to lead a queer resistance group and the first known person to self-identify as a “queen of drag”. Imagine the queenery of this icon.

He was a slave in Hancock, Maryland and was freed by Union soldiers after the Emancipation Proclamation went into effect. During the 1880s and 1890s, he organized a series of balls in Washington, D.C. He called himself the “queen of drag”. Most of the attendees his gatherings were men who were former slaves, and were gathering to dance in their satin and silk dresses. William was arrested in police raids numerous times,including in the first documented case of arrests for female impersonation in the United States, on April 12, 1888. In 1896, he was falsely convicted and sentenced to 10 months in jail for “keeping a disorderly house” (running a brothel). After his sentencing, he requested a pardon from President Grover Cleveland. This request was denied, but but he was the first American on record who pursued legal and political action to defend the LGBTQ community’s right to gather.

He was known to have been close with Pierce Lafayette and Felix Hall, two men who had also both been slaves and who formed the first known male same-sex relationship between enslaved Americans.

When William stopped organizing and participating in drag events, his brother continued to make costumes for the drag community. Two of his brothers had also been active participants in his drag balls.

Imagine how intelligent and ambitious this man had to be to come up with drag balls in the 1800s! Imagine how many terrible concepts he had to unlearn by himself to be a confident gay black man who does drag in the 1800s! Imagine how courageous he had to be to fight for lgbt people as a former slave in America in the 1800s!

William Dorsey Swann is the original queen, the original drag mother, the original activist. Tell his story!

[carnivalsofsilverfish]

I assume these have been posted, but friends, you HAVE to see some more photos from this shoot:

[spacehorrors]

no google docs you don't understand this is a sexy, necessary grammar mistake

[anxietyproblem]