Classy, Sassy, and A Bit Smartassy @iamobfuscation - Tumblr Blog

ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE

i don't even particularly like genre romance, but it's always so weird to see people (usually, though not always, men) going 'you know REAL LIFE men don't act like the men in romance novels, right???' as if it's a gotcha.

like, yeah. obviously. real life women don't act like the women in romance novels either. it's a genre with extremely stylized and predictable character beats that exist to serve the romantic arc rather than to deeply explore or accurately reproduce human behavior. this complaint makes about as much sense as superciliously sneering that small english towns don't ACTUALLY have a murder every other week for the local eccentric to investigate.

darlingofdots

it's soooo telling because like on one hand: yeah, we know. we all know. you acting as if we don't know says more about your attitude than ours. and on the other hand: maybe the fact that for over a century women (and it is mostly women, still) have been getting together to imagine "what kind of man would I like to marry" and the resulting archetype is, most notably, more supportive, more caring, and better in bed than the men who complain about romance novels being unrealistic... maybe that should make you realise some stuff, idk. about either yourself as a person or patriarchy as a societal structure, whichever

natequarter

"christianity—" stop. what you just said only applies to american evangelical protestantism.

natequarter

"religion—" Stop. What You Just Said Only Applies To American Evangelical Protestantism.

brothermouse-skeleton

But why did Dracula do that, though? Crawling out the window? in a lizard fashion? Wouldn't it mess up his nice clothes? Also he has doors? That he could just open? And walk through????

One of the scariest things about Dracula is what a weirdo he is for no reason.

shencomix

wowwforever

monster that wants to eat your flesh : Okay, that's what most carnivores do. Not scary.

monster that wants to drink your blood : Okay, that's what mosquitos do to me. Not scary.

monster that wants to specifically eat your bones : whadda fuck

morkaischosen

#giant African land snail if it was evil as opposed to a being of pure heart and utmost virtue

hey tumblr user ravnervn, I now have additional questions, such as, bwah?

ravnervn

Giant African Land Snails eat bones in order to get calcium for their shells, but are also among God's most innocent of creatures and thus contain no malice. Hope this helps.

the-awkward-turt

Giant African land snails are (as far as I know) the only invasive species in the US that poses risks to all three categories of environmental damage, human health, AND structural damage--because they will eat stucco and plaster in their hunt for calcium.

Of course I don't blame the snails for this, they are just doing their snail thing and it's not their fault we introduced them to a new place where there's lots of delicious native vegetation and building materials to devour. But if bones are not available they WILL eat your house.

pokemonjunge

Kinda poetic that they will eat YOUR house to build THEIR house

derinthescarletpescatarian

It's the ciiiircle of hooouse....

rainbow-femme

Hi yes hello it’s me the local wizard, and I- Ok well “evil” feels like a strong word but yes, that’s me. Anyway, I need your help. I know I stole away the kingdoms 12 princesses, that’s my bad. Listen, I didn’t think this through. It didn’t occur to me that having a dozen angry young women from early teen to early 20s and giving them giant powerful wings would be a bad idea.

I know I’m the one who cast the curse but it can still only be broken with true love. I’m begging you, somebody, please come and fall in love with these girls and make them leave, I can’t take it anymore, it sucks so bad. I can’t keep getting viciously bullied by one of the largest living species of waterfowl anymore. I’ve tried running away but they can fly so they just find me. I’m getting nothing done.

I’ll pay you, I’ll grant you wishes, I don’t care, please just come and fall in love with the mean angry women who live in my yard and hate me so bad

mikkeneko

#please! if they were princesses then these are TITLED geese - via @malachite-in-corvidae

bashcrandicoot

Based on a true story

groveofgreen

boneliness

a trap song with the rapper growing increasingly concerned about all the gun sound effects in the music

boneliness

laeffy

Hey tumblr???? Hey fucking tumblr?????

hello?

sdfghjhgfd

Target audience

I have the dragon pussy candle (got it for my gf as a jokey Xmas gift) and

1. It smells pretty good! Fruit+spices+smoke?

2. The scent fucking SPREADS and LINGERS. I had it lit for like half an hour last winter and I swear to god our entire apartment smelled like dragon pussy for the rest of the night. My gf walked in the door and was immediately like “you lit the dragon pussy candle didn’t you” and I had to be like “yeah, I did”. We almost exclusively use it for either “we just smoked weed and now we’re opening all the windows” moments or “the cats just made a horrible monster smell that must be defeated by a greater monster”.

3. You will light it and immediately go “huh, yeah I guess that is what dragon pussy would smell like”

xenasaur

more screenshots from their website.

these scents are transgender as hell. I want multiple of these candles for my birthday

roo-d-trans

Hay, what's the website for these things called again?

xenasaur

I can't tell if this is a joke or not, but at the risk of being a gullible rube, here it is

THESE ARE THE BEST CANDLES

moki-dokie

a rare tumblr ad W

elfwreck

Shipping is now 5 days (ish) instead of three.

mxliv-oftheendless

So if yall didn’t know, in The Hobbit book, Thranduil had the Dwarves locked up for approximately weeks, and Bilbo was just invisible and wandering in the palace the entire time, vibing miserably.

My headcanon, therefore, is that the Mirkwood Elves now have a local legend about a ghost haunting Thranduil’s palace, never seen but generally thought to be harmless. Thranduil scoffs at the idea, but has been seen glancing around at the dark corners of rooms. Legolas fully believes in it and is known to say hello out loud when he enters an empty room, in case the ghost is nearby.

It’s not until Legolas joins the Fellowship that he figures out that the supposed ghost was actually an invisible Bilbo the whole time. He never tells Thranduil, because he thinks it’s funny to see his regal father unnerved by the idea of a ghost.

mikkeneko

animentality

femmefaramir

older lotr illustrations sometimes depict éowyn wearing ridiculously small armour. apart from the problem general sexualisation of the only female character (who really does anything), there’s another hilarious thought:

éowyn pretended to be dernhelm, a man. to fit in, she must have worn men’s armor. so the armor in the illustrations is normal for rohirrim.

therefore, all the rohirrim rode to war just like that:

hobbit-hole

there’s a thundering sound in the distance as the rohirrim ride into war but rather than hoofbeats it’s the collective sound of all their cheeks clapping

delicatelytoobear

the artist for this particular piece is Frank Frazetta and to be fair to him this is how he drew the orcs armor

so the rohirrim comment is probably not that far off

adhd-trash-mammal

That’s a man who just straight up had a problem with the concept of wearing pants into battle, and I respect that

cumaeansibyl

male or female

hero or villain

sea or land

even in the snow

I guarantee you Frazetta’s Rohirrim were 100% pants-free

missmollyetc

Good Old Frank. That man loved bodies and hated clothes so much

thebyrchentwigges

trist-pkmngal

Frank Frazetta was the reason He-Man was designed like that; the producers conduct a study to see what art appeal the most to children, and Frank’s work came out on top in popularity. So everyone in He-Man is dressed the way they are directly because of Frazetta.

snugglebunchesofeyes

That man gave us the gift of warrior thighs and tits for everyone.

olderthannetfic

Ah, it has been too long since I have seen the no pants post on my dash. And yes, this is a rare case where it wasn’t some sexist nonsense but an egalitarian No Pants Agenda.

olderthannetfic

It’s time for my regular reblog of Gondor Needs No Pants

asteroidtroglodyte

Frank Frazetta - Wikipedia

“I am definitely an ass man. It blows my mind. Talk about simple shapes. Two very simplistic curves. It’s so dumb, but they are fascinating as hell. It’s more than that. It’s the way the rest of the anatomy ties into that area — incredible beauty”

- Frank “godfather of fantasy art” Frazetta

spaceshipsandpurpledrank

@jorality

viktor-sbor

A 50-kilogram anvil floats perfectly on the surface of mercury, because the density of the steel from which it is made is almost half the density of mercury.

e-102

damn that shit is light lmfao

telltaletypist

vienna1954

Fun fact! Many lighthouses with especially large fresnel lenses would have huge fucking tubs of liquid mercury in the lantern room because it’s a super easy way to make these giant lenses rotate quickly!

Shockingly, however, spending most of your time in close proximity to 500 pounds of liquid mercury is Not Great For One’s Health and tons of lighthouse keepers started to go crazy from the whole. Mercury poisoning thing. Hence why there are a lot of “haunted” lighthouses or wickies that lose it and maybe do a bit of manslaughter.

Anyway, people saw a bunch of lighthouse keepers go crazy and get sick and got empirical evidence that it was in fact related to the 500 pound mercury bath they have to visit every day and then they decided nah it’s fine actually. So we’ve kept the liquid mercury thing and I think that’s beautiful

ben-the-hyena

I love how it is so dense it does not "wet" the anvil, the drops all run and leave with nothing behind them unlike water, oil, sauce... it's super satisfying it's like in cartoons

macleod

In a letter written on April 19, 1825, Augustin Fresnel proposed the use of mercury to reduce the friction in revolving lenses. His statement follows: “I propose to float our rotating devices, of the first order, in a bath of mercury, instead of placing them on rollers. This project won't present many difficulties; nevertheless, as I have not put it into execution, I won't require you to adopt it for your first lighthouse.”

Fresnel’s plan for mercury flotation was not put into practice until 1890 when Monsieur Leon Bourdelles, Chief Engineer of the French Lighthouse Service, designed and built a workable mercury flotation system. The mercury bath allowed the lens to operate in an almost frictionless environment and, additionally, allowed the speed of rotation to be dramatically increased.

Lens Rotation by Thomas Tag | United States Lighthouse Society

sashaforthewin

Ah to be a sailor in 1890 who has to turn to his fellow men and ask "is it just me or are the lighthouses flashing faster?"

asteroidtroglodyte

They had been slowly getting faster for decades.

It mattered for optics reasons.

Under less-than-ideal conditions, you can only see the beam when it’s pointed more or less directly at you. In-between beams you would not be able to see anything. One solution to this was to create multiple beams, and the lenses Mr Fresnel designed usually created 8 beams. But, even still, duration between flashes could be as long as one minute in the old mechanical roller systems.

The nearly frictionless operation of the Mercury suspension system allowed the lenses (large pieces of precisely ground glass weighing several hundred pounds in some cases) to rotate fast enough that they could be redesigned to create fewer (usually 3) beams. Fewer beams from a similar light source will be proportionally brighter, and the gains in speed were sufficient that duration between flashes could still be reduced to as little as 10 seconds.

This was a big upgrade. It didn’t just make the lighthouse signal faster, it allowed them to completely overhaul the lens and derive more visibility from a light source.

What’s a little Madness, in the face of Progress?

asteroidtroglodyte

You. I like you.

sexhaver

it's extremely funny reading historical accounts of Spontaneous Human Combustion because it follows the normal historical trend of other 1800s paranormal phenomena where it stopped happening as much right around the time cameras were invented and stopped happening entirely when everyone started carrying mini cameras in their pockets, but unlike most others of its ilk, it was effectively replaced by this mysterious phenomena where alocoholics would spill liqour on themselves and then fall asleep smoking a cigarette and turn into a fireball. nobody knows if these two things are related

buttpoems

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