hello vonnie
i don't do bad sauce passes
tumblr dot com
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Cosimo Galluzzi
@theartofmadeline
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Kiana Khansmith
Today's Document
One Nice Bug Per Day
Sweet Seals For You, Always
⁂
pixel skylines
Xuebing Du
sheepfilms
will byers stan first human second
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
JVL
Sade Olutola
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Australia
seen from Indonesia
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from China
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@impalasexual
Apollo 17 vs Artemis II
Despite everything, it's still you.
-------------------------------------------------
Also prev tags:
That's really cool actually
#excuse me but are you telling me that the Apollo pic is made with the help of the SUN and the Artemis one with the help of the MOON??? #that's actually so poetic i want to cry
@gorandomshesaid wait i need to sit with this one. wait.
YOU GET THE FUCK BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN THAT RIGHT NOW
well damn
Every time, I know what's coming, but every time, I just lose it at "Uh. That"
I already lost it at "that time we ate our prime minister" and "Uh. That" didn't really help.
ao3 asking if i want to see mature content. do i want to see birds in the sky. do i want to feel the wind in my hair and the grass under my feet
Spin this wheel of ~300 AO3 tags three times.
Congratulations! The 4th dimension exists and you are their FAVORITE blorbo. The tags you got are from the most popular, most influential fanfic starring you. How are you feeling?
this is the best possible outcome for me
this is pretty good
this is fine. i guess.
this is terrible actually
they're assassinating my character
i'm suing the fourth dimension
When I tried to do this without a poll, only a handful of people answered, so I am now trying to entice you all with buttons.
You get to choose any one superpower—with the restrictions that is is in fact only one (i.e. not omnipotence etc.), and you can't use it to gain more superpowers.
You're welcome to choose one that's not on the poll, but if you do that, please share it in the replies/reblogs/tags!
If you could have any one superpower, what would you want?
Manipulation of an element (share which one?)
Teleportation
Telekinesis
Time manipulation
Immortality
Probability manipulation
Know the location of anything
Shapeshiting
Mind-reading
Instant knowledge gain/information absorption
Something else (please specify)!
No powers for me, thanks
I tried to include all of the most popularly desired ones, but I didn't know them for sure—that's what this is meant to find out, after all.
Reblogs for sample size appreciated!
Our Disney Prince <3
Cant have fucking shit in Detroit
Cant have shit
Okay so door saga
The only way into my building is through the front door which locks itself when closed. There's a back entrance but it's deadbolted from the inside. This means the only people who can get into the building are me, my cat sitter with the spare keys, and the people living in the other two units.
The door to MY unit now... has no doorknob. Impossible to get in.
There is a shared BACK hallway that leads to the shared basement/back entrance. My back door into this hall is always deadbolted. EXCEPT, fortuitously, right now, since neighbor (Molly) in unit 2 had heard Patches meowing when alone and offered to spend some time with her, so I had the cat sitter unlock the bolt.
This, LUCKILY, means there is A Way into my unit. But it requires getting into the building, then going THROUGH my neighbors' unit into the back hall, then up to my unit.
Cat sitter is effectively locked out from Patches, and won't be able to get in if not fixed by the next day.
Text neighbor about predicament. They're willing to look at my door bUT (it's Christmas) they're not home and not getting home until the next day.
Next day, text for an update but hear nothing. (Neighbors aren't attached to their phones much). Communicate with catsitter saying "okay if I don't hear back from neighbors, maybe you go over and I contact a locksmith who you can let in?" (since cat sitter has the keys to the building)
Catsitter is very not keen on the idea
Patches is unaware she's a prisoner.
Hear back from neighbors. Say they should be home around 5pm.
Okay... Good Enough... (Patches graze-feeds so Luckily she hasn't missed any meals but we're going on 24 hours of house arrest Patches).
6pm comes. 7pm comes. 7:40pm I text asking for an update. Nothing.
8:30pm I'm figuring out what friends I can call to break into my own house. Text neighbor again and notice this text doesn't go through.
Text neighbor's partner being like "hey sorry, can't seem to reach Molly--". Get a text back "Sorry this is Molly on David's phone! My phone died." Family Christmas plans ran late but they're on their way back and will be home soon. Thank goodness.
9pm-ish, they get back, give Patches attention and top up her food. I get a text "David fixed your door!" Woo!
Friday 5pm I finally get home
Lugging my suitcase up three flights of stairs while I hear Patches meowing like a dying Victorian child
Shoes off coat off suitcase down fish out keys unlock door grab doorknob
...Doorknob falls off
Falls off right into my hands
Staring at doorknob. Staring at door. Patches meowing. Shove doorknob against door like an idiot and no it does not go back on.
Fucking
Go down flight of stairs, knock on Molly and David's door. David is luckily home. "My doorknob fell off again can I go home"
David lets me in. I scoot past their dogs and apparently I startled the more nervous one since she apparently tried to nip at me but I didn't even notice because I'm like my cat.
Get in through the back hall.
Patches comes bounding over.
My cat.
Doesn't even know she was a prisoner.
Doesn't even know what a doorknob is.
Later that night receive a text from neighbor apologizing for the dog and I'm like "I Did Not Even Notice."
Any attempt to leave my house now is perilous until I fix the doorknob.
Can't even leave my door cracked open because I know Patches is gonna shove her stupid little face through it and become the opposite of a prisoner.
I wanna go buy a reeces peanut butter cup but by god it's not worth the risk
I'm gonna try to fix the doorknob
Or... buy? a new doorknob?
On Amazon searching "doorknob".
Merry Christmas
You are completely right because I have now investigated the knob and can confirm the screw holding the knob to bar was loose. I have tightened the screw and it SEEMS fixed but I’m very Fool Me Once on this since my neighbor also thought they’d fixed it.
There is a Home Depot trip in my future. Or maybe an online purchase if Patches would get off my laptop
Merry Christmas I hope I know how to install a doorknob
Complication. Doorknob is here and I tried to install it, but because my door is older than God, the latch-majig (technical term) is offset like an inch higher than the knob. Modern doorknob has the latch LEVEL with the knob.
To swap in the new knob I'd need to cut a new knob-hole an inch higher in the door which
With what tools
That would leave an unused gaping doorknob-sized hole in my door which any robber the size of a weasel or smaller will use to rob my home. I don't need fucking Redwall in my home.
Probably bad for the integrity of the door
I don't wanna.
I think what I really want is just the knob like above tags said. Like the knob and the rectangular bar, which I can substitute in for my stripped-bare knob and rectangle bar. I WOULD do this with the new knob, but it's got two welded-on spokes poking out from the knob.
I can maybe drill two holes for the spokes in my door...?
(Squinting at shitty amazon listings trying to see if any knobs don't have the two spokes)
(I think the two spokes might be standard.)
Developing new respect for Jesus (carpenter).
In the meantime, because I'd already unscrewed a lot of things I DID take the genius action of flipping my current doorknob around.
This way the side that causes problems is on the INSIDE.
Doorknob fall of while INSIDE house significantly better than doorknob fall off while OUTSIDE.
I'm retightening all the screws.
Patches has offered no solutions.
So it does!
Never heard the term "spindle doorknob" before so I never would have found this on my own.
They're also all labeled "vintage" which extra feels right since my door predates the Cambrian Explosion.
Crowdsourcing my door fix on Tumblr dot com! Doorknob 2.0 is ordered.
At least 4,000 but we still got time
New doorknob should get here tomorrow, but in the meantime things in the notes of this post:
Several dozen stories of other people getting locked in/out of bathrooms/basements/classrooms/bedrooms/buildings. Extra shout out to the person whose classmate managed to do this twice, in rapid4reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesdweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Patches is on my keyboard
whose classmate managed to do this twice, in rapid succession, to both sides of a classroom door after being saved the first time.
Several people taking this as a sign to go tighten their doorknob screws, including someone whose knob fell off in their hands while doing this
10 or so people reading the "can't have shit in Detroit" meme to mean I live in Detroit. Sorry to confess I'm a fake Detroitite. Doxxing myself by 0.00001% more by informing the world I live in not-Detroit.
Many many people wondering why I'm not pestering my landlord about this. Truth is my landlord is way too sexy, cool, fashionable, smart, pretty, funny, and popular on Tumblr to it's me. It's me. I'm me I'm my landlord. It's my condo. Including, with immense regret, every single doorknob inside.
3 separate professional locksmiths who have reached out offering advice, which is very cool. I have burst into a virtual hardware store clutching my shit doorknob and fainted, only to be caught by three very strong and cool locksmiths rushing to my aid.
Person with a story of dogsitting a friend's Tibetan Mastiff who managed to knock the entire backdoor down. Taking inspiration from this to train Patches in battering-ram techniques, should she ever get locked inside again.
DOORKNOB
ALSO MY PAPER TOWELS
(Ran out of paper towels)
Old knob coming off.
Wretched thing. Accursed knob of woe.
Get undid
New knob reign by forceful coup. Went to great pains to PRECISELY wait Patches is escaping
Patches retrieved
Anyway GREAT care was taken to ensure both knobs are ALIGNED, EVEN, SCREWED ON, with the wait hang on
Patches retrieved again.
Anyway
DOORKNOB SCREWED ON
KNOB
Still gonna keep the emergency screwdriver in the hall for probably the next month.
In conclusion look at my cat
certified door post
Athena: You stabbed Poseidon?!
Odysseus: You'd understand if you heard what he said to me!
Athena: What was it?
Odysseus: "What you gonna do? Stab me?"
Athena: That's fair.
Headcanon that Athena mentions her "friend" to Telemachus every time she has the chance and Telemachus, being this curious boy always wanting to hear stories, always encourages her to do so.
Then one day, Telemachus being bored as hell and probably got into another fight with the suitors, goes up to Athena and asks her if her friend ever did something stupid
And Athena just. Jumps to tell all the bullshit Odysseus got into. It's like a therapy session to talk about how dumb he can be. And Telemachus eats it all up
Fast forward to when Ody comes back home and Athena just hangs around sometimes. Telemachus, again, bored goes to ask Athena about stories of her friend and the shit he did. And Athena freezes up. Odysseus gets curious, and jealous, cause he never knew about a friend, and asks his son.
The mix of pure horror on his face when he discovers his son knows all the stupid shit he did in his youth, and the joy of Athena calling him her friend and talking about it goes entirely unnoticed by his son.
Athena meanwhile is dying inside.
Penelope is cackling
the command structure of the GAR suffers so badly from “we haven’t had a standing galactic army for 1000 years, we had to invent all of this yesterday” syndrome it is so fucking funny. the jedi high council had no idea what they were doing and were like, okay, the jedi are all generals now. what general do you answer to if two generals give you conflicting orders? the general. which of the generals is in charge? the general. which of the generals is the general over all the other generals? also the general. anakin is both the general of just the 501st and also the commander of gold squadron, apparently, how does he manage to be so annoying that he’s in a position of command in two separate branches of service? i cannot emphasize enough that the idea of rex explaining that their general is locked in a dogfight with separatist ships, so they have to hold off on such things as “orders” is just a thing that does not happen to people, ever. this makes absolutely no sense but given that the republic handed a military to the local superpowered wizard monk order that coordinates battles at most in small groups, i guess that’s kind of a fair way to take it. you win this round, rave baloney
anakin gets way more annoying, also i really think common characterization of him should deviate from “devil-may-care himbo” to “wildly neurotic workaholic engineering nut with no time for friends” because in the gambit duology apparently anakin personally redesigned the programming in republic cruiser commlinks. i cannot emphasize to you enough that knowing how to build a droid probably does not prepare you at all for the prospect of programming a ship the size of a city. i cannot emphasize to you enough how ridiculous of a job redesigning the programming of a line of capital warships while you are both a general and an air commander (how is this a thing) would be. also, how much obscure engineering bullshit did he have to read from ages 9-20 to be able to make the leap from “can build a podracer” to “knows how massive warships work enough to be able to work on them” because, like, a guy who is good with cars is not automatically prepared to design jumbo jets. when in the entire fuck. how in the goddamn. how did he even have time to be motherfucking crazy. how did he have time to be married. he had engineering books to go read
anakin, seven days deep without sleep, downing the fifth space redbull of the hour and drawing a draft of a spaceship by moving a pencil with the force, because the caffeine makes his hands shake too bad to hold it: i know the color yellow is threatening so i reinvented hyperspace
rex, nodding his head: classic general skywalker
dave the new guy who had no idea what he was walking into: CLASSIC?
yeah no offense to confucius or anything but if i was about to embark on a journey of revenge i would simply not dig two graves
jesus christ, getting laid in your enemy's grave? that's some freak shit but honestly i kinda dig it
well yeah you dig it thats how you make a grave
A feel like this is a conversation between Shakespeare's clowns, and I love that.
Tell me an inside joke between you and a friend, without context.
I beg of everyone to read the tags to this post, as they are all random and hilarious and read kind of like a poem, if the poem was written by someone who was on a lot of drugs.
I was today years old when I learned that when you type "otp: true" in AO3 search results it filters out fics with additional ships, leaving only the fics where your otp is the main ship
Gamechanger
Here’s a cheatsheet of all the available hidden search functions. “-creators:[whatever]” is another exclusion that can be particularly useful.
Lucifer, Vampire’s fall Origin..
I would unironivally watch it because this title is intriguing.
Super murder party
Queer eye dragon ball fighterz
the owl house mario cart
JoJo’s Bizarre Space Program
neon genesis evangelion: breath of the wild
the.. osu! house @the-gay-goblin
Fullmetal Alchemist: Odyssey
Halo Reach: Love is War
“unclench your fists, my lover, the war is over now. (i’ve forgotten how to uncurl my fingers from the trigger.) be gentle, my lover, the war is over now. (i don’t remember what it’s like not to have gunsteel in my bones.) come home, my lover, the war is over now. (i’m back at the place i left but home is gone where i cannot find it.) sleep, my lover, the war is over now. (the war follows me into sleep. i’m afraid i’ll never leave it behind.) kiss me, my lover, the war is over now. (my fingers still drip red and i do not want to stain you with them.)”
— teach me how to be at peace again ( j.p. )
