[chaoss-incarnate-deactivated202]

vienna by billy joel but its anthony lockwood

[sherlck-deactivated20140622]

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

[feathery-soul-deactivated201408]

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

[agnosticwitch]

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

[moontideempress]

[vimbia]

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

[jazmynedrakeford]

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

[youhavearighttoyourwrongopinion]

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

[caribe-bby]

Y'all suspect af😂

[dookiediamonds-deactivated20200]

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

[electricocelot]

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

[prismatic-bell]

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

[harmonysama-deactivated20190724]

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

[thewelterschallenge]

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

[bloodforbones]

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

[sweetgirlfriend]

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

[fluidityandgiggles]

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

[nintendhoe-switchblade-deactiva]

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

[emilyelizabethfowl]

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

[ferntastic-m]

I love learning.

[srazars-main-blog-deactivated20]

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

[ratherinterestingmilkshake]

ON MY DASH

[dickplinko]

WHAT THE FUCK IT’S ON MY DASH. ALSO JEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH MORE THEN 3 pigs

[louder-thangodsrevolver-deactiv]

Always reblog

[law-the-lewd]

“Never trust anyone with more than 3 pigs” is the best thing I’ve ever read

[goodoldpanicattheeverywhere]

on another note, I just remembered Roald Dahl wrote Lamb to the Slaughter (I read it in sophomore year)

[wind-the-music-box]

Dummies.

Bury one (1) oyster in the yard for two weeks. Put it on the plate with a bunch of others, serve to victim.

There’s plenty of health risks when it comes to eating raw seafood- No one will bat an eye.

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[prismatic-bell]

Six years later, my dumb ass realizes I never said you also have to pull at least some of the teeth to prevent a match to dental records.

[vellhighbandi]

@damnn-dorothea @hell-lit011019 @chammak-challo113 murder besties… Refreshment course.

[raat-baaki-deactivated20240309]

@bulbourethralhand

[a-really-hot-caterpillar]

“I am a writer,” he said as reblogged this post. Little did they know…

[oceanandlilies]

This reblogging chain shouldn’t stop… everyone should know HOW TO MURDER !! I repeat this reblogging chain shouldn’t STOP!!

[cyanide-sodapop]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

1.1 MILLION NOTES JESUS CHRIST

[writing-official]

I’m a writer guys

but for the record, make sure that after you have the body (keep burying it vertically in mind) dig really extra deep, bury it (vertically, mind you), fill it in until the body’s head is decently underground, then bury a dead pet or animal as well. After THAT plant endangered plants overtop. Then A) the freshly dug earth isn’t suspicious, B) it isn’t legal to dig up, C) IF a police dog finds it, they’ll unearth the dead animal not the person

[snakes-of-the-undercity]

@real-british-empire ever growing artifact? Also the animal thing doesn’t work, as it’s been done too many times and cadaver dogs are trained to recognize the difference in chemicals—

[real-british-empire]

Yoink!

[insanelyclumsynereid]

Or you can bury the body somewhere, then call the police and say it's somewhere else.

They'll dig in that place finding nothing, so they won't dig here again.

After they did that, bury the corpse here

[emma-rose-loves]

[insanelyclumsynereid]

They have nicer guys and my fav girlboss (and a weird green skull but you'll get used to it)

[insanelyclumsynereid]

Am I the only Lila kinnie who was in physical pain during the first episodes of season four because HELL NO WHAT WHY IS SHE LIKE THIS MY BABY SHE WASN'T LIKE THIS SOMEONE HELP HER or...

[insanelyclumsynereid]

I love how good The Umbrella Academy Explained Viktor's transition, I would have just liked better if in the third season the fact that in the first episode was said that 43 kids were born even tho 6 of them didn't was explained too

[skullmakesmelaugh]

George: Come on Quill, how many times do I need to apologise?

Kipps: Once

George: no

[nothing-impt]

Sacred animal appreciation :)

[insanelyclumsynereid]

The idea of hermes, GOD OF SPEED, having a turtle makes me cry

[jugganautism]

anyone ordered odypoli ??? no? cool cuz i did

[astressedlittlejaybird]

@insanelyclumsynereid

Do you like OdyPoli?

[insanelyclumsynereid]

Headcanon were Penelope know and she is totally fine with it bc yes, they are bros and that "My second in command" was more than a second in command

[fiasvsesvit]

[insanelyclumsynereid]

Lucy we all know you had a crush on Norrie at some point

[incorrectestquotes]

Let’s play a game

Everyone post the most recent picture in your camera roll. You only get one sentence to justify yourself if you wish. This one is mine.

My boyfriend is rly good at Latin, so I was looking up how to say ‘I love you’ but found this instead :)

Your turn!

@bookmovietvworm

@myfairkatiecat

@i-am-a-fish

@valtsv

[tseunnamed]

Looking at tattoo ideas and needed to see if it could be taken as something really bad

@mildlybizarrecorvid bring the hoard

[mildlybizarrecorvid]

I did a Picrew chain

@methoxyacetyltryptamine, @louisspikeskellwood, @stackofsnakes, @nick--knack, 

@pokeybananas, @toadboatt, @secretlyafiveheadeddragon, @jochi-the-veristithaylen-baker, @masterwound

@dingleberry-art, @yourpastafarianpriest, @27dragonsinatrenchcoat, @olliedoesthings, @17ghostsinatrenchcoar

@aflairforthemelodramaticc, @thiings-with-wings, @0minimity, @hetalia-newbie-butnotreally, @chaos-triangle

@centellacrow, @problematicghost, @definitely-brasil, @evil-maryland, @solar-panel-official

@frostseeker-draws, @roxtron, @ashes-onthewind, @theasexualagent, @friendly-neighborhood-gambler,

@snknyx, @la-funni-frog, @renneedsahobbytbh, @killtheratwithameatcleaver, @starflare2,

@ethan-torchios-bitch, @cas-the-angel-of-thursday, @secretly-insane, @lookingforfrog, @ilovegorillas

@armath-the-wise, @orion-the-starspinner, @themongosianhorse, @madeline-celeste, @arsonstick,

 @mentodento, @lilithofthevaalley, @attentiondeficitastartes, @re4lfox2ock8,

@inkpoint, @salademalade, @patheticprogrammingperson, @eli-after-dark, @genderfluid-diaries,

@the-true-noodles, @lightbulbsarefun, @fuzzypeng1n, @fourquartertoast, @lesbianapollochild,

, @stardusts-supervoid, @ontario-officeal, @dragonicat, @themonster-under-your-bed,

@minervakarsh, @la-funni-frog @l4rge-spe4ker @404pagenotavailable @th3-r4t-48

@juniperberryjuice @unused-paradox @neverendnight @breathethewater @not-a-skeleton-and-is-a-human

@thebutterflyoficeandwisteria @thebookshelflord @eldritch-bean @holiday-spice @kanejbr3kker

@lordhavemercyyyyy @unnamedtse @newfoundland-official @blondesillyboylover

@dustyoldclock @someonesrealityshifting @borntobegirlqueen @notatumb1rsexyman @kakzendingen

@itsliterallyjustme @very-gay-poet @cyprysonmteveryst @quiclycasual @sushisocksthereal

@bvnnyl0v3r @yourlocalxiaosimp @sumarmz @gorganicamphibole @the-dragon-sin

@herothat @atlas-the-mythology @gummy-axolotl @asb-nerd-3327 @theshelteredbrat

@thesillyguy @knightwolfghost @silverwanderingcrow @aspenii

@martinthebean @lemonsharkbite @nyyx-xoxx @magicalgear @basilthesnakingthing

@maybiirds @curliefried @atom1o6 @emilem-forevermore @speakofthedebbie

@beesechurger1909 @alchemicalwerewolf @kai-tus @kkqums

@themarshmush @maxspartnerincrime @khaoticspartan @saturn-in-retrograde0 @pyxilate

@charbored @runesofthedivine @hallowsy @faelovesthings @sodium-ion

@tsarq @i-hate--names @that-notrussian @flintlockfrenchkisser @abigail-the-bagel

@3-crows-in-a-trenchcoat @beensjamin @random-fnaf-fan1 @the1970sdeadgaywizard-regulus @off-brand-halloween-ghost

@that-angry-frog, @offiiciallybavaria, @germany-official, @ffswhyareallthenamestaken, @buggz-owlz,

@kkqums, @ontario-officeal, @crowthekiller, @plorpoy, @anomalocaris-in-da-clurb,

@adhd7seelie, @darth-moth, @girl-with-bones, @not-not-turnblr, @bat-detector

@consumerofshorthomies @the-interidiot @but-aint-this-texas @givenscribbles @real-boeing-757

@kiwi-had-nothing-better-to-do @no-tengo-ojos @jaydove-writes @sky-is-purple-because-i-said-so @jan-pi-suli-ala

@torsrighteye, @brightm8 @ye-olde-dragon-tits @tea-cake-and-sarcasm @hywenhei

@ink-stains-and-constellations @hedgionary @brains-out-rn @rudimentary-rutabaga @crixaflamma-the-secondMutuals

@zombiter @axolotl-detector @froggydrawz @glitterfeathersandblood @dazzlingqwq

@the-straight-guy-of-tumbir @jeannefostergoriot @cassieisinthebasementt @littlepopatochisp @aroacedragongirl

@ihavenothingoops @my-mom-named-me-duck @dustyoldclock @spacecatdraws @nerdylittlebugcreature

@enemylv1 @neoninglitchen @bitesizedbee4 @c0rvid-19 @twohundredfiftynine

@bl0ated-corpse @thesaddersalad @lem1aid @

[cassieisinthebasementt]

@multi-fandom-lunatic

@bookisposts

@ham-cheese-toastie

@oopsies-i-did-a-thing

@jeannefostergoriot

@i-am-a-duck-collector

@im-addicted-to-zelda-games

@nowjumpinthewater

@justalunaticfangirl

[i-am-a-duck-collector]

i was taking a picture of my "friends" who are dating but got caught so i couldn't focus the image well enough

@lemoncatssss @telugu-girl-13 @happilynerdyzombie @littlegayduck

[lemoncatssss]

I am at my limit.

@stabbydragon @mrfost-27 @aurora-boreas-borealis @ididntknowwhattocallthis @marz-planet @sketchy-potato @stormcloudsarepretty @howyoudoingimshade

[aurora-boreas-borealis]

Animal Crossing and its lies smh//jkjk

@lizzardwitch @themundanemudperson @gayferret420 @skyland2703 @lapelle-du-bubblegum-vide @slasherbat @ace-attorney-go-brrrrr @catdile @musical-chan @aeghina and anyone else who wants to take part wheee

[powerrangerspolls]

Screenshot from my fic! I like giving characters daddy issues

Tagging: @miss-morgans-lover @spookyblazecoffee @hesploro-the-torvosaurus @you-know-i-get-itt @ashestoashes7

@regaliasonata @igotthisaccountunderduress @walkthruthewords @brb-on-a-quest @foursixtwonineoh-pizzas-of-lego

and anyone else who wants to hop in!

[themundanemudperson]

Wrong blog lmao so we're trying this again

Screenshot from my fic! I like giving characters daddy issues

Tagging: @miss-morgans-lover @spookyblazecoffee @hesploro-the-torvosaurus @you-know-i-get-itt @ashestoashes7

@regaliasonata @igotthisaccountunderduress @walkthruthewords @brb-on-a-quest @foursixtwonineoh-pizzas-of-lego and anyone else who wants to join!

[you-know-i-get-itt]

mundane idk the characters but this fic looks incredibly incredibly interesting first of all. second of all thank you for the tag!!

i will not be explaining myself.

tagging: @strawberrysmi @minyard-05 @blondeandfivefeeteven @thousandstories @bsideheart and anyone else who’d like to join!

[strawberrysmi]

I took a picture of my snacks to make my sister jealous

@deeppenguinstudent

[deeppenguinstudent]

The picture of the spa I just went lool

@you-know-i-get-itt @feelingthedisaster @weralika

[weralika]

okay hahahaha I wanted to draw Kevin like this...

@foxstens @stabbyfoxandrew @andreilscat 🫵🏼🫵🏼

[stabbyfoxandrew]

I needed a pfp for my alt bluesky 🤭 and I've been gay for this bitch since middle school

tagging: @quiescentdestiny @alittlefellawithbigoleyes @aftgphoenix @c-lion @qstygia @chickenbyday @nervousdemeanor7 @tessasilverswan @blackcoffeehyperfixations @tidalst @tisaqslur and all my other mutuals and friends (love you so much but it's super late and I'm low-key fallin asleep on my phone rn. BUT I love you even if I didn't tag you.)

[nervousdemeanor7]

i was trying to take a picture of my brother's dog, but he moves around too much😭😭

anyways tagging!! @bloodysapphic @yourleftpinkytoe-blog @achillean-heartbeat @joanofexys @skiinedknees @keysandducks @cozyrosykay <3 if yall want!

[achillean-heartbeat]

Thank you for the tag ur so sweet!!<<33

Crystals!

Tagging!<3

@sleepyphobzz @orange-peony @rebel-walnut @paper-beats-writers-block @run-for-chamo-miles @you-know-i-get-itt @rockyt-fuel @larry-is-my-anchor1

[paper-beats-writers-block]

Marker rendering I did for my drawing final exam

no pressure tag @certifieddragonenjoyer

[certifieddragonenjoyer]

[foreststarflaime]

D O G

@prismaticpichu @rottenpumpkin13 @circus-gone-wrong @izunias-meme-hole @luneandbarbecue

[rottenpumpkin13]

Facts

@icycoldninja @ace-disaster-weeb @aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[aleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee]

Um. My. Um. Changing wallpaper.

I have no more comments to make.

@morally-gay584 @sunnysideofdelusion (you're the only ppl ik I can tag helppp)

[sunnysideofdelusion]

I TRIED to do this earlier but my Internet was being ugly so SECOND attempt: A drawing i finished today 🔥🔥

@aaronpurr-sirr (I'm bad about remembering usernames so anyone else can join in ‼️‼️)

[aaronpurr-sirr]

Erm... Anya from Mouthwashing is very pretty and I love the game :3 (fanart by me BTW)

@historygirlie @hammyham-o-o @lilydafrog @your-everyday-theatre-kid ermmm I have not been on here for a while so erm i forgor my moots usernames-, anyone else that wants to join can- :D

[aerosolsprite]

i wasnt tagged but im doin this anyway

i was telling a foreign mutual about the sams club cafe (and sams in general)

@astressedlittlejaybird @carmyn-rambles @thatonemacaronikid @bl00000g @chickenwaffles17 @myrunawaysweets and anyone who wants to join!

[astressedlittlejaybird]

Lmfao i'm the foreign mutual

Anyway it's my friend's tamagotchii

[insanelyclumsynereid]

THAT'S MY RD2D TAMATGOCHI!!!

Those are just two photogenic seagull in rome (I named the left one Cesare and the other Nicomede)

[hillerska-official]

Something I find so absolutely fascinating in Lockwood and Co. is the way in which the text reminds you you're reading about children - the kids live in this world where necessity has forced them to function as adults for most of their lives, but rather than just allowing them to have taken on these adult positions we see them be so silly and sweet. They all have an obnoxious sweet tooth, Lockwood has a bin of costumes and seems to use them wholly unnecessarily and dramatically. He does stupid accents. Hes literally just playing dress up. They're just babies 🥺

[insanelyclumsynereid]

"What do you want for cristhmas?"

LOCKWOOD AND CO SEASON TWO.

[astressedlittlejaybird]

Have a fun shitty whiteboard sketch of me and my best friendo Midnight

[insanelyclumsynereid]

IS BEUTIFUL IT TOOK ME A LOT OF WORK AND NOTICE THE LEAVES LIKE HEARTSTOPPER

[astressedlittlejaybird]

HAHAHAHAHA SORRY

A FUN BEAUTIFUL WHITEBOARD SKETCH

[insanelyclumsynereid]

Good.

Not my business if I can't spell

[astressedlittlejaybird]

Have a fun shitty whiteboard sketch of me and my best friendo Midnight

[insanelyclumsynereid]

IS BEUTIFUL IT TOOK ME A LOT OF WORK AND NOTICE THE LEAVES LIKE HEARTSTOPPER

[ancientstone]

Me: :)

My brain: Five loves his family so much that he’s willing to do anything for them, including killing, dedicating his life to stopping the apocalypse, and resigning himself to living in a body that doesn’t make him happy

Me: :(

[insanelyclumsynereid]

And that's why I love him

[sherwood-scribblings]

Thought this was a necessary measure because we all know that surge of clueless thirsty tiktok fans is gonna happen.

[woah this post blew up how,,,,, psa that i have indepth analysis + theories on my feed if you crave more sotr content]

[insanelyclumsynereid]

Me and my fan fiction that will never release

[fiveapocalypse]

Five: I’d like to propose that we all calm down and take a nap

Allison: the world is ending!

Five: when has it ever stopped ending? That’s right. Never. I’m going to nap now

Diego: you can’t be serious

Five: can’t hear you, I’m napping

Klaus: but—

Five: oh I’m sorry, do you guys actually CARE about the end of the world now? Not how it works buddy! You had your chances, you blew it, and iff you’ll EXCUSE me, I am going to eat a whole JAR of peanut butter and TAKE A NAP.

[insanelyclumsynereid]

That man needs a nap