So, uh. I literally decided to do this super last-minute (as in, like the night of January 31st), but here we are. I’ll give this a try, but I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to do all the prompts.
As with my previous whump challenges, I will try to post a fic every day at 12 PM EST and reblog at 8 PM EST, though there may be delays sometimes.
I’ll be updating this masterlist as the month progresses, so feel free to keep checking this post! It’ll also be pinned to my profile throughout the month.
Click here to see the list of prompts for this year.
PROMPT LIST
Day 1: Mind Control - Tumblr
Day 2: “I can’t take this anymore” - Tumblr
Day 3: Imprisonment - Tumblr
Day 4: Impaling - Tumblr
Day 5: “Take me instead” - Tumblr
Day 6: Insomnia - Tumblr
Day 7: Poisoning - Tumblr
Day 8: “Hey, hey, this is no time to sleep” - Tumblr
Omggg these prompts are so good I want to send you multiple!!
“I thought you were dead.” for Obi-Wan and Ahsoka? 🥺 for reasons —
I got the exact same prompt request twice! so here is part 1 of an uber long ficlet that I decided to split in two!! also this is me trying my hand at an AU where Anakin dies during tcw and Ahsoka becomes Obi-Wan’s Padawan. (from these prompts)
“You need to get that looked at, sir,” Cody frowned, his eyes dropping toward the awkward angle at which Obi-Wan’s left leg was bent.
“I’m fine. Everyone accounted for?”
“Yes, sir. Just coming over to add you and the Commander to the numbers.”
Obi-Wan smiled. “Is it strange for you having to share your title now with–wait.” His face fell. “Ahsoka’s not already accounted for?”
“No, sir,” he said slowly. “I…thought she was with you…”
“She’s not.” he said sharply, scrambling to his feet.
“Sir, your leg–“
“Is fine, Cody. Who’s on search and rescue?”
“All ground units. But they’ve covered the area, sir. Aside from casualties–“
“Was Commander Tano located?” Obi-Wan snapped.
“No, sir,” Cody said quietly.
“Then, they’re not looking hard enough. I want them in the rubble, Commander. If we need tanks–“
“General,” Cody cut in. “The tanks are in the city centre right now. Looking for civilians.”
Obi-Wan faltered at that. “All…of them?”
“Yes, sir.”
Obi-Wan shut his eyes. “Right.” He swallowed hard. “Well, then I want…” His eye searched around the decimated grounds wildly. “Change the assignments of all clearing units to search and rescue.”
“Sir.”
“I won’t lose her, Cody. Not…not her, too.”
Cody paused, then nodded. “Yes, sir.” He turned to the clones picking through rubble. “All right, men! New orders! Search and rescue. Effective immediately.”
Some helmets bobbed in confusion at the abrupt change, but nodded nonetheless. A chorus of “yes sir!” was heard across the toppled building as men dropped their lighter tools to grab the heavier drills and shovels.
“Where was she last seen, sir?” Cody said, turning back to Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan scanned through images and memories from the past few hours, frantically. “I…I don’t know. She was with me until the city centre fell and then she…” His head snapped up. “The orphanage. She’s at the orphanage.”
“You’re sure?”
Obi-Wan closed his eyes, focusing beyond the pain of his leg and the chaos of the post-battle planet. They hadn’t established a training bond of any sort yet. It had only been three weeks since they’d watched Anakin be lowered into the ground. It hadn’t seemed right to immediately put effort into establishing a new bond with the Master she was now stuck with.
Obi-Wan knew what it felt like to have a training bond ripped right down the middle when the unthinkable happened. The visceral pain of a Master dying prematurely. While the Padawan watched on, powerless.
But now–she was missing. And if he’d pushed a little harder, encouraged her to at least make an effort to connect with him. They wouldn’t be in this situation. Radio silence on the other side of the Force. It could mean she simply couldn’t communicate with him through the Force…or it could mean much worse.
“I know Ahsoka. She is where the most innocents are,” he said firmly. Because this much, he knew.
Cody turned back to the men, switching out their tools and regrouping into their units. “Shadow and Tidal squadron…you’re coming to the city centre with me. Knockout, you’re spanning the perimeter. We’re focusing around the orphanage.”
Immediately, the men began to move, loading into transports. Obi-Wan shifted his own attention to one of the low-alts, but Cody put a firm hand on his shoulder.
“Sir, you shouldn’t–“
“There is nothing short of shooting me that you can do to keep me from coming with you.”
Cody blinked at that. “I don’t…I–“
“Either help me get there or watch me suffer, Cody,” Obi-Wan huffed, beginning his limp. The clone Commander rushed to the Jedi’s side, wrapping an arm around his waist and hoisting him up as he walked. “Thank you,” Obi-Wan breathed.
Okay okay for the prompts: "I thought you were dead." With Obi-Wan and Ahsoka if you want!!! Because I absolutely love how you write them and I live for angst :)
annnnnd part 2/2! part 1 is here. (from these prompts)
From the back, the orphanage looked almost normal. Most of the back wall was completely in-tact and the windows on this side hadn’t been blasted out in the impact of the Separatist bombardment on the city centre.
But the building wasn’t supposed to sway the way it did with every gust of wind or creak and groan like it was going to topple at any moment. And from the front–the damage was evident. The entire entryway to the orphanage was decimated. Blown into bits by the heavy fire the city had been under for the past several days,
“There’s no entrance back here,” Cody said. “We’re gonna have to go through a window.”
Obi-Wan gave a small nod.
“Can you…feel anything?”
The Jedi closed his eyes, his hand grazing along the bricks of the back of the building as he walked. He mentally sifted through the layers of brick between himself and what he hoped would be his alive and breathing Padawan. They hadn’t established a training bond, yet, but her Force signature wasn’t so easily concealed from any Force-sensitive. Bright and warm, beaming through darkness. She glowed like an ember in wait, anticipating the moment she would become a fire.
His eyes shot open.
“Here.”
“Boys,” Cody called to Boil and Vix. Boil attached the small boost clam to the nearest window while Vix powered it on. The window shattered under it immediately. All four men braced themselves as a large shudder rippled through the entire back of the building in response. It groaned a little louder. But settled. They all breathed in relief.
Boil climbed through next, followed closely by Vix.
Cody paused. “You’re sure you don’t want to wait here, sir? We can–“
Obi-Wan cut him off by limping through the window. He felt Cody sigh and follow close behind.
Then–
“Stop moving!” That was Boil, further ahead of them inside the crumbling building. Obi-Wan and Cody froze.
“Boil?” Obi-Wan called. “What–“
“We found her, sir!”
“Ahsoka?” he shouted back, through the darkness.
It was Vix who responded. “There are children here, too! But the room–it’s–“
Obi-Wan didn’t hear the rest, crawling as quickly as he could through the piles of caved-in ceiling and ruptured floor. He nearly crashed into Boil.
“Careful, sir. The walls are–“
He shoved past the clone. “Ahsoka.”
And then he saw her. In the centre of the room, arms above her head, muscles straining against something unseen. Her eyes were clenched shut as tears streamed down her face.
“Master?” she choked out without opening her eyes or moving. “Is…that–“ The building groaned around her and she shut her mouth, a small whimper finishing her sentence.
“Don’t talk,” he said quickly. “We’re getting you out of here.”
“Can’t–“ she managed, her arms shaking in uncontrolled spasms. And then he understood. She was…holding the building up.
“I’ve got it,” he demanded, moving toward her. He lifted his arms until they were even with hers and closed his eyes. “You go.”
“No,” she grunted back. “Get the…kids–“
Obi-Wan opened his eyes again to take in the rest of the room for the first time. Five Rodian children huddled in the corner, shivering in fear. Obi-Wan’s eyes widened, but Cody was too good at his job.
“Boil. Vix.”
Both clones had a child on each hip within a moment. Cody scooped up the last girl.
“They’re safe,” Obi-Wan breathed. “Now go. Let me–“
“Out,” she bit off, the muscles in her face twitching in physical pain and exertion. “Have to…out.”
Pieces of ceiling fell around her. Boil and Vix carefully crawled their way out of sight, headed back to the window. Cody hesitated at the corner, pulling his helmet off and giving Obi-Wan a significant look. The Jedi shook his head and motioned for Cody to go.
Cody gave a long-suffering sigh, but dropped his helmet onto the head of the little girl and began his crawl out.
“No, my dear,” Obi-Wan said, redirecting his attention to the straining Padawan, “you have to get out. You’ve…there’s no time for argument–you can’t hold this any longer.”
“But–you–“
“Ahsoka. I’ll not lose another Padawan. Do you hear me?” he barked. He lifted his arms again, pushing the ceiling up and out. “Go!”
As the burden lifted from her own body, she cried out. “NO. Master! Just–“
“Get out!”
“Please–no. Master, I just–“
“Anakin!” he screamed. “Get out of here! Now!”
She froze at that, wide eyes on the man in the centre of the room, with the entire building on his back. His chest heaved in pain and grief.
The building groaned.
“We’ll go together,” she said quietly, placing a light hand on his shoulder. With a deep breath, she brought the weight back down onto her before evening it out. “We can–“ she grunted, “move…toward the exit. And–still…hold–“
He nodded jerkily.
“Keep it…behind you–“ he managed.
So they walked. One step at a time, together, balancing the weight of the ceiling between the two of them. It was a short distance back to the window, but every step ripped and pulled at their muscles and consciousness.
“Almost–“ he rasped, turning the corner of what used to be a hallway and spotting the light form the window. “Drop it…on….three.”
“And…run.” she choked.
He nodded. “One.” They took another step. “Two.”
Then, together, they sighed, “Three.” and ran.
Obi-Wan made it through the window first, his already broken leg shattering further under the weight of it all. He tried pushing back up, but it was too much this time. The pain, the exhaustion. He collapsed back onto the ground.
The ground “oof!”ed next to him.
“Ahsoka?”
“Here,” she said in a voice far too small for a girl destined to do so much.
He released a shaky breath of relief, pulling himself closer to her on the ground. She threw an arm over his waist, clinging to him.
“Master,” she sighed. “I’m sorry–I didn’t–“
“Shh,” he breathed. “You’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” she nodded, burying her face into his shoulder. “We’re okay.”
“Earlier, I–I thought you were…dead.”
“I got separated. When I…when I went with Waxer and–“ She took another gasp of fresh air. “I couldn’t find them. And the kids–“
“They’re safe.” He smiled, widely at the sky, his back still on the ground as he held her next to him. “You saved them.”
“No, I–“
“You saved them,” he insisted.
She didn’t speak for a moment. Just tightened her grip around him. “And you saved me.” A pause. “Thank you, Master.”
He dropped his forehead to the dip between her montrals. “You’re welcome…my Padawan.”
ooh for the prompts, “I can’t breathe.” for ani and obi?
(from these prompts)
“What’s going on?” Anakin demanded, as the door slide open in front of him.
Rex looked up, frantically, from where he was crouching on the ground next to Obi-Wan’s clenched body. “I don’t know, sir. He went…he just went rigid and now he’s–
Anakin nodded, rushing over. “Obi-Wan.” He dropped in front of the older Jedi. “Obi-Wan.”
His eyes opened.
“Can you hear me?” Anakin asked quietly.
Obi-Wan managed a jerky nod.
“I need you to listen to me,” Anakin instructed. “We’ve done this before, remember? You trust me?”
Another small nod. Then, a gasp of air as his face started to turn purple.
“Obi-Wan!” Anakin shouted, before internally flinching. He needed to be the calm one here for this to work.
“I can’t breathe,” Obi-Wan said quickly, grabbing at his throat.
“Master,” Anakin said, gently pulling Obi-Wan’s hands away from his throat. “Look at me–hey. Look at me!”
Obi-Wan finally found Anakin’s eyes. He looked up at him desperately.
“Breathe in,” Anakin coached.
“Can’t,” Obi-Wan rasped, thrashing his head.
“Yes, you can. Breathe in.”
It was weak, but the older Jedi managed an inhale.
“Good, good. Now hold it–one…two…release.” Then, “Release, Obi-Wan.”
Obi-Wan gasped loudly, falling into Anakin.
“Again.”
Together, they breathed several more times, until the exhales were more even and Obi-Wan’s face had returned to it’s normal pallor. He didn’t let go of Anakin’s hands through the entire exercise.
“You with me?”
Obi-Wan nodded.
“Talk to me. What happened?”
“Don’t…” A shaky breath as he gathered himself. “Don’t know. Just…panicked.”
Anakin’s frown deepened. “But the mind healer is–“
“Stopped going.”
“What?”
“We’re in a…war,” Obi-Wan huffed. “Don’t have…time for–“
“No. No.” Anakin said harshly. “We make time for that. Okay?”
Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to argue, but it was in the moment that he noticed he was still gripping Anakin’s hands between them. He dropped them quickly and stared at the floor.
What about “I’m fully capable of kicking your ass!” For obi wan and Anakin for the prompts??
(from these prompts)
“And that’s the key to Soresu,” Obi-Wan said, folding his hands behind him. “You can’t–“
“Are you brainwashing them into using the most boring lightsaber form?”
Obi-Wan looked up from his place at the front of the classroom. The eyes of twenty initiates followed his gaze to the doorway.
“Ah, Anakin.” He sighed. “I don’t seem to remember Master Yoda calling for two instructors for this particular lesson...boring as it may be.”
Anakin chuckled, walking further into the room. “Just trying to make sure the next generation gets a full overview, old man.”
Giggles rippled through the room–Ahsoka’s the loudest in the group, of course–and Obi-Wan felt his face heat up.
“What do you say, Master?” Anakin unclipped his saber from his belt.
Obi-Wan watched the motion with a frown. “Absolutely not.”
“Oh, come on, Obi-Wan–“
“No,” Obi-Wan shook his head firmly. “This is strictly educational–“
Anakin scoffed. “What’s more educational than a demonstration?”
“I don’t–“
“Come on, Master Kenobi!” Ahsoka cried in encouragement.
Obi-Wan’s gaze flickered to the Padawan, his eyes narrowing. Before he could open his mouth to reprimand her, though, the entire room of Padawans was chanting and cheering for the two men to spar. He looked to Anakin in dry irritation.
Anakin just ignited his saber with an easy grin.
Obi-Wan sighed deeply. “We’re at least going to do this properly.” He held up a hand, summoning two training sabers from the bin across the room.
Anakin’s jaw dropped. “That was definitely inappropriate use of the–“ He was cut off by one of the sabers flying into his hands. “All right, Master.” He assumed the opening stance for his preferred form.
“Djem So,” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “How predictable.”
Anakin made the first move, slashing at his old Master. Obi-Wan deflected easily, parrying backwards as he went. Anakin maintained his smile while he advanced.
“Been a while, huh?”
Obi-Wan hopped backwards down a step, lifting an eyebrow. “You’re out of practice, my friend.”
“Out of practice?” Anakin barked in laughter, dodging a particularly hard jab from Obi-Wan. “All I do is practice.”
The continued their dance around the room, the Padawans scrambling to keep visual of the two Jedi. A stray “ooh!” or gasp of awe could be hear every few moments. Anakin was enjoying this, obviously. But Obi-Wan couldn’t really fault him because…well. The applause did feel nice.
“Battle droids,” he grunted, “are hardly the same thing.”
“You’re right,” Anakin’s smile spread. “They put up much more of a fight.”
It was Obi-Wan’s jaw that dropped this time.
“I hope you haven’t forgotten,” he bit off, through gritted teeth, blocking another aggressive hit, “I’m fully capable of kicking your ass.”
“Master,” Anakin chastised, grinning widely, “think of the children.”
“Kick his ass, Master Kenobi!!!!” Ahsoka shouted from the front of the room.
In Dragons: Riders of Berk, the Thawfest episode doesn't make sense to me. I know it was made to highlight the rivalry between hiccup and snotlout, but what about Astrid? Snotlout is said to have every single Thawfest game growing up, but Astrid is supposed to be the most badass warrior among them. So somehow in this episode the writers want me to believe that Astrid didn't decimate all of them in every Thawfest growing up? I mean, just look at how they make Astrid lose in every contest: accidents, someone else messing her up, that's the only way they could think of to make her lose cause they know she would've won all the physical games. So yeah, snotlout winning the games over Astrid for all these years makes absolutely no sense.
I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is
So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
“You’re telling me that you have… settlements. On islands with active volcanism?”
“Well, yeah. I’m not about to tell Iceland and Hawaii how to live their lives. Actually, it’s kind of a tourist attraction.”
“What, the molten rock?”
“Well, yeah! It’s not every day you see a mountain spew out liquid rocks! The best one is Yellowstone, though. All these hot springs and geysers from the supervolcano–”
“You ACTIVELY SEEK OUT ACTIVE SUPERVOLCANOES?”
“Shit, man, we swim in the groundwater near them.”
Being from Alaska, this was sort of how I felt going to college in the lower 48′s and learned that no one else had been put through a literal survival camp as a regular part of their school curriculum, including but not limited to:
1. Learning to recognize all forms of animal tracks in the wild so you can avoid bears and moose and search out rabbits and other small animals to eat.
2. Extensive swimming and climbing on glacial pieces with competitions to see who could last the longest, followed by a group sit in the sauna so we wouldn’t get hypothermia (no, not kidding, I really did this many times as a kid!)
3. How to navigate using the stars to get back to civilization.
4. How to select the right type of moss from the trees to start a fire with damp wood (because, y’know, you’re in a field of snow. Nothing is dry.)
5. How to carve out a small igloo-like space to sleep in the snow to preserve body heat and reduce the windchill so you won’t freeze to death in the arctic.
“I’m telling you, I don’t think we need to worry about territory conflicts with the humans. You know all those deathtrap hell-worlds in the Argoth Cluster?”
“Those worthless rocks? Yeah.”
“80% of them are considered ‘resort destinations’ by those freaky little primates.”
“I’m telling you, they terraform for fun!”
“Don’t be ridiculous”
“No, seriously. Some of their most celebrated cultural loci are built on swamps. They have an entire city that is literally in a body of water. Not, like, an artificial pontoon city, they literally sunk the foundations into water. For Grilp’s sake, they build elaborate structures out of frozen water AND THEN SLEEP IN THEM.”
“Dear Thilak. Think we could get them to terraform our moons?”
“Psh, they’d probably pay for the privilege.”
Eventually, it occurs to someone that humans are the perfect terraforming shock troops, as it were. They think it’s fun to be sent to horrible planets! They’re really good at surviving and then taming them! All you have to do is sit back and wait until the planet is habitable, and then move there yourself! It’s genius.
It only takes one try before the reality of the situation sets in: human definitions of ‘taming’ and ‘habitable’ are woefully incomplete.
“Why did you not eliminate the venomous plant life?” Grahssk’ti moans, clutching one limb.
“Those?” The human laughs. “Why bother? They’re not that bad. And they eat the mosquitoes.”
Grahssk’ti shudders. The ‘mosquitoes’ are… not to be mentioned. Just one swarm of them caused a landing shuttle to crash three planetary daylights ago.
“And the acid storms? Why did you not warn us of them?”
“I mean, they’re annoying,” the human says, shrugging, “but we figured the cool sunsets made up for it.”
Grahssk’ti flails helplessly. “What about the ten-meter tall Fanged Death Bringers? They can eliminate an entire settlement in under an hour!”
“They’re so cute!” the human says, brightening. “Have you met mine? Her name is Spot!”
Humans are told of some planet or region of space that is considered “completely and utterly inhospitable - it would be folly to try and settle there.”
Without fail, a decent number make it a point to settle there because “Fuck You That’s Why.” It doesn’t matter how uneconomical it is, how difficult the conditions are, how utterly ridiculous it may seem, there will be at least one human who will attempt to do it only because someone else regardless of species says it is improbable or WORSE impossible.
“This moon is still forming as such it is primarily soft - by that I mean most of the magma is close to the surface and-”
‘OH BADASS you mean its like Mustafar right!?!?!?! I’m totally going to build a castle there.’
“What. I mean. There is NO fertile ground there whatsoever. No ecosystem. It is molten rock and minerals only.”
‘Which will make my castle there look METAL AS FUCK am I RIGHT!?!??! Come on. COME ON. I TAUGHT YOU HOW TO FISTBUMP COME ON.’
“….you….you are going to die, you know this right?”
‘I’m getting the feeling you don’t want to come to Lava Castle for some reason?’
“Listen, lad. I’ve built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started here, all there was was molten magma. All those aliens said I was daft to build a castle on a molten planet, but I built it all the same, just to show ‘em. It sank into the magma. So, I built a second one. That sank into the magma. So I built a third one. That spontaneously combusted, turned to ash, then sank into the magma. But the fourth one stayed up. An’ that’s what your gonna get, lad – the strongest castle in this solar system.”
“I’m gonna need for you to explain ‘hurricane parties’ to me again. You humans have the technology to track these apocalyptic storms of wind and rain and predict where on the landmass they’ll hit up to a week in advance. And you…have social gatherings during them?”
“Well yeah, but only up to about Category 3 strength. Then it’s time to pack the car and head inland for most people, although a few hardy souls stick around and ride them out.”
“Oh good. Category 3 is what again? Winds up to 75 kilometers per hour?”
“No no, Category 3 starts at 175 kilometers per hour. You left off the one.”
So I was thinking about people's arguments against transgendered people using the bathroom that corresponds to their gender. A lot of it consists of a man pretending to be a transgender woman so that he can get into the woman's restroom, which puts him in a position to sexually harm or whatever perverse thing gets him off. There's one big problem with that. Any guy who rapes or sexually abuses women typically has such a FRAGILE masculinity that doing anything that could be considered feminine, let alone dressing and acting like a woman, is mortifying for him. (Besides, it's not like bathrooms are guarded, anyone sneaky enough could get in there and lie in wait.)
Don't usually post stuff like this, but mythbusters was such a huge part of my childhood and Grant was always one of my favorites. RIP Grant, you inspired me to become a scientist when I was growing up and you are deeply mourned.
There’s another story that I like about a Chinese general who had to defend a city with only a handful of soldiers from a huge enemy horde that was in all likelihood going to steamroll the place flat within hours of showing up.
So when said horde did arrive, they saw the general sitting outside the city’s open gates, drinking tea. The horde sent a couple of emissaries over to see what was what, and the general greeted them cheerfully and invited them all to come and take tea with him.
The horde decided that this was a scenario that had “MASSIVE FUCKING TRAP” written all over it in beautiful calligraphy and promptly fucked off.
Whoever that general was, he was clearly the Ancient Chinese equivalent of Sam Vimes.
ok but tbh that story misses a lot of the subtlety of the situation like ok
so this story is the Romance of Three Kingdoms, and essentially takes place between Zhuge Liang, resident tactician extraordinaire, and Sima Yi… OTHER resident tactician extraordinaire.
The two were both regarded as tactical geniuses and recognized the other as their rival. Zhuge Liang had a reputation for ambushing the SHIT out of his opponents and using the environment to his advantage, thus destroying large armies with a small number of men. Sima Yi (who kind of entered the picture later) was a cautious person whose speciality was unravelling his opponent’s plans before they began. So it was natural that the two would butt heads; however, since Sima Yi tended to have more men and resources, he started winning battles against the former. Which, y’know, kinda sucked.
On to the actual story: Zhuge Liang is all like “shit i gotta defend this city with like 10 men.” Literally if he fights ANY kind of battle here, he WILL lose; his only option for survival is not to fight. And that’s looking more and more impossible until he hears that his rival is leading the opposing army. And then he gets this brilliant idea. He basically opens all the gates, sends his men out in civilian clothes to sweep the streets, and sits on top of the gate drinking tea and chilling out and basically makes the whole thing out to be a trap
When Sima Yi comes he’s all like “yo come on in bro”
and Sima Yi is like “yeah he’s never been that obvious about his traps before. this is definitely a bluff” and he’s about to head in when he realizes
wait. he knows that i think he’s bluffing.
and so he gets it in his head that maybe, just MAYBE, Zhuge Liang has this cunning plan that will wipe out his army - recall that he has a pretty good handle on what his rival is capable of. And after a long period of deliberation (which is just like “he know that I know that he knows that etc.”), being the cautious man he is, SIma Yi eventually decides to turn his entire army around and leave.
Zhuge Liang later points out that the plan was based specifically on the fact that he was facing his rival; if it had been anyone else, there’s no way it would have worked. A dumber or less cautious person would have simply charged in and won without breaking a sweat.
and that’s the real genius here: it was a plan formed entirely just to deceive one man, and it worked.
Zhuge Liang is the most brilliant, sneaky-ass bastard in history. One time his side’s army was out of arrows, which pretty much meant they were screwed. So Zhuge Liang goes and does the logical thing, which is build a fuck ton of scarecrows and put them all on boats. Then he makes the men hide in the boats and sail them out on the river.
Well, that day was super foggy (which Zhuge Liang had predicted. Did I mention he was also a freakishly accurate meteorologist?). So the enemy across the river sees a fleet of boats armed to the teeth with what appears to be half an army of men. They panic! and start firing arrows like crazy.
Zhuge Liang lets this play out for a while, then he’s like, ”Ok guys that’s enough.” They calmly turn the boats around and go back to base, where they dismantle the scarecrows and pull out all the enemy’s arrows.
IF YOU STRIP CONTEXT OF THE REST OF THE SHOW–HELL, EVEN OF THE REST OF THIS EPISODE–FROM THIS SCENE, I can see how we should be siding entirely with Ahsoka, especially on the heels of the walkabout arc and her conflict with being drawn back towards the Jedi and the Jedi Order.
Her points aren’t wrong, in the sense that she’s right that Obi-Wan is playing politics with this, but she’s stripping context and consequence out from the choice he faces and that’s specifically why he says, “That’s not fair.” and even Ahsoka herself says, “I’m not trying to be.”
Her accusation is not fair.
Because, let’s say that Obi-Wan did exactly what Ahsoka said–that he prioritized the people of Mandalore over saving the Chancellor. We’re setting aside that this was a manipulation on Palpatine’s part and that Mandalore is a trap, only what we can see from Obi-Wan’s point of view and his motivations, his good faith assumptions on why rescuing the Chancellor is important.
If they chose Mandalore over Coruscant, what would happen is:
- They would be drawn into yet another war because they had broken a treaty, when they’re already stretched to the breaking point for this first war.
- The Chancellor may be the one in trouble, but what does Ahsoka think will happen if the Chancellor dies or is ransomed back? The Republic would be in chaos, the war effort is already balanced precariously, and none of them know that the Separatists aren’t the real threat. Whatever good reasons many of the Separatists may have, they murder, enslave, and oppress the worlds they attack. If the Republic loses the war, that’s what happens to every world in the Republic.
- The Jedi might be more popular with people if they saved Mandalore, but would it really benefit the galaxy as a whole, given a good faith assumption on what these characters would know? (There is no right answer to this question, of course.)
Ahsoka is very nearly arguing for popularity over doing the more important thing, because this isn’t a situation where there aren’t consequences. Mandalore needs their help, but so too does Coruscant and it’s not just about the Chancellor, it’s about the Republic as a whole. And it even comes down to–why are politics bad? I get that Ahsoka means that choosing your actions based on politics is a calculated sort of thing, but why is that bad? Because Star Wars: Propaganda basically posited that that was the problem, that the Jedi didn’t play enough politics, that’s why their image was so bad.
Ahsoka’s case for Mandalore could be argued to be the same thing–you want to win back the public’s faith, then you have to take this path. That right there is politics, too.
EVERYTHING IN THIS WAR IS POLITICS. NOTHING CAN ESCAPE IT. BECAUSE POLITICS IS EVERYTHING LIKE WE ARE LIVING IN A WORLD THAT HAS DEMONSTRATED THAT TO US VERY CLEARLY. AND WE SHOULD ALL LEAN INTO POLITICS, RATHER THAN SEPARATING OURSELVES FROM THEM.
If politics were inherently bad, we wouldn’t see characters like Padme Amidala, Bail Organa, and Mon Mothma–or, hell, even Leia Organa herself–as heroes. Because politics are important! You don’t have to be (and shouldn’t be) a full-time politician for politics to still be important. That working within a system to help better it and be able to reach more people is a good thing.
Further, this doesn’t come without context of earlier in the episode, Obi-Wan is specifically shown to be incredibly desiring of helping people–he basically caves to Anakin’s strategy based on Anakin’s argument that they can help people sooner:
That is right there in this very same episode. Obi-Wan agrees to a reckless strategy specifically when Anakin points out that it can help people sooner.
Obi-Wan Kenobi is not someone who doesn’t want to help people, that’s his whole thing!
Further context, which isn’t specifically related to this particular issue, but does give context to Obi-Wan Kenobi as a character is everything with Bo-Katan seething over whether Satine even meant anything to him. She did. And she still does. But he cannot allow his feelings to cloud his judgement–and that is something that is key to being a Jedi.
It reminds me of George Lucas’ commentary on attachment:
“But [Anakin] has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village.“ –George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary
“He turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things.” –George Lucas, Time Magazine interview (2002)
The thing about Obi-Wan/Satine is that it was pretty clearly created to be a foil to Anakin/Padme (and, boyyyyyyyyy, is that abundantly clear in the scene with Bo-Katan where Anakin is STARING at Obi-Wan as he says this, as we all know Revenge of the Sith is looming riiiiiiiiight over our heads), where Obi-Wan and Satine do make the right choices about the vows they’ve taken to other aspects of their lives. That they are balanced in a way that Anakin and Padme are not.
Dave Filoni says it himself in the commentary for the Bad Batch arc, in this very season:
“I mean, even Obi-Wan was in love with someone. That’s not abnormal. It’s very normal. What you choose to do and how you choose to have a relationship, what you sacrifice, then that becomes a bigger deal when he’s made an oath to the Jedi Order to be selfless, to put everyone else ahead of himself.” –Dave Filoni
Obi-Wan’s feelings for Satine are very much a parallel and contrast for Anakin’s feelings for Padme, and we know exactly how that’s going to turn out for Anakin, because Revenge of the Sith looms incredibly large over this entire episode and this entire arc.
”He’s made an oath to put everyone else ahead of himself.” is something Obi-Wan has done and continues to uphold, so accusing him of politics is like–what does Obi-Wan gain by playing politics then? He’s putting other people ahead of himself, so playing politics must be for that reason, too.
Furthering this context, especially in tying it to what it means to be a Jedi, is commentary from “The Lawless”:
”And in that moment, that critical moment, he cannot seize on his anger and his hatred for Maul. Though that’s probably there, deep within, he can’t seize on it or Maul will win, he knows that. I think we learned a lot about Obi-Wan and what it means to be a true Jedi, which is what I see Obi-Wan as.“ –Dave Filoni, on “The Lawless”
All of this is important to understand that, when Obi-Wan Kenobi talks about the choices one makes, about not letting his feelings cloud his judgement, he’s coming from a place of established narrative reliability.
We want to side with Ahsoka, because her hurt is so genuine and valid. Because she sees a problem with the way the galaxy views the Jedi and we know that the Jedi’s doom is soon upon them. (And this is where I get wary of the show’s narrative potentially trying to say, “Well, they’re kind of responsible for their own genocide because they just weren’t nice enough to people and only helped so many people, that they should have done more and more and more.” because, no, fuck that idea for real, the Jedi are not responsible for their own genocide, certainly not based on anything in the canon!) She wants to fix this problem and she’s coming at it with a choice that she thinks would restore faith in them.
The problem is that the Jedi are being asked to make choices between what’s popular and what they see as doing more good for more people. And there’s a great line from the Age of Republic - Padme Amidala comic that ties into these themes as well:
“But trying to serve the greater good doesn’t exactly make you popular.” (Oh, hey, look! More politics!)
On first blush, the idea of helping the people of Mandalore over saving the Chancellor seems like the right thing to do because we know Palpatine is Sidious, we know that it leads to ROTS, we know that ROTS leads to the Empire, especially when Ahsoka ties it to the Jedi Order becoming unpopular with the galaxy. But Obi-Wan points out that she’s not being fair. He points out that the Republic is on the line. I’m pointing out that everything is politics, one decision over the other isn’t less political just because it’s more intimate. And it doesn’t come without context. It’s not just the Chancellor, it’s bigger than that.
And serving that greater good–as Obi-Wan genuinely sees it–doesn’t always make them popular.
And still even further, this isn’t entirely about the Jedi Order’s politics, but it’s about Ahsoka’s own hurt at how the Jedi had to play politics with her, too. She’s still hurt that they expelled her–though, as always, context shows that she gave them absolutely nothing to work with, she immediately distrusted them before they even heard anything, she refused to even send them a message, she attacked clones on her way out, she was seen colluding with a known Separatist war criminal, she was found with incredibly damning evidence, and still wouldn’t actually talk to them or ask them directly to trust her, and ultimately none of her own actions saved her, it was a Jedi who saved her–that this doesn’t negate that they made mistakes as well, they should have visited her in the jail, they were playing politics and it doesn’t matter to Ahsoka that their hands were forced–and that’s driving her conversation with Obi-Wan, especially as someone who is part of the Council that she feels betrayed her.
And Obi-Wan’s coming at this from the point of view that she let her emotions cloud her judgement over what happened, that she reacted blindly rather than trusting them in the critical moment (and the theme of trust was allll over that arc), and she’s still coming from this from a place of emotion, but that he respects her choices in the end and he obviously still cares very much about her.
All of that is underlining the conversation and one of the things that makes it such a hellishly complicated scene here in “Old Friends Not Forgotten” is that both of them are pretty narratively reliable.
They’re both coming from a place of deep care and a desire to help people.
They’re both coming from a place wanting to do what’s best for people.
Which is why I love that I think Ahsoka genuinely loves the Jedi Order and why she says, “people who truly need us”. It furthers my feeling of how I think, had Order 66 not happened, she may have come back to the Jedi eventually, if this difference could be resolved, but at the very least she certainly never hated them. This is all coming from a place of love for the Jedi, for her family. Even if she’s on a different path, even if ultimately she’ll say, “I’m no Jedi.” in Rebels, that’s about what she’s willing to do, what lines she’s willing to cross, that a Jedi wouldn’t, and that it doesn’t mean they’re not still her family and that she wants good things for and with them.
And why I love that she may not be being fair here, she may be stripping context and consequence out of the choice she wants to make, she may be letting emotion cloud her judgement, but she’s still so incredibly valuable and I do think they should have listened to her more. The Jedi’s genocide is not on them, the murder of an entire people can never be on the victims, but I do think Obi-Wan has so much weight on his shoulders that he has trouble seeing the forest for the trees. And that’s not a horrible thing, especially because Ahsoka’s shoving the trees aside here.
But that there was no right answer here. Mandalore is a trap. Mandalore is going to fall to the Empire anyway. Coruscant is a trap. Coruscant is going to fall to the Empire anyway. It doesn’t matter if they choose Mandalore or Coruscant. Order 66 is already set to be triggered any minute now, nothing can stop that. Them being more popular wouldn’t have saved them from it, not in a galaxy where the Republic general public was apathetic enough to not stand up against the Separatist themselves, instead allowed a clone army to be commissioned and the Jedi to be drafted into the war. They wouldn’t stand up for themselves against the Separatists, they weren’t going to stand up for the genocide of a tiny religious culture, either. It doesn’t even matter if the Jedi fought in the war or not–fight and be killed. Don’t fight and they’ll be like Mandalore and be forced into it anyway or killed.
That the Jedi were forced to make shitty choices in situations where there weren’t any right answers and get blamed for not having magical answers to problems that they cannot possible solve.
What really brought that home to me was the way the scene ended–when Anakin offered an actual reasonable, viable solution (something that most people don’t offer the Jedi when saying what they should or shouldn’t do, they’re rarely given actual, workable options) where they could do both, Obi-Wan pretty readily jumped on it.
This shows that of course the Jedi want to help, whenever and wherever they can. Not going to Mandalore isn’t that they don’t care or that they don’t want to help, but that there are two tire fires put in front of them and they didn’t see a reasonable way to do both, and Coruscant, as the capital of the Republic, which is the only body that can possibly stand between the Separatists and the enslavement/oppression/murder of thousands of worlds, must be protected.
(Just look what happens when the Republic and the Jedi fall–the Empire inflicted atrocity after atrocity on the galaxy, which says to me that the Jedi were right in that the Republic had to be defended because it was all that stood between the galaxy and a lot of really evil things happening.)
Ultimately, the only thing that the Jedi could really do that mattered is that they helped save people–people like Hera Syndulla–and they did do that. And the accusation that they’re not trying to help people is not a fair one. Even when it comes from a place of deep care. And that’s why this scene was ouchy in such a good way, it really was an amazing episode to watch!
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