There's a joke that runs around the Bats' world and it's that Nightwing is Superman and Batman's group project—their son.
Rogues who were smart enough to put together that the angry gremlin of a Robin who would drop kick you, jump off a rooftop to do a double-knee drop on you, and then beat the crap out of you if you said the wrong thing to him, was the same as the new black and blue vigilante who cracks jokes, smiles brighter than the LED lights of the hospital you would most likely find yourself in after an encounter with him.
It's all in the elegant, complicated flips, they'd conclude. There was only ever one vigilante who was as flexible as a plastic ruler—and that was Robin. The first Robin.
It took some time to realize that the Bat was getting new Robins every few years—even the Justice League couldn't figure out where he was getting them (it also took them until the third Robin to realize that there have been different Robins all this time).
Obviously, Bruce wasn't gonna say anything. He let them tease him, joke around and say he was gonna snatch up any traumatized orphan he could find. That was only true with Stephanie and Duke—but even then, they weren't really orphans. He just took them in because he knew they needed his guidance.
What was he supposed to say? That once upon a time when he first came back to Gotham after years of training, he stumbled upon a cute reporter at a gala and had nasty sex in a broom closet that resulted in his pregnancy? Bruce wasn't even able to think properly with how this Clark fellow was kissing him all over, having him pinned by the shoulders against the wall of the broom closet as he kissed happy trails down to his navel.
Bruce had to hold back on his plan of going out as Batman when he first realized he was pregnant. It had only happened once, but goddamn it was more than enough to have him throwing up in the toilet every morning, afternoon, and night. Had him feeling sick and nauseated at every smell in the manor that Alfred had to change laundry detergents into unscented ones.
His unborn baby was so, so restless in his womb. He was stirring, kicking, and fussing that Bruce could hardly sleep at night. Nevermind the fact that he was also so, so heavy. Bruce kept coming back to Leslie, with how big his stomach was, he couldn't believe he was having only one baby. It had to be twins, right? But no, each sonogram was just one, healthy, active little baby. Bruce thinks the other one might just be a little shy and is hiding behind the active one because there's just no way.
Lo and behold, when he gives birth at home it's just one, massive baby tearing him open as he pushes him out. Bruce was honestly so stunned—little baby Richard wasn't so little at all. The boy cried with a vengeance, such strong, healthy lungs. Bruce might've been crying a little too because his baby was just way too cute even though he made Bruce's shoe size increase by three sizes. Granted, his hair and eyelashes have never looked better, and he was practically glowing.
Bruce Wayne had to hide the pregnancy for the first half of it, his first appearance was him doing a maternity shoot and he was so, so pretty. Everybody loved the photos.
I mean sure, people were basically wondering who the father is, but Brucie Wayne would only shrug and say "I don't really know." But he does.
Bruce knows very well that his baby daddy is Big Blue. The Man of Steel. Superman. Obviously Batman wasn't just gonna lie low and "rest". Who do you think he is? He's a man on a mission to save his beloved city. He went down and did his own research on cases, who his rogues were gonna be all the while he's bouncing on a yoga ball, preparing for labour. He was also looking into who Clark Kent was—and all the notes point to him being Metropolis' favourite superhero, Superman.
When Batman and Superman meet for the first time, their leads intertwine and they are forced to work together, he doesn't bring up their baby. Superman doesn't know that he was the man he slept with at the gala all those nights ago. He wasn't gonna risk his and his baby's safety and identity on a potential liability.
When Superman meets Robin for the first time, Batman might've been holding his breath for a very long time. At that point, he and Superman have become friends and Clark Kent has been interviewing Bruce Wayne a lot more.
He kept a straight face, but internally panicked when Superman was lifting up Robin, playing with the kid and asking him if he wanted to fly with him. Superman, who's been listening to Batman's heartbeat and breathing, simply thought that the man was worried for his sidekick.
Eventually, when Clark Kent figures out that Bruce Wayne is Batman, Bruce confesses that Richard Wayne is his son. This obviously shocks Clark and for a moment, he feels betrayed until rationality kicks in and he understands why Bruce kept it from him. It was no wonder he felt such a strong bond with the kid.
Now at this point, there wasn't anything romantic going on between the two, especially since Clark had just proposed to Lois. They settled on co-parenting Dick and the boy wasn't really all that surprised that Superman was his father. He found the files his mother had of him ages ago. Little detective that he is.
Clark got visitation rights and he did genuinely like being Dick's father, especially since there wasn't much change to their relationship at all.
While that was happening, Bruce had to grapple with the fact that his best friend, Harvey Dent, has become one of his most-prominent villains. It pained him to have to fight the father of his second baby. It happened while Harvey was still lucid and locked up in Arkham after their very first encounter with each other as Batman and Two Face.
Bruce visited him a week after he had placed him there. The guards left to give them privacy, and oh boy was that privacy abused. Harvey had Bruce bent over and pinned down on the table, both were a little too desperate, neither of them knew how long it would be until they could meet and speak again as just Harvey and Bruce.
To be fair, Bruce didn't think he'd get pregnant immediately after. For a man who's always so well-prepared, he wasn't prepared for this one either. When he learned that Clark Kent was Superman, he just thought that his swift pregnancy was due to the fact that Clark probably had strong-as-fuck swimmers—surely the same couldn't be said for Harvey who's just a regular ol' bloke? Right?
Well, the pregnancy test said otherwise. Dick was excited but Alfred was shaking his head slowly saying that Bruce should probably start going on the pill. Bruce didn't really like pills because it messed up with his hormones, but Alfred was probably right. He'll start taking them after the second one is born.
The pregnancy was unlike his first one and it drove Bruce mad with anxiety. Why is his little one so quiet? The baby's hardly doing anything! After having such a turbulent pregnancy with Dick, Bruce didn't know what to do with such a peaceful one. Even when he was in his third trimester, the baby barely kicked or moved around. His belly was quite small too. Bruce was able to go out as Batman during his second trimester, but had Robin and Superman patrol Gotham during his first and third trimester.
By the time Bruce gave birth, Dick was with him in his bedroom, he had Alfred change the sheets into the same ones they had used when he was giving birth to Dick. Clark and Lois visited him a few hours after baby Jason was born and by then they were already Mr. and Mrs. Kent.
A week after Jason's birth, Bruce visited Harvey again in Arkham while Harvey was lucid and Harvey cried at seeing his precious boy for the first time and swore that he'd protect him. This came in handy for Jason when he came back as Red Hood.
It didn't take long for Bruce to go away on a mission, leaving baby Jason with big brother Dick and Alfred. He had just stepped into the plane and he was already missing them so, so much. Superman took over Gotham patrol and Robin would occasionally join him, but behind Bruce's back because mommy didn't want him patrolling while he himself was out of the city.
Obviously, Bruce's activities didn't go unnoticed by a certain psychopath. Mister I-Don't-Care-What-You-Do-With-Your-Life. Spoiler, Minkhoa Khan cared very, very much about what Bruce Wayne has been doing. He was keeping track of his former fling just as much as Bruce was keeping track of him. Bruce didn't even flinch when he woke up and saw the Ghostmaker standing at the foot of his bed in the hotel he was staying in.
"Bruce." "Kho."
For the whole month, Ghostmaker was all up in Batman's face, interrupting his investigations, meddling in business that wasn't even his nor did it have anything to do with his own case. When Bruce was finished with his mission, he didn't ask any questions when Minkhoa was following close behind him with a plane ticket in hand but no baggage to carry.
They ended up sitting next to each other on the flight back to Gotham. Gotham isn't really a popular place for tourists to visit, anyone on the plane is most probably some businessman from Gotham begrudgingly going home to their crime-filled city. They are also probably sitting in business class or first class while Bruce and Khoa had rows and rows of seats in economy all to themselves... Yeah, you know where this is going.
The moment those seatbelt lights turned off, Bruce and Khoa were all over each other again (as if they hadn't been feeling each other up all month). Bruce had his hand wrapped around Khoa's cock, stroking him to life until he got off his own seat and was riding the man like his life depended on it. If there were any passengers sitting in economy with them, Bruce could probably count them in one hand. Most were asleep anyway and the one person he made eye contact with knew to keep their head down. Bruce wasn't concerned at all, he and Khoa had their disguises.
Minkhoa was whispering something to him, face buried in the crook of his neck as he inhaled Bruce's scent like an addict, mumbling about his kids, something about how he let so many men (there were only two) get him pregnant. It was pure, unadulterated jealousy.
Khoa ended up going to Gotham with Bruce and Alfred was less than disappointed. Dick didn't like the newcomer, he's always wanted his mommy to be with Superman, so any new person in Bruce's life was immediately Dick's rival.
Alfred wasn't sure if he wanted to be annoyed at Khoa, at Bruce, or at Leslie because the pills she gave Bruce seemed ultimately ineffective considering that after weeks later, Bruce is pregnant again. Jason's only a few months old!
Unlike Clark and Harvey though, Minkhoa stuck around to help with the pregnancy. He felt proud of himself when they learned it was going to be a girl. Bruce was excited to have a baby girl too. Bruce let Ghostmaker patrol Gotham while Bruce stayed at home with Dick and Jason, both boys were already fighting for mommy's attention.
Like his pregnancy with Jason, Bruce's baby girl gave him no sweat. She was so well-behaved and calm inside Bruce that he did nothing beside sleep and eat all day. Minkhoa had gotten a little protective so he wouldn't even let Bruce into the cave. That was the only thing Alfred liked about Khoa.
When baby Cass was born, she didn't even cry, unlike Dick and Jason. She was breathing steadily and was healthy. Khoa was slightly annoyed that baby Cassandra looked like the carbon copy of Bruce.
Actually, all of Bruce's kids looked like him.
This continued to be true many years later when Dick became Nightwing and was stationed in Blüdhaven, Jason was a teenager who took on the Robin mantle, and Cass was practicing her ballet. Khoa left Bruce again shortly after Cass' birth, perhaps the reality of their situation jostled them both. It was also Bruce's first time experiencing post-partum depression and for a year he felt so, so bad that he wasn't able to love on Cass as much as he did with Jason and Dick when she was a baby. He managed to make up for it though.
In any case, two pregnancies in less than a year took a huge toll on Bruce's body—after all, it takes at least 3 years before the body fully heals from childbirth. Alfred thought he was done, that that's the end of it. Three, perfect, and healthy Wayne children. Bruce must've been satisfied now, right?
After all, he switched to a more effective IUD instead of birth control pills and hasn't been going around sleeping with everybody he found attractive.
The Justice League was formed years ago and by then, everyone already knew of each other's identities. They had become a family of their own, so to speak. Then again, Bruce already knew everyone's identities long before they decided to reveal it to each other, but the notion that his childhood friend, Oliver Queen, was Green Arrow shocked him. He never thought Ollie would mature—after all, that was the reason for their falling out before Bruce left to go train as Batman.
But now that they've rekindled their friendship, Bruce and Oliver were back to the same comfort of their friendship, only I guess... Bruce was more open to Oliver's idea of fun.
Oliver and Dinah had invited Bruce out to dinner, to join them on their anniversary. Bruce didn't expect it to be invited to a threesome, but he thought about it and decided why not? It's been awhile since he's had sex anyway. The years between his last baby and now was huge and he spent most of it beya devoted mother and protector of Gotham.
Bruce still hasn't lost his flexibility after all these years, and doing it with Ollie and Dinah was invigorating, like it brought him back to life, to his youth. With his hands firmly on Dinah's hips, nose pressed against her crotch and tongue plunged deep inside her while Oliver was behind him, thrusting and singing Bruce's praises. It was like a duet in his ears, both Dinah and Oliver reaching their peaks as they both finished inside him one way or another.
The IUD must've fallen out somehow because Bruce was sitting on the toilet, looking at the pregnancy test with an empty look on his face. He wondered if he should tell Oliver and Dinah, but they're already married and he had just assured them both that there wouldn't be any risks of him getting pregnant. "I could just say it's someone else's...." Bruce prayed that like all his other children, this one would look just like him as well.
When Batman attended the next JL meeting, Superman was looking at him with an all-too familiar gaze, as if to say "again?" as if he wasn't the one who started it all. Superman probably heard the baby's heartbeat along with his own. As Bruce's new best friend (because his first one got consumed by his evil half and is barely lucid nowadays), Clark had been by Bruce's side throughout all of it.
Clark was pretty pissed at Khoa when he got Bruce pregnant far too early, when his body hadn't fully recovered yet. He was there when Bruce was going through the worst of his PPD, Clark was almost tempted to hunt down Minhkhoa if it weren't for Bruce getting mad and telling him not to.
Clark could only hope Bruce doesn't go through that again with the fourth one. He tried asking who the baby daddy was, knowing Bruce's affinity for unavailable people, he wouldn't be wrong to think that Bruce would be facing this alone again. Despite his and Lois' lack of children, Bruce's small brood became their own, so it wasn't to say that their marriage was empty at all.
Though it did make Lois somewhat jealous that Bruce was able to have so many kids despite not planning to while she and Clark were desperately trying for at least one.
In any case, Bruce has never had a pregnancy where he was always so, so hungry. Sure, he was a bit unstable with Dick and when he was a baby Dick was drinking his milk like he was gonna run out, but he's never had a baby be so viscerally greedy for food before. Bruce gained extra pounds during his fourth pregnancy that he had to make up for by exercising. But after exercising he would be hungry again and would crave for something so outrageous, Alfred was sure he was about to aid Bruce into a heart attack if the diabetes doesn't get to him first.
Eventually, war is over and Bruce gives birth.... A little too early. Having only cooked in his womb for 8 months, baby Tim came out small and barely crying, hiccuping and wriggling that he had to be kept in an incubator for a few weeks.
Dick came home to find a new baby in the manor and at this point he was tired of having so many siblings. Don't get him wrong, he loves Jason and Cass but by god they annoy him to death.
Oliver doesn't find out that the baby is his.
Skip to a few more years later, Jason died and was brought back to life via Lazarus Pit, Cass is now Black Bat, and lil Timmy is Robin. Bruce was scared for his life when they learned Timothy had a womb too. It wasn't enough that he looked like Martha as well, but now he has what Bruce has too? Bruce prays that Tim doesn't end up like him, but he could feel himself get paler every time his son brings home a new girlfriend or boyfriend every few months since becoming a teenager.
Stephanie was a nice girl, Bruce liked her but be could see that the relationship wasn't gonna last—if Tim's flaky personality and Stephanie's eyes wandering towards Cass was any indication at all. Bruce saw it from a mile away when Steph broke up with Tim and months later ended up with Cass.
What Bruce didn't see was Tim going after a new blondie—Bernard Dowd. He always thought Tim was gonna end up with Kon, Clark's clone/son. Just the way they looked at each other was enough to drive anyone mad and just yell at them to get together already like some cheesy telenovela.
But alas, this Bernard kid seems nice, too. He and Tim are far too similar. He prays that Tim doesn't become a teen mom just yet, and he prays just a little bit harder every time he sees Bernard early in the mornings cooking breakfast for him and Tim.
By now Bruce has four kids and two wards. That's six. That's enough. Alfred and Dick are praying that that's enough.
.....goddamit.
When Alfred opens the door to the manor and sees a child with teal eyes, blue and green fighting for dominance, he sighs and calls for Bruce.
Bruce was staring dumbfounded at the kid who looked like him but at the same time not.
"YOU CAN GET PEOPLE PREGNANT TOO?!" Dick was screaming all the while the kid in question is sitting perfectly, back straight and everything while drinking tea.
Up until this point, nobody knew Bruce was a double threat. They thought that his other.... Reproductive part... Was useless given that all that's happened is him giving birth to them.
Damian's composure is easily lost when he learns that his father... Is also a mother. To all four of his older siblings. Bruce feels bad, Damian must feel so left out? He's been raised in the League of Assassins for his whole life, not knowing that his family is much larger—and he could see it too.
When Tim is retired from Robin and becomes Red Robin, Damian takes in the mantle and it allows Bruce and Damian to connect, being Robin can help him form a connection with the rest of his siblings, biological or not. The Robin mantle was passed down to him and Bruce could tell it helped his son find his footing in the family.
After realizing how jarring it must be to not know anything about your family, Bruce gives in and finally gives Oliver a call. A call which lasted about 7 hours.
