jj

they/them - terfs fuck off - 20s

[7bitter]

i take shane so serious but also i cannot bear to think abt him it's all so much. If i loved him less i could work on my amateur music video more

[trainstationhello]

don’t look at me like that

[isolabellz]

first time shane meets svetlana ilya isn’t actually around. Shane comes to boston to spend a rare weekend with ilya but when he lets himself inside he’s met with svetlana who acting like they’ve known each other for years launches into a rant about how she just found out her boyfriend secretly got married behind her back for citizenship which isn’t what she’s mad about she’s more mad that he lied and she had to find out when she was going through papers on his desk and found the prenup but she broke up with him and took his giant golden doodle which she is stashing at ilya’s house for the time being and shane’s just standing there like he stands having no idea what to say to her which is not helped by the fact he’s trying to keep a respectful distance from the dog who keeps trying to stick his nose into his crotch and svetlana is acting like she doesn’t notice but then they bond because his boyfriend once threatened a citizenship marriage to someone else so he can kinda relate to the feeling so svetlana is like “fuck this i need a drink and you’re coming with” and drags Shane to a bar with her which of course gets photographed but before those pictures are posted ilya comes home to find an empty house and a giant dog sleeping on his couch and he’s so confused he takes a picture and texts shane is like “this is either the best of day of my life and you bought me a dog or the worst day of my life because you’ve been cursed by a witch and turned into a dog but don’t worry i will break curse and if i can’t i’ll still love you forever” and shane’s honestly a little too tipsy to deal with the way that text makes him feel like he wants to cry so he texts back “come pick us up” ilya responds “us???” and shane sends a video of svetlana holding the bartender hostage by drunkingly retelling her breakup story AGAIN but in russian this time so the poor guy has no idea what she’s saying. anyway ilya picks them up and brings them home and he can’t hide the stupid grin on his face and how light he feels that he didn’t even have to lock his too favorite people in a room together so he can introduce them like two feral cats and so when they get home he makes them all tea with slices of lemon and they sit on the couch, the dog despite being almost twice her size curled up in Svetlana’s lap and they gossip about svetlana’s ex and not once mention hockey and shane’s like “wow this must be how it feels to be a normal person in a normal relationship” anyway when the photos finally get released of shane and svetlana drunk at a bar and ilya coming to pick them up everyone online is confused as fuck as to what is going on because literally no context of the three of them being in the same room makes any sense and for the whole weekend people are asking for proof of life of shane because they all think ilya killed him for stealing his girlfriend or something stupid like that meanwhile shane hasn’t gone on his phone for 72 hours because once svetlana leaves shane and ilya spend the whole weekend fucking only coming up for air to eat and use the bathroom so when Shane gets papped at the airport there obviously aren’t any hickies because they aren’t fucking stupid but there is still the sense that he just got mauled by a bear (no pun intended) so at the next press conference Shane is forced to make a statement that no there was no threat to his safety while he was in boston and him and ilya just happen to have a mutual friend

[godlessondheimite]

[kingskindly]

A compilation of inherently BOY things I think Ilya does during his first time at the cottage that fundamentally ruin his cool-guy image for Shane in the most endearing way possible:

- Ilya’s first sunburn, which is Very Bad. His are all cheeks all flushed and he’s walking funny and hissing through his teeth as he pushes on the reddened skin as it turns yellow. He yelps any time Shane tries to touch it, which is all the time because it’s funny and also because he likes touching Ilya.

- Shane catches a little sunfish off the end of the dock and puts it in a bucket full of water and Ilya sits in a Slavic squat in front of that bucket for hours on the dock watching the fish swim around. He’s sticking his hand in there to try and touch it and making embarrassing noises and jerking his hand away when he does manage to brush a finger along the scales. Until Shane tells him it needs to be released at some point and then Ilya is insisting on being the one to do it.

- Utterly failing at water skiing, with Shane trying to give tips while David drives the boat. Full on face of water, sputtering eating-shit so many times but insisting on going again, because Shane can do it so Ilya will do it too.

- Not tying up his shorts tight enough the first time David takes them tubing (despite his calm demeanour, once David has a tube behind his boat he drives like a maniac) and Ilya almost loses his shorts, white booty out. Shane can’t help but smack his ass and cackle as Ilya tries desperately to hold onto the tube handle with one hand and his shorts (that are around his knees) with the other while they continue to fly across the water.

- Ilya trying to dive off the dock in a life jacket because Shane told him it was impossible and now of course he has to try.

- Ilya in a life jacket in general.

- Ilya with a mosquito bite. Itching itching itching while Shane slaps at his hands and tells him to stop. It’s gets all red and raised bump, and Ilya’s kind of self conscious but he still can’t stop scratching and cursing mosquitos as he does. But then Shane’s pressing a careful thumbnail into an X over the bite and Ilya’s fascinated by another way he can be close to Shane.

- Ilya on the dock, on his stomach watching a spider eat a bug in its web for an undetermined amount of time. He’s narrating for Shane with a slightly disgusted but fascinated tinge to his voice who is suntanning beside him, sunglasses on.

- Ilya in the marsh trying to catch a frog after David explains how Shane used to do it all the time. He’s finally got one, calling Shane’s name with so much excitement and a frog cupped between his hands. Of course it’s the largest fugliest frog in the marsh so then they’re both crouched down, staring into Ilya cupped palms arguing about whether or not the frog is cute (Ilya says it is, Shane says it’s ugly)

- Ilya with a leech from the marsh stuck onto his ankle. He’s actually Losing His Shit about this one. freaky, disgusting, Canadian blood sucker. Why the fuck would they even have these things in the lake. Shane has to pull it off. Obviously he lets Ilya chase him around the property throwing his ankle towards Shane screaming “get it off, Shane! Get it off!” before he has Ilya sit on a sun chair and performs leech surgery on his ankle while Ilya whimpers (non-sexily).

Sincerely, someone who grew up with a Canadian family cottage.

[fixielixie]

shane likes being in on a joke and ilya always includes him in the joke SOB they’re just two goofy guys joking around shane is a puppy learning to play fight and ilya is teaching him im gonna THROWNUP

[lazytypes]

my close personal friend hudson williams writes self insert rpf so i’m normal actually

[hothockey]

ilya scruffing shane to comfort both of them..............

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

People are not ready to hear this take probably but I think a significant portion of Ilya's experiences with men have been with much older men even going back to his teenage in Russia days. And yes he was dominating them. Eighteen (or younger) year old Ilya Rozanov stepping on the dick and balls of an oligarch who made Ilya wear a blindfold while he brought him into his house but now that blindfold is wrapped around the oligarch's wrists as Ilya tells him he's useless and disgusting. And yeah Ilya means it. The daddy issues are issuing. Oligarch tries to give Ilya some hush money on his way out the door and Ilya drops a crispy (AMERICAN) bill on the floor and says he's nobody's fucking whore. He's thirty and married before he even starts to confront the fact that he was still being taken advantage of even when he was the one doing the ball-stepping. Massive meltdown in therapy and then he goes home and his husband comforts him by begging for his balls to be stepped on. Circle of life.

OhHh my godddd. 🫠🫠🫠🫠 Luckily I AM ready to hear and receive this!!!! It all comes back to Ilya and how risky sex was his one form of catharsis from his shitty home life, doesn't it? It all comes back to his passive suicidal ideation that made every experience that made him feel even remotely alive seem worth it. What does it matter if the risky sex he's having is with older American men in seedy bathrooms or in the velvet lined bedroom of some oligarch from the old country?

I'm picturing this all comes out after hollanov have a talk about their childhood crushes. Shane shares his revelation about crushing on his old coach in Juniors. And Ilya teases Shane and makes him blush and squirm and obviously they fuck about it, but then afterwards Ilya casually drops: "Did you fuck him?"

"Hm? Who?"

"Your coach."

And Shane sits up from where he's been lying next to Ilya in bed to look at him in the face, to see if he's serious. He is.

"You're seriously asking me if I fucked my coach? In juniors?"

And Ilya, who lost his virginity at fourteen, does a biiig dramatic eye roll and is like "Ugh yes Shane i am asking. Or does that hurt your delicate North American sensibilities?" And he's getting a little mean with it now, to try and distract Shane from the way he's looking at him, with this pinched horrified face. "It would not be so crazy." Ilya ends up saying, a little too defensively.

And then Shane is really looking horrified as he says "Did you... Did you have sex with your coach?"

And Ilya laughs, trying to lighten the mood like: "Not my coach. But this old man, he'd come watch my games. He tried to pay me to step on his balls but I thought This is something I'd like to do to this creep for free, yes?"

Shane is not fucking laughing. He looks at Ilya all fucking,,, scandalised and just says, "Ilya, that's awful." So of course Ilya gets extremely fucking prickly about it, and they end up having a huge blow up fight, before Ilya eventually relents and tries to appeal to Galina, who looks at him with no judgement, no real discernible expression, and asks him in his own language if he really finds the memory funny. THEN we get the big cathartic breakdown.

And, as you said, hollanov reconcile via their most reliable means of communication: sex. Ilya gets to dominate his wonderful husband who he loves so so much, and the difference in agency in the two experiences is so stark, it's yet another means for Ilya to reconcile with what happened to him by overwriting it with the man he loves and who loves him. Omg this is making me emotional.

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Adding @persimmony-snicket's truly CRUSHING tags about Ilya's breakdown with Galina:

[hudconvent]

the hottest thing a guy can be is a slut. and the second hottest thing a guy can be is self aware of how hot they are. and i have really really bad news about hudson williams.

[tothecottage]

cliff wearing this on his first date with svetlana

[userhudson]

Hudson Williams via Instagram (July 21, 2026)

[dumbass-writer]

“I stand with my cancelled wife” and it’s Shane Hollander talking about ilya being cancelled on twitter every 2-3 business days

[fruitzzone]

you need to be more normal about fwb. no, fwb don’t strip you of your dignity. they are not unhealthy. sexual relationships are not bad. it’s not weird to want them and not romance. friends can fuck. you don’t have to be involved romantically to be intimate with someone. that includes all sorts of physical touch because you are also not normal about platonic non-sexual touch. it’s not weird if friends cuddle, sleep in one bed, hold hands or kiss. friends can be affectionate with each other. it doesn’t mean they are romantically attracted to each other. nor does it mean they will ever be in a romantic relationship. you need to be more normal about touch and sex in general.

[valtsv]

unfortunately i can never hate on a "power of friendship" narrative no matter how corny because the thing is it's literally real

[oiimoi]

I love making ilya a wolf in sheep’s clothing . The thing is the costume is really bad. Like a cartoon where the big bad wolf is very obviously wearing granny’s clothing but little red riding hood doesn’t seem to notice . His woolfishness can’t help but escape his costume. Does shane notice the disguise? Maybe maybe not. The end result is the same either way

[fuckrozanov]

something about the most erotic part of what they do being the ways shane’s body can accommodate ilya’s. finding new limits to push. reaching back when ilya fits a thumb in alongside his cock and being shocked by the stretch. four fingers in his mouth and the threat of a whole fist and ilya looking at him like he can’t believe he’s real. he already knew he could take a hit but this is the first time he’s wanted to lean into one. his body always being a machine and a product but with ilya he actually gets to live inside it, to find out how much it can want, how much it can feel, how much pleasure it can give and take.

[fuckrozanov]

he can be clay again…….