Jim the Viking

Jim. 43. Kick at the Darkness 'til it Bleeds Daylight

[jiminy-crickets]

heartbreaking: this heated rivalry fic author has no idea how hockey works

[jiminy-crickets]

warm up doesn't end with them starting the game....

[jiminy-crickets]

it's alternate captain NOT assistant captain!

[jiminy-crickets]

there is nothing in the world that a player could do to "break a goalpost" and they also can't "stomp on a puck and split it in half"

[jiminy-crickets]

NHL teams are not sharing a tunnel!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

ILYA ROZANOV AND SHANE HOLLANDER ARE NOT GETTING SENT DOWN TO THE MINORS NO MATTER HOW GAY THEY ARE!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

i don't care that it's the all star game they are NOT UP BY SEVEN!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

THE TEAM CAPTAINS DO NOT RUN PRACTICE THE COACHES DO!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

There is no extended break around Christmas!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

ROOKIES ARE NOT MAKING "MORE MONEY THAN THEY EVER IMAGINED" BECAUSE 1) THEY DID NOT STUMBLE INTO THE NHL THEY HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS THEIR ENTIRE LIVES 2) ELCs START AT 750K A YEAR, THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY YES, BUT ALSO THAT IS AN IMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY, EVEN IF THEY GET A CHUNKY FIRST CONTRACT THAT IS STILL AN IMAGINABLE AMOUNT OF MONEY!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

this is a canon nitpick not a how hockey works nitpick, but..... Shane won 2 cups with Montreal, Ilya won 1 cup with Boston, together they have three COMBINED cups, BUT neither Ilya NOR Shane are winning their INDIVIDUAL FOURTH CUP while on the centaurs (unless you've written them already winning a cup while on the cens) because 2+1=3 (Shane) and 1+1=2 (Ilya)

[jiminy-crickets]

if you're going to make your own names for teams that aren't mentioned in the book or show awesome! maybe just like.... check the list of NHL teams first???? because uhhhh......

the VANCOUVER CANADIANS?????

and the BUFFALO SABRETOOTHS?????

[jiminy-crickets]

WAGs aren't making posters to hold up at the game.

[jiminy-crickets]

defensemen are called defensemen because they are the skaters who defend the goal NOT because they are the skaters who take do the fights.

[jiminy-crickets]

SHANE HOLLANDER AND ILYA ROZANOV DO NOT HAVE ROAD ROOMMATES AT THEIR BIG AGE!!!!!! THE NHLPA BARGANED THAT OUT OF EXISTENCE (except for players on ently level contracts) IN TWENTY FUCKING THIRTEEN!!!!!! this inaccuracy is unforch reinforced by the show and the book which has Ilya rooming with Connors and Shane rooming with Hayden long after their ELCs would've been done. HOWEVER I am choosing to believe that the book and show is NOT inaccurate, but simply that the NHLPA is somehow even more useless in the game changer universe than it is in our universe.

[jiminy-crickets]

Players from opposing teams are not doing locker room media scrums together!!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

Neither shane nor ilya nor scott nor troy not hayden nor ryan nor nor nor nor will ever ever and i mean EVERRRRR win SEVEN (7) STANLEY CUPS! That is not happening in this universe, or the game changer universe! that is not how the sport of hockey has worked in DECADES PLURAL!!!!! there are nine (9) players TOTAL who have won seven (7) Stanley cups and the last time any of those bitches won was..... NINETEEN SEVENTY NINE (1979)!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

weeknight hockey games typically start at 7pm and end at 9:30ish plus showering, media, and commute, Hayden Pike is getting home LONG after his children have gone to bed.

[jiminy-crickets]

NHL TEAMS ARE NOT DRAFTING GUYS WHO ARE ONLY "OKAY" AT HOCKEY!!!! AND THEY ESPECIALLY AREN'T DOING IT WHEN THEY'RE FIVE FOOT SIX!!! (5'6)

[jiminy-crickets]

a 6-2 win is neither breathtaking NOR record breaking. that's a normal ass blowout.

[jiminy-crickets]

TEAMS DO NOT TAKE BUSES ON ROADTRIPS TEAMS DO NOT TAKE BUSES ON ROADTRIPS TEAMS DO NOT TAKE BUSES ON ROADTRIPSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TEAMS.

DO.

NOT.

TAKE.

BUSES.

ON.

ROADTRIPS.

[jiminy-crickets]

general managers are NOT coaches and VICE VERSA (troy ryan is an idiot and should not be looked to for inspiration) coaches don't make trades! and gms don't run practices!!! (NEITHER DO THE CAPTAINS!!!!!)

[jiminy-crickets]

finding a secular french elementry school in MONTREAL QUEBEC is not a challenge.

[jiminy-crickets]

holy shit prev you're right shane did win a 3rd cup in montreal and i forgot because it's barely fucking mentioned in the books, and we DON'T SEE IT HAPPEN IN EITHER OF SHANE AND ILYA'S!!! IT GETS A THROWAWAY LINE IN THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE LONG GAME AND THAT'S IT!!!!!!

^ THAT'S IT!!! okay well it also gets mentioned a bit in ch4 because they bring the cup to the camp, but like STILL!!!! shane won a whole ass cup OFF OF THE PAGE?!?!?!

I do stand by the "ilya isn't winning his fourth cup" comment, because that incorrect fact is what lead me to write that addition to the post. Ilya has won one (1) cup.

[jiminy-crickets]

they aren't organizing whole team PR events for the second week of july!!! during second week of july at most only the guys with families are in town!!!! EVERYONE ELSE IS ON VACATION!!!!!!

and also THE PLAYOFFS ARE DONE BY JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

12 year old boys know what boners are

[jiminy-crickets]

defensemen don't take faceoffs

[jiminy-crickets]

god damn it not even my hockey RPF is safe, read a truly god awful fic and the authors note said like "tehehehe i don't know anything about hockey eveything i know about it i learned from heated rivalry" and like well number 1) i could fucking tell and number 2) why the FUCK ARE YOU WRITING HOCKEY RPF IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOCKEY??? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO THESE MEN ARE??? IT WAS INSANELY OOC SO I'M GUESSING YOU JUST LOOKED AT THE DROP DOWN OF RELATIONSHIPS IN THE HRPF TAG AND PICKED ONE AT RANDOM!!! THIS IS ALMOST (BUT NOT AS BAD) AS WHEN I CAME ACROSS SOMEONE WRITING CJ JACKSON FIC WHO HAD NO IDEA WHO CJ WAS TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY WERE MISGENDERING CJ IN THE FUCKING FIC!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

This post is PRO Heated Rivalry and PRO Rachel Reid. This post is ANTI HR fic writers making erroneous hockey and also Shane winning his third cup off page (he could’ve just not won it! That would’ve been FINE!!) DO NOT DERAIL!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

If I see more than 3 lies in the tags the next time I open my notifs reblogs are getting turned off, I do NOT have the energy to be dealing with facts checking you idiots while I am 1000km away from home and using Tumblr on my phone!!!!! This was an “lol so funny vent” post for my mutuals (who are hockey fans) and it has gotten WAY out of hand with a bunch of HR fans writing lies!!! So DON’T lie and ruin it for everyone else. GOT IT???

[mf-dooom]

[yetanothergreyjedi]

that is the face of a man worried he will be next

[ashtraythief]

Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.

[luulapants]

Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.

[whetstonefires]

crane husband.....

[roach-works]

this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.

[alex51324]

(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:

Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s.  The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.  

As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.  

It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.  

Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.  

The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.

They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.   

Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.  

Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.  

Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent.  (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)  

It worked!  

Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.  

However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them.  (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)

Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird.  White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive.  (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)  

[thesylverlining]

Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this

she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)

His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)

the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)

"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")

chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"

[anais-ninja-bitch]

just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.

well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.

[largishcat]

[eshlimoriarty]

[lazorsandparadox]

Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes

[queersatanic]

the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was

[worldheritageposts-official]

World Heritage Post

[kedreeva]

I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.

[optimysticals]

Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe

[tim-official]

there are two competing sects on this website - one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "neurodivergent" and one that uses the word "spicy" to mean "sexual content." i do not like either of them

[anarcho-gamerist]

I use spicy to describe food

[catgirlforeskin]

my food is mentally ill and I’m putting my dick in it

[fruitviking]

Twilight

[unholyblissafterdark]

[artmagine]

The beautiful art of Thomas Blackshear II

[kingfucko]

i went to his website and saw even more great art! sharing some more which i particularly appreciated

[lesbianswift]

FOOD DISCOURSE: reblog with ur opinions on guacamole, olives, mango, hummus, tomatoes, and cannolis

[jimtheviking]

Not dead yet, in case you were wondering.

Just tired, both physically and mentally.

[the-big-mood]

During a high speed car chase pursuit, the FOX 11 Los Angeles helicopter had an unexpected moment when they spotted a rooster and a chicken casually walking down the sidewalk right in the middle of the pursuit.

[reblogmonstah]

The fact that they were walking 1-3mph

His joy and whimsy at seeing this

His acknowledgement of it not being as interesting as the chase

His little "huh" cuz you know they told him to focus

[weirdgirl247]

every year small towns and indigenous communities across canada are burnt to nothing by horrific wildfires and americans go on the internet to complain about it and blame us bc the smoke has spread to their state. i’m so tired.

go yell at mark carney or your own local politicians about climate change and urge them to do more to stop it. the namaygoosisagagun first nation had their community destroyed today. you can find a link to donate to them here. donate to your local food bank. go to the beach next week when the smoke clears and you don’t have to think about it anymore while the people who’s lives have been destroyed will have to pick up the pieces and try to move forward when we are already in a huge cost of living crisis across the country.

[weirdgirl247]

rbing with other places you can donate to to support those impacted by the fires!

true north aid (an organization aimed at providing support to remote/northern indigenous people in canada)

canadian red cross wildfire fund

ontario spca and humane society (links to their donate page specifically aimed at supporting pets and animals in areas impacted by the fires)

and the anishinabek nation’s page where you can donate to support the namaygoosisagagun nation who had their land destroyed by the fires is still accepting donations

[espanolbot2]

Bosses Horrified as "AI Native" College Graduates Hit the Workplace

"AI native" college graduates are hitting the workplace -- and, as experts warned, bosses are finding their performance disappointing.

As one New York financier told Financial Times journalist Gillian Tett, new hires who were seen as “AI natives” are turning out to have alarmingly shallow ideas. So much so, the anonymous finance worker admitted, that his firm now actively avoids seeking out AI-literate STEM graduates, and opts to comb through humanities students instead. “We want critical thinking, not just AI,” the financier told the FT.

[generatingfail]

As a college educator, this terrifies me, it's not what I want for my students... but at least this story gives me an avenue to push back on them.

[bruzum]

[lastvalyrian]

This is literally what people are talking about when they say AI will be used to mainstream widely held bigotry. LLMs are trained on frequency and probability -> straight relationships are more well represented in the dataset -> straight pronouns and terms become the "correct" normal.

This is a form of backdoor bigotry from both normative facts (there are more straight than gay relationships) and well represented bigoted beliefs (men are superior to women).

Combine this with the mass of people inclined to believe (and being encouraged to believe) that if AI says and does something it must be correct

[piglii]

hey real quick can anybody help me find this image that I’ve seen before here on tumblr. it looks like this

the button doesn’t necessarily say “Elucidate the Rapture” but it does say something that’s kind of lengthy and has religious connotations. the woman pushing the button has an expression of indescribable smugness. there might be other buttons on the machine (?) she is pressing.

[piglii]

FOUND IT

[andmaybegayer]

Oh this is only the first image in the Eschatron 9000 Series

[andmaybegayer]

and the finale, because of the Tumblr image limit

[piglii]

thanks this is part of an even grander incomprehensibleness than I could have expected

[a-third-attempt]

I cannot believe that this is a website where you can ask “hey i think i saw a weird image once” and put a bad stick figure drawing of it and someone will be like “oh yeah that’s the first installment of a 12-part post-ironic apocalypse fever dream photoshop series” and just hand you a dozen of the most unhinged images you’ve ever seen in your life, that still have a better three act structure than most modern cinema

[flurgerbla]

I dont think thats the whole photoset…. I found one more

But from what i can gather thats Crystal Thierry, also known as page73girl. Who seems to have been a model for the now defunct biggestletdown.com…

But i have no idea when the eschatron 9000 pictures were made or for that matter the original photos that were used to make it

[mckitterick]

this is far more than “random person in 2005ish creates surreal visual narrative” - let’s go deeper down the rabbit hole, shall we?

to Immanentize the Eschaton means to bring about utopian conditions and create heaven on Earth

the phrase is first cited in the Discordian religious text, Principia Discordia (1963), for whom Discord (aka Eris) is goddess:

the first line of Robert Anton Wilson and Robert Shea’s 1975 The Illuminatus! trilogy: “It was the year when they finally immanentized the Eschaton.”

in Frederik Pohl’s The Eschaton Sequence (1997 - 1999), the human race is caught up in a galactic war between two alien races attempting to immanentize the eschaton

in Ken Macleod's The Stone Canal (1997), one of the chapters is “Another crack at Immanentising the Eschaton”

Crystal Thierry’s (aka the modern Discordia / Eris) narrative lives in esteemed company

[dectech]

here’s what the warning in the image says btw because i wanted to read it but it was too blurry so i had to spend several minutes hunting for a version with better resolution, so I’m posting it here so nobody else has to make that same journey

“DO NOT OPERATE THE ESCHATRON 9000 UNLESS YOU’RE REALLY, REALLY SERIOUS ABOUT DESTROYING THE WORLD”

[mckitterick]

also just noticed the labels on the dials on the left side of the device’s control panel:

“MAYHEM” and “DESTRUCTION” are both turned all the way up

[dee-the-red-witch]

As they should be. Can’t make paradise without scrambling a few universes.

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous sign(s)

[comicgeekscomicgeek]

You definitely don’t get content like this on other webbed sites and apps

[what-even-is-thiss]

It’s crazy that countries on the edge of the Sahara desert are reversing desertification by just digging half circles

[what-even-is-thiss]

The ground in these places is too compact for water to soak in during wet season which leads to flooding but digging these holes gives the water a place to stop and soak in. And they’re pushing back the desert with this. By just digging holes.

[what-even-is-thiss]

The new plants also help even more water soak into the ground which reduces flooding even more.

These places also give people places to grow food and graze animals like people are turning completely dry compact desert into a refuge for wildlife and plants and solving regional food insecurity just by digging holes.

[untitledgoosegay]

Yacouba Sawadogo - Wikipedia

The half-circles are called zaï! They're a traditional farming practice in the Sahel desert, and their introduction + reintroduction can be largely credited to Yacouba Sawadogo, the man linked above! He reintroduced and innovated on the zaï on his own farm in the 1980s, and did extensive outreach (along with scientist Mathieu Ouédraogo) to encourage other farmers to adopt them as well.

He also promoted the use of cordons pierreux, which are basically just lines of rocks to reduce erosion, preserve sediments, and increase water absorption.

Immensely cool dude. He's been a personal hero since I learned about him.

[she-is-amused]

Ooooh, Mr. Sawadoga innovated the traditional zai method by adding manure and other biological matter to the holes! This put nutrients in the soil as well as helping even more with water retention and attracted termites whose tunnels helped loosen the compacted earth, all of which supported plant-growth like no zai before! Which increased water-retention even further! Oh excellent, excellent work!

[shannoneichorn]

It is a crime that the link preview doesn't show Mr. Sawadoga's face, so here's his photo from Wikipedia.

This is the face of a man adding beauty to the world and making the future better.

[d6b-onion]

this video has been going around for a while but the English subtitles didn't match the energy of the spoken French at all. i had to fix it.

reblog to spread this version

[elencaart]

A beautifully self-indulgent repaint of a repaint of an old kiriban reward request for a friend first received in ‘07. Celes and Locke—finally free of having to save the world—enjoying a quiet evening in a port town, sitting out upon the pier and listening to the waves while Locke strums a guitar.

Close-up crops from the full quality image and a special bonus scrungly progression gif (the compression is hilariously bad) under the cut

[wizzard890]

people complain that the great golden era of AMVs is behind us, but I just saw this tiktok fanedit for Lawrence of Arabia set to a Bleachers song that was so good that I watched it seventeen times in a row.

totally off the wall piece of shipping media, anachronistic song choice, hits like a truck, nature is healing!!

[parakeet]

just saw a 'comments' tab on someones blog you know where the following and likes tabs would be if enabled and it was just showing all the replies theyve made on peoples posts. this is fascinating when did this feature come out

[parakeet]

EMERGENCY - ITS AUTO ENABLED!

if you've made replies on posts there is now a tab on your blog showing every post youve replied to and your reply.

if this is not what you want, either go to your blog and click comments and disable it from there or just go to your individual blogs setting pages. just change it from blue to grey if you dont want everyone to see your replies AND the post you're replying to

PLEASE BE ADVISED that it is set to disabled for blogs that have not made any replies but it will turn ON if you reply with that blog in the future.! i just tested it with my main, which was greyed out but it turned on the moment i left a test reply

figured i'd get the word out bc i have not seen a single mention of this and i'm sure there are plenty of people who maybe comment on things they don't want on display for everyone to see on their blog lol. you can still look at your replies with it toggled off just no one else can, like locking the following and likes list

[jabberding0]

The chanclafone (Papua New Guinea)