Too many things

I bought this expensive ass yogurt as a gift to myself so that I could make little candles in the tiny terracotta pot it comes in and it turns out it is the best, creamiest, most buttery heavenly delicious yogurt I have ever tasted and I’m now addicted

sometimes things that are expensive are worse but sometimes things that are expensive are astronomically better and that’s where the real problem lies

rattle-my-stars

legalarson

hey. im one of the people who does a specific and noticable thing right after you wake up so you realize youre in a timeloop. yeah im the guy who drops a bucket of paint off a ladder haha. yeah its a thankless job but i get paid per loop so like. dont learn your lesson too quick haha

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

No, enemies to enemies. And then still enemies.

Cannot stress enough how lovers will never be part of this equation even a little bit

yellowhollyhock

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

xxshadowcasterxx

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator

Sometimes someone just isn’t into you.

Why do so many people make tiktoks while they're clearly driving. What the fuck. Stop that shit, you're gonna kill someone.

I think people online treat driving too casually tbh, like there was a poll about people's bad habits while driving and they weren't bad habits or problematic or whatever, they were all things that literally kill people every single day. You are driving a massive vehicle that can very easily turn into a murder weapon with your carelessness, take this shit seriously.

"Haha I never use my turn signals" you are going to kill someone.

"I don't do full stops at stop signs lol" you are going to kill someone.

"Sometimes I text while I'm driving 🤭" YOU ARE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE.

#a fucking break and copious amount of sleep

Also people who speed up or suddenly stop or swerve a lot to freak out someone in the car for fun: it stops being funny when you get into a car accident because of it. Just so you know.

bloodanddiscoballs

that last one reminds me of my uncle. when I was a teenager, he was driving his camper trailer up a mountain with my aunt, my cousins, and I in the thing and my aunt was telling him to slow down and not swerve on the mountain road. so he instantly gets mean about it going "Oh what you think we're gonna crash?" and started yanking the steering wheel to scare my aunt. super funny right? yeah right up until we go off the side of the mountain road and only stop because we ended up on the switchback below.

please take driving seriously

saltmalkin

bottle of cats

deadbranch

What do you want RIGHT now?

coffee

a cigarette

a kiss

favorite sandwich

a slice of delicious cake

telepathy

a pen that never runs out of ink

razor-edged boomerang

eternal life

"get out of jail free" card

a fucking break

validation

Voting ended onJan 20, 2024

disgustinggf

not ignoring you not replying to you but a secret third thing

desscaras-world

forgor

legitimately

*sees a beloved mutual in the notes* hi honey

I wish lesbians were as easy to find in real life as they are on tumblr

11 FUCKING THOUSAND NOTES ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WHERE ARE YOU ALL COME DATE ME

ok

update: we are dating

update: we are married

update: we knocked up

strugglingqueer

This is the cutest story on the entirety of Tumblr, I swear to god!!!!!

Update: had a baby together

Update: he’s 1 year old today

Update: he’s 2 today

Update: baby number two, electric boogaloo

Update: guess who became a big brother yesterday?

sandersstudies

The American Midwest is being hit with dangerous blizzards and subzero temps that can cause frostbite in under ten minutes and my dad is outside grilling burgers.

sandersstudies

You guys are having a great time in the notes but my dad is having a better time in the snow.

materassassino

Harrison Ford hating playing Han Solo made him better at playing Han Solo because Han Solo did not want to be there doing those things either.

I can’t remember what talk show it was after TFA but the interviewer was like “Did it make you emotional putting on the [Han Solo] costume?” and Harrison Ford was like “No. It made me money.” which was like the most Han Solo thing a person could say.