Probably reading

She/Her.

[bloominflowers]

those funny erling haaland memes but with ilya rozanov because this type of humor is very ilya coded to me

[pxssionate-intensity]

Ilya and Shane, on top of being The Lovebirds Of All Time, are best fucking friends.

Shane is the #1 person Ilya gossips with. Since Shane isn’t the best on picking up subtext, all of the drama Ilya has to share is a complete surprise to him. Which makes him both the most entertained by the gossip and the most entertaining gossip partner.

Shane has an extremely dry sense of humor, and in public he’ll whisper deadpan commentary into Ilya’s ear while Ilya tries not to cry laughing.

Ilya has a very dark sense of humor that makes most people who hear it uncomfortable, but not Shane. Shane thinks it’s absolutely hilarious every time.

Ilya and Shane love to sit in the same room, do separate activities, and barely speak to each other. Shane will read a book while Ilya plays a video game, and one of them will have their feet in the other’s lap.

While everyone in the league thinks Ilya is a huge asshole, Shane thinks he’s hilarious. In fact, Shane usually agrees with Ilya’s chirps and will not defend anyone against them.

I just love the idea that they’re absolute best friends.

[contradictoryinsomiac]

My favorite part of the Raven Cycle is that in a span of a few pages Gansey was like “I’m so sorry for majorly breaking bro code 😣,” and Adam being like “It’s cool man I actually kissed Ronan like a hour ago,” and Gansey going “?!?!? What are your intentions with my dear son?!?! He’s my dear child you better not break his heart!!! Be careful with him he’s fragil!”

[normal-about-hollanov]

married shane does NOT play about ilya when it comes to the press. he's letting out a decade of pent up 'wheres the fucking translator? what do you fucking MEAN you don't have one?', instant 'rephrase that' to the offending journalist when ilya hesitates over a question, gets into full blown forget-the-media-training arguments when it's implied that ilya is somehow stupid for not speaking perfect english, n switches between russian, french, and english to make interviews as easy as possible for ilya. and of course ilya is fully capable of speaking english. he has been since he was a teenager. but it also won't stop him from giving shane the biggest wettest lover boy eyes n raw dogging him crazy style the moment its over.

[themoonandmyman]

baby Ilya’s tiny angry Russian ranting when Irina won’t let him stay on the ice and his cheeks are all bright pink and his little nose is wet and he’s plopping down onto the ice and crossing his arms and yelling NYET NYET NYET.

Across the ocean at the exact same time, the exact same thing is happening to a very exhausted Yuna Hollander.

[verymerrymart]

[holographings]

HASHTAG NEVER KILL YOURSELDF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[1410-1221-dec2008]

[mutinsfromthemoon]

ilya mic’d up talking with his teammates about recipes he’s been trying recently and tricks he’s been trying to teach anya. and shane mic’d up barely having something that producers can actually use because of the amount of swears

[hockeyhockeyjoyjoy]

Examples of Ilya quotes from his mic'd games:

"You try the steak rub, Bood? Good, yes? Yuna is a queen, I know. Yes, next weekend is good for barbecue, if weather holds. Littlest Pikes might visit, we will see."

"She will jump through the hoop on ground, why not 4 inches up?? So frustrating. Shane says to use real bacon for treats, maybe then, but is so salty. Nitrites too, you know. Bad for her. No, have not baked her special treats, Troy! What?? Recipe, now!"

"Shanya has new glasses. Very sexy. Even without them he can see puck better than 47, though, on wing? This man is terrible, yes? Is not entirely his fault, probably, Columbus is mostly very bad. Look at stupid tape job, though. Ugh."

"I want syrniki after game. You want? I have made you syrniki, Luca. Little pancakes. Yes, very, very good. Okay, not tonight, but come over on Saturday, we will have syrniki and force Shane to eat it too. Yessssssss, okayokay, good plan."

Examples of Shane quotes from his mic'd up games:

"Jesus FUCKING Christ what the FUCK is wrong with the Dallas refs holy SHITTING ass. Can they not fucking see their own fucking asses? Do they need fucking Lasik?"

"I am going to goddamn disembowel the next person who chirps us about the FUCKING baby shower. That shit was cute and Cassie fucking loved it. Come the fuck on, it's what fucking year? Men can throw baby showers, shit. Get over yourselves, assholes."

"He thinks he's hot shit, yeah, with ugly fucking edges like that. Fuuuucking ridiculous, am I right? What a motherfucking joke. Let's run a train on his ass next shift, you fucking in?"

"Dyks, I fucking love you, man, that shit was insane, so fucking dope. Yeah, yeah, I know Hazy loved it too. Broke their shit right up, they thought they had a lane, hahaha! As fucking if with you on the ice, bro. Nice. Fucking nice."

Ilya: Suburban Dad who plays some rec league, maybe

Shane: Intensely professional jock insulted by your basic lack of talent and skill, might kill you

- - -

Masterlist of my Tumblr drabble lore drops for Hollanov and HR is here. 🥰

✨🏒✨

[toxicroyjamie]

TikToker Jamie is so canon to me that I forget I made it up. He has 25M followers minimum. His feed is like

• shirtless thirst trap

• shirtless thirst trap

• sarcastically lipsyncing to a viral audio of Roy's voice

• "putting on jeans" ass-oriented thirst trap

• group shirtless thirst trap with Richard and Isaac

• rave review of Ola's

• shirtless thirst trap

• vid of him in nipple clamps captioned "my coach is tweaking 😂". everyone thinks he's joking. maybe he is and maybe he's not

• clothed thirst trap

• video doing ball tricks in his huge fancy marble living room trying to flex how good he is at football and how big his house is. Top comment is from Georgie and it says "How many times did I tell you to stop kicking the ball in the fucking house"

• "This is Barbie's dream house not Ken's dream house" audio lip sync with Keeley

[toxicroyjamie]

• “rage baiting my coach part 78 😂🤣”

[p1anetmouth]

all of my interview with the vampire stuff

[nextchapter]

ohh i'm daniel molloy. i sold millions of copies of my best-selling novel. i'm a beast at bowling. i've got the french bengali smokeshow pinned against the wall. man fuck you

[alixirdevida]

dont burn alone

[reticent-vampire]

[nextchapter]

louis narrates like he's in the great gatsby. armand narrates like he's in rebecca. lestat narrates like he's in katy perry's hot n cold (2008)

[penandinkprincess]

unreasonably amused by the idea of itty bitty shane not wanting to get off the ice after practice to the point that david gets ON the ice to get him, so itty bitty does the "my bones are gone now" resistance move kids are so good at.

but fails to consider that ice is. so slippery.

like stage your protest all you want, buddy, but you have literally never been more move-able.

[butimaficwriter]

Read the post and loved it exactly for the potential of what's in the tags: uh oh now David made it funnnn and Shane, quick little bean that he is, riiiight as he's getting to the edge of the rink, about to be picked up and passed to mom, gets up and skates away to the middle of the rink and PLOMP lays down on his back, giggling and kicking his little skates. "Again, Dad (Shane does not call David daddy in front of his friends, he's not a baby!), again!!"

It doesn't help David and Yuna that everyone and their mother thinks this is the funniest, cutest thing ever and laughs, just spurring Shane to do it more and more.

[gffa]

"even if naming the twins Jade and Ruby was a choice" Shane being secretly judgmental about perfectly fine childrens' names, two young girls who are basically his nieces even, you are so dear to me. You're a bitch and I like you so much.

[gffa]

Thinking about Shane's face when the third Pike child is named "Arthur", like oh thank christ they're not naming all their kids after gemstones, that was just a weird thing for the twins. And then Jackie gets pregnant (AGAIN???) and. They name. The baby. Amber. Back to the fucking theme. Shane makes SUCH a bitchy face about it where Hayden can't see. And then again when he realizes that means THE KIDS DON'T ALL MATCH, what is the POINT of having a THEME if you're NOT CONSISTENT WITH IT? What the fuck are your life choices, Hayden and Jackie. Why was Shane put on this Earth to suffer.

[gffa]

crying rn because i have found my people. starting a petition for jacob tierney to do the funniest thing possible with a season 2 rename