trying on a metaphor
i don't do bad sauce passes
we're not kids anymore.
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Claire Keane
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Origami Around
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@leahforonce
see the thing is shane WOULD have mysterious powers and never know it because they just don't coincide with his hockey career. like i easily see him as being able to control the weather or something and he just doesnt gaf. the games are all indoors anyway so he doesnt care or know why it always happens to storm like crazy after the metros lose no matter where they are or what season it is. thats got nothing to do with him!
Just thinking about Ilya making the playoffs for the first time with the Cens and getting texts from Yuna and David about it.
Yuna's one is like, "HOLY SHIT THE CENTAURS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS! I never thought I'd be so excited to say that. 😂 This is such a huge achievement and I couldn't be more proud of you! This means I'm finally going to have to cave and by an Ottawa jersey. Don't tell David I told you, but he's still drying his eyes about it. Bubbly when you and Shane come over on Saturday for SURE, okay? Love you lots. SO proud."
And David's is like, "You did it, Cap! I know how hard you worked for this and it's paid off. We'll be cheering you on for every game. I am so unbelievably proud of you, kiddo. Love you lots - can't wait to see you and Shane on Saturday."
And Ilya just sits there unable to breathe because he's never had a text like this after making the playoffs except maybe from Svetlana. He replies to the messages, eyes blurry with tears, and spends the rest of the night opening them at random times, just overwhelmed by how loved he truly is.
Being rich does not stop Ilya from being Shane's sugarbaby. That man is texting Shane like Heeyyyy I want this [insert bullshit item of the day] so bad pls can u get for me? I will make it worth it for u 😏 and Shane is like Ilya you're rich you can buy it yourself?? And Ilya is like noooo you buy it for me. As a gift 😜
Shane is kind of exasperated but also delighted because he lovesssss taking care of his baby boy so of course he buys Ilya whatever he wants. Ilya is so proud to be thee Shane Hollander's sexy controversially young (by one month) boyfriend and he brags about it constantlyyy after they're married. Like Oh yes I was just sexy sidepiece but he fell in love with me so hard he married me. And Shane is standing next to him like 🙄 as if he didn't just buy Ilya $2000 worth of fancy appetizers and drinks on their date last night.
They have wild kinky sex about it too. Obviously.
i really am tickled by the idea of scott hunter being canonically only 3 yrs older than ilya and catching stray after stray for being old. yet also in my mind cliff is fully in his mid 30s when ilya is a rookie and whenever they get drunk together cliff gets emotional and is like “do you think im washed lil bro…..” and ilya is like “NO are you kidding me……you are stud…..just now in your prime…..”
"The sex tells the story, so it never felt gratuitous to me. The sex is character development. The sex is what is moving this relationship forward, and watching it change over time."
Jacob Tierney on It's Open With Ilana Glazer
#happypridemonth
Family ice time 🏒
As soon as Shane realized he was gay, that mf Locked In. He said, we need to get this relationship Sorted, hired a stylist, and showed up to All Stars weekend ready to lock down the best dicking he had ever gotten in his life. And it worked.
Jacob with some spot-on Ilya character analysis (and general thoughts on sex-as-self)
It's Open With Ilana Glazer
ilya: remember when i made you come hands-free :)
shane: remember when you chased my hole for 2 years like a panting dog who's never had water before
ilya: do you like girls
shane, still leaking lube and cum out of his asshole: is this a trick question.
number one rule! never believe ur thoughts after 10 pm . unless its about The Character then believe all of your thoughts wholeheartedly
shane loves how deep ilya can get inside him with his cock. he loves when ilya is fucking him hard and fast but even more so when ilya is cumming because he snaps his hips up against shane's ass and keeps himself buried inside as he unloads into shane, and shane can feel the entire length of his cock occupying the space in his body. in addition to the feeling he loves visualising how deep ilya has gotten. if he could see into his body from the outside maybe ilya's cock would be buried halfway through his torso. spearing him like a thing. a toy. just a perfect glove for ilya's perfect dick.
shane hollander is literally so lucky Chappell only got big in 2024 because if in 2014 he heard "knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is it casual now?"
dude. he would start vibrating at a frequency that renders him invisible to all but the eyes of those fucked up shrimp.
and if in 2016 he heard GOOD LUCK BABE??? "when you wake up next to him her in the middle of the night, with your head in your hands you're nothing more then his her wife husband, and when you think about me, all of those years ago, you know I hate to say it but I TOLD YOU SO?????" MOTHERFUCKER there would be CARNAGE I think it would cause a legit mental break I think he would go on a rampage and kill people
Ilya: hint hint hint
Shane: absolutely clueless
Ilya: Ah ok I got your hint you don't want the thing I am hinting ok, I'll drop it
Shane: This was the weirdest conversation I had this week, what?
Why are you playing the hints game with this autistic bitch dude
Shane: Oh it's a lot of paperwork! Nice thinking!
Ilya: I don't have anyone here, so. Here, medical proxy, financial power of attorney...
Shane: (kicking his feet)
...
Shane: And then he handed me all those papers!
Rose: Oh, so now you have a 1980s gay marriage. Cute!
Shane: wait what
...
Shane: Ilya.
Ilya: Well you were not thrilled when I brought up the whole marriage in conversation, so I took a hint and just took precautions. As you didn't want the label. But I am serious about you so.
Shane: WHEN? I THINK I WOULD REMEMBER IF YOU PROPOSED???
Ilya: I was giving you hints so you would propose if you wanted to?
Yuna: Hints? To Shane?
Ilya: ...
Shane: Ilya?!
Ilya: Now I feel stupid.
"Love is Love", Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Scott Hunter [Hudson Williams, Connor Storrie, & Francois Arnaud from Heated Rivalry], digital art
Mar 2026
A redraw of a redraw of a redraw, with an edit and an overhaul, plus an added "C" for the other two captains and not just Ilya. Please don't look too closely at their feet, I really messed up the skates in this version (then tried to steal those parts from the original, and then messed them up even more so went back to the less messy mess). There was almost a plan to "paint" the inside of each locker in the colour of the applicable pride flag, but it would have been way too busy.
Shane and Ilya’s daughter has to do a family tree project in class. They’ve done a great job at emphasizing to her that parents can be any two people that love each other and she understands that other kids might not know that. The rest of the project will be pretty straight forward - Shane doesn’t have any siblings and their daughter doesn’t know much about Ilya’s family at this age besides that papa has a mama that watches over them and that loves her very much. Shane is still nervous about it and having a Very Normal Shane Reaction wondering if she will feel left out for not having a mom and feeling sad that she will never know her papas family and wondering if she is lonely and if they should have another kid. When they get an email from the school asking them to come in at pickup to discuss her family tree Ilya is already angry and ready to pick a fight with whatever stupid kid is bullying their daughter for having two dads. They walk into the classroom and their daughter is standing with her arms crossed insisting that there is nothing wrong with her project and when the teacher slides it across the table they see something so bizarre that they don’t know where to start. She’s drawn on only one side of the tree - Ilya and Shane both stemming from Yuna and David. Next to them are about ten stick figures of different sizes all with hearts around them. While they’re trying to decipher what on earth she has drawn she starts presenting it with her little finger saying “see? Dad is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son and Papa is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son, too.” And then she moves her finger along with “and that’s uncle Hayden, uncle Troy and uncle Harris, uncle Evan, uncle Luca….” And as she’s naming every stick figure Shane is trying to figure out how he’s going to explain to her teacher that he is not married to one of his 10 brothers when he is actually an only child and Ilya has to turn away because he’s crying at the reminder that the family that adopted him adopted her as well and there has never been a child that has been so loved
