Cypress

30s, queer, trans and disabled

[pangur-and-grim]

all books should be written by deeply damaged autistic perverts

[ssajin]

@pangur-and-grim ?

[pangur-and-grim]

YOU DON'T NEED TO TAG ME ON THIS, I WROTE THE POST

[hil-arrr-y]

Two job-hunting resources that changed my life:

This cover letter post on askamanger.com. A job interview guide written by Alison Green, who runs askamanager.

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Shout-out to @ms-demeanor for putting these on my dash again, I’d like to add this exceptional interview question “answer guide” that explains traps and “the best” way to answer over 64 common questions. I don’t know who to attribute it to, but here it is: PDF from tri valley one-stop career center.

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Hey some of these answer templates helped J get an offer letter from her dream job; strongly recommend you read them if you’re job hunting

[kingcatnine]

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

[seven-oh-four]

my liege if you keep having all of the guards come to your bedroom to read you bedtime stories, there will be no one to actually guard the castle during that time!

[kingcatnine]

any intruders are welcome to join us for story time

[cvntkisser]

my liege the enemies to lovers yaoi is affecting your perception of the danger of real enemies.

[kingcatnine]

when will it be my turn.

[o-kenki]

[kingcatnine]

holy fuck

[kingcatnine]

happy one year to bedtime yaoi

[byjove]

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The spiritual successor to Miette

[manicgoblinnightmarewoman]

Might I also add

[shydestinybread]

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

[unyanizedcatboys]

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

[explorerrowan]

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

[dualclock]

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

[notcaycepollard]

[callmebliss]

Can haz snackytreat

[ladyshinga]

(source)

[dogsrulepeopledrool]

Source

[cryoverkiltmilk]

#the ancient texts

... My reblog was only six years ago!

[were--ralph]

You are not unlovable

you are not broken

you are not a failure

your brain chemicals are just messed up. you're doing amazing, don't let the dark thoughts possess you.

[were--ralph]

so

i thought i put this in my drafts so i could keep reminding myself that there isn't anything wrong with me besides my brain chemicals being off-balanced and im a little embarrassed but im glad other people can relate. so yeah fuck depression and whatever mental illness you have, you're doing amazing

[stitchthesewords]

its rude to reblog things from people you arent mutuals with fyi. :/

💀 my brother in christopher

[basuralindo]

it's true and you should say so louder

[dubiouslynamed]

I don't know any of you, hitting the reblog button.

[decompose1]

ohhhh shit. target is recalling their up & up baby wipes (fragrance free & fresh cucumber scented) because they're contaminated with Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioli, multiple people are reporting discoloration & infections. i just got a call about it cuz i had purchased those but i've already gone through them 😅 so no refund for me. but im fine. if you have these they're saying you need to immediately stop using them and bring them back to target for a full refund. this bacteria can cause life threatening infections in children/infants and people with compromises immune systems (ESPECIALLY cystic fibrosis!!) and i know lots of other chronically ill people follow me!!!!

[decompose1]

Hold on i should've been more specific.

First: THIS RECALL IS NOT STATE SPECIFIC. IT IS NATIONWIDE.

here are the specific products and dates:

FDA page on this:

Target Recalls Up & Up Fragrance Free and Fresh Cucumber Scented Baby Wipes Due to Potential Microbial Contamination

Target is voluntarily recalling Up & Up Fragrance Free and Up & Up Fresh Cucumber Scented Baby Wipes following customer complaints of produc

[dr-otter]

If you use baby wipes go check them NOW. A lot of Burkholderia bugs are antibiotic resistant so infections can be really difficult to treat.

[fidelcostco]

the human brain is so cool, if you're tired and stressed enough, your brain will go, "don't worry, I got you" and shadows will start moving

[fidelcostco]

and what's the genital situation on the shadows

[fidelcostco]

oh this is my post

[ariesrin]

I love characters who would die for each other but will not, under any circumstances, communicate a single honest feeling.

[dcstandsfordefinitelycrying]

Kaz Brekker and Jesper Fahey

OR

Kaz Brekker and Wylan Hendriks

[frownyalfred]

me, quietly whispering to the ao3 page of an author who doesn’t even know I exist: I am obsessed with you

[newskyillusion]

me, whispering to the ao3 page of an author who hasn’t updated anything in four years: I think about you often and I hope you’re alright

[azrielgreen]

me, whispering to the ao3 page of an author who wrote one life altering banger and nothing else: I hope your pillow is cool and your skin is clear and you find money in a forgotten jeans pocket

[jezebelgoldstone]

me, whispering to every single person on this post: please leave one singular comment saying literally any of that

[thepittsera]

I hate when this happens to me 🙄

[from-the-abbot-to-the-pope]

Al Hashimi and Robby avoid eye contact with each other and pray the ground opens up under them. Ellis and Jack high five

[aquamoonstone24601]

a fave headcanon of mine is jesper being the first person kaz is able to hug after jordie’s death, this is really important to me actually 😭😭😭

[animentality]

[arrowandaxe]

[bee-in-your-binnet]

Coyotes trying their damndest to get domesticated

[gallusrostromegalus]

Thoughts, in approximate order:

You know, given how C. lupus, C. lupus familiaris, and C. latrans can all create perfectly viable hybrids, and that the proto-dogs that domestic dogs descended from much more resembled coyotes than wolves, it's not really a surprise that some yotes are experimenting with domestication.

Goddamn that lady must be fucking shredded to be able to chase down a coyote through a swamp.

"Don't let wild animals into your house, you are not going to make Dogs 2.0, you're going to get injured and the animal killed." is probably obvious enough advice that I don't need to put it in the tags as a reminder.

...I know more than four people on this site that have poisoned themselves trying out 'foraging guides' they found online, two people IRL who tried to keep raccoons at pets, and have a family member who got hospitalized for Cat Scratch Fever after grabbing a feral cat bare-handed. This is apparently, not obvious enough.

Do Not Attempt To Domesticate Coyotes

[homunculus-argument]

Also, eavesdropping teenagers is a treat because not only are they very loud, you'll hear them saying shit like "oh my god I saw my Hear Me Out's girlfriend" and "wait who was the one who was on the table in a birth giving position?" and get zero context. Casually referring to someone you evidently personally know irl as your "hear me out" is certainly a choice, but I don't think it counts as a hear me out if there's someone willing to date them.

[assignedmale]

[wizardarchetypes]

at my local thrift warehouse where nothing’s priced and you make an offer on all the stuff you find. well i told the person at the register i’m on a budget and didn’t know if i could afford a rug i wanted and asked what they’d take for it and without missing even half a beat they said “how about a cup of blood?” then they started hopping up and down like a cheerleader and said “cup! of! blood!”

[wizardarchetypes]

we settled on seventeen dollars cash.

[writing-prompt-s]

You are a mystery detective that solves fake monster crimes. When you finally meet real monsters, they reward you for being their most trusted agent against identity crimes