lilac set @lilac-set - Tumblr Blog

Welcome to our blog

We’re the lilac set, we’re an innate system of four, and we’re proud to be aphant, autistic, intersex, and lgbtqia+. Bodily adult. He/they

Rad inclus, you can do whatever you want forever, etc

lilac-set

Please don’t send me fundraisers, i don’t have the money or reach to help you

setulose

This is a staunchly pro-bug zone. I may have contentious relationships with the ones that enjoy eating me or my food but that's life baby. The great web...

beemovieerotica

daeranilen

"Should parents read their daughter's texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"

Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, “Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?”

I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.

I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”

Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.

Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.

It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.

It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.

daeranilen

Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:

Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.

Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.

Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.

Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”

TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:

You do not respect their rights as an individual.

You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.

You probably haven’t been listening to them.

Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.

daeranilen

Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.

autumngracy

“200 notes”

[SpongeBob Narrator voice] Ten Years Later

partypuppy-nastja

Fun fact: I saw this post today right after a Tumblr ad for spyware-for-parents which should not be any more legal than spyware-for-partners or spyware-for-stalkers or such

lowpawly

when youre going to criticize someone for being annoying/privileged/entitled then whatever you do dont forget to sandwich in a dig at them being nonbinary it might be your only chance to make fun of trans people in a way that wont make your followers mad

lowpawly

"when I move to an apartment in seattle and my nonbinary roommate tells me im toxic for not washing their dishes" what about cisgender jared who doesnt wash his dishes. is it not as funny when its cisgender jared

soporporpa

fandom-trash-goblin

we've got a life to love living.

#loud sigh. ok.

newvegascowboy

"Tumblr is my bedroom" this "tumblr is a pinboard" that

Tumblr is an apartment complex with thin walls and every so often you just have to listen to your neighbors say the most deranged shit imaginable

boingmann

rickybabyboy

there should be a giant orange cat party

achillbeing

@lilac-set

#:3

elumish

I honestly think Gen-Z and younger simply does not understand how recent widespread smartphone adoption is.

I am not that old, and I didn't have a smartphone until probably late high school. For most of my life, many if not most people were not walking around with a magic internet machine in their pocket that they pulled out and used constantly for everything.

sandumilfshous

reblog if you remember having to ration your text messages and accidentally opening the internet on your phone was the end of the world

#im a zillennial and i remember too

cheacegirl

I made a bad comic and now you have to look at it

pjackk

Its hard to use parking lot without smashing into lots of other cars but thabkfuly i think its cheap to get it fixed so no harm no fowl

achillesinhighheels

sikoi

me looking up the definition of a word i totally know the meaning of i just have to make sure it didn’t change for some reason or i made it up

victusinveritas

Fascists don't want kids to learn sex education because while they say it's to prevent access to "lewd" content and "alternative lifestyles", aka other people existing that aren't cishet, in reality it helps kids prevent being assaulted.

bemusedlybespectacled

Oh, hey, a perfect example of how right wing fearmongering about queer people and “protecting children from the Dreaded Smut” are inexorably linked.

steelaurora

"Sex ed protects kids from predators" is also part of the reason fascists are against it. Look at how MAGA are trying to rehabilitate Epstein and saying shit like "partying with Epstein isn't a crime!" Look at how many prominent far-right figureheads were close to Epstein in the first place, and how Epstein himself was a eugenicist. Not all predators are fascists, but all fascists are predators.

Fascists hate sex ed because it reduces their ability to prey on women and kids. The sleaze is the point.

nudistcat

Good time to mention that the Unitarian Universalist church has a sex education program called Our Whole Lives (OWL) and many of the resources are available for free online. The program is designed for age-appropriate discussions of bodily autonomy, gender, sexuality, sexual health, and all forms of sexual and non-sexual intimacy starting in kindergarten and continuing through to adulthood. If you or someone in your life is in need of comprehensive, compassionate sex ed it's a great place to start.

Also, @hellyeahscarleteen is the Tumblr face of the excellent Scarleteen website, which answers questions on those same topics and is a perfect self-study aide.

tonnaree

People get twisted about the sex part but refuse to acknowledge that kids start learning about their bodies at birth! They need education and a safe place to ask questions at all ages.