[tooies]

the clock app always picks the numbers for you but in calculator the numbers can be anything you want

[mi-ciudad]

always carry a lego brick separator in your pocket in case something comes up

[retroactivebakeries]

[things-that-are-not-true]

dear mister "beast..." i am going to kill you with my dual shadow moon katanas on june 15th 2026 at 8:30 pm pacific time

[bunnywand-z]

"the best laid plans" "i'm hatching a plan" so a plan is a type of egg ? 🥚

[wajb]

ragebaiting lemonade stand owner with one simple order

[fiore-firelily]

we've all got that friend who's a little too ²

[tatzelwurming]

listen i consider myself an empathic person but after a certain point i get sick of other people’s problems. my friend is always talking about how the jewel-eyed skull on their mantlepiece is tormenting them w its sinister beauty and im over it. like dude i don’t want to talk about this anymore. get rid of the fucking skull

[e-102]

you’ are biased against my skull

[tatzelwurming]

i’m not having this argument again man

[trigona-necrophaga]

my devoted but dangerously unstable knight will be hearing about this

[screenshotsofdespair]

[spookyweaselbones]

[milanesa42]

“The employees need a larger salary” “hmmmm large celery”

[lakemojave]

I hate living under the panopticon :( my tummy hurts :(

[duckdotcom]

we know

[abyssaldyke]

*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?

[nugulover69]

[isntnothing]

I’m in love with this stupid shirt

[disgustinggf]