part writer, part ghost

Damian, 26, writer. might be a ghost, might not be I he/him https://archiveofourown.org/users/Localcultivator/profile

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[chaifootsteps]

#Please little bird

[meriwetherwrites]

I love that the modern-day tumblr post equivalent of chain emails only requires me to reblog a relatively pleasant image instead of forward an email to a bunch of my friends and family members to quell my raging anxiety.

[nightguardmod]

It’s a win win. I get a bit of hope, you get a cute birb photo

[localcultivator]

So I went on an SARI and now I have motivation on my life. Guess this means yall are getting silly writing soon!

[arctic-hands]

Tornado season has violently started in the u.s already so take it from a hardened Midwesterner who has been on the highways and interstate when the radio starts doing the RRRRRRRNGH. RRRRRRRNGH. RRRRRRRNGH. BEEEEEEEEEP thing:

DO NOT TAKE SHELTER UNDER AN OVERPASS. EVEN IF YOU CLIMB UP THE HILL THING. CONGRATS YOU JUST ENTERED A WIND TUNNEL DURING A TORNADO. DON'T DO THAT

[cityfaringcountrymouse]

Most farmhouses out in the middle of nowhere have windbreaks, aka, a long line of trees. Use this to your advantage. Head towards the trees, see if there's a house. People will let you shelter there in a tornado. It's the Midwest. We're nice.

STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ELECTRICAL POLES AND SHIT THAT CAN FALL ON YOU. TREES BAD IF NO HOUSE. TREES SO BAD IF NO HOUSE. TREES ARE SHRAPNEL GENERATORS. IF YOU DON'T SEE A HOUSE STAY AWAY FROM THE TREES.

Stay the fuck away from pivots, while we're at it. You can get electrocuted from yards away.

If you're heading out of a town and the sirens go off, turn the fuck around. Go to the nearest building or business or house. Shelter with them.

And remember, a large percentage of tornados are rain-wrapped. This means that the sky doesn't even get dark. It just looks like a rainstorm. A normal one.

If the sirens are going off, that means there is a tornado that is on the ground in your immediate area. Go to fucking shelter. I don't care if it doesn't look like a tornado outside.

If there is a warning, that means there is a tornado on the ground in your county. Go to shelter. I don't care if it doesn't look like a tornado outside.

If there is a watch, this means that there is no tornado right now, but they're expecting some. Go about your business, but keep your phone charged and on you, and listen for sirens.

If a tornado looks like it's standing still, it's coming towards you. Down stairs. Now.

If the sirens suddenly cut instead of winding down, if the drains start sucking, if your ears pop, or if you hear a train, dive for cover like your life depends on it because it does.

A downstairs bathroom without windows, in the bathtub, covered by a blanket from head to toe, is the best place to be. On the ground, away from windows, covered by a blanket, with as many walls as you can between you and the outside, is good enough.

[systlin]

Can confirm, if there's a tornado bearing down my basement is for everyone. I'll shove it full of strangers if I have to. Just knock and look panicked and we'll Get It.

[teathattast]

Why doesn't tumblr have a mascot?

[teathattast]

What the hell are you people on about

[zillion-ronald-manus]

[alamuts-lair-of-madness]

[olyrik]

BRING THEM BACK!!!

[olyrik]

Wow this became awfully relevant huh.

[marypsue]

the self-indulgent fanfiction will continue until morale improves

[bisexualbaker]

The self-indulgent fanficiton will also continue after morale improves, just with better morale.

[bylroos]

loved the hollanov paramedic fic!! random q: is ilya telling hayden to change his name to lucas a reference that is totally flying over my head?

by the way the reveal of ilya going to a million lectures he didnt need to just to see shane KILLED me

hi, thank you so much, i'm glad to hear you liked it!!

short answer: yes, its a reference to the LUCAS, which is a mechanical cpr device. ilya's essentially being a douchebag paramedic and saying that hayden, as an emt with a lesser scope of practice than him, isn't good for doing anything but chest compressions.

long answer:

a bit of lore i wanted to include but couldnt find a way to sneak in is that hayden hates ilya bc ilya showed up on a cardiac arrest YEARS ago to back up hayden and another EMT, and then didn’t do a single round of compressions. hayden’s pissed because he thinks it’s ridiculous that there were only three people there and yet ilya didn’t hop on the chest at least once to help out hayden and the other EMT. ilya would argue that this is because he had to run the entire arrest, bc he was the only medic there so he's the only one that could give meds and use the cardiac monitor, etc..

hayden’s fucking hated ilya since then, and ilya knows hayden hates him, so he goes out of his way to be a constant fuck to him. 

so ilya saying to hayden that he should change his name to lucas is both a) specifically meant to irritate hayden bc of that incident, and b) it’s a very classic dickbag egoist medic move to refer to emts in general as just being glorified lucases. ilya doesn’t actually believe this in general, he just wants to piss hayden off.

(they've both blown this massively out of proportion btw. you hit a point like 10-15 minutes into a generic cardiac arrest where enough things have been done that you as the medic start having enough time that you can cycle in for rounds of compressions. so yes, ilya was the sole medic, and he couldn't contribute for most of the arrest, but he definitely could've jumped in near the end to be courteous. so they're both just being stubborn fucks.)

[localcultivator]

And what if I named the soulmate fic “Debí tirar más fotos de cuando te tuve”?

Huh?

What are you gonna do about it?

[localcultivator]

Pick my first Hollanov fic

based on vibes, not title

florist shane and Tattoo Artist Ilya (classic)

long game spoilers (shane and Ilya actually break up)

soul mate au/soul marks (get together much sooner)

Coworkers ( I am trying so hard not to make this a fuckass cheesecake factory au

Shane gets traded (I feel like shane getting traded to Ottawa would be so funny)

Accidental Baby Acquisition (my fav tag in the world)

Voting ended onJan 26

[localcultivator]

And the winner was soulmate/soul mark au!!

I’ve been tentatively writing it and the coworkers fic so don’t be surprised if both come out although the coworkers fic will be kind of just crack and also not very long.

Thank you for your voting!

[localcultivator]

Pick my first Hollanov fic

based on vibes, not title

florist shane and Tattoo Artist Ilya (classic)

long game spoilers (shane and Ilya actually break up)

soul mate au/soul marks (get together much sooner)

Coworkers ( I am trying so hard not to make this a fuckass cheesecake factory au

Shane gets traded (I feel like shane getting traded to Ottawa would be so funny)

Accidental Baby Acquisition (my fav tag in the world)

Voting ended onJan 26

[localcultivator]

Reawakening because one, it’s past the winter solstice so like I can exist in the material plane again, and also because I watched Heated Rivalry and I want to write angst because my relationship fell apart in October

Anyway, thoughts on a fic for Hollanov called “ I’m starting to forget just what summer meant to you”?

Yeah it’s gonna hurt a bit. I don’t think Ilya and Shane stayed “broken up” long enough in the Long Game and I fucking love the idea of them having a longer break not getting back together until either later in the season or after the season ends. Even better if Ottawa and Montreal face off in the lead up to the cup playoffs.

Cuz I don’t know how much actual love for Hockey some of yall have but Ottawa and Montreal are in the same division, they will not play off against each other for the final, but much earlier in the playoff process. They’d knock each other out in like round 1 of the playoffs-

[afriendstolovers]

!!!!!!!

[the-sun-loves-a-star]

𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘤 𝘵𝘰𝘪 𝘫𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘪𝘴 𝘳𝘰𝘪 🥀

[localcultivator]

FANFIC ISO

So it’s a 9-1-1 fanfic, not chimney friendly and the only thing I can remember from it is that towards the end of the fic, it turns out that chimney got some kind of brain fungal infection from the rebar??? I genuinely do not remember anything else but I’ve been rereading fics and I can’t find this one.

90% certain he ends up in prison and that’s where the infection is diagnosed or smth???? It makes him like super violent.

Edit: Fic Found by accident, linked below!!

It is restricted to those with an AO3 account only. Dm me if you need an invite code to make an account

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50437756/chapters/127440091

[geddyqueer]

It Could Happen To You: mediocre tv show with baffling politics has really compelling characters in it

[localcultivator]

Yall are so lucky that I’m not out here writing buddie AUs of my favorite terrible movies as a coping mechanism from last weeks episode.

That being said, wouldn’t a Battleship (2012) Buddie AU be so FUCKING FUNNY. I already can see it in my mind……. I’d swap some things around so that nobody important died (unlike SOME PEOPLE) but it would be a fun time tbh.

I think that’s because Navy Seal!Buck has a special place in my heart tho.

[localfanboy118]

What’s a funnier buckfidelity fic title feat. Eddie as the seducer?

A homewrecker I be fuckin who I wanna

I don’t fight for my respect (I fight for dick)

Voting ended onApr 12, 2025

I’m listening to music-

[localcultivator]

The brain worms are brain worming so here’s a poll to motivate me into finish a freaking wip

What WIP should I finish first?

Buck and Eddie, first hookup fic

Buck and Eddie, Buck being haunted by memories in his new house

Buck and Eddie, Tommy tries to get with Eddie

buck coping with eddies move, badly. Pre-8B

Voting ended onMar 24, 2025

[localcultivator]

Since this poll is done, here’s a snippet from the winning wip!

“Eddie wasn’t expecting anything from tonight. He had just gotten back from Texas and Maddie and Josh of all people decided that he should enjoy a night out before Chris flew back from Texas with his parents. He hadn’t even gotten to have a conversation with Buck for longer than 10 minutes since his truck had pulled up outside of the 118 firehouse. All in all, Eddie had not had a chance in the last 48 hours to tell Buck the very important things he had discovered about himself in El Paso, first and most important being just how fucking in love Eddie was with one Evan Buckley. “

Fic is called Now if we’re talking body (you got a perfect one)

Not up anywhere yet