Maybe you had to grow up learning, even from small things and acts of carelessness, that others were more important than you, that it was never your turn to be prioritized or provided for unconditionally: it felt like you always had to prove you were worthy of such attention, and that you were too needy.
I want to remind you once again that that’s not true: you were only asking for what you deserved, and was due to you, but for reasons that weren’t (and aren’t) under your control (very likely your caregivers unhealed and uncovered traumas), you couldn’t receive.
If now you really want to be loved and chosen, to be put first, but at the same time you’re scared to let people in and end up in the same old situation, it’s okay. It’s normal to be willing to experience a certain type of love we missed and at the same time be scared of not being worthy or it not being real or for us.
Remind yourself this fear is only cause by this terrible, heart shattering habit you were put under your whole life (or most of it), and it’s were your unconscious mind wants to keep you cause it feels safe and known (despite it being so painful). You’re deserving of love, of being chosen, of receiving all you missed. It’s time to let this happen for you, let this in your life. To give yourself a chance.
Maybe you won’t succeed at the first try, maybe a bunch of people will still be leaving you, but please, at least choose yourself. Do everything you can to be in love with yourself and aware of your worth and lovability. Someone willing to give you the moon and all the stars, will arrive. Be faithful. It wasn’t you, and it’s still not you the problem.
tangentwithtanner
2087
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