[actualized-animal]

tbh it’s a red flag that the inventor of chiropractic got the idea from a ghost. bones are like the #1 thing ghosts don’t have

[noctude]

my sister: when does the show come out. with the two gay men

me: the???

her: the two gay men. one big one little.

me: one big one little???????

her: they have red chairs

me: .......TASK, MASTER......

[boasamishipper]

@russell-crowe

[aroace-ryland-grace]

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

[gammadoppler]

Alien pulling your sleeve to get your attention: and who is this Cunt you all serve

[gideonisms]

what I believe in my heart about john and alecto is he waited to fuck her until she understood what it was he wanted but then after they fucked and he asked if he could do anything for her she wanted to dismember him which was fun the first fifty or a hundred times but eventually lost its appeal and so they stopped six months before he entombed her

[gideonisms]

Hash tag their dying marriage hash tag basement wife

[real-language-facts]

albert is an arabic name meaning The Bert

[janployshompoos]

DANCING ON THE WALL MUNA

[top-cheese]

ok so its a pretty good story but you know what would make it better? a liar. a character who lies. maybe two.

[asthedeathoflight]

My favorite quirk of American English is that since we're constantly exaggerating, sometimes it's more intense to say something slightly less intense. Because like, it means you actually thought about it.

"you look great!" - normal. Anyone could say this. Could be true or could just be lying to be nice. Very normal expected thing to say to someone

"you look good." - gay as hell thing to say to someone.

[asthedeathoflight]

This post getting a lot of notes is good for my ego but bad for my social life because its actually about me failing to not flirt with someone

[commiefaggoth]

so embarrassing to watch yourself become obsessed with a character that feels tailor made for you specifically to become obsessed with. feels like i fell into a trap made just for me. like damn they got me. those are all the things i like and go crazy for

[wizardarchetypes]

booed off stage at the genre naming conference for calling knight x knight fiction 'landlord romantasy'

[vera-sama]

really crazy to sit down and consider that benoit blanc really is the most iconic character from an original movie of the last 6 years. i can easily imagine, one day, daniel craig will be more famous for being benoit than james bond

[wlwarhammer]

Bridgerton men get told to shut the fuck up for the first time in their lives and start imagining themselves in a wedding dress

[2colde]

they call me the endurer the way i endure and endure and endure and endure and well u get it

[beastliness]

hate it when the people who I love are suffering due to circumstances beyond my control 👎 there should be a sea monster that I can slay to fix the problem

[beastliness]

nobody ever gets locked in a tower or chained to a rock at sea anymore - it's always some shit like chronic illness or ptsd related depression

[damazcuz]

friend: please drink tonight you're so weird when you're sober

me: i promise i'll be regular

friend: okay as long as you promise

me: (zero beers in) (unprompted) the humble mole can dig up to 100x its body weight in soils each day. The humble mole can survive on a single worm for 80 nights. The humble mole can meditate for 1001 moons uninterrupted. The humble mole can forgive.

[spore-carrier]

medieval troubadour gets isekaied into early 1970s england but ends up blending in perfectly with the local prog rock scene