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[team-gabriel]

So I went to go look at some cats today at a shelter and there was a little skinny cat named Jimmy Dean (like the breakfast sandwiches) and he was purring and sitting on my lap and I asked the volunteer what the adoption process was like and she explained it and then said “hear that Jimmy Dean, you might have a home for Christmas!”

GIVE ME THE FORMS RIGHT NOW IM TAKING THIS CAT

[team-gabriel]

I NEED ONE (1) SMALL BOY

[team-gabriel]

TOMORROW I AM ADOPTING MY BOY

JIMMY DEAN IS GETTING A HOME FOR CHRISTMAS DAMMIT

[team-gabriel]

ON MY WAY TO GET MY BOY

[opalixian]

SHOW US THE BOY

[team-gabriel]

MY BOY

[opalixian]

BEST BOY

[opalixian]

HELLO YES I NEED UPDATES ON THE BOY! IS HE OKAY? IS HE HAPPY? IS HE BEING SPOILED? HOW IS THE BABY OP HOW IS THE BABY???????!!!!!!

[team-gabriel]

Oh, he is very spoiled 😂

Yesterday was actually the one year anniversary of when I adopted him!

He’s a smelly little jerk but I love him with all my heart.

[rosena-sakura-deactivated202312]

MORE PICS PLEASE OP

[team-gabriel]

more boy

[thetalee]

that volunteer knew exactly what they were doing with that “a home for christmas” line

[beaft]

my cat hates taking his pills. the only way we can get him to eat them is to turn it into an elaborate pantomime - we take the packet out of the cupboard slowly and hold it up, saying “oh!! what’s this? what’s this? a TREAT? a TREAT for louis????” while making surprised faces. we offer him a pill… then, before he has a chance to sniff it, we wag our fingers at him and replace it in the packet so it becomes a Tantalising Forbidden Mystery. we continue doing this until he’s so confused and excited that he will eat the pill as fast as possible, just so he can find out what it is before we can take it away from him again. as soon as he’s eaten it he looks utterly disappointed and betrayed, like a child who just ate a delicious sweet only to find it was a chocolate-coated brussels sprout. it never gets old

[autumngracy]

Op this is the funniest thing I’ve ever read

[fucktheflagandfuckyou]

op how could you just hide this from me in the tag this makes this objectively 10000000% funnier

[insomniac-arrest]

I find it kind of funny that human babies are so fragile and helpless and useless that natural selection went like HARD-hard on humans finding babies cute. This thing is a wailing messy resource sinkhole so please find other reason to enjoy it. And the humans that did find baby cute and invest time in them, the crazy bastards?? Lived!!

And now there’s so much spill-over from “baby cute” gene that humans see literally any “baby” creature that even slightly resembles us, like

and we’re like 😍🥰🤩🥺🥺🥺 I wanna love you so bad. I wanna make so many images of you, you are so small, just baby. I’m inventing new emotions as we speak bc I love you so much.

Like, I’m almost convinced humans didn’t even domesticate dogs bc we thought they’d be useful, we saw some puppies and it activated our Big Boi Primate Baby buttons, it wasn’t even logic time baby, it was 🥺 time.

[fullymechanized-consoomer]

I don’t even have anything funny to say that is just really sweet 

[fullymechanized-consoomer]

[ariesfire0704]

There is a statue in Cork to commemorate the donation of the Choctaw people to the Irish people, It is called Kindred Spirits.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindred_Spirits_(sculpture)

[false-dawn]

Please click here to reach the Navajo & Hopi Families COVID-19 Relief Fund!

[thisloveforyourmom]

matthew grey gubler’s tweet about having one foot in the darkness and the other in a hello kitty roller skate is way funnier when you realize he was doing criminal minds at the same time he was voicing simon from alvin and the chipmunks

[precioustranswoman-deactivated2]

If you’re in a relationship, and you are afraid to tell your friends about something that your partner did to you because you are afraid they will think badly of your partner, that’s a red flag.

[kaity--did]

On the flip side if you are in a relationship and your partner does something VERY DUMB but VERY CUTE and you cant wait to tell your friends “guess what my idiot did today” that’s a GREEN flag

[shymagnolia]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[shymagnolia]

okay so i just got my dream job??? a week after applying to it?? and now i’m thinking….maybe this is the good luck post

[flagellant]

…..not even six hours later i got an offer of a well paying full time long-term job with free room and board in queens in nyc, allowing me independence and a way to escape an abusive situation and an unhealthy environment

likes charge reblogs cast, folks, this is the good luck post

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

peter, who can lift up to 10 tons in canon, carrying an elephant in his arms: this is my new pet

tony, losing all color in his face: okay okay cool cool okay cool oka

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

peter: *drops his backpack on the floor*

concrete: *cracks*

tony, whispering: what the fuck.

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

tony: you can lift up to 10 thousand kilograms? thats like-

peter, thinking about his abandoned nintendogs: almost enough to lift the weight of my sins, yes

tony:??????

[sexycraisinthanos]

Tony, seeing Mjorlnir unguarded: Pete come here a sec.

[taviacw]

I had to spend $300 on a new car key because I left them in an Uber and the driver refuses to return them for some reason. I’m going back to Lyft. It’s more expensive in the moment, but the $3 more I would’ve spent on a Lyft was $296 less than what I ended up spending on the uber that still won’t return my property.

[blvckgeezus]

So they holding your keys hostage? What kind of shit is that

[xoxochristina75-deactivated2025]

You should be able to contact uber directly not just the driver…but the driver shouldn’t just be holding your stuff…

That’s super fucked up

[taviacw]

@blvckgeezus essentially, yes

@christinaleannaruth I reached out to uber. They know he has my keys but there apparently isn’t anything they can do about him refusing to return them 🤷🏾‍♀️

[thatssoliyahhh]

Is the Uber driver giving an explanation for why he won’t return them?

[taviacw]

When I called him, he yelled at me that he was driving and hung up right after. Uber told me to give it 24 hours to see if he reaches back out.

[taviacw]

@momo-mania I reached back out to uber because the driver is ignoring my calls. They sent him a message. Guess I have to wait another 24 hours.

[taviacw]

Update: I just need to give it another 24 hours.

And Uber doesn’t have a fucking call line, so I guess he gets to keep my motherfucking keys

[taviacw]

[citedsilence]

What kinda fuckery is this?

[youthoughtiwasasleepdidntyou]

This may be a stupid question but; have you considered contacting the police? Refusing to return your property is as good as theft, surely?

[taviacw]

Nopes. Police only recover keys if its an industrial building. I called non emergency today and they said it would be useless to file a police report. I’ve exhausted every measure. Social media, uber support, the police, all of it. And none of it worked. 😭😭😭

[thelastexhaledangel]

dude won’t even mail them?

[taviacw]

UPDATE 3/16/18

Uber blocked my access to the “help” and “previous trips” tabs in the app. I can no longer reach out to them through the app and - if I hadn’t already screenshotted his info - I’d have no access to my uber drivers name and license plate.

PLEASE switch over to Lyft guys. Uber has made it ridiculously clear that they do not care about the safety and well-being of their riders

[sorry-not-so-sorry]

An Uber driver stole my phone. I got in contact with him a day or two after it happened and he just said “you can get it but only if you come by yourself”. I tried contacting Uber again and again and even reported him…but the nigga still has my old phone. It’s cool though, karma will get him.

[taviacw]

I went in to try and report him and uber had blocked me soooooo 🤷🏾‍♀️ I guess they rock w him. I’ve tried to explain that this man has access to my house and car so many times and I guess they were like “we sure are tired of this bitch…… blocked”

[kanyeshrugtae]

Aw hell nah! that’s some bullshit. I would call Al Sharpton, Help Me Howard, Iyanla Fix My Life, TMZ, shit someone to make this publicly known 🤷🏿‍♀️

[wildlyunlikelybabe]

I had an uber driver openly solicited me for sex, after I made a clear refusal. So yeah uber drivers are usually trash

[taviacw]

I dmed the CEO. Wish me luck on a reply y’all.

[taviacw]

Oh hey, my keys are being dropped off at a hub. And all I had to do was reach out for a week straight, contact uber support via social media, have several friends blast them across all of social media, file complaints with the BBB and the AG, dm the CEO, and call their critical emergency number. Thanks for your impeccable customer support, Uber. I will never use your shit service again.

[taviacw]

This post blew up over the last week with questions and several horrifying stories of Ubers y’all have taken, so I wanted to update just in case I hadn’t.

Couple things: One, yes, I did get my keys back. After about two weeks of messaging back and forth, trying to find new avenues to reach Uber’s support and having plates ran, i got my keys. The car key doesn’t start my car anymore, just grinds the engine, so I’m inclined to believe sometime during my separation from them, they were deactivated or something. I know that I SHOULD change the locks. But I don’t have another $300 to go to a locksmith to do that.

Two, y’all have posted some downright horrifying stories and it really made me think about how hard I had to search to get an actual phone number. But y’all listen: Uber has a secret phone number. Its a “critical emergency” line and they definitely hung up on me when I called it, but I had a location for my keys about 30 minutes after.

I tussled with sharing it, because it’s supposed to be the 911 of Uber, but then, after reading all the stories and realizing y’all have been in perilous situations and that the drivers that put you in them are still earning money by putting people in danger, I realized Uber doesn’t give a shit. If it’s supposed to be Ubers 911, everyone should know it. I can’t guarantee if you’ve lost something this will work, but if your driver is/was erratic, or threatened you, or harmed you, their number is 800-353-UBER. It’s 24 hours. They may or may not hang up on you. But it’s what I did, and - I know just not uber/lyfting isn’t an option for most of us - I’d suggest it for y’all too.

800-353-UBER

800-353-UBER

800-353-UBER

800-353-UBER

[iammyfather]

Remember this is the Gig economy that Libertarians insist will be so much better for everyone.

I found this camera on the subway and look what was inside...

[cumonthevoid]

[yosoymalk]

I would marry this man

[the-angels-take-asgard-deactiva]

guys we broke another post because this one’s not showing any notes

[lualmu]

When I liked it, it flashed “0 notes”

[iconic-url]

It’s showing -1 notes

[moved-to-moothebloo-deactivated]

The camera man who broke Tumblr

[damn-shawty]

Omg we broke this post

[unpretty]

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

[bandomfandombeyond]

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

[durbikins]

Counter Strike: Global Offensive

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

this guys videos are fucking incredible i really want everyone to watch them

[seelcudoom]

this man is like midas but with knives instead of gold, he can make anything a knife, sicssor knives ,ice knives, cardboard knives, tiny knives if it can be made into a knife he will do it, and if he cant, he will do it anyway because fuck you

[webbut]

This doesn’t even have the best one. One time he made a knife out of ravioli then proceeded to use the knife made out of ravioli to cut up cheese and tomatoes and basil and shit then took the ravioli knife that he had used to cut up his other ingredients and cooked said knife with those ingredients and ate the fucking knife!

[feedmecomicart]

ate the fucking knife

[darkbookworm13-deactivated20240]

[karpad]

nah, his best one? he made a knife out of smoke.

You know how to sharpen smoke? this guy does.

[synthicyde]

Let’s not forget everything else in his videos.

The googly eyes he puts on things

His cow jugs

The empty fridge that only contains Jack Daniels Chocolate

That one time a bear figurine possessed with a demon would attack him if he didn’t pet it so he had to build a machine that constantly rolled the bear against brushes so he would be safe long enough to finish the knife

[writersloth-old-deactivated2021]

I am here requesting a funny cat story.

Hello, Raven! 🌸When my oldest cat, Misha, was younger, she was an indoor cat. The people I rented the apartment from didn’t want her running around their house. I took her out in a leash and we started to go on long walks. We have a hiking trail close by that went up to a small water. We stopped there and a friend of mine held the leash while I went for a swim. When I got a bit out, I heard Misha meowing. I turned to look at her and tried to let her know I was okay. She was frantic and stood right by the water. I started to go back to comfort her when she jumped in. I told my friend to let go of the leash and she swam out to me, meowing to let me know that she was coming, it was the cutest thing I have ever seen! I even have pictures 😭Thank you for requesting a funny cat story, I hope this one is good enough 🌸

[forlornraven-deactivated2019042]

Oh my goodness, that is precious.

… you mentioned pictures? :D

[writersloth-old-deactivated2021]

Here’s Misha after she got out, meowing for me to get out of the water 🌸

Here’s Misha testing out the river earlier on the trip 🌞

Here’s Misha’s first time climbing a tree ❄️

[forlornraven-deactivated2019042]

I absolutely adore her ♡

[attndotcom]

A brilliant explanation of consent for anyone who STILL doesn’t get it. 

[a-little-bit-adra]

ALSO if someone starts giving you 5 dollars and then they say “hey never mind I dont wanna give you the 5 dollars anymore”, taking the 5 dollars is stealing

[floozys-deactivated20180908]

straight boys are weak and pathetic, queer girls walk into the ladies changing room and see ten women naked, do they stare? do they say something inappropriate? do they make them uncomfortable? no because they have the common fucking sense to recognise when a situation is sexual and that people deserve the most basic level of respect to not be harassed, yet here we are banning shorts and low cut tops in school because straight boys are weak and pathetic

[floozys-deactivated20180908]

okay i made this post this morning and it has since had eighty two thousand notes, it’s been featured on reddit, facebook, twitter i’ve been sent multiple death threats and messages that i don’t even want to describe 

and i have to apologise

i’ve seen the error of my ways

straight boys are not ’weak and pathetic’ 

straight boys are weak, pathetic and fucking annoying

[thebobblehat]

I will reblog this every time I see it posted

[tastefullyoffensive]

The goatpocalypse is upon us. (via KTVBJoe)

[morathor]

Updates have since come on this subject; we now know where the goats came from and I gotta tell you, it is better than you could possibly imagine.  See.

These goats got loose from a goat rental service.

You may be thinking, who rents a goat?  Who rents a hundred goats?  What are they for?

They’re for eating.

Specifically, they’re for eating unwanted, flammable vegetation that can contribute to the spread of wildfires.  Some people whose property tends to grow such vegetation, keep their own goats.  But for some people it works out better to just rent some goats.

So.

These are Professional Eating Goats.  They are trained to thoroughly and methodically scour an area of plantlife.  And they came to the suburbs.

And they did their jobs.

I’m so proud of them.

[jumpingjacktrash]

i need to know how to rent a goat in my area

[vastderp]

Petition for the hosts to go eat BYU to the ground

[clarulitas]

[manticoreimaginary]

Watching this (and fearing broken ankles with each loop) I can’t helping thinking about that old quote Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels.

[aprilsvigil-deactivated20140416]

But no, if you watch closely you’ll see she doesn’t even step on the last chair. That means she had to trust that fucker to lift her gently to the ground while he was spinning down onto that chair. That takes major guts. I’d be pissing myself and fearing a broken neck if I were in her place. Kudos to her. 

[tiny-detective-agency]

I can’t stop watching this. 

[sassy-hook]

#I watched this for too long to not reblog

[freshprincemomma]

Whoa.

[crossedbeams]

Okay so this is true, but a tiny part of a wider truth. 

Ginger Rogers was a FUCKING BADASS. Ignore for a sec the rampant sexism in Hollywood (they once bleached  her hair blonde in wardrobe without telling her beforehand), the fact that she fought her whole career against typecasting and stereotyping from fellow actors (Katharine Hepburn famously said of the Astaire/Rogers partnership “she gave him sex. He gave her class” ) for starting out in musicals, and went on to have a career lasting over fifty years, winning a Best Actress Oscar (Kitty Foyle, 1940). But… JUST focusing on the Astaire movies…

Not only did she dance “backwards” in high heels, the dances were a task in themselves. Astaire was an absolute perfectionist and choreographed for himself, so as a younger, less experienced dancer Rogers came in at a disadvantage and worked her ass off to match him. 

Then there’s the filming complications… these numbers were filmed in ONE TAKE. So one thing goes wrong and you have to start over. Maybe you make a mistake or maybe your dress flies up because…

Ginger had to contend with her wardrobe. Dancing in heels is the norm at this time, but dancing in a dress designed for cinema cameras… not so much. They were heavy, embellished, uncomfortable, restrictive and cumbersome and essentially a third member of the dance, strapped to the body of one partner.Not only did she have to dance and look good, she had to control the dress too!

Take this routine from Swing Time… (it gets going proper at 1:30ish)

This dress has weights, YES WEIGHTS, sewn in to the hem to make it fly out and create a visual effect. So it’s heavy, it hurts if it hits you, and your partner gets mad if it hits him. So you gotta control it. 

Well it turns out all these factors on this set, this particular day aren’t going so well. So you’re doing take after take, here’s no labour laws, so at 4am after 18 hours you’re still going, even though part of the routine requires you to spin up those curved stairs with no rail at high speed….

Okay so now back to those high heels. In Ginger’s autobiography she vividly remembers this night as the night she bled though her shoes. They did so many takes, her feet blistered, bled, and the white satin high heels she was wearing finished he night pink because they were literally full of blood. And still they keep shooting. She keeps dancing.

The take they use in the film is the last. Early hours. Bloody feet. And she spins, acts and bosses out until that last second. Because she was that professional, talented and bloody minded. This is the last set of spins… 

So I say once again. Ginger Rogers was a badass.

She did everything Fred Astaire did backwards, in high heels, wearing a 20 pound dress, exhausted, injured and standing in a pool of her own blood. And watching her perform, you would never know.