Mental status update (tl;dr: fuck this shit 💥🤛🖕)
You know when you change medications in late November and you feel certain small improvements but you're trying not to get your hopes up, after all you're still only taking a minute dose and it's actually too early for improvement, then you have one of the random abrupt descents into a mental abyss that just happen every once in a while for absolutely no fucking reason whatsoever, but because your new medication hasn't properly kicked in yet and isn't even near maintain dosage yet it can't compensate for the chaos in your brain chemistry, so you miss the follow-up appointment that would've increased the dosage, and then you run out of meds and the prospect of not only having to schedule an appointment to get meds again but also of physically moving your body to that appointment becomes more and more daunting, and you lose the ability to draw a single straight line, let alone an entire chapter of your comic, and you "sleep" (for lack of a better word) all day and eventually, by February, you do little else but start petty fights with right-wingers online just to have some of those neurons fire in a way that vaguely resembles being awake?
Good news is, I'm starting to feel the annoyment... is that a word? ... annoyance. Annoyance is the word. Brain word no good. Okay, start over.
Good news is, I'm starting to feel the annoyance at my brain's shenanigans growing which is a good sign. The word vomit above is a symptom of that annoyance and it's more coherent than most of what has gone through my head for a while. And for the first time in two weeks I just took the one med I still have some left of. I want to punch something. But without moving too much, preferably, thank you.
Can't schedule any appointments until Wednesday morning because German Carnival nonsense 🥳🎉 🫠 which is unfortunate because it's usually either I Do The Thing NOW or The Thing Isn't Done Ever.
So what can I do today to work towards a mental state on Wednesday that is conducive to making phone calls?
Three and a half things on my to-do lists:
- do dishes (there's just a pan and some cups, I can do that),
- put fresh sheets on bed (at least try to, it's physically taxing so it's okay if I don't finish),
- (put on random Doctor Who and) create 1 (one) picture (even just a sketch).
I miss Pertinacia so bad, it's an almost physical pain.
