Sherlock Holmes has become such a beautiful, strong man.
Look how he patiently listens to John Watson telling him to make a move on a woman he has zero interest in.
Oh, he tries to tell John: “As I think I have explained before…” he starts, but John interrupts him. John knows him better now. Romantic entanglement would complete Sherlock as a human being, he thinks, and John Watson is right, he’s always right, it’s boring, isn’t it?
It doesn’t matter if you think that
John is talking about himself and Mary
John is talking about himself and the bus lady
John is talking about himself and Sherlock (…obviously…)
Sherlock thinks John is talking about himself and Mary, whom he lost
The point that comes out clearly in this gif-set, is that whatever we or anyone else thinks either of them is thinking about, Sherlock is clearly reacting to one thing.
That chance doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it’s gone before you know it. Before you know it!
This is what Sherlock reacts to, with a face so heartbroken it chokes me up, because…
This is the same face. That chance doesn’t last forever. Trust me, Sherlock, it’s gone before you know it. Before you know it!
John, Sherlock knows that very well. He has lost you so many times over and over again, and he’s let you go each time because he thought you’d be happier that way. He let you go to Mary, because you chose her. He let you go at the tarmac, because he knew his death would destroy your life, just like what he wanted to say wasn’t “Sherlock is actually a girl’s name,” but very probably, “I’m in love you, thank you for all you’ve done for me.” But he didn’t.
Because he knows if you knew that chance would have been there–only to see it irrevocably go this time, to Serbia, to death–this would have broken you, too.
So he chose to be kind instead. He may have left you, first, but he paid the price. Multiple times. You probably began thinking this up there after his fall…
You said it now. You said it years later; you’ve been thinking it the entire time. It has haunted you.
Don’t you think it’s haunted Sherlock, too, once he realised he had been in love with you all this time? The self-loathing, John, that you have not been privy to in TAB, must have been intense. Gone before you know it. Yes, Sherlock has been there, too.
But he’s been kind to you, and he is being again, now. Oh, he tries to tell you… “Forgive me, but you are doing yourself a disservice,” he starts, and is about to tell you that it is you, that it has only ever been you, who is his fulfillment of ‘romantic entanglement,’ but just like before at the tarmac and at your wedding, he lets you go. He lets you choose. You interrupt him by confessing “I cheated on her,” because it’s something you need to get out. It’s something you need to resolve, and this is the right moment for you.
“Forgive me but you are doing yourself a disservice. I have known many people in this world but made few friends, and I can safely say–”
So he lets you speak. He lets you interrupt. He lets you, once again, not let him say it. He lets you once again silence him.
He is being kind. He knows you need this. He knows this is the wrong moment. He lets you. He allows it.
He wants you to know, I think. He is so ready to say it here. But his last face in that gif-set? He may not know where he is standing with you–do you hate him? are you okay to be friends with him again? you said he didn’t kill your wife but you still harboured strong resentment towards him for various reasons–but he will will not allow you to belittle yourself, because you are so much more, to him. You’re human, even you, and he is done letting you beat yourself up. You’re doing yourself a disservice. Out of all the people in this world, there has ever been you. You’re human, and you’re imperfect, but you’re perfect for me.
He wants you to know that. And, wanting that, he makes that face in the last gif-set, listening patiently to you telling him to make a move on a woman he has zero interest in. Maybe he’s thinking about how little you realise things, still, even though you’re so clever. You’re an idiot, after all.
He is hurting, he is resigned. This pains him. He wants you to stop talking about it. “It was just texting.” Texting means nothing. Texting Irene is your bus lady moment. It’s nice to know you are being wanted. It’s nice to allow yourself to feel wanted, sometimes, to try it out, even if you may not want that person back.
But this isn’t it. This isn’t ‘more.’ You wanted more, and you still do.
Now look at Sherlock in this gif-set and tell me he hasn’t wanted more, for years, and still does.
Please, let him speak, next time, John. Let him speak. You will want to hear what he has to say.
Try not to beat yourself up too much after that though: you could have had it long ago.
