[insert cool reference here]

Ives / 24 Did tumblr make the description font smaller girl send help

[ryebreadedd]

they should bring back the name Wolfgang tbh.

[ryebreadedd]

?

[kragehund-est]

dont piss me off. next time you go on a trip im filling your house with galapagos finches. by the time you return, they've evolved to fill your niche. they're a better spouse to your partner. they're a better parent for your child. and? they're a better friend to me than you ever were.

[kragehund-est]

one time i accidentally left a flock of galapagos finches overnight in the music store i worked in. by the time i punched into work the next day, they had evolved to fill the niches of each instrument. now they're a world-renowned band. maybe you've heard of... fleetwood mac?

[mosslingg]

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

[polari]

if i see one more concubine bring her straight eunuch to pride

[loveridden1999]

"this too shall pass" sure but have you considered the fact that i don't like the way it's passing

[curioscurio]

If "this too" could stop passing like a kidney stone that would be great thanks

[carygrantsbeard]

HELPPPPPPPPPP

[gorbling]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[gorbling]

[hapalopus]

[hapalopus]

More from the notes:

[vexwerewolf]

I love this post

[karifaevt]

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

[cryptotheism]

Me, two glasses of wine in: "yeah so here's an in depth conversation about my identity as a nonbinary person, and my struggles with transphobia in 2023"

Median Center-Right American Dude at the party, also two drinks in: "Damn that's crazy, I never thought of it like that. Man, I'm sorry you gotta deal with this shit."

Me: "Ahh it's alright. I deal."

Random Guy: "People should just chill tf out."

Me: "Damn right"

[cryptotheism]

Random Guy: "So if you're non binary, and, sorry if this is offensive but I don't know the right words here. Like, is it cross dressing for you if you wear a skirt?"

Me: "Its- hm. Huh. I have no idea."

[cryptotheism]

Guy: "It must have been nice to go to school with other trans people. Like, you must've felt safe."

Me: "No actually it was the opposite. It just made me even more upset and confused. I didn't know what being non-binary was. I saw people that transitioned from one gender to the other and knew I wasn't that. It took me a long time to figure this shit out."

Guy: "man that sounds rough. No wonder you guys are upset all this time this sounds painful."

Me: "Well, it sucks until it suddenly doesn't. It sucks and then it rules hard."

Guy: "so It's like working out."

Me: [both of us are now nodding wisely] "it's like working out."

[cryptotheism]

Guy who has only ever played undertale seeing a skeleton for the first time: "holy shit"

[minttttttttttttttttttttttttttt]

future features to help tumblr become the new pdf:

you can insert tables into posts

you can link poll results and notes to a graph or chart

when you reblog a post, you can annotate it by highlighting words and drawing on the post (the drawings stack with each reblog) (you can only draw in your blog colors)

search feature that works

[necromancelena]

Computer loves to be like "fuck! You sure you want to shut down? Youve got volume mixer open"

[grimeclown]

Why does my search history sound like Skylar white in a depressive episode

[c3po]

*makes a post that gets 0-3 notes* yep i’ve still got it

[waltzingbi]

sunday again i guess

[misspetbait]

being polyamorous and having no game is so humbling. yeah im poly but i don't have any girlfriends. im just in love with all my friends and nobody wants me

[misspetbait]

well evidently it doesn't work since I don't have any girlfriends

[foxydunsparce]

[voldemo]

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

[voldemo]

its like ive never seen herbivore

[hyenaswine]

i think people are starting to confuse class analysis with bioessentialism. like... no not all men do this, but Men as a constructed social class do do this. that's still okay to say. that is regular material analysis of the world around us.

[hyenaswine]

this is true, but it is not bioessentialist. both cis & trans men WILL see a mouse & eat it. this is because it is in their best interest to eat mice. they benefit from eating mice. this is essential to their class position, not their biological makeup.