Walking in the land of Reverie

[prokopetz]

Concept: a magical girl RPG where the playable splats are based on different contemporary genres of magical girl anime.

Type S: The classic moon princess aesthetic. Your transformation involves makeup, and your powers sparkle. Your strength is synergy: call it fate, charisma, or the Magic of Friendship, but you make your team more than the sum of its parts. Your weakness is entanglement: your battles always seem to end up being metaphors for your relationship drama; your high school crushes keep getting turned into monsters, and there’s two to one odds the Big Bad will turn out to secretly be your mom.

Type G: You’re basically a superhero. Your outfit likely has a mechanical theme, and your powers largely revolve around shouting and punching. Your strength is fighting spirit: you’re annoyingly hard to put down, to the point that your enemies will tend to trick or circumvent you instead. Your weakness is collateral damage: those buildings you knock down may have a tendency to coincidentally be closed for renovations, but you’re still driving everyone’s insurance premiums up!

Type P: You are a straight up cartoon character. Being an actual child is customary but not mandatory. Your strength is rubber physics: you’re far luckier than you have any right to be, and the universe tends to stretch the rules to let you get away with stuff you really oughtn’t. Your weakness is that you get no respect: your teammates may like you, but they don’t take you seriously, and neither do the bad guys – which can occasionally work to your advantage, but mostly it’s just frustrating!

Type M: You’re from the Gritty, Realistic™ side of town. Your powers have a vaguely creepy vibe, and your weapon is probably a gun. Your strength is adulting: you have practical life skills backing up your magic powers, and you tend to be the responsible one when all else fails. Your weakness is angst: you have difficulty believing in the power of friendship, and anything that manages to crack your collected facade is liable to result in existential freakouts.

Type U: You are a space alien, or possibly a gay robot. Your costume is usually part of your body in some fashion, and your powers are mostly based on unusual physical transformations – but like in a cool way, not an H R Giger way. Your strength is bullshit space magic: the ability to pull random one-off powers out of thin air as the plot demands. Your weakness is culture shock: it’s hard for you to do the right thing because you typically have no idea what’s going on.

[fuck-customers]

[debrides]

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

[lesbirdan]

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

[hermionegranger]

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

[mugsandpugs1-deactivated2019010]

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

[thomrainierskies]

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

[mirab3lle]

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

[icouldwritebooks]

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

[crimeronan]

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

[agrestenoir]

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

[gin-and-eschatonic]

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

[harold-theyre-thespians]

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

[narwhalsarefalling]

i worked as a camp counselor, and i would have the kids tap somewhere on my legs if they needed something because im a pretty tall dude. today asked my cat if he needed something.

[wren-likethe-bird]

I have woken up in a cold sweat saying “is that for here or to go?”

[la-mancha-screwjob]

Every time a friend thanks me, and I respond with “gladly” or “my pleasure”, I die completely 1000% inside

[fair-itself]

I work at a plasma donation center. When processing donors, we call them by name, they walk up to the counter, and then we ask for their name and donor number. One time, instead of saying “Robert” I hollered “Name and donor number!?” into a full waiting room. Three people started announcing their names and donor numbers before we all realized that I fucked up.

[maplefiasco]

In college, I was a barista at Borders (remember Borders, you guys?!) I once drove through Taco Bell on my way home after a shift. When the cashier said, “okay, that’ll be $5.46!” I cheerfully responded, “Do you have a Borders rewards card?”

[iamthatbeast]

I have dealt with so many difficult customers over the years that I used to angrily call my dog “Sir” when I was mad at him.

[widonotts]

My first job was at my nearest Panera, and after coming home from a ten-hour Sunday morning shift, I was exhausted; but when my mom called me to come downstairs, instead of replying in the grumpy teenagerish tone I usually would, I said in my cheeriest, fakest voice, “Not a problem at all, let me just check with my manager!” before realizing my mistake.

[artwlw]

my coworker went to back up the cash registers one time and she had been at customer service right before. when we finish with a customer we have to sometimes get the attention of the next person and will shout “i can get the next person in line!” but instead of saying that she yelled “HI WHAT CAN I HELP YOU WITH” to everyone in the general area

[youlovelucie]

I have told my dog “no thank you” so many times after working at a preschool

[spacecores]

a couple of times i’ve gotten stuck in a hello how are you good how are you good how are you loop with an equally tired Fred Meyer’s cashier after a long shift but the best time was after a 10 to 10 post-holidays after they told me my total, I asked if they would like a bag today and after a confused few seconds they were like, “no… I have the bags”

[thebritishteapot]

Worked in a gallery where we asked people to take off their backpacks in order not to accidentally damage paintings. So when I went to the shop later and saw a guy in the line in front of me, I told him he had to remove his backpack. He probably thought I was politely trying to rob him.

[valkyrieritter]

The other day they had me working with softserve and fried dough. I was burned out because I kept bouncing back and forth between the fryer and my register and these people had like, 8 things in their order. We get to the ice cream part of the order, and it comes in a bowl or cone. Instead of saying “Would you like the vanilla in a bowl or cone?” I said “Would you like the bowl in a vanilla or cone?” And we all stopped and had to think that through as my cart runner is staring me down like “tf are you doing?”

[dhampir-dyke]

I work at Hardees and we have to yell “thank you” whenever we’re told to do something because of how loud the kitchen is.

One morning, my mom hollered at me to wake up, and half-asleep me yells at full volume,

“THANK YOU”

[eyefriend-deactivated20181218]

i work with dogs, and i have to be a bit strict with them sometimes in order to keep fights from breaking out. recently, while making tea, the kettle started boiling sooner than i wanted, so without thinking i turned around sharply, pointed my finger at it and stared it down, and said, “Bad boy! You need to wait!” needless to say i was very glad i was alone

[mynameisdevon]

I know I’ve reblogged this a billion times but I’ve worked retail for 8 years and these things are never not funny.

[swimtonewyorkstate]

I work with horses and whenever someone’s driving too fast I’ll say stuff like “whoa” and I’ve tried to click to a car because that’s a cue for a horse to go faster.

[immaplatypus]

every time i go to order food at a counter my brain always wants to answer with my customer service phone greeting, I just open my mouth and it comes out

and lemme tell you there is nothing like being in a mcdonald’s and responding to “can i take your order?” with “AUTO GLASS, THIS IS JESSICA”

[kikimcgee]

One time I went to target and I’m so used to the sound of the receipt machine that when the receipt came out, I grabbed it myself

[ajewel-universe]

I’m religious and say prayers a lot. One time I was in the middle of Serious Adult College Appointment calls and I went to thank them and hang up but instead I started going “in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.” Another time I tried to end a call with the Pledge of Allegiance

[spoopifymecap-n]

So I work at a Zaxby’s and the menu items are….interesting

Like; Big Zac Snac, Kickin’ Chickin’, Chiken finger plates, and so on.

I am not an articulate person anyway so this is my personal hell

[dutchcementmixer]

Instead of “grape” I said “grace” when ordering bubble tea.

Thank you, bubble tea lady, for not making a fuss about it

[supertinytins]

The other day i was describing a funny video to my friend, and instead of saying “i died laughing my ass off” i said “i lost my ass dying”

[r-osematter]

I woke up this morning at 4am thinking I had to clean my room because the tour group would be coming around soon and I hadn’t set up to open yet. I think I need a holiday.

[ragebaitingmyfatdogpt20]

Massachusetts is an SCP now and honestly they’re right

[kewltunecue]

god i fucking love the scp foundation

[llatimeria]

oh and for those not in the know about SCP object classing:

Thaumiel is not a typical object class. Most SCPs are either Safe, Euclid, or Keter. A common misconception is that these describe how dangerous an object is, but that’s not it; object class is based on how easy they are to contain.

For example, a Safe object might be capable of causing apocalyptic damage, but if you put it in a box, it will stay in the box. (Though there are a lot of Safe SCPs that are genuinely harmless as well) 

Put a Euclid object in a box and it will usually sit in the box and not make active attempts to escape, but might escape incidentally, due to inherent unpredictability (for example, many sapient SCPs are classified as Euclid even if they’re normally friendly, just because they have free will) or just because the Foundation doesn’t understand it well enough to give it a true safe containment.

Keter objects will actively try to leave the box, and are typically malicious about it as well. Alternatively, they require so much time and energy to contain that it’s nigh-impossible to effectively contain, or are extremely poorly understood.

Thaumiel is special, because.. it is the box. It’s the object class that the Foundation uses for SCPs that are used to contain other SCPs. 

That being said: What the FUCK is Massachusetts protecting us from?

[benepla-deactivated20200506]

[mactiir]

You're asexual? But...

“but sex is what makes us human!”

  in 1916 a French officer in his twenties writes his

doctoral dissertation under

heavy mortar fire.

he sends it by mail, a page

at a time, to his wife.

a week before he’s to step up to the podium and

defend his work rather than his country

he is killed in action.

even as the bullets rip

through him he still wishes he could have become a professor

in French literature and

the university awards him a posthumous Ph.D.

sex is

  a woman breaks down in tears on the phone because

a week is not enough time to

get over a breakup.

her sister drives an hour across town,

comes up the front steps with

a gallon of ice cream and some beer

and together they eat moose tracks and marathon

every

single

Godzilla movie

ever made.

  sex is

she’s late for work but her car isn’t

starting and even through her coat and hat she’s cold.

she knows she can’t be late again because she’s missed

one time too many already because her

father’s nurse was sick with the flu and someone

needed to help him bathe.

the clock ticks past fifteen after and she hits

the wheel like it’s a heavy bag as though that will help

steps on the gas like the car will go

and wonders how she will pay rent

and how she will feed her father.

sex is

  it takes three people to hold the predator down because

even with the cover over his head

a bleeding eye and shattered wing

he is trying to hurt them.

none of them have seen this bird before in their lives but

they bandage his wing and head and give him a painkiller and

put him in a warm place to sleep and heal because

it is right.

at first he is paralyzed and cannot

fly but soon he is taking steps

and then fluttering, and then soaring, and

six months later he is whole and healed and hunting.

once he is gone they never see him again

which means they’ve done their jobs right.

sex is

  in 1969 a girl watches grey-and-white footage on her parents’ tiny television and

can’t quite believe that what she is seeing is not a movie set but

another planet.

the men on the screen look a little like

aliens with bulbous heads and no faces and fat

marshmallow arms

but they are still men.

her mother puffs on a cigarette behind her and declares that

this is progress

even if it was just a small step.

the girl grows up to be not an astronaut but a secretary

and her boss calls her ‘sweetheart’.

but sex is

  a boy is taught that real men don’t cry so

he doesn’t.

when his best friend dies from a self-inflicted

gunshot wound, he locks himself

in the shower every day and sobs under scalding

water until it runs cold

so nobody will see him grieving

so nobody will see that tears are just love that

has no place left to go.

he learns to dull love rather than suppress its expression and

soon the owner of the liquor store knows him by name.

three DUIs, two evictions, and twelve steps later,

he is feeding people at a homeless shelter,

and telling them it’s all right to cry.

Sex is

  the broken man tells the comedian

that he didn’t mean to step in front of the car but the rain

made it hard to see.

he seems okay but his leg

does not.

the comedian clutches a grubby receipt with the driver’s

plate number scrawled on the back

in pink pen, stands out in the rain so the broken man

can have his umbrella,

and gives him the comedy routine that ruined his career

so the man doesn’t think about the pain in his leg.

once he’s out of the hospital, the fixed man sends him a thank-you card

with kittens on it.

what makes us human

  yawning is contagious,

and there is a species of bird whose young we call “pufflings”.

melodic collections of sound, spaced by silence,

can move us to tears.

the tallest building in the world is

two-thousand seven-hundred and seventeen feet tall.

in less than eighty years we went from our first powered flight

to touching the moon,

and in one-hundred from the first phone call

to instantaneous connection between thinking machines of our own creation.

we make pies out of tree organs

and let cow’s milk ferment until it hardens and then

we put them together, because apple pie with cheddar cheese isdelicious.

what makes us human is

the earliestfossils of anatomically modern humans are

two-hundred thousand years old .

we have had pet dogs

for sixteen-thousand of those years, longer

than corn

or the wheel.

the steps we take are part of

one of the most energy-efficient gaits the

animal kingdom has ever seen.

we invented the concepts of love

and hate

and justice, and mercy

and we invented the language to convey them.

we sharpened rocks, then metal, to convince other people

who don’t hold the same idea of those things as we do

because we think

it’s right.

we are two hundred millennia of love and disappointment and

sorrow and innovation and

mercy and kindness and dreams

and failure

and recovery.

“but sex is what makes us human.”

[zielahime]

sat and read this all the way through. will reblog the shit out of this every time i see it. holy jesus. YES to all of this. just yes.

[senseisaltie]

this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read.

[lesbianrey]

[alextheraven]

Where’s my Wheel Of Time tv show? How about a Mistborn tv show?

[systlin]

WHERE IS MY FAITHFULLY RE-CREATED TV SHOW OF A HUNDRED THOUSAND KINGDOMS. 

[thenarator]

as someone with a bachelor’s degree in english, i am inexpressibly tired of people telling me to get highly specific jobs that often require highly specific degrees. “just go write for a magazine!” you need a journalism degree for that. “just teach!” you need a teaching certificate, and also fuck you. “just go work at a tutoring place!” tutoring children with learning disabilities, which make up the majority of the clientele at those places, requires not only a teaching certificate but a specialized master’s degree. “just go work at a library!” you need a master’s degree in library science to be a librarian. it is actually a highly skilled and extremely competitive field. you don’t just “go work at a library,” you train for years in the vain hope that you will get one of handful of available jobs. “just go work at a library.” the nerve. the unmitigated gall. “just go work at a library.” ugh.

[red-king4]

Me: i can jump from this height

Me, reloading a game: i apparently could not jump from that height

[sndwave]

“Does this game have fall damage?” I ask as I have already leapt off the tallest building in the game

[flamingfrozengnome]

“Interesting.” I say as I reload my most recent save.

[halleycomets]

does the existence of redwall abbey imply that there is a mouse pope? more at 11

[halleycomets]

i want to address the point that the redwall creatures seemed like protestants with the fact that this further implies a Mouse Reformation, featuring a mouse dissident and indeed.. a mouse pope

[elucubrare]

While it is indeed possible that the theology of Redwall had deviated from the dicta of the Mouse Pope (Pope Mus IV), Protestants don’t, as far as I or the internet knows, have much of a monastic tradition, thus proving that they are Catholic and fall under the jurisdiction of the Holy (Mouse) See. In this essay, I will show that Martin the Warrior should have been excommunicated for his heresies

[baroquespiral]

flagrantly disregarding the possibility that the Redwall animals could be Orthodox

[keshetchai]

Guys they are Anglican, this means not only is there a mouse pope there was a mouse king who really wanted a divorce

[cryoverkiltmilk]

At mouse scale, that would be Henry the 1/8th.

[halleycomets]

this is the only valid speculation thread my post has created

[gethporno]

but why did that mouse king not dissolve the monasteries in order to expropriate land for the crown?

[heelgripper]

No, you know what, let’s get into this, LET’S FUCKING GO *rolls up sleeves* BUCKLE UP I’M INFODUMPING 

Okay, I’ve slept since I’ve read these books, but you get Abbots and Abbesses, right? And I think I remember Brother such-and-such, and Sister such-and-such, and these animals were invariably unmarried. As opposed to the official Abbey Warrior, who COULD be married if they wanted to. 

There were definitely official roles within the abbey that let you marry and have children, like cellar master, cook, maybe gate-keeper? (Librarians don’t seem to have kids but I’ve never met a Redwall librarian who wasn’t really gay so jot that down). 

Redwall Abbey seems to derive its monastic tradition from the abbey of Loamhedge, which suffered heavy losses during a great plague; the survivors moved into Mossflower Forest and became involved in the historic rebellion surrounding Martin the Warrior. 

(There’s also a derelict church in the woods, called ‘Saint Ninian’s’, but this is revealed to be a misunderstanding involving a sign that originally said “This Ain’t Ninian’s.”) 

Redwall Abbey functions as a cultural center for Mossflower, providing shelter, education, and historical documentation via their scribes and library. Interestingly, the abbots, abbesses, brothers, and sisters all seem to keep to a code of non-violence, with very few exceptions. Redwall Abbey may defend itself against direct attacks, but the brunt of the actual fighting is left to lay-beasts (I can’t believe I just typed that with my real hands) and the abbey warrior. 

Politically and socially speaking, the abbey is a …. socialist commune? There’s food and drink and medical care for everyone, as long as you’re willing to pitch in. Children are raised communally. 

There must be SOME concept of saints, because of the whole misunderstanding surrounding St. Ninian’s. Notable abbots and abbesses may be given the saint treatment, becoming revered and maybe getting their deeds put into a tapestry. We see this with abbey warriors all the time. 

Unfortunately, with the origins of Loamhedge obscured, it’s impossible to know where this whole monastic tradition comes from! We have no evidence of a wide-spread organized religion (I’m not counting the cults of enemy hordes, which are invariably one-offs). It could be that there once WERE more religious components to the way the abbey works, we get hints of them: the concept of the ‘Dark Forest’ where people go when they die, asking the spirit of Martin the Warrior for guidance, having celibate members of the monastery hierarchy, the devotion to non-violence … Did this originate in Loamhedge itself? Was there once a network of abbeys with a central authority? What I wouldn’t give to know. 

(As for the author’s inspiration, he’s definitely pulling from medieval European monasteries, particularly the more service-and-community-oriented orders). 

[elodieunderglass]

@contemplatingchicken @fozmeadows 

[mugwomps]

This…is a real book? About mice living a pseudo-medieval life? Seriously?

[elodieunderglass]

I know what this sounds like, but Redwall is not just a real book, but an ENTIRE children’s series, comprising twenty-two books. Its heyday, as far as I can work out, was largely among Bookish Children of the 1990s. 

[ardatli]

@yafgcrich - you had a lot to say about Redwall and the Abbey last time we talked about it. XD 

[paper-rose-doodles]

Okay, okay. I know y’all are thinking that English = Anglican, but Redwall always seemed to me to be much earlier. Much, much earlier - think early Anglo-Christian monastic orders, with their roots in the early Irish church, rather than the rule of Rome. There may be a Mouse Pope (or a Hedgepope or a Molepope) but the Celtic Christian Church of the early medieval period was much less centralized in nature, serving smaller communities with much less rigid hierarchy than Continental Catholicism of the period. That’s one possible reason for the seeming lack of organization when it comes to the world of Redwall.

We see this in the relative diversity of abbey leaders and in the heavy reliance on lay leaders to serve in a variety of capacities. Early religious communities, particularly in the Celtic church, tended to be a mixture of clergy and laity, living together in a walled enclosure. Of those clergy, some would be celibate, but others would not be, as the celibacy of the priesthood was not a given in Celtic Christianity until the 12th century. In many ways, the Protestant reformation was an effort to return to a simpler, less bureaucratic form of the faith, and clearly Redwall is the perfect model of an early Christian religious community. And indeed, early English monastic communities were formed by priests coming from other places - which places Loamhedge in Brittany or Wales (although the topography suggests Southern France or Spain). Since Martin the Warrior comes from what would be Orkney or the Shetland Islands (per the Legend of Luke), it’s logical to connect the community of Noonvale - where Laterose lived - with the early monastic traditions of Scotland and Ireland. On the whole, England/Mossflower came relatively late to the game in terms of medieval Christianity: Roman Christian traditions were stomped out by Saxon invaders, so the reconversion process was left to Celtic missions - priests coming south, north and east from Scotland, Ireland and Wales.

The badgers of Salamandastron are clearly Norse warrior-kings, the “noble pagans” with their fire mountain and steel-working knowledge.

[nanyoky]

I want to write an alternative version of Romeo and Juliet where instead of being a little ponce and trying to work things out for himself, Romeo asks his smarter friends what to do about the whole thing and Benvolio and Mercutio come up with the world’s greatest plan:

Marriage of convenience between Juliet and Mercutio.

Think about it.

Juliet’s parents want her to marry into the Prince’s family. Mercutio is a good compromise between no marriage and Paris.

Mercutio probably won’t get his inheritance if he keeps being HELLA FUCKING GAY ALL OVER THE PLACE so a beard is only a benefit to him.

They would probably get along great rolling their eyes at how adorably stupid Romeo is.

Romeo and Benvolio could get a “bachelor pad” right next to Juliet and Mercutio’s house. Every night, Romeo and Mercutio high five as they hop the fence to go bang their one true love.

The second half of the play is just all of them trying to keep up the charade and being “THIS CLOSE” to getting caught all the time. But everything ends nicely because true love conquers all.

Everybody wins. Nobody dies.

[crystallizedtwilight]

[celia-rguez]

Playing Dreamfall chapters, and I miss April Ryan too much. The Longest Journey is a game and a story very very dear to me, basically for its excellent writing and interesting concept of mixing fantasy and sci-fi (in the most literal sense!) April was a sarcastic, relatable and well rounded protagonist, and basically my hero when I was twelve :) 

[lorillis]

OH MY GOD 🙊. YOU SHOULDN’T SKIP THIS WITHOUT WATCHING. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT. THIS IS A MASTERPIECE 😻💕

|• Cr: @voordeel from Youtube •|

[balderdashboard]

I don’t think I’ve rebagelled anything in years at this point but I just watched this literally 7 times in a row soo

[nudityandnerdery]

[thyuji-deactivated20161031]

someone: quit bouncing your leg me: hesitates but continues to lowkey bounce my leg

[alphacrone]

girls don’t like boys, girls like the pastoral escapist fantasy of living in a large house with many friends and several pets on a beautiful chunk of land with no financial, political, or medical anxieties. also, bread. 

[mercurialmilk]

An experiment:

Reblog if, at some point in your educational life, you have gotten in trouble for reading a book that ‘wasn’t assigned to you’ or reading ahead in a book you were given in class or reading under your desk