MortalOrder @mortalorder - Tumblr Blog

Trying to sleep during a heatwave is a great reminder that all oil executives need to die painful painful deaths

They say that sudden, intense cravings for very specific foods are usually a sign of a vitamin deficiency. If so, that I'm presently making myself french toast, scrambled eggs, and a bacon and cheese sandwich at 11:45 PM must mean the vitamin I'm missing is grease.

asteroidtroglodyte

Not to put too fine a point on it but Fat is a macronutrient. Like you need a lot more mass of it every day than all the vitamins combined. Like haha funny post but no really Fat is a nutrient yes your body is craving vitamin grease.

asteroidtroglodyte

fladurblegon

“What if poor people abuse the system?”

The system intrinsically abuses poor people.

Hope this helps.

breninarthur

"What if poor people abuse the system?"

Rich people abuse the system far more and out of pure greed, not necessity or desperation so idrc about that

willgrahamscock

ai could never outdo my beautiful perverted mutuals

willgrahamscock

this is because they write with their mind penis and have terrible childhoods and horrible luck, which seems to be the key factor in writing shakespeare level smut

willgrahamscock

and english is their 4th language

yamada-ryo

I have got to stop wandering in the woods

lesbianlongsword

god forbid a woman do anything

fairycosmos

t shirt that just says WHATEVER YOU’RE READING INTO MY FACIAL EXPRESSIONS AND BODY LANGUAGE YOU’RE MISINTERPRETING

homunculus-argument

A three-circle venn-diagram where the circles are "sex workers", "the furry community", and "people working in morgues". I don't know what the overlap parts are.

flufflogic

Fourth circle needed: IT workers

homunculus-argument

You say that with such confidence that I am compelled to trust your vision. Personally I have no idea where this is going.

trytocallmecal

i'd say the overlap between "sex workers" and "people who work in morgues" is probably "seeing naked strangers a lot"

homunculus-argument

"professional handling of bodies of strangers"?

small-gods-curator

Putting my neck out for you folks here

tryan-a-bex

Okay I’ve gone through many of the reblogs and “prefer when clients don’t talk to them” is peak

estrogenpatchnotes

My job? I’m the bat enemy in 2D games that flies at you from a diagonal angle you can’t shoot in, it’s an under appreciated role but really serves to test the player’s understanding of the mechanics leading up to harder challenges. I also receive an intense smug satisfaction when they can’t hit me.

galvanizedham

I just got promoted from that position. Now Im the disembodied head that flies in groups and in a wave motion. You have to time your attack EXACTLY right or you get knocked back in whichever direction is least convenient for you. Don't worry, I'll know which is which.

redstonedust

everyone knows about the filing the serial numbers off that comes with turning a fanfiction character into an original character but theres a lesser known and equally funny "putting an original character created for a preexisting fandom setting into my own world" . like yeah this was always my own oc. i made this guy. however i need to shave off their homestuck horns. dont worry about it. its fine.

dredsina

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

sweaterkittensahoy

When we bought our car, I told Sean to let me handle it. I walked in and said "We have X for a down payment and cannot pay more than Y in monthly payments." My Y number had some leeway, but I didn't mention that.

First thing the sales guy did after I laid down the rules was turn to Sean and go, "What's your number?" And Sean said. "Oh, no, you negotiate with Gayle."

So, strike one for the sales guy. Could not divide and conquer us by implying THE MAN would not surprised at what I laid down.

Sales guy then had to confer with his manager and left us at his desk for several minutes. I have a vague recollection (this was 16 years ago) of Sean and I amusing ourselves doing bits about the other people there to look at cars. I am sure we did not give off the stressed or nervous energy they were hoping for.

Guy comes back. His first offer is fifty dollars a month more than I told him we could pay. I looked at him and said "I gave you our upper limit."

"Well, but what's another 50 bucks a month?"

"Something I can't afford."

He didn't know what to do with my open and unashamed admittal that I had a budget because my money was finite.

He went back to talk to the manager again.

It took two more rounds of "I told you what I can afford" before he finally came back 20 bucks under what I'd stated as my max.

The trick to resisting high-stress sales tactics is doing the math at home, knowing exactly what you can afford, and then walking into the room and stating that number minus 15%. Then refusing to budge from that number. Never, ever, meet then where they want. Always meet them where you want. Because at the end of the day, you can walk away and go somewhere else and say "I told the people at Z what my terms were, and they refused to work with me. Here are my terms. Meet them, and you make a sale today."

killerqueenmp3

laura-the-swarming

My mans unlocked a higher level of synesthesia

ofchaosgoddess

help I’m having ideas beyond my available free time

nothereforthedrama

help I'm having ideas beyond my available energy levels

shubbabang

its not funny but i do think about it a lot

dikdikpronouncedxylophone

This made me think about this panel from Calvin and Hobbes:

But unlike the adult in this strip, Calvin’s dad actually APOLOGIZED for yelling at him when he saw how guilty his kid was:

plushdablush

Random thing for people to consider is that since Laika is the saint of one way trips should Felicette be known as the saint of safe landings since she did make it back to the ground safely

somefishycat

tu LANCES félicette ? tu lances son corps comme la fusée ? oh ! oh ! prison pour les scientifiques ! prison pour les scientifiques pendant Un Mille Ans !

bug-yogurt

You can understand the French perfectly fine with only context but the English translation I got still had me floored

screampotato

Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).

When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".

When the boat is still being built, your say "it".

When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".

When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".

When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.

If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").

If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")

If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").

If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.

If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.

I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.