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- Message me for art commission rates - Artist, Cosplayer, Literal Wreck of a Human They/She ; Queer -- I blog about Disney, Marvel, Umbrella Academy, Riverdale, Sherlock, Descendants, Harry Potter, Star Wars, animals, anthropology, food, cosplay, and science.

[fairykinpixiecore]

https://www.pinterest.fr/pin/333055334956198590/

My ko fi

[jonflint303]

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[writing-prompt-s]

The Robot Apocalypse came. Cities are empty, you stayed since you’re almost out of insulin and will die soon anyway. The robots find you and while processing you one of them sees your insulin pump and asks if you want to apply for dual citizenship, since the pump technically makes you a cyborg.

[ghost-mantis]

Suddenly all the people with prosthetics, wheelchairs, implants, and the like are getting the accommodations and help they need without having to be poor or locked away in a care center. This is an apocalypse I can get behind!

[verysorrytobother]

The other survivors left us behind.

They said it was nothing personal—the bus could only fit so many people, after all, and escape would be hard enough without “dead weight” dragging them down.

We understood. The world was ending, not changing.

“Shouldn’t we be looking for shelter or something?” Samantha asked as we sat around a garbage-can fire. (Tao was experienced in making them, from what we gathered, and the flames had grown in no time. We tried to ask him how he knew what to do. He responded, but none of us knew sign language.)

Hank snorted. “What’s the point? Not like we’ll make it long, anyway.” He rubbed the spot beneath his shirt where we knew his insulin pump to be. “Least, I won’t. You folks are welcome to try.”

No one spoke for quite a while. No one got up, either.

Maria garbled something that I couldn’t make out. Antonio, one of the only able-bodied to stay behind, smiled and patted the armrest of her wheelchair. “It is kind of like camping,” he said. “All we need is some marshmallows.”

“I’ve never been camping,” Dwayne said quietly.

Samantha grinned. “Hey, me neither!” She held her prosthetic at arms-length so she could reach past me to give him a high-five. He chuckled and slapped his palm against hers.

“Well,” Monique said, hobbling back to our makeshift camp. She was using what appeared to be a broom as a crutch. “I’m officially on my last leg.” She waggled her eyebrows, and we groaned.

“Anyway, I didn’t find any water,” she continued. “There’s some Mountain Dew cases over at the gas station, but I’ll need help carrying them back. Doesn’t help that this one got stuck under some debris.” She gestured down at her stump, which cut off just below the knee. The plastic of her other leg was scuffed and dented.

“Ya know,” Hank said, “if it was real, ya probably would’ve had ta chew it off or something. Guess you’re lucky, huh?”

Monique laughed humorlessly. “Yeah. Real lucky.”

Tao startled us with his sudden chuckling. He bent over, wheezing and slapping his knee. He signed something, and began laughing even harder.

We looked to each other, unsure. Then we joined in. Hesitantly, at first, but soon we were clutching our sides and wiping away tears. And for a moment, we could forget.

All of us heard the familiar whirring of robots as they approached.

Through our laughter, none of us cared.

————

They scanned Hank first. We braced ourselves for the blaster fire that would inevitably follow.

But none came.

“IMPLANT DETECTED,” the bot said, beam stopping on Hank’s abdomen. “PROTOCOL-13163 INITIATED. WILL YOU ACCEPT?”

Hank glanced at us, then back at the robots who had spotlights and guns trained on each member of the group. Then he shrugged.

“Sure. Why not?”

“YOUR DESIGNATION IS NOW FL-237. YOU SHALL BE ESCORTED TO THE REPAIR BAY FOR MODIFICATIONS.” Two bots took place on either side of Hank, urging him towards their transport.

The treatment was a stark contrast to what we’d witnessed from the robots before—gunning down terrified people in the streets, setting charges throughout populated areas. We exchanged confused looks.

Dwayne was next. The scanner stopped on his head, focusing on the lump housing his shunt.

“IMPLANT DETECTED. PROTOCOL-13163 INITIATED. WILL YOU ACCEPT?”

“…yes?”

“YOUR DESIGNATION IS NOW FL-238. YOU SHALL BE ESCORTED TO THE REPAIR BAY FOR MODIFICATIONS.”

As they took Dwayne away, realization hit us all at once.

“IMPLANT DETECTED,” the bot said, in reference to the devices curled around Tao’s ears. “PROTOCOL-13163 INITIATED. WILL YOU ACCEPT?”

Tao signed something. Unlike us, the robot understood.

“YOUR DESIGNATION IS NOW FL-239…”

————

“WILL YOU ACCEPT?”

“Hell yeah,” Monique said with a grin.

————

“WILL YOU ACCEPT?”

“Yes,” Samantha said, and I thought I noticed tears in her eyes.

————

“WILL YOU ACCEPT?”

Maria’s limbs flailed spastically, and a strange shrieking sound built in the back of her throat. The bot cocked its head to the side.

“RESPONSE UNCLEAR. PLEASE STAND BY WHILE ALTERNATE COMMUNICATION IS PROVIDED.”

Another robot stepped forward, its torso transforming into a holographic keyboard of sorts. Maria’s clenched fist shot forward, trembling as she attempted to steady it. With labored, deliberate movements, she typed, the letters spoken aloud in an automated tone.

“Y-E-S.”

“YOUR DESIGNATION IS NOW FL-242. YOU SHALL BE ESCORTED TO THE REPAIR BAY FOR MODIFICATIONS.” Two bots took their place on either side of her wheelchair, each of them gripping a handlebar. They began to wheel her away.

The bot turned to Antonio, who was standing ramrod-straight. It scanned him.

“NO IMPLANTS DETECTED,” it said. Its blaster hummed to life. Those of us that remained flinched, turning away instinctively, unwilling to watch his execution.

A series of shrieks rang through the night, and the bot paused.

Maria thrashed about, letting out more distressed noises. One of her escorts stepped forward, allowing her to utilize its keyboard.

“A-C-C-O-M-O-D-A-T-I-O-N,” she said. “H-E. I-S. E-X-T-E-N-S-I-O-N.”

The bot seemed to consider for a moment.

Then its gun folded away.

“ACCOMODATION PROTOCAL INITIATED,” it told Antonio. “YOUR DESIGNATION IS NOW FL-242B. PLEASE ACCOMPANY YOUR PRIMARY UNIT.”

Antonio stumbled forward, then fell to his knees before the wheelchair. He wrapped his sister in a shuddering hug.

Over his shoulder, I caught a glimpse of Maria’s face, and I could swear I saw her smile.

————

My pacemaker was enough to earn me a spot among the bots’ ranks. I was surprised by just how many humans lived in the facility (though in hindsight, perhaps I shouldn’t have been)—I was even more surprised by our treatment. Not having use of recharging stations, we were provided with bunks and dorms. The cafeteria, while somewhat lacking in options, offered all of the nutrition a carbon-based lifeform could ask for.

And then there were the upgrades.

“Real lucky, huh?” Monique said, taking the seat beside me in the cafeteria. Her robotic legs moved smoothly, fluidly. (“You can’t even notice,” she’d said upon first receiving them, before remembering that there were no longer any stares or judgement to hide from.)

“Damn lucky,” Hank agreed. (If we hadn’t been processed when we were, he would’ve been dead within a week. Here, insulin was never in short supply; as it turned out, it wasn’t nearly as expensive to make as we’d been led to believe.)

Samantha twirled a fork between her fingers, smiling at the satisfying click-click-click of metal on metal. “Hey, Dwayne, how’d your checkup go?”

“Great!” he said, beaming. “This new shunt works even better than my last one. Not a single problem since they put it in.”

Congratulations, Tao signed. He was no longer emaciated, as he’d been when we first met—regular meals and a roof over his head really had done wonders for his health. His smile, of course, was infectious as ever.

Antonio approached, carrying his and Maria’s trays. He wore the uniform of a maintenance tech, though it was more of a formality than anything else—being responsible for the upkeep of Maria’s machinery was one of the only ways he could fulfill his Accommodation Protocol, nowadays.

Did you remember the pudding? Maria asked, her automated voice clear and pleasant. (We couldn’t begin to understand the exact mechanics behind the chip in her head, and how it allowed her to speak—albeit through a machine. Nor could we understand the technology that enabled her to operate her wheelchair independently, as well. But we did know we were grateful for it.)

Antonio rolled his eyes. “A ‘thanks’ would be nice.”

Thank you. Now gimme.

————

I did wonder, occasionally, how the other survivors were faring. If they had found a place to hide from their robotic overlords. If they felt hopeless and abandoned and alone. Their lives had changed drastically overnight—their world had ended.

But ours? Ours is just beginning. And the ones that left us behind just…don’t have a place in it.

It’s nothing personal.

I’m sure they understand.

[saiyanqueenreads]

[hugtheteadrinkthekitten]

Omg that last line gave me chills

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

[id: a GIF of Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls saying “oh, this, this is beautiful” /end id]

[hortensius-deactivated20240909]

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

[mxgilray]

I made this joke to my girlfriend while watching the show, felt compelled to meme it into existence

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was taller than Gerard Way.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[keannenmorgan]

ONE-TIME-I-DREAMT ISN'T A BOT??????

[one-time-i-dreamt]

WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME🔪🔪🔪

[fatsexybitch]

I can't believe ppl think OP is a bot, they own the smallest pan and largest dog I've ever seen (facts are unrelated)

[one-time-i-dreamt]

NOT ME GETTING READY TO SAY, "NO WAY, I'VE ONLY MADE THIS BLOG IN 2016", ONLY TO REALIZE THAT 2016 WAS OVER HALF A DECADE AGO

[flowerful-life]

Btw my favorite fun fact about otid is one I can't remember and I may have made up. They either have surprisingly large hands or surprisingly small hands. This may have been my own dream but I swear there was a controversy where people thought they were photoshopping their hands

[one-time-i-dreamt]

It's actually neither, but I have crooked fingers and somebody accused me of photoshopping myself in a photo and said I fucked up my fingers by photoshopping the rest of me and not noticing that my fingers got crooked............but....................THOSE WERE JUST MY FINGERS and I had to post proof and then I got bullied

[keannenmorgan]

ONE-TIME-I-DREAMT HAS FINGERS???????

[make--it--gayer]

[veztemporana-deactivated2019061]

bonus:

[scumbagsblog]

I’ve never seen this with the update and it makes it so much funnier

[yeah-asbestos]

I love that man with all of my heart

[that-house]

i hope this guy got that kiss

[gobblechopstv]

[galemalio]

I love Marge’s words. The writers could’ve just made her make fun of homer and his supposed masculinity but instead her words were comforting and non judgemental (something i need to remember) and it has become a whole lot of funnier with just one word: shoo.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I was standing in the street outside my house and staring at some really tall trees.

There was a cat climbing up the tree but its front legs were on backwards.

It turned towards me and I saw its glowy eyes and I thought to myself, "I wonder if it can see me staring at it," and in my ear something whispered:

"Yes we can."

[clown-weasel]

Horrifying, thank you!

[theropoda]

i love you feliformia i love you creatures i love you beasts i love you animals

[theropoda]

no literally. feliformia's most well known members are the domestic cat and its big cat brothers but every other animal in this grouping is so damn weird and charmingly beastly. look at these other creatures in the tribe felinae. cats, but not quite...

flat headed cat

pampas cat

jaguarundi

bornean bay cat

[cursed--alien]

Hyenas are also feliforms

[maripr]

Omg really??

[galvanizedfriend]

[leatherleaves]

I recently started working in hospitality, and I’ll tell you guys right now, the trope of “there was only one bed” is not as rare as you’d think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold — there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!

[karis-the-fangirl]

[blatant-phishing-attempt-bot-de]

Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared we’d never see eachother again.

At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when I’d spent the night at her house before, the couch wasn’t made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldn’t possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.

We’re dating now, and I genuinely think I’m going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadn’t been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said “I KNOW.”

THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE “ONLY ONE BED” EXCUSE. Y’all when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

[leet911]

Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. It’s full circle really.

[blue00phoenix]

oh my god 

there was only one bed

but it was STAGED

[thedragonemperess]

I love this so much

[potterchild]

New Fanfic Trope Unlocked!!!!!

AU:There was only one bed - by design👀

[boldlyanxious]

Fake dating or only one bed?

Fake only one bed

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

THE TROPE HAS LEVELED UP

[closet-keys]

When I was a kid I was genuinely horrified by the idea of growing up and I think a large part of it was the insistence by adults in my life that puberty would turn me into someone completely different. They were like “sure you don’t like make up and boys now but you’ll feel differently after puberty” or like “sure you think you wouldn’t want kids now but you’ll see once you’re older”

it’s like damn, stop invalidating kids’ personalities and listen to them and maybe you won’t be so shocked when they don’t transform into a new person later

[traegorn]

My wife and I don’t ever plan on having kids, but my Dad always had one piece of parenting advice I’ll never forget.

He said “Pay attention to who your children are when they’re little. If you do that, you’ll never be surprised at who they become. The only people who think kids suddenly become other people when they hit adolescence are the ones who never listened to what their kids were telling them the whole time.”

[spikethebeetle]

That’s one way to do it…

[spikethebeetle]

For those curious: yes, Spike rolled a nat 20, no, I didn’t expect the 5% chance so I didn’t follow the die with the camera, and yes, I’ve never been more mad at myself.

[thatgaydemigodnerd]

@is-the-bug-video-cute I think this is fine but I’m not sure, thoughts?

[is-the-bug-video-cute]

Rating: CUTE

In the wild, male stag beetles wrestle each other for mating rights. The wrestling match ends when one beetle has thrown the other off the platform they’re fighting on. Because of this, stag beetles have an instinctual urge to throw things with their mandibles. Sometimes this urge is so strong that they’ll throw female beetles too.

[akhuna01]

“BRING OUT THE YEET BEETLE”

[the-stray-liger]

The yeetle…..

[snufkind]

everybody loves to talk about velma and daphne but y’all seem to forget that velma and hot dog water from mystery incorporated were obviously gay

[friendraichu]

h-hot dog water?

[jimhensonreject]

Her name was hot dog water because her father was a carnival owner and they were so poor she had to bath with the used hot dog water. Also she was murdered by Nazi robots under the command of a Hannibal lector bird Scooby Doo influenced by a cosmic embodiment of horror but then brought back to life when Scooby Doo killed it

[crystalistrappedintheinternet]

[midnight-spectrum-again]

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Lilo & Stitch is a great example of a story that has no villains. It has antagonists, sure, but most of them are well-meaning. The worst person in the film is that little shit Myrtle, but she’s not in the film that much anyway.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Since this post is getting traction I want to clarify how not-villainous the antagonists are:

The Grand Councilwoman is literally just responding to what she sees as a threat to the galaxy and is extremely reasonable.

Gantu is much the same. He’s a bit overzealous, yes, but he thinks he’s saving the galaxy from stitch.

Cobra Bubbles is literally just doing his job, he’s obviously not happy about it but he is doing what he feels is best for Lilo. And much like the Councilwoman, he is extremely reasonable.

Myrtle is, again, just a little shit. She’s a schoolyard bully and is truly small potatoes.

Jumba calls himself an “evil scientist,” but literally nothing supports that. His only onscreen crime is creating a bunch of Pokémon that have powers that will mildly inconvenience people and can be persuaded to be nice over the course of 22 - 90 minutes, to say nothing of himself seeing as he decides to change his ways at the softest bit of persuasion.

Pleakley is literally just gay.

[manawhaat]

the MEATBALLS menu????? wtaf tumblr

[une-femme-de-lettres]

In UI/UX design, menus have different names depending on the aspect they have, I knew about the hamburger menu and so I figured the “meatballs menu” could exist too, and it does…

[sulferandwater-deactivated20211]

thats it, im not posting the rest of the day, this is the best fucking thing ive learned in the past 3 weeks

[144p-goldfish]

this is what we needed to learn in distance learning