shhhhh

simply

[i-twink-therefore-i-am]

new type of guy just dropped

[fullmetalfisting]

God can you imagine if Donald Trump became president? There’d be like a new bubonic plague and he’d be like “idk drink bleach about it”

[fullmetalfisting]

Throwback to when I took acid for the first time in 2013 and predicted the events of 2020 like the fucking oracle of Delphi

[probuccalfat]

girl the pattern you see is not divine or malevolent forces trying to reach you through the veil it’s just because you’re good at pattern recognition keep it moving

[dorothylarouge]

[lindleland]

"save me, substance abuse!" i cry. before you can moralize to me about the dangers of addiction, a noble and powerful steed gallops into the room - my horse whom i have named "substance abuse". you learn an important lesson about making assumptions. i snort a line off its back

[hatchan]

> kids party going on next door to where I'm chilling for my break. a lot of good-natured screaming typical of the age range, seems to be 6-8

> minding my own business but kids eventually spill over to where I am and they're chatting about the cake and cookies and sweets

> one kid rolls her eyes and says to me "they're acting crazy because they had cake"

> I ask "is there cake left?"

> "yeah"

> "I'll give you a dollar if you steal me slice of cake"

> takes off like a fucking rocket and 60 seconds later I have a slice of melting ice cream cake all to myself

> give her the dollar as promised

> another kid offers to bring me a cookie for a dollar

> ok sure kid

> those two kids are going feral over a single dollar bill each

> the children yearn for the mines fetch quests

[parasitoidism]

The celebrity Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavors being some of the best ones is like the retail equivalent of having to go to a restaurant and order a rootin tootin yeehaw cowboy burger or something

[parasitoidism]

The Tonight Dough is a downright hedonistic ice cream flavor concept but in order to obtain it you have to purchase a pint of ice cream with Jimmy Fallon's face on it and then see him in your freezer every day for a week

[underestimated-heroine]

[wifegideonnav]

why are there so many tonight dough posts

[stricatul]

Taking a woman out of her masculine era and into her soft feminine era is a real flex... That means you are leading correctly & you brought her peace

[adamtotscomix]

[fallenangelvictorious]

Move over Adam, this calls for stronger measures

K

[medea-azyungele]

U

[goldenrulemasochist]

N

[vigilantsycamore]

G

[hemipenal-system]

P

[1000screaminggamzees]

O

[unsettlingcreature]

W

[poor-ciceros-voring-again]

P

[raevenlywrites]

E

[cassandratongue]

N

[deadicateddeath]

I

[wizardshark]

S!!!!!!!!!!

[onemillionfurries]

[tallon-underworld]

I love Tumblr

[bisforbutch]

I love you, masculine women!

[myrfing]

imagine if your boyfriend was like I can smell an ant. and started tracking

[gomjabbar]

i want the ability to instill disparate concepts onto animals (the concept of houses, warts, midnight, etc) and like spend an afternoon throwing one concept at a time into a boar's brain and see how long it would take before you see the boar become visibly distressed as it starts connecting ideas together but has nothing to do with them

[gomjabbar]

boar has learned about the concept of alimony at 2:39pm. boar understands alimony is connected to marriage (learned at 12:02pm) but doesn't know what divorce is yet. boar has conceived of the idea of truffles (knowledge intrinsic) being divested from him as a result of alimony but doesn't know how to anticipate or avoid it. boar has begun loudly grunting and tamping its hooves.

[997]

[swiminjello]

ooo…. lady gagita

[jaoxn]

A real 3-hit combo of tumblr posts rn

[corrucyst]

whys this a bulk reblog

[katelyn-danger]

3 for 1 deal

[eclogues]

these are my 16 kids, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, rook, knight, bishop, queen, king, bishop, knight, and rook

[eclogues]

ugh. just found out my neighbor named all her 16 kids after mine. ok now everyone line up

[rain-droplet]

gotta be one of my favorite posts actually

[volumina-vetustiora]

what the fuck

saxo cere comminuit brum

what the actual fuck

[volumina-vetustiora]

@nekrotikon

the word for brain here is cerebrum, and it's been literally split in two

I've seen wordplay like this before in Latin, but with compound words that are clearly made up of separate parts

but "cere" is not a word and neither is "brum"

you could translate it something like

"he split his br apart ain with a rock"

and it's only slightly less unreadable than that due to freer word order

needless to say something I'd expect more from a modern experimental poem than an ancient epic

[foone]

Latin linguistic shitposting is amazing. Like, I can't recall exactly, but there's a line of poetry that says basically "Claudius lives in the mountains mountains".

Except because Latin is inflected and word order is less important, it's actually written like "in the (mountains) Claudius (mountains) lived"

And it still means the same thing. Except why the duplicate of mountains? Because it turns out, Claudius didn't live in the mountains. He lived in a valley between two mountains.

They changed the word order of the sentence and duplicate a word, to do a word-order pun about where some random guy lived! It's great, and exactly the kind of thing you can't do in English, because we depend so much more on word order.

[official-linguistics-post]

official linguistics post

[loumandliker]

one thing about americans is that they know how to make a fucking milkshake

[loumandliker]

i hate the stupid milk consistency shit you get here like if you give me a milkshake it better be rock fucking solid. i want that thang thick like concrete. it should piss me off trying to drink it through a straw. i should have to wait for it to thaw

[caltracat]

[behindnightmaresanddreams]

Americans are so good at making Beverage. One of our Foundational Moments was actually a party involving Making Beverage. Google "Boston Tea Party" for more

[supreme-leader-stoat]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

as is tradition I would like to wish a happy pride month specifically to this Indian guy I used to work with who came SPRINTING to find me when there was some buzz in India about gay marriage being legalized (this was in like 2018ish, it's sadly ended up not panning out) to ECSTATICALLY say "you know what this means??? it means men better start acting better, or their wives are going to leave them for women!!!" he was so excited for all of these hypothetical women who were about to finally leave their loser husbands and lez out. that's a true ally, I hope he's thriving wherever he is.

[sexhaver]

[hotroadkill]