Sometimes ADD Sucks. (An Essay)
Let’s be honest. It sucks sometimes. Like the times when everyone around you is managing their lives and you can’t even remember to brush your fucking teeth in the morning.
A lot of people focus on the executive function aspect but there’s a whole other side that’s equally hard to deal with. And that’s the emotional side.
It’s no secret that people with ADHD have trouble with self-esteem. When we see people succeeding where we can’t, it can be frustrating and exhausting.
And if one thing in your life goes wrong, it can all fall to pieces.
We can be perfectionists because if it’s not perfect, why bother. (Or as I like to say, it doesn’t count). We drown in insecurity and anxiety and depression.
Raise your hand if you ever thought you were a terrible person.
Terrible for not getting it right and then not caring at all whether your life falls to pieces because you can’t do it anyway.
And the worst part is, you can’t fix it. I’ve been on medication for about 4 months now. And a friend of mine commented that I seemed better. But meds don’t make you better because there’s nothing you can fix. ADD is a part of you and that just sucks sometimes.
Depressing essay I know. But it’s going to get better. ;)
Wanderingrainbows was very brave to share their thoughts and struggles today with knitting and with ADD. And in the midst of it, they said something incredibly profound.
Crafting became my therapy as way to learn to be okay with mistakes in the learning process.
Someone cross stitch this for me so I can put it in a frame and on my wall!
To me this is one of the tenets of what I believe to be knit therapy. The basic idea that mistakes can be made in life. That there isn’t any perfect or nothing and imperfect doesn’t make you a terrible person.
This is a lesson that I, for one, have to constantly remind myself of.
Mistakes are allowed. Sometimes you have to pull out five rows to recentre yourself. Sometimes you have to frog a whole project because it wasn’t working for you anyway and that’s okay.
And that half-knit sweater that I have shoved in a bag somewhere? It wasn’t the right fit for me so I moved on.
And just like knitting, you are moving forward with life. It may be only a few rows and you may have to reverse or fix a mistake but you are still moving forward.
With wanderingrainbows permission, I’m reworking her statement a bit:
Crafting is a way to learn to be okay with mistakes in the process of life.
Say it out loud. Let it sink in.
And use your knitting/crocheting/weaving/spinning, etc as a reminder that for every moment you are here, you are adding a stitch to your life.
And with that, I don’t think I can stretch that metaphor further. Although, I do like the idea of life being this giant ass blanket that I keep adding rows to. :)
So yea, sometimes ADD sucks.
But the right tools might make it suck just a little less.