Sic Vita Est

Vox populi for popular foxes.

[tossawary]

Another Canon Divergence AU idea for "The Princess Bride" is that Westley ISN'T following Buttercup when she gets kidnapped. If he's not doing that, presumably intending on kidnapping and confronting her himself, then he really has no way of finding out about the kidnapping besides, again, spying on Humperdink and Rugen (which is very difficult to do). And if he's not there to follow the kidnappers almost immediately, then he has no way to intervene in time.

So, Westley has been a LOT of unpleasant shit to get back and has just found out his true love has moved on to become engaged to their local prince. He's confused. He's really pissed off. He misses whatever opportunity allowed him to follow Buttercup on her daily ride (didn't see her ride out, didn't hear about it, whatever), because he's following another opportunity into the castle to investigate Humperdink. Or else he sees Humperdink and Rugen riding off towards the Pit of Despair together and decides to follow them instead. Either way, Westley overhears the two men very casually discussing Humperdink's beautiful but forcibly gained fiancée and the kidnapping plot currently underway, and Westley realizes that Buttercup is about to DIE and he's very likely not going to be able to reach his true love in time. He still runs off, desperate and ready to die trying to save her.

And Westley is really much to late to cross the water and climb the Cliffs of Insanity and all that, because Buttercup and her kidnappers are already at the border with Guilder. It's fine though, because when Fezzik and Inigo are confronted with the murder part of the job, they object, and Fezzik ultimately decides that he's really not cool with it. Fezzik thumps Vizzini over the head while Vizzini is berating Inigo. Fezzik apologizes to Buttercup. Inigo looks at the unconscious (possibly dead, heavily concussed at least) Vizzini, shrugs, and then helps Fezzik untie Buttercup and apologizes as well.

It's more than a little awkward, because none of them really know what to do besides wander vaguely back towards Florin. Buttercup admits that she doesn't really want to marry the prince, and he'll find her if she goes back to the farm, which leads into her telling the story of her dead true love, which Inigo and Fezzik find very romantic. Which leads into Fezzik and Inigo both sharing their own tragic backstories in turn. Buttercup is personally very intrigued by Inigo's mention of being in the revenge business.

And then Buttercup goes, "Wait a moment, I know a nobleman like that. Count Rugen is Prince Humperdink's closest friend and confidant, and he has six fingers on his right hand. I once had to sit next to them at a dinner table while they spent over an hour discussing all the troubles of finding a good glovemaker and skincare for their hands." (Rugen and his wife also once visited Buttercup and Westley's farm when they were younger, but Buttercup would more recently know Rugen from just... around the castle. Rugen is presumably going to be Humperdink's best man.)

So, Westley is like, "Where the HELL is the love of my life???" presumably harrassing Vizzini about it if Vizzini is still alive. And Humperdink has his theatric rescue party together to find Buttercup's body on the border, unknowingly following behind a rushing and frantic Westley, trying to keep his lies straight while he's internally like, "What the HELL happened to my kidnapping and murder plot to invite a war??? Rugen, I thought you hired the best??? It's so hard to find good help these days!"

Meanwhile, Buttercup, Fezzik, and Inigo are on a new friendship quest back to Count Rugen's house. Buttercup is the future princess, and so is presumably already acquainted with Rugen's young and beautiful wife, who has to let her in and be a good hostess. The Countess is like, "Buttercup... Who are these unkempt and intimidating men...?"

And Buttercup says, "Oh, they saved me from being kidnapped and killed! 😄 I'm sure that my fiancé will want to thank and reward them in person! 😄 This was the closest safe place I could think of! Thank you so much for your hospitality. By the way, when do you think your husband might be home? 😄"

[catscraftsandcommentary]

Tags from @pleasantartisanhottea

I *know* that in the original, Buttercup and Westley had this grand romance and Inigo took over the Dread Pirate Roberts name and Fezzik...did something. Did he have a plan? Maybe he becomes Inigo's first mate.

But imagine:

Humperdink and various soldiers catch up to Westley and the extremely useless Vizzini. Westley, recognizing the murderous fiance of his beloved, talks a good line and gets himself in Humperdink's...not good graces, the man is too suspicious for that, but at least begrudged tolerance.

Vizzini, of course, is executed before he can spill the beans. Or at least is gagged and taken to Rugen's secret torture dungeon. No big loss.

So that party heads back to the castle with the prince in A Mood (TM), and he's demanding someone bring him Rugen before he's even through the castle gates.

Meanwhile, back at Rugen's ACTUAL home (mini castle), Inigo is giving Buttercup a swordfighting lesson to pass the time and Fezzik is helping out with all those little chores that pile up while the lord is away. Like rearranging the furniture single handedly. The countess is actually quite charmed - he's very careful, and he keeps offering excellent suggestions about where to place different pieces for easiest use, and he doesn't mind moving things over and over when she changes her mind!

Anyway, the Nice Old King dies, poor man, and Humperdink summons all his nobles so he can rush through a coronation. Lady Rugen is all over the place, not knowing what to do, but she escorts Princess Buttercup and her sworn knights (aka they escort Lady Rugen) back to the capitol.

Something something, Inigo and Westley nearly come to blows over "that's my girl!" but then Humperdink opens his big dumb mouth and suddenly it's Westley and Inigo (and Fezzik) vs Humperdink and Rugen, and there's really only one way this can go.

Westley is now the king by right of conquest, assuming he even wants it, and Buttercup is putting her foot down that they are NOT breaking up their fun new gang, and Inigo and Fezzik are like "idc, man, whatever you want."

Anyway, Buttercup decides that SHE will be reigning queen, in her own name, and Prince Westley will be her consort and Inigo, newly ennobled as a count, will be her chief advisor. (And their lover, shhh.) Fezzik leads the Queen's Guard, and between him and Inigo, they whip everyone into actual effectiveness. Former-Countess Rugen becomes a lady-in-waiting to the Queen, which she likes much better than marriage to a man who plans wars and assassinations and new torture methods.

I'm not sure how Miracle Max fits in, but he definitely gets invited back to the castle. Maybe he revives the previous king ("he was only MOSTLY dead!" - Humperdink is terrible at poisoning), who then supports Buttercup's claim to the throne. He likes her, she's clever AND kind. The kingdom could use more of that.

Vizzini never recovers from his concussion and is eventually buried with the disgraced prince and count in an unmarked grave. Fezzik makes sure that lots and lots of buttercups are planted there every spring as a final "fuck you."

[othernaut]

I actually kinda want to apprentice Vizzini to Miracle Max.

This might be because I'm addicted to redemption arcs, ones where terrible people really come to be aware of how they fucked up and who they hurt. This might be because I like the "proud man forced to learn" situation. But also I can see how it would work?

As soon as Queen Buttercup learns about the Pit of Despair, she gets busy. The place wasn't just a torture hole - it was a bespoke D&D dungeon designed by a real-world equivalent of a vindictive DM. There are snakes down there. There are other prisoners. I think there was a gorilla. It becomes a pet project, rehoming and rehabilitating all the critters that can be. Prisoners return to their families. The life-sucking machine gets disassembled. A giant octopus swims back into the ocean and everyone sheds a tear.

And then there's Vizzini. Vizzini was imprisoned for failure and meant to serve as a lesson to Rugen/Humperdinck's other catspaws. Vizzini has had a terrible time. Vizzini had an untreated concussion that he had to situate on his own. Vizzini's roommate was one of the top 10 deadliest spiders in the world, a fact he is very aware of. Vizzini's pride is shaken. Vizzini, whose entire self is built upon being the cleverest man in the room, got tortured by Count Rugen, who is also a very clever man - who's just like him if he didn't have to scrape and scheme and scramble for everything he had. Who's just like him if he was noble, attractive, and rich. Who held the knife and the hot iron. Who Vizzini hated, and who Vizzini desperately wanted to be.

He's not in a good mental space when he's let out. He kinda half-heartedly mooches off of Inigo and Fezzik, and they kinda let him because jesus, look at the guy. They set him up in an apartment, at least. They know just enough about him to pity him, which he hates all the more. He's supposed to be up to some Medici shit. His family is Sicilian, but he was expected to scheme like a Venetian. And he keeps at it, low little plots mostly to pass the time - vendettas against the baker's boy, vengeance against the landlord's dog, because he's supposed to be smart enough to make up for all the rest of his flaws and he just can't do it. He'll never be able to do it. Count Rugen made it very clear just how deficient he was.

Then Miracle Max, who's still embedded with the royal family because he's the closest thing Florin has to healthcare, has a heart scare. He medicated it, but he had a heart scare last year, too. He's old, he's not going to last forever, everyone thinks he has some super immortality pill but nobody gets that privilege, and what happens when he goes? Who takes care of his witch? (she never needed taking care of, but she's never going to tell him that.) All that learning, all his miracles, does that all just go away? Vanish into a rooty grave? That's that?

He begins applying for apprentices. Buttercup gives him a list of court kids, Inigo and Westley of former pirate kids, Fezzik of circus friends he thought were nice. Vizzini gets thrown into the mix as an afterthought. Miracle Max takes one look at the guy and feels... something. Pity, probably. Because the thing is that he is clever, he's clever and he was born with nothing and whatever the fuck was happening in city-state not-Italy at the time has trained him not to see people as people, and if he's not given something to do he's eventually going to find something to do, and what else do you do with that? Let him rot? Hope he dies? He needs something to do with his hands. He needs to recite integers of pi while grinding morning glory seeds.

So, yeah, Miracle Max's apprentice is now a balding fortysomething Sicilian, and both of them low-key hate it, but not as much as both of them are mentally stimulated by the whole affair. Max and Vizzini openly scheme assassination attempts at each other while emulsifying the chocolate ("I'm going to get you locked up for treason, old man." "You think I don't know lawyers? My cousin oversaw Rugen's will. I'm going to poison your coffee." "Just like mama used to do. I dab a bit on my wrist every morning. It's nostalgic. I'm going to get you run over by a bull."). Max's wife openly pities and infantilizes him, calls him Vivi and bakes him those pastries he likes, and Vizzini hates this but also never refuses it because there's something, there's still something, that never stopped wanting what he was told he never deserved.

Nothing happens immediately. Everything happens over years. Vizzini bitches about the lack of hot peppers and now he's in charge of the garden. Vizzini is a much better accountant than Max and gets the hut remodeled, which spurs just months of Max bitching, up until the hot tub gets installed. Vizzini is given something to do with his mind and hands. He learns that the dose makes the poison. He has to mix the medicine when Max has more of those heart scares. He becomes, day by day, week by week, year by year, different than the person he was. Still the same sarcastic, superior little nugget, that can't change, but now it's tuned towards making people take their full course of antibiotics out of spite. Now he schemes to make people see him for that thing with their elbow, jesus how do you go to work every day with that?

One day he's out peeling willow bark and he comes across Rugen's grave. They still had to give him a nice one, in the royal cemetery with all the good willow trees nobody checks, but still. Vizzini wonders. A lot of people are willing to believe that bad people are just bad people, that there's nothing that can be done about it. You kill bad people, right? Or you crown them and hope they're awful in your favor. The last thing he remembers of this one was the knife and the hot iron, and now this. It could have very easily been his own grave - smaller, of fucking course they'd make it smaller - right next door.

He gets the willow. And some wild blackberries, fucking Max only takes his medicine if it's immured in a sugar pill big enough to taste. He gets to live. He gets to walk home.

It could've been so very different.

[othernaut]

To the people that mass like/follow everything I've written: I am going to throw up. You are making me throw up.

[tanadrin]

one of the joys of having nieces is buying them presents they will enjoy that also function as a prank on your brother

[coincidencesandleprechauns]

One of the most interesting parts of becoming a parent is how the supposedly annoying toys are actually great (for both kids and parent), and the true terrors are fairly innocuous. A drum set is an absolutely amazing gift for a toddler (three parts, independent play, no screens, I can sit down and drink my coffee while kiddo is playing, or go do some dishes since I can hear the drums going and know they haven’t gotten into anything else). The worst toys are group games with one million parts and no storage.

[tanadrin]

fair! in this case im just hoping they turn the squirt guns against their parents

[othernaut]

If you have niblings who are still in the imaginative play stage, the most disruptive thing you can get them is a set of costumes. Just an entire trunk of disparate pieces - princess tiaras and dinosaur masks, unicorn horns and big giant costume amulets, vests and big coats from the thrift store, toy guns and wands, face paint, oh my god face paint.

Little Cooper and Mina would never build a precarious tower of Ikea furniture to get at the animal crackers on top of the fridge, dump them all out in a pile, and eat them with their mouths on hands and knees. Gun Wizard and Princess Dinosaur absolutely would.

[iamthepulta]

I'm getting tired of eating chicken soup all week, but it's been great because I can just cook the chicken on the bottom of the pot, successively add vegetables based on their cook time, and I dirty just the pot, the knife, and the cutting board.

Do y'all have any low-effort, low-cost soup suggestions for the week?

[thelordgrey]

Chickpea Harissa Soup

In its most basic form, cook some onion + garlic in some olive oil, then add 2 cans of chickpeas (with the liquid!) into the pot + harissa paste to taste + broth/stock/bouillon + whatever vegetables you would additionally like. Finish with lemon juice if desired. I usually serve with egg (poached directly in the soup) + hearty bread but that’s not required ofc.

[thefibrarchaeologist]

I like a mushroom and pearl barley soup, even though it takes a little bit of cooking time.

Fry an onion in oil, add sliced mushrooms + salt, fry until the mushrooms shrink a bit (plus more oil, if the pot goes to dry). Add garlic, pepper, thyme or other herbs, cook for another minute or so, then add broth (vegetable or meat, either works) and the pearl barley, about 50 grams per portion. Probably around a quarter cup? I measure mine with a Turkish tea glass, that looks about right in terms of size. Boil until the barley is tender - the one I have currently is coarsely milled instead of whole grains and will take around half an hour.

[dubiousculturalartifact]

Curried lentil soup, where you fry up some onion, ginger, and garlic, add a generous amount of the curry seasoning of your choosing (Indian curry paste, thai curry paste, curry powder, etc), then add in some carrots, fry a little longer. Add maybe 3-4 cups of stock (if you're using a very salty stock and a saltier curry paste, thin a little with water, if you're using curry powder, taste at the end and add salt if needed) and a cup or so of red lentils (double it if you're planning on a big pot and lots of leftovers), cook on an enthusiastic simmer until the lentils are soft, maybe 15-20 minutes. Add some chopped green vegetables like kale, spinach, etc (I like the individually frozen cubes you can get, they're a great thing to keep in the freezer and chuck into stuff for added nutrition) in the last few minutes of cooking, if you've got them, and a generous spoonful or two of lemon or lime juice right before serving (I usually go for lemon if Indian curry seasonings, lime if Thai). It's a very forgiving base recipe and good for using up what you have. If you've got some yams or potatoes, that's good to add some small cubed ones in when you add the lentils and stock. If you don't have any green vegetables, it works well without. If you've got cabbage or bell peppers, add some in in the same stage when you're frying the carrots. If you want some extra protein, peanut butter is good in here as well and adds extra creaminess. If you've got some coconut milk that's a great thing to add, too. Tomatoes or tomato paste, can also be added if you like em, use a lil less citrus if you're doing that. For a slightly sweeter variant you can add some chopped apples. If you don't have lemon juice or lime juice, a dash of a nicely flavoured vinegar is good too, like apple cider or white wine vinegar.

[jackhawksmoor]

Sausage, Goat Cheese, and Winter Squash soup. It's legit got five ingredients and is insanely good

cut 2 winter squash in half (any squash that isn't spaghetti squash, butternut, or summer squash will do) and put them in the oven for about an hour (or until the squash is soft) at 350. Fry up 1lb of breakfast sausage and a chopped white onion. Get a pot, put in 2 containers of chicken stock (64oz), the breakfast sausage/onions, and the scooped-out inside of the squash. Simmer lightly for 15min. Mash up any big chunks of the squash that are still left, then add goat cheese to taste.

[othernaut]

Biiiiiig fan of French onion soup. Here's your ingredient list:

Shit-lot of onions (at least four, six if you can).

Shit-lot of butter (you're going to caramelize those onions, aim for like four tablespoons at least).

Some sort of stock situation (experiment to your pantry/heart's content).

Whatever else (contains multitudes).

You're going to start by slicing the onions thin and caramelizing them in the butter. This is going to take a fair bit of time (expect a half hour) and it's one of those situations where you've gotta stir it every five minutes. If things look burny, or the liquid looks like it's getting low, add a tablespoon or so of the stock to bring it up to level. Once the onions are brown and clear with the consistency of loose noodles, fill the rest of your pot with stock, bring it to a simmer, and let it hang out for like ten minutes.

The "whatever else" portion is also doing some heavy lifting. You can present this traditionally, by floating some toast on top of a ladled bowl, sprinkling Gruyere on there, and broiling/torching the top until it's brown, but, eh, it's also fine as its own thing. You can apply garlic, bay leaf, black pepper, my beloved paprika, or any other spice that suits your taste. My go-to whatevers are a sploosh of white wine and fish sauce/the actual Worcestershire with the anchovies in, applied to the onions during the caramlization stage.

This is my go-to "holy shit a bag of onions is a dollar" meal. I also make it when sick and I desire nothing but the sense of steam on my tortured sinuses.

[injuries-in-dust]

Weird and wonderful compilation of strange bird noises.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Hello sir would you like your bird sounds today in Siren, Machinery, or Ghost

[jennenen]

@elodieunderglass

[elodieunderglass]

Thank you so much, I can’t pick my favourite!

[hgeeky]

Number 3, the sturnus vulgaris is just glorious!

Slightly sad there's no Eider duck on the list but what a marvelous collection.

[nyanne-cat]

@derinthescarletpescatarian today we also have them in Squeaky Toy

[othernaut]

Loon call my beloved. The sound of deep lakeland isolation, of going camping and waking up before everyone else. You slip out of the tent to pee and everything is soaking wet and newborn. It hasn't rained, the mist is different than the mist in the city, it roils like a low and hunting cloud, there's a texture to it. All the little skipping, peeping things in the tall grass seem as newly-awakened as you, just as confused.

All the radiant green grass and the tea-brown, slopping lake water, the deep emerald under eaves with the heady scent of built-up pine needles rising like incense under every footstep - it calls to you, impersonally, like the millennia-old tintinnabulation of a bell rung at the beginning of the world. There's so much of it and you're suddenly so small. This world contains you, but it's not for you. Freedom feels like the mist beading in your bangs, the blackfly hopping up the back of your neck, the slow-creeping certainty that if you turned your body in a random direction and walked forward twenty paces, then they wouldn't even find your bones.

[stability]

[marlowwwww]

that’s quitter’s talk

[bikwin5]

you have to crouch and then press a to do a backflip

[thephilosophyofnope-deactivated]

use whirlwind sprint

[touchyourblood]

climb on the desk and double jump from there

[sazandorable]

hookshot to the ceilight lamp then move the pad back and forth to swing

[realgirlsgaming]

Hang onto the tiny ledge on either side and shimmy across.

[starryeyedneonlights]

Fuckin triangle jump

[pamsrevenge-deactivated20190313]

Wallrun and jump to it

[knightsintodreams]

There’s a secret vine on the outside of the building that connects to the window and you open from there

[kalasraven]

There’s defiantly a secret switch somewhere to allow you to cross. Go and break as many objects as possible until you find the button!!

[professor-bats]

you’re just not thinking with portals.

[delcat177]

They intended to dummy it out, but you can still access it if you strafe into the corner at the right angle.  Doing this will bypass 3 nights of your stay and glitch out your room service to read 244 pizzas (the pizzas are actually infinite-use, the counter will not decrease).

[a-m-e-t-h-y-s-t-r-o-s-e]

Just go outside and punch the ground a couple times. Go back inside and build a noob tower up to the sitting area, it can’t be higher than 3, 4 blocks.

[frogmunist-deactivated20190724]

jump and then hit control

[bralnwashingquirk]

paint the entire wall and then just swim in the ink

[therealfeedback-deactivated2018]

Get a rocket launcher and shoot your feet

[guitaurenhero]

Build a remote-controlled sentry gun, aim at your feet while crouched, then fire the SECOND button.

[stillhasabigego]

It’s for spiderman, when he visits on vacation.

[pokemanaphy-deactivated20201115]

Press the switch to activate the ring path, then light speed dash

[usagihime89-deactivated20190910]

Flash step to the area.

[xphilosoraptorx]

First you need to get the spider ball, then there’s a hidden morph ball power outlet behind the front desk that activates a spider ball track. You can reveal the outlet using the x-ray visor. Getting up there will earn you an extra energy tank.

[the-davest-of-uncles]

Pull the lever, Kronk.

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

You jump, pop a grenade below your feet, the blast carries you over

[urlocalsupermarketofendocrinosis]

if you press jump shift and crouch all at the same time it glitches you to be able to walk on the wall over to the area

[anna-may]

drink a monster-redbull-energade drink concoction and yeet yourself up with pure willpower

[t4tpolypd]

You just have to nerdpole up dummie

[jrwiyuri]

Ladder.

[lindleland]

Stepladder.

[pepsimansthickjuicymeatyschlong]

go through the doors and just use ascend

[defectivegembrain]

You need to level up your acrobatics skill first. You can do that by just jumping around.

[frozenthoughtbox]

You have to light a fire in the lobby then jump and use your glider and the updraft will carry you up there

[othernaut]

Misty Step is a level 2 spell, my guy, but if you picked a martial class or something, you should be able to find some Bracers of Betwixt in the pool area and the bartender starts stocking potions after night 3.

[selkiewizard]

Public transport is a type of horse and I'm a teenage girl who no one understands

[selkiewizard]

The bus fucking bit me

[othernaut]

I will tame and love this beautiful, neglected train. It sees that I am kind and wise and that I mean it no harm. Only I know the secret pain that burns within its gentle heart. Why the fuck am I in Gormley.

[slitherpunk]

but do you play shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less 🤨

[slitherpunk]

the thing about "I want shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less and I'm not kidding" is that these games exist and are out there and you have to make the conscious choice to seek them out instead of just expecting the big companies to deliver this, because they will not

[othernaut]

A huge part of my game collection is made up of shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less, it's been this way for a while now, a better world is possible right now with a little work, but I kind of want to set some expectations first.

Because the first problem is discoverability. Smaller-team games are usually using digital distribution methods and don't have a lot of budget for promotion, if any at all. They rely on "10 Best New Indie Games April 2026" lists, short form videos, Various Algorithms, and word of mouth. If you're feeling like a specific little slice of gaming, like you want something that feels like an early-2000s Flash adventure game but with a bit more bite and difficulty in both gameplay and story, you're going to have to hunt through tags yourself (also I just described the Cube Escape Collection, if that actually interests you). For every indie game that breaks containment and defines a moment in media, there are thousands loved by small groups of specific weirdos, none of whom have 1 million followers on anything. You gotta ready yourself for that search. And the best thing you can do once you find a small creator you like is talk about them, post about them, never shut up about them (which I will be doing throughout this body of text).

Also, a small note on that topic: the Steam Next Fest series of events is one of the best efforts I've seen in the modern day in driving that discoverability. If you're not on Steam or don't really pay attention, it's an event when a large amount of demos are released and promoted all at once, encouraging players to try as much as they want and wishlist the games that please them. This is hugely beneficial to both creators and players, one of the few promo situations I've seen that is as good for one as it is for everyone, and drives a lot of sexy post-Next Fest recommendation videos as well as hot new games right into your wishlist. And the next one is June 15th!

And, frankly, the infusion of new titles will be a boon, as the thing about shorter games with worse graphics made by people who are paid more to work less is that they take a long time to actually make, meaning it's entirely possible for you to find a near-bespoke game that so perfectly suits your temperament and then, once it's done, spend an undefined amount of actual years waiting on any sort of updates from the developer in any capacity, let alone the same series. Small creators get burnt out, they have family situations that pause development, they get wild hair-up-ass ideas for follow-up games that have nothing to do with the five-dollar impulse purchase that changed your life, that is just the nature of the thing, a quirk of independent creation that will drive you drywall-chewing insane.

Hollow Knight: Silksong is the archetypal example of this, but for my personal experience, I played a dark fantasy text-adventure RPG called Roadwarden in 2023 and it has been absolutely fermenting in my head ever since. As it is a set narrative experience (and the narrative is why I love it), replays only do so much to calm this new demon in my brain. The developer is posting stills from a new game as teasers, but nothing has been announced yet, leaving me writhing in my seat for more grim, naturalistic fantasy baked in the same beautifully poetic mould. I can only hope to infect others with this game so that I may see in their eyes the glimmer that enlivened mine when I first played it. There is no relief. This is how it is.

But the fact that Roadwarden is on sale for three dollars and you should play it underlines one of the major strengths of these smaller games: the price point is unarguably low. You're not getting the push for $100 games from indies. Indies are frequently on 65%-off-mega-turbo-sale because the creators want you to love this thing that they also loved, that they loved into creation. The price-to-entertainment ratio is really, actually the best you're going to find. Hell, you're going to find a lot of free games that are just good, good in a way that if you've been limited to free-to-play ad-fucked mobile games due to finances, seem suspicious. I've put 120+ hours into cyberpunkdreams, a narrative cyberpunk life-sim using the same storylet system as Fallen London, and paid maybe $10, 50 hours in, because I liked it and wanted to. My latest game purchase, Grimshire, I got for $15 on sale and it's... it's gonna be one of those ones. I feel the tendrils rooting in my brain. I have paid less than a dollar per hour of entertainment with this thing, which I think is the best and cheapest sort of entertainment you're going to find anywhere.

And, y'now, I've been talking a lot about games that I specifically like. I enjoy narratively complex experiences, maybe where you can roll a die or something now and again. But what if you're into, say, Metro-style FPS' and spending hours browsing creepypasta wikis? Well, Metal Garden is there. Casual civics sims where you poke a button, build a hospital and feel good about yourself? Mini Motorways is there. Goofy multiplayer hangout games where you can explore movement, at a price point where you can get it for yourself and all your friends and maybe get a stream going? Hello, Sledding Game. In short, there are enough of these games, made by a world full of such disparate and inspired weirdos, that there is a good chance that if you spend the time looking, you're going to find something sitting at the conflux of your own niche interests. Mainstream, mass-market games have to appeal to the most people they possibly can; small-team indie games can afford to aim for smaller markets and finer points of interest. Yours is in there, somewhere.

So, in short: small-team, independent games are going to be harder to find with longer and less clear development times, but they're going to be universally more monetarily accessible and have a good chance of being closer aligned to your specific interests. You will have to put work in. You will have to curate tags. You're going to have to wade through just so much low-effort porn. But I... honestly don't see how I'd be gaming at all any other way. I don't know if I'd be in this hobby at all if the only way to access it was to spend $80 on something where I couldn't even play my own gender.

You can do it and I believe in you. Play Roadwarden it's great where are you going I want to talk about the superb naturalistic them -

[what-even-is-thiss]

I get people who are like “why do you play Bethesda games” and it’s like what other game studio lets me pick up basically everything in my environment and throw it at people

[what-even-is-thiss]

Killing NPCs with a cauldron is a time honored Skyrim tradition

[what-even-is-thiss]

The Bethesda fallout games have the junk jet which is literally a giant gun that can shoot all of the random clutter you collect at people. You can kill people with a teddy bear shot out of a canon at Mach 5 and if that isn’t hilarious to you then I don’t think we can get along.

[what-even-is-thiss]

I’m as big of a starfield hater as you can find but it kept the Bethesda clutter that you can pick up thing which is wonderful because you can collect houseplants and drop them all over the president’s desk if you want to.

[what-even-is-thiss]

See that’s what I miss in other open world video games. In so many of them you can see the pizza box but you can’t make a collection of a thousand pizza boxes and block the road with them.

In oblivion if I want to flood the imperial palace with cabbages and I have the will to go out and collect enough cabbages then nobody will stop me from doing that.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Nah, Ulfric Stormcloak is a rebellion leader in Skyrim. Grandpa Piss’s legal name is Uriel Septim.

[othernaut]

Also don't sleep on older Bethesda games just because they look dated. There's almost always a mod to make things look lore-accurate and visually palatable, primarily because Bethesda players will gnaw their beloved games down to spit and slivers.

This, brought to you by that time in Morrowind when I, playing an insane bejeweled mass-murdering lizard that took full advantage of the broken potion/enchantment system to cast ever more imaginative instant-death-penis-explosion spells on NPCs who didn't know who I was, gathered every pillow in Vvardenfell for the express purpose of building a pillowfort in a swamp. I kept cocaine and rubies in there.

[mcnamak]

My best advice for people new to adulthood: keep emergency food around.

I don't mean like those prepper type people. I mean keep a granola bar in your purse or backpack. If you have a car, keep a jar of peanuts in there.

This is good for if you miss your bus, or forget your wallet somewhere, or get stuck in traffic. You never know when you are going to feel shaky, and it's better to have something quick and easy on hand, in case you need it.

Having emergency food around is your best friend. Trust me.

[othernaut]

There's a reason why every purse-carrier's purse gets Like That when they get older. Hell...

Welcome to Auntie Othernaut's Emergency Purse! We've got:

Food, low blood sugar. Currently a pack of honeyed sesame treats. Never know when you're going to need it.

Food, low blood pressure. Currently depleted, was most recently salted mango jerky. This is specifically because someone I care about gets low blood pressure moments, but also can serve as A Calorie when necessary.

A Caffeine. Currently an energy shot. Sometimes all you need is half an hour of wakefulness to get you on the damn bus.

Painkillers. Currently a little tube of ibuprofen.

A No-Wifi/No Battery Amusement. Currently a sketchbook.

Menstrual Aids. Currently a pad, being used as the bookmark in the sketchbook.

A Tetris App On My Phone. Did you know that playing Tetris immediately after a traumatic event reduces the formation of post-traumatic stress symptoms?

Some Amount of Actual Cash. It is entirely possible to get locked out of your payment processor of choice because some wonk half the continent away stole your number to buy a BBQ at Walmart.

Hand Sanitizer. Got in the habit during COVID and never stopped. Sometimes, in this life, you're going to have to touch something that has a good chance of recently having had poop on it.

Just, Like, A Neckerchief Or Something. Currently a swishy slate-grey number. Occupies the same utility position that the Hitchhiker's Guide Towel does. Sometimes is face mask. Sometimes is headscarf. Sometimes is used for its intended purpose.

With this loose collection of useful equipment, I can help myself and my friends weather such adventures as Really Long Train Ride, Going to Place With 250+ People In it, Existing in City, Surprise Emergency Room Visit, and more!

[mcnamak]

My best advice for people new to adulthood: keep emergency food around.

I don't mean like those prepper type people. I mean keep a granola bar in your purse or backpack. If you have a car, keep a jar of peanuts in there.

This is good for if you miss your bus, or forget your wallet somewhere, or get stuck in traffic. You never know when you are going to feel shaky, and it's better to have something quick and easy on hand, in case you need it.

Having emergency food around is your best friend. Trust me.

[othernaut]

There's a reason why every purse-carrier's purse gets Like That when they get older. Hell...

Welcome to Auntie Othernaut's Emergency Purse! We've got:

Food, low blood sugar. Currently a pack of honeyed sesame treats. Never know when you're going to need it.

Food, low blood pressure. Currently depleted, was most recently salted mango jerky. This is specifically because someone I care about gets low blood pressure moments, but also can serve as A Calorie when necessary.

A Caffeine. Currently an energy shot. Sometimes all you need is half an hour of wakefulness to get you on the damn bus.

Painkillers. Currently a little tube of ibuprofen.

A No-Wifi/No Battery Amusement. Currently a sketchbook.

Menstrual Aids. Currently a pad, being used as the bookmark in the sketchbook.

A Tetris App On My Phone. Did you know that playing Tetris immediately after a traumatic event reduces the formation of post-traumatic stress symptoms?

Some Amount of Actual Cash. It is entirely possible to get locked out of your payment processor of choice because some wonk half the continent away stole your number to buy a BBQ at Walmart.

Hand Sanitizer. Got in the habit during COVID and never stopped. Sometimes, in this life, you're going to have to touch something that has a good chance of recently having had poop on it.

Just, Like, A Neckerchief Or Something. Currently a swishy slate-grey number. Occupies the same utility position that the Hitchhiker's Guide Towel does. Sometimes is face mask. Sometimes is headscarf. Sometimes is used for its intended purpose.

With this loose collection of useful equipment, I can help myself and my friends weather such adventures as Really Long Train Ride, Going to Place With 250+ People In it, Existing in City, Surprise Emergency Room Visit, and more!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*stroking my device screen with the tenderness of brushing the cheek of a lover returned from the war*

[jaguarguard]

I- okay but- but screens are solid? Cheeks are not? Last time I checked???

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I love this website I can make the most normal possible post and still get replies from alternate realities. what are cheeks made out of in your world plasma?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the wifi came back on

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

what you've never patted your laptop affectionately after a reboot fixed the Issue? never hugged your phone in relief that the screen survived a fall uncracked? never held a tablet to your quivering bosom bc the fic was just that good? puh-lease

[othernaut]

I tend to treat my tech like I'm it's mom.

Your SSD broke? It wasn't that good to begin with? It's okay. I'll open you up and get you set up right. It wasn't your fault that this happened to you. There, don't you feel better now?

OS pushes a bullshit update with features that make everything worse? Gonna storm right into your settings like it's the principal's office and I'm not leaving until this is resolved.

Dropped my phone and everything survived okay? Fuck. Nice save, kid. High five. You didn't hear me swear.

You just got old? I always have a place for you. We've made so many memories together, after all.

I'm touching your screen? How'd this get so dirty. Lemme find a cloth. Stop wobbling. Stop it!

[oneheadtoanother]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Australian scifi: post-apocalyptic. Might be wandering the desert between roving bands of survivors. Might be fully automated gay space communism that only vaguely mentions The Ashen Earth. Might be all the adults dying mysteriously and kids having to rebuild their own society. But we are post the apocalypse and its shadow weighs very, very heavily on the story. What we lost is never coming back.

[othernaut]

Canadian sci-fi: Welcome to the most horrifically plausible dystopian hell you've ever heard of. Here's a diagram of the insidious downward spiral that brought us to this place, and look, here's you! Already a few steps on your way! Witness the life of our everyman protagonist, who has to get groceries and do laundry in this wilfully-chosen nightmare. Get ready for everyone you know to be haunted by the narrative while also staunchly refusing to take any sort of lesson from it.

[thefugitivesaint]

Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941), poem 85 from “The Gardener”, 1914 Translated by the author from the original Bengali. New York: The Macmillan Company.

[grammarpedant]

It is an hundred years hence now. Go open your doors.

[othernaut]

Little purple violets on the lawn. The forsythia blooms falling in bright yellow speckles. The lilacs foresting their slender shoulders, getting ready. My tulips, always a little later than the others, standing proud and green. Oh my god there's rhubarb. Which bird pooped rhubarb on my lawn. Oh fuck oh god it's right by the raspberry canes. I kinda want to see them fight but I also like raspberries infinitely more than rhubarb. Get the spade. Get the saw.

[qqchurch]

[qqchurch]

[qqchurch]

[quietwingsinthesky]

the second literary icon it would be a great idea to invent a little sister for is frankenstein’s monster. what if victor just went ‘fuck it lemme try again for a girl this time and something about the innocence or inherent divinity of femininity will make it come out right’ and then She Does Not. but at least the monster has someone like him now.

[othernaut]

Imagine being a kid forever. Imagine being a little girl forever.

Little girls already have a tendency to barely be perceived as people. Their parents dress them up like dolls, their grandparents give them stern warnings about what the adult world wants to do to them, they're stuck halfway between being a prize and a liability, their entire lives are restriction. Imagine that absent the hope of one day having adult agency.

And anyone who tries to make a little girl is going to select for all the properties they think little girls should have. She is going to be small and sweet and weak, with big eyes and glossy ringlets and cherubic cheeks and a barely-there voice. She's going to have all the love there is, and that's going to look like a world full of things she's not allowed to do, and that's going to be forever.

Dr. Victor Frankenstein is going to have absolutely no intention of parenting this girl. He's going to sew her together like a weekend project teddy bear, chuck her at the monster, and hope that calms things down. The Monster, for his part, wants to love and be loved, and there is going to be some positive exchange happening here but not in the direction anyone would have hoped for. Absent the societally pre-loaded assumptions on How To Parent Little Girls, she's going to wind up like how little girls secretly hope to be - a feral bobcat in a pretty dress, scream-smiling through gap teeth, sticky with sugar and full of fairy lore. She's going to want to slide down the muddy riverbank and throw rocks in the water, and the Monster will let her, because that's a much more achievable goal than his insistent but indefinite need for love.

Yeah, this one also does not come out okay. She wears silk dresses and tin-wire tiaras, she's learned to fire a gun, she pees in the bushes just like little boys do. She's going to have a few, beautiful years where love looks like doing whatever makes her happy, and as soon as the Monster climbs aboard that iceberg, she's going to have a rest of her life where love looks like sitting still and quiet in uncomfortable shoes.

[othernaut]

Fuck jesus, there's nothing in this world like writing something you could only write at 40 years old.

I maintain that one of the most important parts of the writer's craft is fucking around. You gotta. You gotta fuck around in public parks and expensive clubs and specialty shops for that disability you didn't know you had until two hours ago. You gotta do it. You gotta do it and you gotta do it slowly, you have to sit down on rain-wet benches and find your precise, personal description of what that pharmacy smells like (old paper money and Sour Patch Kids), what new electric cars sound like (the ghosts of the future), what happens to the sun when it filters through the chainlink and paints a fishnet shadow on your forearm (play).

And then it all compacts, and it all compartmentalizes, and you're 40 years old and you find you have stockpiled ammunition to win the war you'd assumed would destroy you the second you made yourself known. You did it by eating enough gummy candy and drinking enough beach beer. You've become you and you know how to both birth and eulogize yourself.

This must be what a seed feels when the new green shoot cracks the casing.