Manic Pixie Dream Girl

she/they - you should like, message me because I like you <3

[paletrashalien]

Hi.

I disappeared for awhile... 7 months to be exact. And, to tell you the truth, it's not because I was too depressed to move or too uninspired to come up with anything (in fact I've been writing a lot); it's that I've been happy. This blog's purpose was to give me a space to think through one of the worst years of my life. In which I faced drug addiction, alcoholism, attempted suicide, and left one of the most abusive situations I've ever been in. I'm happy now, so the need for any sort of therapeutic writing was significantly lessened. I'm clean, I have friends, I have a boyfriend who's fairly new but loves me for some reason I could never fathom, and I'm working. I have a life now. I've worked hard for the progress I've made, this blog helped me through it. I know my amount of followers are small but I think it's important to know that these poems are yours just as much as they are mine.

Thank you for helping me.

-Vai

[paletrashalien]

A Little Announcement <3

Hi guys, So it's been a month since the last time I posted on here and I've decided to change up the things I post a little bit. I generally post poetry on here (not that the poetry will stop), but I wanted to start posting some of my short stories on here as well. I have a lot that I never do anything with so I thought having some feedback might help me actually get something done. I'll still post poetry though, that's my favorite thing to post, anyways. I love you! -Vai <3

[paletrashalien]

I’ll do anything just so you look at  me.  Make your request and its yours.  I’m all yours. 

I’ll snort my lines and dance naked for you.  If you’d like. 

I’ll strip myself bare so you and yours  can get a good look at me. 

If that’s what it takes. 

-Your Junkie 1/22/21

[paletrashalien]

Things are bad again. Foolishly, like a small child, I thought I mattered for a split second, and now it’s like the world has been ripped out from under me. My world is gray, and I’m not happy, maybe that’s how life is supposed to be? Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy? I’m realizing that life is just a shit show that teases you into thinking it could be a good experience, only to rip everything away and then give it to someone else. How grand.

[paletrashalien]

A Journal Entry, August 20, 2019, names have been changed for privacy

Life moves slowly when you’re in pain. Like you’re waiting for food at a restaurant it seems as though it takes forever to get to the table, only because you’re so hungry. I’m hungry for change, I’m ready. I’m ready for something to make my life go forward in a positive way. I keep telling myself all these negative experiences are going to be good for me in the long run. But as of now, they’re all piling on top of me, and I’m about to break from the weight. I have healthy relationships. I have Peter, Elizabeth, Mavis, Daria, and Jay. They love me and I love them, like family. The other people are just background noise. Everyone seems to know who they are, and I’m just stuck.  Peter says he’s ‘in love’ with me. I’m not saying his feelings aren’t real, and that they aren’t mutual, but I just can’t right now. I can’t have commitment. He says he understands, but I don’t know if he means it. I love him, but I don’t know if I want to be with him anytime soon. I don’t feel pressured, but it’s my own guilt that makes me feel this way.  I would be happy with him, I know I would. But I don’t want to be too much for him. I know that as soon as I wanted help with stress, he would back out. I think... I’m not sure. He’s patient, but patience only goes so far. Rory did an excellent job of proving that. 

[paletrashalien]

This one doesn’t have a happy ending.  This one leaves you aching  for more,  longing for a sequel. 

But,  this story just ends.  And you’re not going to like it.  But you’re going  to live with it anyway. 

So stop fucking crying. 

-It’ll Leave You Wanting More

[paletrashalien]

Love me. Love me for my cold hands and my shitty poetry, for my sloppy printing and my voice. I want you to look at me when you think I’m not looking, the way I look at you. Love me for my anxious bouncing leg, and the way my hands always shake. You can be the strength to my nervousness. Squeeze my hand three times when you want to say “I love you.” I’ll do it back. I want to fall in love with the way we dance in our little apartment at an ungodly hour, for the way our minds and mouths seem to work in sync. For the way you look when you read and mumble to yourself. I want to fall in love with us when I fall in love with you.

[paletrashalien]

Honestly it’s a massive tune

[julshii]

anyone please ask your crush out like this

[julshii]

The thrilling answer

[brojohn4lyfe-deactivated2015102]

no they need to kiss out behind the school!!!!

[daitoshi]

oops my hand slipped

[moodycrissy]

nexttttt pleaseee :D

[sinofangels]

Come on guys add on to this tumblr needs this to be a comic series

[maria-ruta]

I was asked for doing this, so I did

BAM!

I’m out of ideas! XD

next?

[hamburgergod]

THIS IS TOO CUTE I CAN’T LEAVE IT ALONE I’M SORRY

[maria-ruta]

OHHHHHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!!!

LOOOK ATT THIIIIS!!!!

LOOOOK ATTT THIIIISS!!!!

80

NEEEXT!!!!!

[placeholderaccount]

IT HAD TO BE DONE:

[maria-ruta]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*O*

OH MY GOOD!!!!!

ThAT’S IT!!!!

#0o0#

[theartofwazzing-blog]

so yeah

[inafantasy-wby]

I LOVE THIS

[romanoscurl-deactivated20170605]

REBLOGGED THIS TWICE

[deaddeavtivated]

I have a need…..I must add to this…

[aeshsar]

still waiting for the smut

[takayes-deactivated20170924]

C’mon guys… it needs some smut

[janaya7609]

THIS NEEDS TO CONTINUE

[yaoi-online]

SOMEONE PLEASE CONTINUE IT

[ringo-smile]

Not so perfect but still perfect first date

[afraidtoask]

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE HEART

[mildly-duckbe-blog]

O HECk IT GOT bETtEr

[zaku-kazu]

OMG, THIS IS PERFECT 💖

[madhattey-deactivated20211019]

notes/letters=the most intimate gesture!

[gayties-garbage-deactivated2018]

THERES MORE

[conniemcfalcon]

I reblogged this like a year and a half ago and IT CONTINUES!? 

[charlieisbi]

ITS BACK OMG

[monstersofmemory]

Omg it’s here!

[sushisalmon95]

THIS CUTE I WANNA CONTINUE IT

[sushisalmon95]

Ok I tried because this is so cute 

[multifandom-hoes]

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDFFDFF

[soubidou]

IT GOT EVEN BETTER OMG

[madamelibrarian-deactivated2018]

This has to be the most adorable thing I’ve seen today. 

[lookingupatthestarsandthinking]

This gave me so many happy and cute feels

[snovolovac]

every time this circles back there’s always more, I love you all 

[tree-of-blue-squirrel]

this warms my heart on so many levels <3

[vampirate-lover]

ITS BACK

[lav-enderlemon]

I’m just sitting here

Hitting my knee

Squealing and smiling omfg

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

hey remember that time tumblr wrote an. entire. gay webcomic.

[archivistdraconis]

This just goes to show that we can all do great things if we collaborate and accept each other.

[morning-star-sempai]

AAAAAAHH ITS BACK

[goldenyaoi-deactivated20180507]

THIS IS SOOOOO ADORABLE ♡♡♡♡♡♡

[coolneko]

Only because it’s fucking cute!!!

[gay-bara-yaoi-cartoon]

This is so beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[twiglightdragon]

Let it continue!!! Here’s my addiction  If the text is to small: Happy birthday!!! ……….. I’ll see you later today? If you want…. I have something Important to ask you,,,, >.> <.< ^_^;; ^///////^

[foxpirates-art]

Keepin it rollin! 

[crimson-chains]

My contribution to this adorable story ^^

[porridgeoatz]

Can I request naming the big guy Damian and the little one Ollie?

[erotisizedembalming]

Plot twist. I kinda want the big one to be Ollie and the little guy Damian.

[porridgeoatz]

Double plot twist: same

[goldiemarsh-blog]

i added sum more–

[mysteriouslyswimmingfan-blo-blog]

This is my favorite.

[adhd-coyote]

B E A U T I F U L

[wereallcurioushere12]

The last hand kiss got me…..oh wow.

[fandomfan315]

IT’S B A C K

[a-dumb-bitch-apparently]

i love this so much

[oldallzyfontarchive]

HI YES THIS IS MY CONTRIBUTION 

[canicrynowplease]

It got so much better than the last time i saw it!!❤❤❤

[scorching-scotch]

LAST I WAS HER ETHERE WAS A DIFFERENTS TORY ITS BRANCHING AND I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER

[aceofspades913]

This fucking comic had been added to over the course of six years. That’s insane, it’s beautiful. It’s inspiring, all these people from different places at different times some have moved on other still here it’s wild.

[smol-aqua]

oh my hecc i love it

[beepboopbitch-deactivated202011]

YES THERES MORE

[starfirelove]

I will always reblog this

[mooncat457writing]

I can’t. Too cute. This gave me too many feels at 2:30 in the morning. I need more but I can’t draw. 

@hellcattriesagain???

[hellcatdraws]

Hi yall, I sent our good good boys to the dance <3 

[batfamfucker]

It’s back holy shit, also! The queen, I’m assuming, has a girlfriend!!! Mlm and wlw solidarity!

[maezly-h]

YEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!! THERE’S MOOORRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[myopic-creation]

YESSSSSSS

[vcherry-kai16]

HOLY SHIT IT SOMEHOW GOT GAYER EEEEEEEE-

[abstractedthinking]

OH MY GOD THERES SO MUCH MORE

[paletrashalien]

I often read the journal I wrote in when I was with you. I smile at myself, at the naivety, the innocence, the discovery of myself through my experiences with you. I like reading about you through my innocent lens, through the dopamine-high that you gave me.  I like you in that journal, in that memory that seems like a million lifetimes ago. I love you again when I read that journal. Thank you for giving me that side of you. Now, you’ve been immortalized, we both have. 

[paletrashalien]

I Loved Him For Cocaine

I think I loved you a bit. In between the fighting and the coke. Between all the hurtful things you’d say and the shit I would hold against you. Before I found out about your girlfriend and before getting clean.  Something made me love you. Maybe it was the way your sheets smelled, or the way you looked when you would make breakfast for the both of us. Or it was the way you smoked your cigarettes and wore sunglasses in the rain. I don’t really know.  All I remember is rolling over in bed, reading 3:06 AM on your alarm clock, and hearing your steady breath, and not wanting to close my eyes again. Fearing that if I were to blink you’d do another imperfect thing, and I wouldn’t be able to memorize it. But you slept soundly, like a baby. Selfishly, I envied you. I wished so desperately that I could switch places with you, even for a moment. To sleep like you. To indulge in the pleasure that the cocaine and the nightmares took from me. But, I lied awake and memorized all the imperfections of your face, and listened to your steady breathing. 

[paletrashalien]

I want to be the kind of girl Alex Turner writes about. I want to be seductive and alluring with pretty legs and eyes that hold the secrets of the universe. I want to wear leather pants and button-downs and smoke too many cigarettes while I listen to some cliche jazz band. I want my pretty brown hair to fall perfectly and I want to be the girl all the boys want but can’t have. Too unfathomable for daydreams and too good to not exist. But I’m here, and I’m real. I’m not made of daydreams, I’m made of cuts and bruises. She’s the equivalent of aged whiskey and sex, while I’m just broken porcelain that nobody wants. 

[paletrashalien]

“Be soft,”

They say.

Be strong.

Be yourself,

Be like her,

like them,

Like me.

I want to

Be like

Me.

But I’m stuck

In your matching

Lawn chairs.

Ripping me in half,

Pushing out the

Baby of mine.

Light of my life,

My greatest

Wish,

Tearing me up,

Destroying me.

-birth

[paletrashalien]

I’m SCREAMING

Over your white

Picket fence,

Over your

Mary-janes

And pleated skirts

and

Engagement rings.

I’m SCREAMING

Over all the

Babies youre

Pushing out.

Over your crucifixion

And your ring

I have to kiss.

I’m whimpering,

Squeaking while

I bow down,

While I kiss,

Scream,

Push out the little

Ones.

All for the big man.

-He’s Tall With Dark Hair And A Suit

[paletrashalien]

I am not a good person. I'm slowly realizing this as I get older. I'm not a good person, I'm not happy, I'm not honest, I'm unkind. And, frankly, I'm just all-around a complete bitch. I am undeserving of any form of respect. I don't understand why people want me around, and there's nothing anyone can say to convince me I am worthy of any sort of kindness. I don't know why I'm like this, and I don't know if it's just childhood trauma surfacing in the way I build relationships, but I do know it's never going to change. My methods of supressing my self-loathing will evolve past my self destructive tendencies now, but my flaws will never change. My self-hatred and the way I self-sabotage won't ever change. I'm sorry I'm not what anyone wants, but I can't be more than what I am. And what I am, is a horrible human being. I just wish more people saw that, and stopped trying for me.

[paletrashalien]

I want to live poetically

I want to sit

In the pain

And let the words

Blossom from

It.

I’m going to sit

In the boiling water,

With you

And him.

While you writhe,

I’ll write all the

Poems I can.

- Poetic Boiling

[paletrashalien]

I’m broken.  Covered in blood and bruises.  And I’m fuming with rage.  I want to break  you too.  I want to make  you angry,  to fill you with rage.  I want you to break,  as I have broken,  from your heavy fists. 

Scream, yell at me.  Do SOMETHING,  anything.  Just break me some more.  It’s all anyone  can do.  -Breaking... breaking... broken