Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this
you laugh. my flour is bereft of purpose and you mock me. hell upon you, fool
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@pastydan
Fuck. Those fuckers at the store sold me No Purpose Flour again. What the fuck do I do with this
you laugh. my flour is bereft of purpose and you mock me. hell upon you, fool
“no one’s ever mad at me unless they tell me so” is the best assumption i’ve ever made
sorry for tagwatching but you still have to act like they aren’t mad at you imo! bc it’s the mad person’s duty to make it known if they want anything changed. it is never anyone’s duty to be a mind reader.
If I am mad at someone and am remaining Quiet about it, it is because I Do Not Want them to know that I’m mad.
Please respect my boundaries and assume that I am Not mad.
If you’re worried that I am mad, consider the possibility that I am mad for reasons I know are stupid and do not want to make it your problem.
Ohhh that last addition opens my eyes in a big way, thank you.
some additions 👊💥
why do we bother with I hate my partner jokes when your boss is right there
I love my wife. my boss though? that ball and chain??
do you understand my vision
Oh this is too fun
Bestie, your brain, your VISION, ahead of your time
i wish everyone following me made enough money to not feel like they were being boiled alive and had the time and energy to clean their room at their own leisure
Yes, the fics where Ilya goes to Shane's game in his jersey are cute and romantic. But why has no one even considered:
when she says she doesn’t send nudes
when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes
when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia
When Russia sends you nudes
#what the fuck happened here
This is my favorite post in all of tumblr
reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia
reblog it, because Russia can´t
Thanks Obama
When Russia makes this post illegal
I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS
I will reblog this every goddamn time I find it on my dash
I have a piece of tumblr history on my blog now
String identified: atgctactttaatcaaaaattcaTattattatttgaagtcaacatTaaataattgaATCTgtgattaaacttg
Closest match: Bombyx mori BmN4 cell DNA, chromosome 24, sequence Common name: Domestic Silk Moth
(image source)
When the domestic silk moth sends you nudes
Domestic silk moth is just being friendly
Now the moth is banned in Russia
…well what the fuck is this
Art.
Old iconic tumblr posts gather gimmick blog comments the way DNA mutations accumulate over time
Co-Workers AU (3) Masterlist
part one, part two
Between The Lines (ao3) - Koolhotsweetloveberries
Summary: Attorney Dan Howell is faced with winning an impossible case or loosing his job.
All evidence points towards his client being guilty. Except for critical evidence provided by Forensic Linguist, Phil Lester.
The man Dan turned down a year ago.
cloud nine (ao3) - SylvesterLester
Summary: Phil had been Dan’s floor supervisor for the six months since he started working there. He was tall, good at his job while only being somewhat obnoxious about it, and was still the only one in the store who Dan thought could pull off the tacky blue polyester vests.
Or, the Superstore AU I treated myself to writing (:
Don't Blame Me (ao3) - ForeverJustAnEmoKidAtHeart
Summary: When Phil gets a new job at the Tops Only Bar, he's just looking to make ends meet over the holiday period. He doesn't expect how he'll feel about one of the performers or how hard that'll make his job.
Editing Tips (ao3) - satanicbb
Summary: When the dean forces Dan, a Journalism and Creative Writing professor, to record and edit a new lecture series, who better to ask for editing tips than Phil Lester from Post-Production.
guess (ao3) - orphan_account
Summary: dan and phil work at the same cinema.
theyre 19 in this
I Don't Love You (ao3) - Raspberrysaxophone
Summary: Dan and Phil hate each other, but soon Dan realises that he is developing a crush on him. What will a New York business trip (where they are sharing a room xxx) do to their relationship?
Impressions (ao3) - ottertrashpalace
Summary: museum guard who knows obsessive amounts about art history x nepo baby curator who has never read a book but keeps knocking it out of the park on vibes alone
Interrupted By Sirens (ao3) - llama_sidekick
Summary: Dan is part of a mission leaving earth with destination of some far away galaxy. He doesn't mind really, leaving earth and all his friends behin. It's his job and he's happy to do it.
But one day they pass an inhabited asteroid field and the inhabitants cause a little trouble in his relationship to his fellow crew member Phil Lester. And, why did this space siren turn into HIM trying to seduce Phil?
Like a Bowl of Oranges (ao3) - cloej88
Summary: The writer!Dan and director!Phil friends/co-workers to lovers AU that we never knew we needed.
Office Cubicles (ao3) - Absolutefilthimsosorry
Summary: AU where Dan and Phil have neighbouring office cubicles connected by a hole in the wall between them. Because they’re Dan and Phil their story is funny and romantic as well as sexual.
spotlight (ao3) - gentlesun
Summary: Phil didn’t intend to start making porn.
Okay, well, technically he was just editing porn, and not really making it himself, but those little details don’t really matter when you try and tell someone what you’re doing with your summer.
On his first day on the job, they make him come to the studio.
He meets Dan.
the metaphors of desire (ao3) - cityofphanchester
Summary: The elbow of Dan’s jacket is smooth leather, stitched on, an unexpected contrast from the woolly fabric around it. His mouth is soft and his body is warm and Phil breaks away with a choked gasp of air.
“Shit,” Dan says, and his big warm hand drops away from Phil’s jaw, and he’s gone.
(in which they're both english professors)
Undressing Intentions (ao3) - pinkydistortion
Summary: Phil is a video editor for a camboy, and when their paths suddenly cross in real life, Phil believes Dan may like him more than he lets on.
This is pure smut aka the problematic yaoi they keep talking about
you flinch when you lie (and i notice every time) (ao3) - boxcar182
Summary: alternate universe where dan finished uni and is a lawyer and he and phil did not become youtubers
You're just a mammal. Let yourself act like it. Your brain needs enrichment. Your body needs rest. You feel hunger and grow hair. You need to pack bond with other sentient things so you don't become unsocialized and neurotic. You are biologically inclined to seek dopamine and become sick when chronically stressed. "Hedonism" is made up to place moral value on taking pleasure in sensory experiences. I am telling you that if you don't let yourself be a fucking mammal, as you were made, you will suffer and go insane. No grindset no diets no trying to be above your drive for connection. Pursue what makes you feel good and practice radial rejection of the constructs meant to turn you into a machine. You're a mammal.
I am so serious about the way people are taught to view themselves as separate from and above any other animal being the root cause of a lot of problems. You're not better than a beast.
This post has really made the rounds so I have to say - this mentality changed me overnight. I had this realization that all of the fumbling over self love I did for years just needed... this. Once I internalized that I'm just a creature, it got so much easier to take care of myself.
I've started treating myself like I would a dog that's going to chew through the house when it's bored. I walk myself. I seek activities that make my brain feel less like depressed sludge. I ask my body what it needs; I rest, I enjoy rest. I don't see it as a waste or unproductive. I see it as allowing my body to do its job of working better. I lean into appreciating my natural features. I'm a hunk of flesh. I can be ugly. I can decide that ugly is appealing. I can not care. Whatever. I started emphasizing little things that nourish my relationship(s), shelving distractions more, so I can relish the time I have with loved ones. I specifically pursue pleasure--dopamine--not just quick hits from scrolling social media but getting off my ass. Engaging. Cooking myself nice meals and making fucking art, man. Things that make my spirit feel more alive than I have for years. I ask myself what it is I want rather than only doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And it doesn't mean shirk every responsibility, it means recognizing you're one of your fucking responsibilities. It's reordering. I realized I'm going to die happy or unhappy and either way I'm just as dead in a given amount of years, and I choose to die happy and fulfilled.
Everything else can get fucked ad infinitum.
Call me a hedonist, I'm saving my own life.
my favourite part about dan and phil dressing each other is dan dresses phil in ways only seen in his wettest dreams while phil dresses dan in ways that will angermaxx his already chronically angry boyfriend
rec list: hollanov (non-au)
i like: conflict, kink, thoughtful things. i don't like: straight fluff
before swallowing by yankingawry (nc-17, 2k) post-cottage, mommy kink
Shane watched Ilya tilt his head back and drop some peanuts into his mouth. He gave them all of two chews before swallowing. The totally indigestible peanuts travelled down the line of his beautiful speckled throat. The man was begging for chronic reflux.
wait by waxing__crescent (nc-17, 2.5k) ep 4, sickness
Jane: No problem again, sorry. I’ll see you in a few months.
ajdustments by sheepknitssweater (nc-17, 2.8k) hookup era, injury
Shane had been sucking Rozanov’s mostly soft dick for between six and eight minutes. Since all the most important moments of Shane’s life were timed, he had a good internal clock. He was pretty sure it had been eight minutes.
call me by your name (tell me you love me in private) by anonymous (nc-17, 3k) hookup era, feminization, D/s
ilya gets shane to wear a ROZANOV jersey. that’s it, that’s the fic.
too nice by toomuchplor (nc-17, 3k) hookup era
All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. ~ Leo Tolstoy
in the sound of bells by villavona (nc-17, 3k) ❤️ ep 2
Shane texts him his second day in Sochi, after the Opening Ceremony is over and the sports are beginning. Are you staying in the Village? he asks. Capitalization, proper grammar. Innocuous. Nyet, Ilya texts back. Here in his country Shane can learn a little Russian. Latin alphabet, he can be generous.
icarus by garagepaperback (nc-17, 3.6k) hookup era, butt plug
It wont come out. Ilya is one of the last left in the locker room. Gear half-stripped, gloves off but he’s still clumsy wrestling with his phone on the bench. What do u mean
hold a cut inside by dinosaur (nc-17, 4k) hookup era, painplay, masochism
It's the Metros' season; Shane knows it. And no matter how many hits he takes, Shane's always been good at getting back on the ice. Letting Ilya Rozanov touch his bruised body when he comes off the ice doesn't change anything. It can't; Shane knows that, too.
penalties by citrusses (nc-17, 5k) ♥️ ep 4 divergent, infidelity
Ilya is married. Still, old habits die hard.
coach, i'm threading needles by anonymous (nc-17, 6k) hookup era
Ilya fucks a girl in a Hollander jersey. Word gets back to Shane.
tender parts by mcshrug (nc-17, 7k) ♥️ D/s, touch starved
Shane isn't used to people touching him. Then he meets Ilya Rozanov.
real love makes your lungs black by anonymous (nc-17, 8k) ♥️ getting together, smoking
If Shane had had a good, close friend, a confidante, somebody he could talk to about whatever was happening between him and Ilya Rozanov, and that good close friend got it in their head that maybe Shane liked Ilya, had feelings for him, one of the first things Shane would say to refute it would be: but he smokes.
pretty boy by mcshrug (nc-17, 9.5k) hookup era, crossdressing
Dressing up for Ilya takes Shane about a mile out of his comfort zone. Good thing he’s not a chicken.
bite hard by mcshrug (nc-17, 16k) hookup era, biting, spit
Shane finds out he likes it when Ilya bites him. It’s possible he likes it a little too much.
for a split sec, i was a train wreck by anonymous (nc-17, 19k) ♥️ hookup era, injury
Ilya gets injured, stops leaving the house, loses his mind, learns to read tarot, and sends Shane Hollander a lot of photos.
holy fucking shit!! thank you for over 2k kudos on Forgot Not To Fall For You! please enjoy this bonus art from chapter 4 in celebration 💖
Love's High Wire: Ch. 23 - Quieted Sorrows (Preview)
Here is a preview for the next chapter of my Stolitz fanfic "Love’s High Wire" on AO3. Be sure to check it out.
Ch. 23- Quieted Sorrows - Posting on 12/15/2025