The following imagined dialogue is inspired by real experiencesâŠ
Me: *is in a small group setting
Person: Ha ha. We are so neurodivergent.
Other people: Ha ha. Yes, we all of us present are so neurodivergent indeed.
Me: Thatâs cool. Iâm not actually neurodivergent, though. That said, Iâm glad to to hear that Iâm not harshing the vibes.
Person: But you donât dress cool? You make corny jokes? You have nerdy interests? You get, like, really excited about things sometimes? You sometimes donât adhere to gender norms?
Me: Yes. That doesnât make me neurodivergent, though. Maybe what youâre picking up on is my chill vibes? Iâve looked up to quite a few neurodivergent role models. Iâd like to think that their influence has helped me be less neurotypical-normative in my worldview.
Group: UhâŠBut you if you vibe with us, that means you must be neurodivergent.
Me: Contrary to popular belief, neurodivergent people are not inherently inscrutable or burdensome to neurotypicals. Some neurotypicals are just unwilling to accept that friendships take work.
Person: Neurotypicals donât use big words or philosophical concepts like you just did!
Me: Okay, so some very much do. That said, I understand that some people may think Iâm odd for doing or saying certain things. This experience is common to most people. The alternative is not having a sense of self outside of how one is perceived, which is not mentally healthy or sustainable for anyone.
Person: That worldview is inherently neurodivergent! You must be thus.
Me: Being disproportionately disadvantaged by neurotypical-oriented systems as a minority group decently defines the neurodivergent experience. Neurotypicals, however, may still find societal systems suboptimal for themselves and oppose them. Neurotypicals may also care about neurodivergent people and oppose neurotypical-oriented systems for that reason.
Person: A strong sense of Justice is a neurodivergent thing! Youâre in denial.
Me: Neurotypicals can have lots of empathy. Neurotypicals can have passionate and/or uncommon interests. They can be in academia. They can be anti-capitalist. They can even be on tumblr or ao3.
Person: Why wonât you just accept that youâre neurodivergent. You clearly lack insight into your own experiences.
Me: I relate to many experiences of both neurotypical and neurodivergent people. I can relate to experiences of both these groups of people because they are people and I too am a person. I also donât relate to many experiences of both neurotypical and neurodivergent people. This is again for the same reason.
Me: I am not neurodivergent because I have never needed that language for myself. I have never required such a word to receive the things I needed to participate in society on par with other people. I have never required such a word to understand and love myself.
Donât get me wrong. I have suffered. I have experienced hardships. I understand that neurodivergence is a bunch of interwoven spectrums. I understand and find merit in the social model of disability. Further, I donât find anything negative in someone wondering if I might be neurodivergent.
What I donât like is being told what I am and what my experiences are. When I assert what my experiences are, it sucks to be told that I lack self-awareness, am repressed, and am just generally stupid.
Imagine telling a self-actualized straight man who likes musical theatre and regularly washes his hands that he is gay. You can tell how unhelpful that is, right? All I want is to be respected, understood, andâŠbelieved. Disregarding what I say about my experiences undermines that.
Person: Well, I havenât been evaluated for [neurodivergence], but I really think I have it. If you donât have it, I canât have it. Iâm really struggling and hearing you say that you donât have [neurodivergence] invalidates my self-diagnosis.
Me: *Finally understands whatâs going on
Me: Some masked neurodivergent people can come off as less âweirdâ than some neurotypical people. Internal experience is not the same as external expression. Your self-diagnosis is valid! Your ability to hide your needs from others in no way invalidates those needs!
Me: You know how most bi people are raised to believe that theyâre straight?
Me: Bi people can grow up believing that their bi experiences are hetero experiences. So when a hetero person says to them that they themselves are having a hetero experienceâŠthe bi person imagines them as having a bi experience.
Me: Yeah. Neurodivergent people whoâve been raised to believe that theyâre neurotypical can grow up assuming that neurotypical people are having neurodivergent experiences in much the same way. After realizing that they are neurodivergent, it can be a challenge to sort out what actual neurotypical people might be experiencing.
Person: So, Iâm rawdogging life in a way that youâre not and not even giving myself credit for it.
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