Phthallus

Phthalo is blue, dilly, dilly, phthalo is green. When I am king, dilly, dilly, you’ll suck my—

[pinkegodeath]

we are witnessing the gentrification of the term "tumblr sexyman" in real time and it is extremely disappointing. like no, live-action white boy #265 played by ryan gosling isn't a tumblr sexyman. i can't believe i have to say this but if it wouldn't get you shoved into a locker it probably isn't a sexyman

[vodkassassin]

THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYINGGGG

[phthallus]

I feel like, for a character to be a true tumblr sexy man, their statuses as both “sexy” and “a man” should be somewhat contentious.

[phthallus]

Who would win?

A) Medusa

B) an autistic person who never makes eye contact and has no sense of danger

[phthallus]

Me to the baby I’m holding when they exhibit the rooting reflex:

[phthallus]

The amount of violence against women committed in the name of protecting women from violence is insane.

[phthallus]

Trans Man: *presents himself in a way that does not 100.00% conform to repressed heterosexual cis male norms

Person: You’re not really trans! You want to be a femme! You’re a confused woman!

Trans Man: *presents himself in a way that renders himself indistinguishable from a repressed heterosexual cis male

Person: You’re not really trans! You want to be a butch! You’re a confused woman!

[phthallus]

PENIS

[phthallus]

The following imagined dialogue is inspired by real experiences…

Me: *is in a small group setting

Person: Ha ha. We are so neurodivergent.

Other people: Ha ha. Yes, we all of us present are so neurodivergent indeed.

Me: That’s cool. I’m not actually neurodivergent, though. That said, I’m glad to to hear that I’m not harshing the vibes.

Person: But you don’t dress cool? You make corny jokes? You have nerdy interests? You get, like, really excited about things sometimes? You sometimes don’t adhere to gender norms?

Me: Yes. That doesn’t make me neurodivergent, though. Maybe what you’re picking up on is my chill vibes? I’ve looked up to quite a few neurodivergent role models. I’d like to think that their influence has helped me be less neurotypical-normative in my worldview.

Group: Uh…But you if you vibe with us, that means you must be neurodivergent.

Me: Contrary to popular belief, neurodivergent people are not inherently inscrutable or burdensome to neurotypicals. Some neurotypicals are just unwilling to accept that friendships take work.

Person: Neurotypicals don’t use big words or philosophical concepts like you just did!

Me: Okay, so some very much do. That said, I understand that some people may think I’m odd for doing or saying certain things. This experience is common to most people. The alternative is not having a sense of self outside of how one is perceived, which is not mentally healthy or sustainable for anyone.

Person: That worldview is inherently neurodivergent! You must be thus.

Me: Being disproportionately disadvantaged by neurotypical-oriented systems as a minority group decently defines the neurodivergent experience. Neurotypicals, however, may still find societal systems suboptimal for themselves and oppose them. Neurotypicals may also care about neurodivergent people and oppose neurotypical-oriented systems for that reason.

Person: A strong sense of Justice is a neurodivergent thing! You’re in denial.

Me: Neurotypicals can have lots of empathy. Neurotypicals can have passionate and/or uncommon interests. They can be in academia. They can be anti-capitalist. They can even be on tumblr or ao3.

Person: Why won’t you just accept that you’re neurodivergent. You clearly lack insight into your own experiences.

Me: *Sigh

Me: I relate to many experiences of both neurotypical and neurodivergent people. I can relate to experiences of both these groups of people because they are people and I too am a person. I also don’t relate to many experiences of both neurotypical and neurodivergent people. This is again for the same reason.

Group: ???

Me: I am not neurodivergent because I have never needed that language for myself. I have never required such a word to receive the things I needed to participate in society on par with other people. I have never required such a word to understand and love myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I have suffered. I have experienced hardships. I understand that neurodivergence is a bunch of interwoven spectrums. I understand and find merit in the social model of disability. Further, I don’t find anything negative in someone wondering if I might be neurodivergent.

What I don’t like is being told what I am and what my experiences are. When I assert what my experiences are, it sucks to be told that I lack self-awareness, am repressed, and am just generally stupid.

Imagine telling a self-actualized straight man who likes musical theatre and regularly washes his hands that he is gay. You can tell how unhelpful that is, right? All I want is to be respected, understood, and…believed. Disregarding what I say about my experiences undermines that.

Person: Well, I haven’t been evaluated for [neurodivergence], but I really think I have it. If you don’t have it, I can’t have it. I’m really struggling and hearing you say that you don’t have [neurodivergence] invalidates my self-diagnosis.

Me: OOOOHHHH.

Me: *Finally understands what’s going on

Me: Some masked neurodivergent people can come off as less “weird” than some neurotypical people. Internal experience is not the same as external expression. Your self-diagnosis is valid! Your ability to hide your needs from others in no way invalidates those needs!

Person: *Is processing

Me: You know how most bi people are raised to believe that they’re straight?

Person: ?

Me: Bi people can grow up believing that their bi experiences are hetero experiences. So when a hetero person says to them that they themselves are having a hetero experience…the bi person imagines them as having a bi experience.

Person: OOOOHHHH

Me: Yeah. Neurodivergent people who’ve been raised to believe that they’re neurotypical can grow up assuming that neurotypical people are having neurodivergent experiences in much the same way. After realizing that they are neurodivergent, it can be a challenge to sort out what actual neurotypical people might be experiencing.

Person: So, I’m rawdogging life in a way that you’re not and not even giving myself credit for it.

Me: Yeah

[phthallus]

Are mixed honorifics/pronouns a thing?

Like, I’ve heard of he/him lesbians (immaculate), but are Mr. she/hers happening yet? I just think it would be neat.

[phthallus]

Concept:

Superman being impeded by getting shot, but not because of the impact of the bullet on his body.

Superman being impeded by getting shot because guns and superhearing don’t mix.

[phthallus]

Baby shall not live on wire mother alone, but on every cuddle that proceeds out of the body of Cloth Mother.

[phthallus]

I have a parasocial relationship with my softest blanket. I love it so much, but it doesn’t know that I exist. It doesn’t know anything. It’s a blanket.

[phthallus]

Management: I’m improving operational efficiency by removing unnecessary positions and tasks.

Employee: Those positions and tasks are necessary, though.

Management: No, they’re not. I know what I’m doing and I’m helping.

Employee: You clearly do not know what you’re doing, let alone how anything works here, and you’re doing the opposite of helping.

Management: I’m just streamlining—

Employee: NO.

Management: I’m reducing spending!

Employee: So?

Management: So, we have more money.

Employee: *Who* has more money?

Management: Us.

Employee: Who, specifically?

Management: The company.

Employee: Who at the company, specifically?

Management: Some higher-ups in management.

Employee: Where is this “more money” for “higher-ups in management” coming from?

Management: The removal of unnecessary positions and tasks.

Employee: How does that work, though?

Management: The remaining employees do some of the work that was previously assigned to the unnecessary, removed positions, and the rest of the work, which was unnecessary, just doesn’t get done anymore.

Employee: Those positions and tasks are necessary, though. You are adding workload to some employees without giving them more money, laying off other employees, and enshittifying the company’s product all to give “more money” to “higher-ups in management.”

Management: We only removed positions and tasks that were unnecessary. See, the company hasn’t collapsed. If those positions were necessary the company would have collapsed.

Employee: …

Management: …

Employee: So that’s Jenga. You are playing Jenga with the company. You are playing Jenga and the company and all those impacted by it are the tower of blocks.

[phthallus]

I like Spider-Man because:

I like red.

I like blue

I like comic books.

I like superheroes.

I like macrofauna such as arachnids.

I like acrobatics.

I like witty one-liners.

I like looking at men in body-hugging spandex.

I like science.

I too hide hided facets of myself from my loved ones.

I too have budget constraints.

I too struggle with the burden of responsibility to both those close to me and to my wider community.

I too inevitably fall short of what is asked of me and am crushed by the disappointment this brings.

I too find purpose in doing good, even when my intentions or work ethic are misconstrued, even when I feel scared, even when I feel alone, even when I feel overwhelmed, and even when I feel woefully inadequate.

[phthallus]

HARM to people WITHOUT pre-existing health conditions = HARM.

HARM to people WITH pre-existing health conditions = HARM.

HARM to people = HARM.

[phthallus]

Please, call me opossum.

Possum was my father.

[phthallus]

Straight-passing tenor this, straight-passing tenor that…

Nah.

Gimme fruity baritone.

I want the high-key queers and the ambiguous are-they aren’t theys.

I want the baritenors and the bass-baritones.

I want the bisexuals who are assumed to be gay by some people and straight by others but somehow still don’t get read as they are.

I want the guys with rich, supported tone who actually aren’t going to opt-up, thank you.

Gimme fruity baritone, PLEASE.

Thank you.

Footnote: There are many kind, hard-working, and talented straight-passing tenors out there. This post just isn’t about them.

[phthallus]

What was with all the “sociopathic” and “incapable-of-feeling emotion” characters on TV who very clearly just had autism and/or high-functioning depression?