“Hey. Don’t join cults.” Example red flags.
Don’t think “hey, I’m smart, I won’t get sucked into a cult. :/” Smart people get sucked into cults all the time. Learning how to recognize manipulative speech and behavior isn’t about being smart. Since I am always worrying about novices wandering into cults because they’re interested in witchcraft or the occult, here are some pretty obvious warning signs of a group having uncomfortably cult-like tendencies:
There is a clearly defined leader, who is resistant to criticism from inside or outside their group
There are continuing financial demands from members that are unsustainable or unreasonable, and usually is controlled by a single leader
The “there is a specific leader” that is venerated just for being the leader thing is a big warning on its own.
Love bombing. It often doesn’t come with any explicit understanding that a group’s love for you is only extended to fully committed members of the group; it’s not that you are liked, specifically, but that they like what you represent. A new or potential recruit. Huge hugs and big smiles and immediate acceptance on day one, for a complete stranger, doesn’t make emotional sense.
The group or the leader works to separate you from your external friends and family members outside the group. There might be a “they can never understand what we do” or “they are trying to get you to leave us” manipulation. Big red flag. That’s an attempt to make you cut out your own exit strategies.
Abuse cannot be tolerated in a group. That includes emotional, mental, physical, or sexual abuse. Read up on kinds of abuse. Sometimes you have to call the whistle on abuse happening to yourself in your life.
“We’re the only right thing. There are no other right things in the world. If you leave, bad things will happen. Outside people are bad. You have to stay with us to stay safe. You have to listen to us and the leader.” RED FLAG.
Hazing. If the entrance to a group is based on putting you in a physically or emotionally humiliating or painful position, making you do something you don’t agree with, asking you something unpleasant or awful, hey, consider this: fuck that?
Excessive mystery. Sure, a secret society is not going to tell you everything, but they should at least be able to tell you the name of the leaders, who to contact, what groups they split off of, any training they had as an initiate in other groups, if they are initiated in anything else, the general idea of what they do, etc. You should also be able to ask them if they demand anything sky-clad or if they drink alcohol, for instance, and if there is a minimum age for entry.
There should be a minimum age for entry. It should be the legal age of adulthood. Full stop.
They demand that you forgo or stop your medical treatments, including psychiatric medication. It’s one thing to provide evidence as to their own opinion on the efficacy of modern medicine. It’s another to peer pressure you out of cancer treatments or treatments for chronic illness.
Any leader claiming they are the true herald of your god or the only one who can speak to them the “right way”. Even initiatory traditions will be able to recommend other ordained priests and initiated religious leaders in their tradition who are reputable diviners.
Research existing cults. Listen to cult survivors. They often have a great perspective on the manipulation they underwent in order to get sucked into a foreign mindset to their own.
When in doubt: is this something a Scient*logist would do to recruit me? Is this something a scientol*gist would do to keep me in a cult? Exploit my faith? Take my money? Follow me around? Is this something really cool, or do I just like the idea that I get to join a really cool secret society? Will this put my safety or wellbeing at risk? Will I lose my career, friends, family, or health by continuing in this group? A cult could be anything– a self help group, coven, discord server, groupchat, online class, anything. There is no limit as to the format. My reading recommendation for navigating this kind of situation in witchcraft is Traditional Wicca by Thorn Mooney. Even if you are not Wiccan, it’s still a great primer on how to look for a functioning coven that matches your safety and personal spiritual needs. It’s a thorough read on the subject matter of looking for a spiritual group to join.
Be safe. Be smart. Be cautious. And most of all, remember– when it comes to your spiritual experience, you should be in charge of it. No one else. You are the witch.
