Polyverse

Posts around (trans-inclusive) feminism, bisexuality, polyamory, mental health, composting the rich, keeping hope, and so on.... started this blog in 2011 so assume I am an adult and also tired :)

[therapatical]

[closet-keys]

if you ask the average person what they know about bottom surgery (literally any bottom surgery) their answer will be "I've heard it's not very good." like across the board. they will say that the technology "isn't there yet" and that it works/looks/feels "different"

(they can't describe how with any specifics. they usually do not know surgeries are often multiple-stages with multiple procedures involved, and certainly not the names for these procedures. there is never any consideration given that "difference" might be desirable or actively pursued by some, or that anyone wants an end result that does not involve pericis normative genitals at all).

that is what people have unconsciously absorbed culturally before they ever look into it themselves. all information about these surgeries has to first pass the barrier of "but I've heard it's not very good."

there is also a very common prejudice that trans people are manipulative, hiding bodily information, and trying to "lure" people into transness.

when this baseline "common sense" about bottom surgery (that it is bad) is conflicted by information from a trans person (who by default is imagined to be manipulative, hiding information about it, and trying to lure you), people's initial reaction is to assume the trans person is lying and attempting to coerce people into surgery.

it creates this paradoxical position where no one who has actually had these surgeries are taken seriously, and only people who have the least accurate medical information about trans people's bodies are trusted to speak about them. the less you know about healthcare, the more "objective" your descriptions.

this is frustrating always, but for those trans people who have gotten these surgeries, and are constantly treated as unreliable witnesses to their own bodies in favor of the clearly 'unbiased' descriptions of transphobic asshole #5642498, I suspect it takes on a surreal absurdity that is apt to jokerfy anyone

[vexheart]

[mildmayfoxe]

i think if you’re feeling a certain kind of way and you know why you’re feeling it & you’ve done everything you can about the problem causing the feeling for the time being you should be able to go to your guardian angel and smile beatifically and say “i’ve done my feelings homework” and they smile beatifically back at you and say “alright my child” and they tap you on the head and you feel an immense sense of peace that washes through you and escapes as light from your fingertips and then you feel normal again

[steamandcream]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[steamandcream]

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

[ouroborosorder]

”there’s no glory in suffering” and “sometimes the effort is the point” are two ideas that co-exist but god damn if I can ever tell when’s the time for which

[peach-pot]

AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT AMATONORMATIVITY. even if you’re an allo person who has a romantic relationship that you center a lot of your life around, even if being romantically fulfilled is one of your biggest goals in life, amatonormativity cheapens that decision! if these things are deeply important to you, don’t you want to have the opportunity to fully choose them for yourself instead of having them just be assumed parts of your life? even if you choose the path amatonormativity pushes onto everyone, the ability to CHOOSE it is important, and if you ask me, makes it more meaningful.

[lenasai]

you know how some cis people question their gender, really explore it, and then come to the conclusion that they really are cis and unlock cis+? you can do this as an alloromantic person too! i encourage people who aren't aro to really think about what kinds of relationships they want to center in their lives and what they want out of those relationships.

maybe you do this exploration and come to the conclusion that you really do personally see being in a romantic relationship as your highest priority. if that's the case, congratulations! you have unlocked alloro+ and you have my respect for that 👍

[justangrymacaroni]

shaking women by their shoulders with all my strength, screaming YOU DONT NEED TO GET PERMISSION TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE!!!!

[justangrymacaroni]

you can choose to break up with someone for any reason. and it’s your choice. you’re allowed. you don’t need to ask for permission. you don’t even need to do it in person. you won’t get in trouble. in fact, most of the time you’ll be in trouble for fucking staying.

[justangrymacaroni]

they don’t even have to suck! you can just be tired! or bored! or want to be single! you don’t have to stay with a person you don’t want to be with because they “are such a good person and haven’t done anything wrong”!

WHY DO I KEEP TALKING TO WOMEN WHO ARE STUCK IN RELATIONSHIPS THEY DONT WANT TO BE IN

[justangrymacaroni]

with no-fault divorces currently on the fucking chopping block, we really need to start telling young women that they have autonomy when it comes to their romantic relationships.

no, you don’t have to date that guy just cuz he wants to date you.

no, you don’t have to stay with her because she doesn’t want to break up.

no, you don’t have to keep dating them even though they haven’t cheated/abused you/whatever horrible thing is your only reference for ending a relationship.

this is basic info, but you’d be surprised at how many women don’t understand this, or feel like it’s not true.

[justangrymacaroni]

and before ANYONE says that this goes for everyone, not just women, yes of course it does. anyone of any gender can suffer from this.

but let’s not deny that women are taught this shit from a young age. be virtuous, forgiving, kind, soft, turn the other cheek, it’s just cuz he’s a man and you’re a girl and you don’t understand. stay with him or you’re a bitch.

[gatherround]

[nerdygaymormon]

[dunkthebiscuit]

This is why Pride is not just a party. It's a joyful celebration, but it's also a pointed and colourful two-finger salute to a world that stood back whilst so many of us died. And we'll never go quietly, never again.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

When we were children, my sister had private music lessons at her violin teacher’s house. I only visited there once, but I still remember that afternoon. The teacher had an artificial pond in her yard, a large beautiful thing with lily pads and plant life. And in the pond, there were goldfish. I had never seen such enormous goldfish. 

I spent several minutes just staring at them (and trying to convince them to bite my fingers.) When my sister’s violin lesson ended, her teacher came out to the yard and explained that these goldfish were the same small creatures that were often unfortunately sold in plastic bags at state fairs. They were only about two inches long apiece, when she bought them and put them in the new, empty pond. In essence, they were like every goldfish I had seen before, but they had been given a much larger, much richer environment in which to flourish. As a result, they had grown into some of the most remarkable, vibrant creatures my twelve-year-old self had ever met with. All because of a pond. 

Funny what lessons children remember. My sister doesn’t play the violin anymore, but that was the first time I caught a glimpse of the overwhelming extent to which it matters, the way the world treats us.

[yellow-hatco]

Reblogged again for this drawing I made for it

[221b-hound]

Give us room to grow and see how we flourish.

[nealashitposts]

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

[nealashitposts]

I suspect they were trying to keep me busy and distracted while they cleaned up the corpse in the living room?!?

[nealashitposts]

someone said tumblr nuked this post, but I could never be so lucky.

[mildmayfoxe]

1) any stretching is better than no stretching

2) any vegetable is better than no vegetable

3) statistically you will never be the worst person at anything, there is always someone in the world who is worse at stuff than you are

[helsinore]

Did you ducks know that you can read the 1989 Kimberle Crenshaw paper about Intersectionality right now. You can literally download it for free from the hyperlink in this post. You can literally just read it please read it.

Recommended Citation

Crenshaw, Kimberle () "Demarginalizing the Intersection of Race and Sex: A Black Feminist Critique of Antidiscrimination Doctrine,

Feminist Theory and Antiracist Politics," University of Chicago Legal Forum: Vol. 1989: Iss. 1, Article 8.

Available at: http://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/uclf/vol1989/iss1/8

[taliabhattwrites]

Instead of trying to intuit what the theory means through Tumblr and vibes, you can:

Just Read The Damn Paper!

It's not that long! It's quite accessible! You can feel just how annoyed Crenshow is at the logical inconsistencies in a biased system! It's really informative!

Just Read The Damn Paper! Be Literate! Try It Now!

[polyversity]

"Wallpaper facts" are past events that you mention in passing which make someone go "oh, I'm so sorry", but for you they happened so long ago that they're two-dimensional facts with the emotion faded (unless you think about them).

For example, you say "We moved here when I was 8 after my mum died and...". Then the person interjects with "I'm sorry, I didn't know your mum died". And for a moment, you don't know what to say. It's nice that they empathise, but it's just a fact right now, you weren't trying to get into it. You wonder if you're weird for not feeling emotional about it.

It's like if your internal mind was a house, and it was decorated a certain way that you'd stopped noticing. It's not ideal but it's home, you know? Then someone visits and goes "yikes, why is that giant picture of a wasp on your wall? And why is it....bleeding?? While smiling like that?". You say "oh, sure. That's just the wasp. I didn't choose it but you get used to it". To you it's just wallpaper in the background.

Being used to something doesn't mean it's not important, or that you don't care, or it wasn't significant. You're not broken (to state the obvious) if someone seems to be more emotional at you mentioning a trauma than how you feel about it at that moment. That's just time and the human brain. If we didn't process things we couldn't live.

[psshaw]

[lilifred]

everyone's talking about the ibs/autism haha funny comparison thing while I'm still stuck on the concept that hamsters exist in the wild. like naturally

tf do you mean they're a wild creature. you find those ankle-biters at the pet store

[psshaw]

Not a biologist, but the evolution of mammals is way more granular than you might expect. Humans are the sole surviving species of the genus Homo, which was a real party before the other ones went extinct. You're in for a fun time.

Domestic cats are believed to be domesticated not from tigers, but from the African wildcat:

Which evolved to be small just because it's sometimes more useful to be small.

And no, hamsters are not off-brand rats. They're part of the rodent order, which includes beavers, moles, capybaras, guinea pigs (yes, also wild) and lots of other fun things:

[thesecretuncle]

Shit. This dude knows an extreme amount about a niche subject. Crazy what you can accomplish when you have treatment resistant IBS

[psshaw]

I want it on record that I shit mostly normal.

[profeminist]

“The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: It’s a girl.”

“Tremendous amounts of talent are lost to our society just because that talent wears a skirt.”

“I want history to remember me, not that I was the first black woman to be elected to the Congress, not as the first black woman to have made a bid for the presidency of the United States, but as a black woman who lived in the 20th century and who DARED TO BE HERSELF.

I want to be remembered as a CATALYST FOR CHANGE IN AMERICA.”

- Shirley Chisholm, American politician, educator, and author.

More posts on the amazing Shirley Chisholm

[dysaniadisorder]

i hate this weird sense of internalized queerphobia of like. being visibly and really loudly queer is somehow immature and childish and one day you'll grow up and fall into cishet line and stop

[dysaniadisorder]

#conforming is not synonymous with maturity

I love you so much for saying this

[duchessvongooseberg]

i thought about "conforming is not synonymous with maturity" for about 2 seconds and realized just how precisely it is the polar opposite of conservatism