porcelain and gold

mari • 28 • texas • they/them

[cosmicretreat]

Bruce Campbell, his dad, and his body doubles on the set of Army of Darkness (1992)

[sourcreammachine]

look upon my sons and despair

[thememedaddy]

[another-random-dom-4]

I think they're right. If a woman asked me this, I'd think about it for a minute, and then I'd want to know if she meant what these three jobs were really like (I'm assuming she means taking on one of these roles in the past, since while there are still cowboys and pirates, samurai haven't really existed since the Meiji Restoration), or how they're imagined in pop-culture. If it's the actual, real job, I'm gonna say cowboy, because the other two are different kinds of assholes who kill people, whereas cowboy is, mostly, just fucking hard work. If it's the pop-culture versions, I'm gonna say pirate, because they generally enjoy themselves more than the other two, particularly since samurai spend all their time doing as they're told, fighting nobly etc. and being a cowboy is still a lot of fucking hard work.

And from this, the lady would easily be able to tell that my true personality is that of a pedantic nerd.

[zoesupreme]

Clearly a pervert

Who me? Yeah

[porcelainandgold]

soooooo is modern dating just not for neurodivergent people orrrrrrr

because genuinely I KNOW I’m a good communicator, I work SO HARD at it but my fuckin god. I am 31 years old and having to play games with other grown ass adults but it’s not a fun game it’s a stressful game. it feels like I’m playing settlers of catan up in this bitch my GOD.

and then like a full 1/3 of my friends are poly which only ever reminds me that I am, as the kids say, chronically ill AND bitchless. call me tarnished the way I have zero maidens. @ poly people quit hogging all the hotties and leave some for the rest of us I am in a DROUGHT

[abandonedambition]

you know what? I WILL play with jpgs like dolls. what if life could be dream

[fullmetalfisting]

…. For now

[miiilowo]

theyare friends. :)

[orcboxer]

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

I heard this post so clearly in my head that I had to try voicing it

Visit Original Link

[butchfagminotaur]

it’s nice seeing other people starting to open their eyes to what i’ve been saying for a while in that the current use and proliferation of the term “gooning” is an outright tool of fascism

[butchfagminotaur]

the second “gooning” stopped referring to a specific sexual practice and started to be used as a replacement for “masturbation” we needed to kill it immediately and sadly we didn’t

[butchfagminotaur]

if you call someone a “masturbator” in a derisive way you sound like a fucking mormon but suddenly you switch to calling them a “gooner” and you’ve created a way to express the same puritanical beliefs around masturbation that is not only palatable to the average person but the attached underlying implications of the term make people way more susceptible to adopting those beliefs themselves

leftists need to fucking stop using the term “gooner” right fucking now

[butchfagminotaur]

demonizing human sexuality and treating masturbation and sexual activity as deviant and disgusting are straight up fascist tools and it’s startling how successful this aspect of it has been the last few years

[velvetys]

How is bnha anime of the decade...... they aren’t even anime of the hour of the minute of the second

[grimeclown]

The notes on this post were so toxic that staff just axed em

[abraxasrinbalt]

1969.........

[harperhug]

Yes, when the original post is deleted from the server (not just the blog, but the Tumblr servers), there is no root post for notes to be added onto, and also no root post for time to be counted from, so it starts from zero. Most computer operating systems use Unix, which was launched in 1971 with t.he epoch date of midnight on January 1, 1970 as 1. Therefore zero is one second behind that date: December 31, 1969. Also, very unfortunately, this also means nobody except you and anyone you reblog it to will see this explanation, as you cannot open the notes to see comments when there are no notes.

[ti0mumu]

[nick-nonya]

Tumblr is truly one of the webbed sites ever

[solnight99]

ohmg

[aroace-ryland-grace]

[thegreatlazule]

post's haunted.

[depsidase]

[parkchanwoohoo]

[eeveestho]

ok but the full translation is also extremely good

[human-pet-girl]

that translation is accurate except for that last part. pflegestufe doesnt really translate to a state of need, its moreso means that the weed would leave you disabled in a way that makes you legally eligible for care or assistance

[girlactionfigure]

Link / Link

[lemonsharks]

“How would a chicken wear pants?”

- Richard Beale, 1784

[vbartilucci]

Thank you, Richard Beale, for making our opinion of the past slightly more ridiculous.

[veryberryskye]

yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-

did she just win.

[the-stew-goblin]

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

[veryberryskye]

wait wait wait stew goblin wait

[peachdelta]

get ready for the wedding

[penandinkprincess]

listen i'm not advocating for exotic animals as pets, but i really just feel like cheetahs are probably different

i feel like we need to give them another shot as housebeasts

[penandinkprincess]

this is a critter who wants greenies and then to take a nap on the couch next to me, and i KNOW it

[penandinkprincess]

cheetah in House perfec t size for put inside! inside very Soft and Comfort cheetah sleep soundly put cheetah in House. Put Cheetah In House. no problems ever in cheetah in ho use because good Happy and Satisfy for human where sleep. House yes a place for a cheetah put cheetah in house can trust cheetah for giveing good love to humans in house. friend cheetah

[justasmidgx]

I mean, as someone who as worked in a zoo, this is fairly true.

Obvious disclaimer that you shouldn't have wild animals as pets.

But like, cheetahs are the only large cats that keepers will do free contact with. Hell, even most small cats don't get free contact. (Because small cats can be VICIOUS. They'll have a baby pallas cat wearing thicker gloves than when handling an owl. Because small cats can just be vicious.)

Like I think the only other cat at our zoo where I've seen free contact with was servals? Because I know they've used servals in shows to demonstrate their natural jumping ability. But I know servals can sometimes have a mean temper as well. Meanwhile they'll do the cheetah run and afterwards put the mic by the cheetahs and it's just like an engine with them purring. It's fascinating to watch when the message in every other large animal is "no free contact because it's dangerous even when they're born in captivity".

Legit if any wild animal could be adapted to a pet it would be cheetahs lmao. Only problem is they can be skittish and very anxious and that's why they're often raised around dogs in zoos to gain confidence.

[penandinkprincess]

congrats, i award you funniest take on this post

[moringmark]

[runcibility]

I liked this post, scrolled for like another minute before I went “SHIT FUCK SHIT” and scrolled back to reblog it

[quadriviummuse]

I always reblog this one when I see it on my dash. When someone posts their own art, writing, or music here they are really hoping you will share it.

[beardedmrbean]

[theman]

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

[tattooedzombigirl]

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

[secondlina]

Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.

[sinksanksockie2]

w-what if potato is actually lucky

[sirompp]

hi. i made some images.

feel free to take them and use for whatever you may need them for. no credit required

[eater-of-the-sand]

can you please make one for Ireland

[sirompp]

yeah okay

[jellyfish-grave]

[sword-wielding-sapphic]

first rule of fandom is everything goes back to destiel

second rule of fandom is everything goes back to kirk/spock

third rule of fandom is everything goes back to holmes & watson

fourth rule of fandom is everything goes back to achilles & patroclus

[sword-wielding-sapphic]

the funny thing is. I originally typed out "fifth rule of fandom is everything goes back to gilgamesh & enkidu" but then I thought 'no, I can't trust that people will be familiar with the epic of gilgamesh'

I should have known. nerd ass website.