unreliable narrator vibes

sierra | 22

[tatzelwurming]

girl are you a medieval executioner bc you are torturing me with your rack

[segamascott]

[stormsbourne]

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

[tibli]

tbf to the body, stomach bugs are easier to flush out since they are already in The System That Flushes Things Out From The Body, and that includes BOTH ends.

with a cold you gotta wait for the macrophages in your blood to start Eating Everything, and they are. not big. it takes them a while. please be more considerate of your macrophages in the future, theyre doing their best

[marlinspirkhall]

I've got to find myself more macrophage

[acesexualspock]

Now Hiring: macrophages

[lakesbian]

saddest thing that can happen is a cat so delicately and cozy putting their small apple head on your leg like a pillow to sleep while fully unaware that in like five minutes you're going to get up to go eat because they don't know human language or how time works

[sandersstudies]

Me, having been immobile for three hours: hmm I should get up and pee

The world’s tiniest angel: time for snomgol my mommi :)

[rivvytrick-deactivated20260515]

you just doordashed yourself a knuckle sandwich pal

[iced-coffee-chronicles]

openin’ the door to the microwave one second early because you don’t need all the hootin’ and hollerin’

[someguyiguess-deactivated202511]

spiders have got to figure out contracting I need to be able to call my local spiders union and be like "hey can you send a guy out for a few days the fruit flies are back" and then pay it in spider currency. I'll learn the conversion rates. I'll be generous with my rounding. please.

[squeakitties]

i just rescued a pill bug they’re gonna reward me with a million pill bucks i’m gonna be a fucking pillionaire

[freebasegod]

i used to be a green onion

[dykemd]

i should only be charged a symbolic amount of 10 cents for my groceries because i have kind eyes and my intentions are pure

[depsidase]

[tomorrowillbeyou]

chuckling indulgently.. oh go on... i suppose a LITTLE bit of monica in my life wouldn't hurt

[thatonelazyumsomething]

[metanarrates]

WE'RE MAKING IT OUT OF THE TIME LOOP WITH THIS ONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[metanarrates]

WE'RE MAKING IT OUT OF THE TIME LOOP WITH THIS ONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[metanarrates]

WE'RE MAKING IT OUT OF THE TIME LOOP WITH THIS ONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[metanarrates]

WE'RE MAKING IT OUT OF THE TIME LOOP WITH THIS ONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[metanarrates]

WE'RE MAKING IT OUT OF THE TIME LOOP WITH THIS ONE ‼️‼️‼️‼️

[movedclonekisser-deactivated202]

Me: yeah in the future we make fun of hipsters again. But we don't call them that, we call them "guys into stomp clap hey" and joke about how they like mediocre overpriced burgers and make podcasts

The 2010s fandom blogger I time traveled to, visibly shaking: can we please go back to that thing you said about destiel

[yms1]

what doesn't kill you makes you stay on tumblr for 13 years and counting

[lornasallydane]

Computer. Iris by the goo goo dolls. Loud enough to kill.

[boatgrave-deactivated20250901]

tumblr is like a pseudo afterlife because everyone on here was supposed to kill themselves a long time ago