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[fractally]

A reason I like asshole/scary Shane is I like imagining that Ilya has no fucking clue what anyone means by that. Because Ilya's one of the only people on the planet who isn't intimidated by Shane's looks and hockey skill, since he also has both. And he's not put off by Shane's insane commuication style because he's also terminally avoidant, and also an asshole, and Slavic. And he doesn't see the full brunt of Shane's dismissiveness because Ilya Rozanov exists in the warmth of Shane's gaze

Idk there's just something so funny to me about everyone else being like, "Yeah man....that guy is scary as fuck. I once watched him watch tape for 15 minutes straight without blinking. I played on the Mets for three years and he only ever called me by my number" while Ilya is twirling his hair and doodling "Mr. Hollander ✨❤️" in his notebooks in gel pen and imagining Shane as a particularly strange and cute little animal that he can poke to see how it reacts

[hutsonwoolyums]

Hey, do you remember when they got to the cottage and Shane carried Ilya’s bag inside and then when they got inside he was all nervous and tentative and rambling about cokes and his well and standing so sweetly waiting to be kissed which of course Ilya understood, so then they kiss and almost knock over a lamp on their way to the couch where Shane is careful not to hurt Ilya’s ribs and Ilya’s got his hand down Shane’s pants because he wants to fuck, please but Shane is like wait I’ll be quick and then Ilya’s like me too and we get the most adorable “really? really? 😄” from Shane and then he lays out the emotional stakes for their two weeks at the cottage and Ilya agrees to try to be honest for him and then Ilya wants to see his room and they’re being so playful with each other even when their lips are drawn together like magnets and Shane teases Ilya about the en suite bathroom as they walk toward Shane’s their bedroom and then Shane pretends to be a bellboy and calls Ilya “sir” so Ilya pushes Shane onto the bed and pins him down and they’re all happy giggly smiling with each other and Shane just goes limp from being under Ilya and Ilya starts to kiss down Shane’s throat but then Shane’s like “wait” and Ilya does but he looks so confused and his hair is already messed up and when he realizes Shane’s going to close the blinds he’s like no way, I am fucking you in broad daylight I want to see everything and then he’s got Shane backed up against the window and he’s kissing down Shane’s neck again and their hands are all grabby and Shane’s going limp and his head makes a thunk sound against the glass before he gets on his knees for Ilya and then Ilya’s hands are gripping at nothing against the window and he just rests his head there while he watches Shane blow him?

I liked that. 🙂‍↕️

[sharpestlives]

some of you people are so annoying. i mean me too but good lord

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[jesse-is-spiralling]

[grendelsmilf]

a boyfriend is a type of parasite that lives in a beautiful woman’s house and drains her life force

[myshangel]

I feel like shane thinks troy has unshakeable loser energy. like troy feels sorry for himself. and shane probably does forgive him on some level but he does not fuck with that energy.

oh 100000% I think ur so right he just doesn't fuck with troys energy . one time he tells ilya "i just don't like the way he feels so bad for himself, it reminds me of anya. huh maybe that's why Harris likes him" and he doesn't mean it maliciously at all but ilya laughs so hard he almost passes out #HisBitchyHusband

[russianblush]

oh my for 1221 thigh fuck … holy fuck ilya already had lube, right, because he was #hopeful and he presses all up along shane's back and slicks up his fingers and teases him open, saying 'this is how we'd do it' and shane is so fucking overcome with how Full he feels he is just moaning imagining how much bigger ilya's cock is gonna be, and once he's good and loose ilya withdraws his fingers and gets into position and shane has a slash of apprehension through him because wait he said- and then ilya is pushing his legs together and his breath is hot on shane's neck as his cock slides through, and ohmygod it's wet and shane is involuntarily clenching his thighs tighter and ilya is groaning and biting down on shane's shoulder to muffle it and his thrusts are steady and harsh and his cock head is brushing against shane's open hole and his head feels fuzzy and he opens his mouth to say fuckit rozanov just put it in but then ilya's fingers are in his mouth and shane didn't realize he was moaning that loud and his legs are flexing together and ilya is murmuring 'so tight for me, do you think your ass will just as tight?' and then his hand wraps around shane's cock and shane comes immediately. and then of course ilya comes too and it splatters all across shane's ass and thighs and lands in his back dimples and shane can't get to the shower quick enough to wash away the mess and the deep yawning terrifying want in him that he makes ilya chase his hole for 2 years

shane being so buzzy over the head of ilya’s cock pressing against him that he genuinely is begging for it YUPPPPPPPP. this is also furthering the agenda of shane being so horny for the just the tip stuff ilya likes to play around with sometimes because it brings him back to moments like this

[razielim]

imagine you're don abene for a second.

you encounter a secunit for the first time.

it saves your life in a situation where no one else would have been fast, strong, agile, and composed enough to do so.

your security team is immediately more alarmed by its presence than the attack that is obvious to you as the bigger issue at the moment

they insist it's dangerous and struggle to relax enough to take their weapons off of it

then a combatbot attacks your group

somehow this secunit, much smaller than the bot, unarmored, without any heavy weaponry on its person, manages to take it down. some real jaw-dropping action, all over in less than a minute

then it leaps into a room with two combatbots and not only survives, but it gets your unconscious friend out alive

then it immediately comes to your own rescue, disabling impressive combat armor

it then is dead-set on killing your attacker who is already immobilized and harmless

clearly this is an incredibly competent and dangerous and powerful person

then miki tells you that it IS rin and you finally put it together that not only is this person competent in the field, but it is also calling all its own shots and has truly come here all on its own and volunteered its services to help and protect you without needing to be asked or ordered

so this person is incredibly competent, dangerous, powerful, AND kind, AND fiercely protective, AND reassuring, AND intelligent, AND selfless

and it's still coming up with great ideas and still thinking proactively about how it's going to face down or distract another combatbot as though there's no doubt in the world that it, still bleeding heavily, still unarmored and barely armed, is ready for another round with a terrifying machine that appears to be nothing BUT armor and weapons

so you step forward to help treat its injuries

and it jerks back a step with the single most frightened face you've ever seen, as though you had lifted your arm to inflict pain and it was helpless to stop you

behind you, even miki can read the devastating expression that's breaking your heart and says "abene won't hurt you, secunit"

where did the fearsome fighter from moments ago disappear to?

who did this to it?

[hothockey]

what's important to remember about the 'we didn't even kiss' unsent text is that shane is not mad at ILYA about the sex they had. he leapt readily into the sex, slutty arch that ensared millions on display etc.

no, shane's in the elevator, biting his lips red, wishing it was ilya's spit he was tasting and he is mad at HIMSELF for wanting to be kissed, for wanting MORE and recognizes (by ilya setting the tone of the sex as competitive -- not personal, by his own estimation of their relationship) that what sex they SHOULD/MUST be having according to the twin torture nexus is not sex where they kiss each other like they need each other's mouth to breathe. 'we didn't even kiss' is 'i, shane hollander, once again want something i cannot have, because that is what i do, lug around a want so ugly and so loud and so mighty that i fear people can read it at a glance across 200 ft of cold, powdery ice.'

[knucklecurve]

as a child, were you told not to shower when it was raining/storming outside

yes

no

Remaining time: 1 hour 17 minutes

[andthepeople]

clark kent ticking the organ donor box on his drivers license automatically out of the goodness of his heart and then panicking because what if he actually dies somehow and some human gets a super heart what would even HAPPEN like he can't have his kryptonian retinas with laser vision donated to a random eight year old and so he has to awkwardly go back to the DMV to get it changed to not an organ donor but he's so embarrassed the whole time because the DMV employees will think he's a bad person that by the time he's done he has to go cry in the car

[or-midnight]

plot twist he's so clearly distressed and sad about doing this that the dmv folks just quietly assume he must have received some kind of awful medical diagnosis that makes him ineligible to donate and the first clerk that helped him immediately takes a smoke break and sees him crying in the car and that's how Clark gets at least 3 rock solid anonymous sources at the dmv and a free off-brand coke from the break room fridge.

[idiopath-fic-smile]

Whats keep it stedy?

hi! Keep It Steady is an in-progress audio drama that I wrote and executive produce. the plot of Keep It Steady follows a teenager named Zach (a disaffected stoner), who in 2005 winds up fake-dating his idealistic and politically active classmate Gabe in order to take focus off their two female friends who actually want to date for real.

it's based on a fanfic called World Ain't Ready which i also wrote. is it self-indulgent to executive produce an adaptation of my own fic? probably, but shit, we all die someday, you know? might as well be Extra in the meantime.

there are eleven episodes out, and one more to go!

[tinylilhollander]

Just imagining Ilya admitting to Shane during their first year as a couple post-cottage, that it's always been his dream to have an arcade in his house one day, because it was so rare that he was ever allowed to go to one growing up. And Shane immediately starts secretly reaching out to his contractors, asking how possible it would be to build an extension on his games room. For the rest of the year, Shane spends every free moment checking the building progress, sourcing machines, finding people to restore the ones that are a little beat up, pushing to get everything done before the season ends.

He gets to the cottage a day before Ilya's due to arrive to get all the groceries and snacks they'd need for their two weeks, but also to check the new arcade and it's absolutely perfect. He's so excited going to fetch Ilya he can barely contain himself. He thinks that he'll like it, but there's a small part of his mind that's like is it too much though?

"Excited to be going back?" Ilya asks, taking the hand Shane's been nervously drumming against the wheel. And Shane can't even really speak. He just nods, and brings Ilya's hand up to his lips to kiss it.

When they get to the cottage, Ilya immediately starts dragging him off in the direction of the bedroom, and Shane digs his heels in. Ilya turns around looking concerned.

"Something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," says Shane, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I just have something to show you and I'm not going to be able to think about anything else until I do. Come with me."

Ilya only looks marginally less worried as Shane leads him to the games room.

"See anything new?" he asks, and Ilya dutifully looks around for anything that looks different from last time.

"You have bookshelves now," says Ilya. "I did not know we would be doing so much reading this time."

And Shane laughs and tells him to take a closer look. When Ilya approaches the bookshelf and notices the little wooden loon, Shane knows his plan will work. As soon as Ilya tries to pick it up, presumably to chirp him about it, it tips and the bookshelf springs forward on one side. Ilya turns back to Shane looking like a kid at Christmas.

"You have a secret room now? A sex dungeon? My Shane, are you planning to do wicked things to me in here for the next two weeks?"

"Just go look, asshole," Shane laughs, following Ilya into the room, heart catching when Ilya sees it for the first time.

"An arcade?" he asks, awestruck. "You have an arcade?"

"You have an arcade. Or, I mean, we have an arcade." Ilya turns to look at him. "I know you've always wanted one and I want the cottage to be yours as much as it's mine so I, uh—"

And that's all he can say for the next few minutes because suddenly he finds himself crowded against a claw game being kissed to within an inch of his life.

"You're so fucking crazy, Hollander," says Ilya when they eventually part, pressing his forehead to Shane's. "A fucking secret arcade. Thank you, lyubimyy. I don't even know how to say it. Just thank you. I love you and your big crazy heart so fucking much."

And Shane laughs and presses a small kiss to his lips.

"Happy anniversary, baby. I love you too."

[rainbow-femme]

They move in together full time and Ilya notices that Anya acts differently with Shane than she does with him, more quiet and less playful, and he worries that means she doesn’t like Shane or is jealous, so he hires a dog trainer to come over and see if there’s anything they need to do to help

After a while of talking about how Anya acts the trainer says there’s nothing to worry about, Anya likes Shane just fine, it’s just that she sees him as the boss and is acting accordingly

And Ilya is like. But. I’m the one who adopted her? And raised her before Shane got here?? And the trainer is just like yeah well she sees you more like an equal. And Ilya is like WAIT she thinks Shane is in charge of both of us?? And the trainer is just like well do you interact in a way that would make her think that?

Ilya’s life flashes before his eyes as he thinks of all the times Shane has come over with a snack for Ilya and a treat for Anya, or all the times Shane has announced they’re all going for an after dinner walk, or pets Ilya’s hair and tells him he did a good job at practice, or the fact that he uses the same warning tone with Anya when she misbehaves as he does with Ilya when he’s causing problems on purpose

Shane comes home to Ilya with his face in his hands going oh god I’m not Anya’s dad I’m her brother and she thinks we’re both your pets. And Shane just goes. What.

[myshangel]

because they are in love. like they're literally in love. shane is putting a blanket on ilyas shoulders and making his coffee and kissing his shoulder because it's close. ilya is lining their shoes up at the door and organising the refrigerator and buying the gross brand of toothpaste because it's the one shane likes and he wants to fall asleep with the taste of him and wake up with it too . like they're in love

[darlingofdots]

In the background of the video clip, posted by a fan at the hotel breakfast just before Christmas 2018, Shane Hollander is talking on the phone. He looks tired but he's smiling, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with a fork. "I saw, baby," he says. "No, definitely, no way that was slashing, I'm with you. You'll get them next time, though. Beautiful goal you got in the first, that was so fucking sexy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Love you."

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

And Shane Hollander is so consumed by jealousy he almost chokes.

[martelldoran]

@jimmysownworld you can't leave this in the tags

[darlingofdots]

Loving the idea that after some time has passed and everybody has calmed tf down, it becomes a silly little joke like yeah, how's my girlfriend's boyfriend doing?, they mostly hang out at hockey events especially once the Irina Foundation is a bit more established and Shane is putting more effort into his charity work but then they just always end up getting tipsy in a corner together, talking puck and bitching about the press and their own sick enjoyment, all three of them laughing and it's genuinely fun and he's fine, it's fine, Shane is not burning alive with greed at all.

Leila sends him a photo the next morning at buttfuck o'clock of her gf in running gear like "i told her Shane Hollander would bring me breakfast in bed, not abandon me to go exercise" and Shane replies "so sorry to disappoint you also does this mean Marie got the code for the hotel gym?" and then they gradually become real friends and the next time they’re at some gala Leila's insta story complaining that "they’re ganging up on me" because Shane and Marie dragged her out for a run goes a bit too viral and of course the tabloids run all sorts of bullshit about how he's cheating in Rose Landry with Leila or on Leila with Marie or

once Hollanov are out and public the running joke is that everybody thought Ilya was the womaniser but Shane somehow managed to land three girlfriends at once

[ticklefighthockey]

the real fantasy of heated rivalry isn’t that the hot cocky sex god will fall in love with the uptight socially awkward virgin… the real fantasy is that you can be sooooooo fucking annoying & avoidant & allergic to intimacy and someone who is securely attached will nevertheless doggedly pursue you, make you feel your feelings, and then marry you