We're all stories in the end

Hi, I'm RHT (she/her). I'm a future biochemist, currently procrastinating writer, forever fangirl, proud queer ace, cat person, INFJ, lapsed violinist, progressive Christian, clueless new adult, and proud Hufflepuff. This is my pile of Shiny Things I Thought Were Cool. Feel free to browse but keep in mind that I run this blog for me for fun.

[prokopetz]

Trying to do a tarot reading but the guy across the table is running mono blue and keeps countering my major arcana.

[catasters]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Me when I wake up with a dry mouth and try to drink from my water bottle without sitting up or pouring water all over myself

[algebraic-dumbass]

we've heard of top surgery and bottom surgery, but what about charm surgery, strange surgery, up surgery and down surgery

[bed-bath-and-bazinga]

A story in three parts

[prokopetz]

Annoying traits of real cats to give your catgirl character that aren't just "zoomies" or "pushing things off of shelves":

If I like something, I will hoard multiple identical copies of it – the more the better

If a person I like is about to sit down, I will quickly and stealthily sit there first with the explicit goal of tricking them into sitting on me

If someone is looking for me, I will silently follow behind them, taking care to remain just outside their line of sight for as long as possible, then act surprised when they finally notice I'm there

If I see you eating, I will insist on being offered a taste even if it's something I know I don't like, and I'll be offended that you offered me something gross every single time

If I'm ever bored, my first impulse to alleviate that boredom is to bite the person standing next to me

[naamahdarling]

Ignores their own drink, shares yours.

Elaborately checks on you in the middle of the night by walking around and sniffing you over intrusively, then keeping a disgusted distance from you when you're actually sick. Leaving the room in a state of low key rage if you cough within 6 feet of her.

[cartoonsbyandie]

I have no explanation for this other than it's what pops into my head whenever I hear this on the radio

[prokopetz]

Annoying traits of real cats to give your catgirl character that aren't just "zoomies" or "pushing things off of shelves":

If I like something, I will hoard multiple identical copies of it – the more the better

If a person I like is about to sit down, I will quickly and stealthily sit there first with the explicit goal of tricking them into sitting on me

If someone is looking for me, I will silently follow behind them, taking care to remain just outside their line of sight for as long as possible, then act surprised when they finally notice I'm there

If I see you eating, I will insist on being offered a taste even if it's something I know I don't like, and I'll be offended that you offered me something gross every single time

If I'm ever bored, my first impulse to alleviate that boredom is to bite the person standing next to me

[delgrosso]

A platitude?

[delgrosso]

PERRY THE PLATITUDE!?

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

@network-rail

[redpandarascal]

in conversation about white people who go to Japan and expect their knowledge of anime to culturally carry them, I was once posed with “it’s like if there was a Japanese guy who was obsessed with spongebob and came over here and thought he could get by just communicating in spongebob quotes.” This is a false equivalence because if such a man existed we would crown him king. We’d love him. Americans would fucking love that. sometimes I get sad that this isn’t a real guy I can invite to a party.

[hong--zhi--zhu]

[frustratedasatruar]

[blair-kamo]

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

my greatest accomplishment in life is that I inadvertently made my friend break up with her shitty boyfriend by throwing her a really fucking awesome birthday party

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

okay so I fucking love event planning and decorating and hosting and baking, aka all the elements of a banger birthday party. I am so freaking happy to throw people parties because it means I get to throw a party, then go to a party! yippee!

so my friend's birthday rolled around and I knew she wanted a party because I'd done them for her before, but I wanted to make it extra special because she was turning the big 25. so I did all the regular stuff I am So Excited About: had her roommates let me into her apartment while she was out, put up balloons and homemade garlands and streamers and table decor, made her favorite cake and snack plates and cocktails, ordered catering from a restaurant she loves, got a bunch of our friends to come over to surprise her, wrote her a disgustingly heartfelt card, etc. and then because it was the big quarter century, I was like I gotta do something extra.

now. I do not like clowns. my friend loves clowns. we've gone to the circus together and she's seen me literally close my eyes and hide when the clowns are out in the audience, meanwhile she's screaming and waving at them. so obviously I hired a clown for her birthday. (btw seeing him out of clown costume made me less freaked out because now I knew that the guy under there looks like someone's uncle.)

so she showed up after work totally expecting a party because I'm too paranoid to throw a real surprise party, and obviously loved it. and then I was like btw. there's a clown.

she lost her mind. she was sooo excited. she loved the party and she loved the clown. I was like haha yes I'm getting a good grade in birthday parties and didn't think much of it because frankly I do this a lot, and it's so much fun for me that I don't consider it work. like, I love doing all that for my friends. it's not any kind of sacrifice.

two days later, she texted me that she broke up with her boyfriend.

naturally I was like omg tell me everything I hated that guy let's get coffee. so we did and she told me that for her birthday, her boyfriend of nine months 1) forgot about it and didn't get her anything, 2) got mad at her for not texting him while she was at her party, 3) got mad at her for telling him about the party because it was "passive aggressive", and 4) called her immature and stupid for being excited about a clown at her birthday.

this was all very in character for him. but she'd just come from a lovely birthday party full of her friends who love her and want to put effort into making a nice day for her, where her friend who hates clowns hired a clown just to make her happy even though the party alone would've been plenty. and suddenly this wasn't a boyfriend being kinda forgetful and lazy, it was a glaring incongruity with everyone else in her life. so she finally dumped his ass. and I was soooo freaking happy. so clowns can be good.

[impossiblepackage]

that relationship was already over, she didn’t even bring her boyfriend to her birthday party at her own apartment

[going2hell4everythingbutbeingbi]

actually it's worse than that! she knew there would be a party, but not what day. I invited her boyfriend to the party. he said no.

[draconym]

I'm at a Gender Determination Party where we're competing to determine a baby's future gender.

what team would you join

human

homestuck

boy

sulphur

furry

cool S

crabgender

photorealistic horse

Voting ended onApr 4

[degenerate-perturbation]

Guests were invited to gender the party snacks

[degenerate-perturbation]

We have a winner!

[cartooncoyote]

This is actually the best intro to a porno that has ever existed

[satanblessitt-deactivated201608]

There is no way this is a porno

[zombiesahoy]

This is the best porno there has ever been.

[usingtimewisely]

The way he says “HEY WHAT THE FUCK” shaped me as a person

[foldingfittedsheets]

I hope today someone is in the lucky 10,000 and sees this for the first time.

[pervocracy]

observations from urgent care

- People who exercise a lot get knee injuries from overdoing it

- People who only exercise occasionally get knee injuries from being unprepared for the exertion

- People who don’t exercise get knee injuries from being out of shape

- Maybe knees just suck

[tikysplickytok]

(via tomcardy)

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Play idea: perform MacBeth, but when the witches are doing their prophecy thing, they segue into telling the story of Hamlet. Hamlet is chatting with the ghost when it starts telling a Midsummer Night’s Dream. The audience becomes slowly aware that the programs and advertisements did not publish a runtime for the performance. Ushers start handing out new programs, with new actors’ names on them in previously unmentioned roles. Every single known Shakespeare play is nested inside the performance. The theatre doors are locked. 

[consumerofshorthomies]

@hamletkin

[time-traveling-fetus]

As much debate as there is about tone tags, 90% of the issues would be solved by just typing the word. Like instead of typing /gen or /hj you can just write (genuine) or (handjob) and you'll be doing pretty much the exact same thing.

[time-traveling-fetus]

Of course I personally think it's less awkward to use some rudimentary language skills to form actual sentences and phrases. They don't even have to be complicated. Like "Genuine question, why are you doing that?" Or "I'm being serious. Stop that." Or "I'm going to jerk you off now."

[fortunechaos]

I whole wholeheartedly agree with you on this matter OP. I do feel like it's often forgotten in this discourse that tonetags originated on Twitter where they had to get around a constrictive character count for tweets. I think how we got here makes a lot more sense when you consider the process otherwise of trying to fit an entire handjob in 280 characters.